Chapter Three: Come Wake Me Up
Snow was falling pretty heavily outside. Blaine was asleep on the couch. Sam was tucking blankets around him. Blaine was so skinny it made him sick to his stomach. Christmas was rapidly approaching. Sam didn't know what to get for Blaine. They hadn't really talked about it. Sam wanted to get him something that he'd really like. Blaine hadn't been vocal about anything that he was wanting. Sam pulled his long blonde hair up into a ponytail and tried to focus on the plays he was working on for the team. Sam was sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table. He hadn't wanted to chance waking up Blaine. His husband was sprawled on the couch, wearing Sam's OSU sweats and covered up with two blankets. Sam hated that Blaine was always cold now. Sam was making a note in his notebook when Blaine's phone started to vibrate. He reached to get it. It was Santana. "Hey, San. It's Sam. Blaine's asleep. Can I help or take a message?" Sam asked. The tv was on, playing HGTV. Sam was watching House Hunters. He loved to watch it with Blaine. It was their favorite show of all time.
"Well I suppose I can tell you. I plan on proposing to Brittany. I was hoping that he could tell Rachel abouts it for me. If I tell her she might say no." Santana didn't know why she was so worried about what Rachel thought. She just wanted to propose to Brittany. She knew the blonde was her soulmate. Brittany had always been. Santana already had a plan. She just needed Rachel to go along. "Oh, how is Blaine?" She asked. She knew they were in denial mode very often. She didn't know if Sam would tell the truth. She hoped that he would though. Santana was worried about Blaine. They all were because they knew how the boys were hiding things. Not that she blamed them. It had to be hard, dealing with cancer. She couldn't imagine what that felt like. She leaned back on her bed. She wasn't sure she was glad to be back here. Although she was glad to see her younger brothers. She had an older sister, but they didn't get along. Santana hated Alexis so much. She was even more of a bitch than Santana was, surprisingly.
"Blaine's…." Sam was quiet after he said that. "It's not good, Santana. The tumor isn't shrinking like it should." He didn't know why he was so being so honest with her. It's not like they were such good friends. They didn't hate each other, but they weren't super close. He thought maybe that was why he was being so honest. He didn't have to hide with her. "I am so scared, Santana. I am so afraid that he's going to die on me." Sam didn't get this out without some tears. He looked at Blaine, who was peacefully sleeping, he looked like he was dreaming. Sam had never been so scared in his life. He got up, it was time to start something for dinner. "What am I going to do if I lose him?" Sam asked, getting out some chicken he'd defrosted in the fridge. Sam hated this whole situation. Sam didn't know what to do. Sam got out some frozen mac and cheese. It was their favorite. "He's my entire life, Santana. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love him." Sam tucked some hair that had gotten free of his ponytail behind his ear. Sam got out a pan to put the chicken in. He loved cooking, it got his mind off things. Especially Blaine and his being sick.
"I can't even imagine what you're going through. But I can't believe that God would let someone like Blaine die. He's amazing, Sam. He's a great person, and I know that he loves you. You two are meant to be together. I don't know how I knows that, but I do." Santana wasn't used to being this supportive, but she knew that Sam needed this right now. She leaned back on the bed, Santana was at a loss as what else to say. She didn't know what was going to make any of this better. "None of what I can say is going to make it better, I know that. I'm sorry, Evans." Santana could barely believe that they were exes. Especially since they were both in same sex relationships. Santana had known she was gay since she was a kid, but Sam being bi was a surprise. Santana had thought he would end up with a girl like Quinn. Quinn Fabray was one of the most beautiful girls Santana had ever seen. They had even hooked up a couple of times at Will's non wedding. Santana asked, "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Actually, yeah. I can't go with B to his chemo tomorrow, could you go? He can't go himself." Sam hated that he had to miss it, but he had a practice that he couldn't get out of. Sam dressed the chicken with some Mrs. Dash and put it in the oven. He unwrapped the mac and cheese, it wasn't going to need as long to cook. He got out some salad. He loved to toss salad. He could toss it and then put it back in the fridge. He focused on doing that, trying to keep calm. He was so overwhelmed it wasn't funny. Sam was quiet as he tried to keep from melting down. "I'd owe you one, we won't count asking Rachel about your plan to propose to Britt." He said. Sam just wanted them to be happy. Sam knew that they were meant to be, too. He was worried that Blaine wasn't going to wake up. Every time Blaine fell asleep, it was a worry. Sam hated feeling that way. It was a constant worry. He paused in his work to go make sure that Blaine was still breathing. He stood there, scared to death, because it looked like Blaine wasn't breathing, but then he noticed that his chest was still moving up and down. Sam let out a sigh of relief. "You don't mind, do you?"
"Depends on what time it is. I have to babysit my younger brothers tomorrow." She said. Santana wasn't sure what had made her agree to sit for them. Mario was ten, and Nico was four. Santana had raised them both pretty much until she had graduated, her parents worked a lot. She wondered what they did when she wasn't here. She had a suspicion that they had a lot of babysitters. She thought that was a truly awful way to raise her brothers. Santana wouldn't take them with her, they wouldn't need a lesson in chemo. Santana was toying with her long black hair. "I only have until two thirty when the kids get home." She said. She knew that she would do what she had to do to help. "I could see if Brittany could go if I can't though. She doesn't have anything to do that I know of. Her sister has lots of activities after school." Santana still couldn't believe that Blaine had to go through this. It really wasn't fair. Blaine was such a good person. Santana wished sometimes that she could be the same.
Sam checked on Blaine again. He was still breathing, thankfully. "That would be great. It's at ten thirty though, and it only takes a couple of hours. He usually goes to sleep when he gets home. You don't need to stay though, as much as I hate him being alone, he'll be asleep till I get home, I would imagine." Sam hated Blaine to be alone in case he died while Sam wasn't home. It was a constant fear and he hated it. He knew that he couldn't baby Blaine too much though, Blaine wouldn't like it. Sam was doing his best not to baby him. "If he looks like he's going to be sick, though, please make sure that he's not alone. I don't want him to choke on his own vomit." Sam put away the salad to keep it cold and put the mac and cheese in the oven. Sam was so scared all the time and he hated it. It felt awful and he just wanted it to stop. He was on the constant alert of a panic attack, and so was Blaine. They both worried so much they were constantly exhausted. Sam closed the oven with a sigh. He didn't know how they were going to get through this. Sam was tired of being so worried all the time. "I wish I could go."
In the living room, Blaine woke up. He looked around groggily. Where was Sam? He blinked as he got used to his surroundings. It was growing dark outside as the snow came down. Blaine ran his hand over his kerchief covered head. Blaine heard Sam in the kitchen. He gathered up the OSU blanket that was covering him around him and got up, the ends of the blanket trailing across the floor. He was so very short. He got to the kitchen, and saw his cell laying on the table. Blaine went to the fridge, getting out a water. "What are you cooking, Sammy?" Blaine asked, looking around the kitchen blearily. He wasn't really awake yet. Blaine finally set his hazel eyes on Sam. Sam looked exhausted. "Are you okay, Sam?" He asked. They hadn't really spoken about their real feelings in awhile. Not since Blaine's diagnosis. Blaine shivered, he was wearing three layers and a blanket and he was still freezing. He hated that they weren't talking real feelings. "I want to know how you really feel, Sammy."
That was a hard question for Sam to answer. Sam gave Blaine a soft smile. "I'm okay, B." He said. He didn't know that he could tell Blaine how he really felt. He was so afraid of losing Blaine. He couldn't…. They finally had each other. They couldn't lose each other this way. Sam focused on checking on the food in the oven. "I'm not sure that I can tell you how I really feel." Sam said, his voice sounding broken. Sam didn't have anyone to talk to about Blaine and his condition. Blaine was Sam's best friend. He couldn't talk about his frustrations with his husband's condition with Blaine. He didn't feel right about it. Sam got out the salad, it was almost time to eat. He kept his green eyed gaze away from Blaine as he got things on the table. Seeing Blaine like that, so frail, after he'd hung up with Santana, was really upsetting him. Sam was doing his best to keep his composure. "Blaine, you are my husband. I love you. But I can't…. If I tell you how I really feel, I'm going to explode. We can't…. We can't do this right now. I wish that I could make you feel better. I don't…. I feel helpless all the time. I hate that feeling. I don't know what to do and it totally sucks." Sam said, his eyes filling with tears.
"I love you, Sammy. You don't have to feel that way alone. I feel that way every day too. I am going to die. I know that. I'm 20 years old, and I'm going to die." This was the first time that either of them had said it out loud. His eyes were filling with tears. Blaine didn't want to hide how they really felt anymore. He wanted it all to be in the open. He poured them both some ice water as Sam got their dinner on the table. Blaine stepped up to his husband and stilled his hands. "We can't keep avoiding this. We have to talk about it. It's a real possibility that I'm going to die, Sam. They can't operate. I have to adjust to that fact." Blaine knew that he had to be the one to say those words. Since it was happening to him. They were both crying. Blaine sniffled. "I wish that this was different, Sam. I really do. I know that you do too. We've been in a state of denial. We can't do that anymore. That isn't helping either of us." Blaine reached up with a hand and wiped some of the tears of Sam's cheek. "I love you, so much. We…. we have to be as realistic about this as we can."
Sam sniffled too. He pulled Blaine into his arms. He hugged him close. Sam didn't know if he could make it through this conversation. But he was going to be what Blaine needed. "I love you, too, Blaine. You aren't going to die. We're going to fight this. You… I know how small the survival rate is. But there's no way that God would let you die after we finally get together. You have to beat this. I can't spend the rest of my life without you. I can't." Sam could barely breathe he was cying so hard. "You are going to make it. I will not accept any other option." Sam refused to accept that he was going to lose Blaine. Blaine was his life. Sam stroked Blaine's back, his hands wanted to slide under his clothes, but he knew how many layers that Blaine had on. Sam didn't know what he would do without Blaine. They deserved to be happy. Sam sniffled. He didn't know what he'd do if he lost him. They had finally gotten together. Sam had wanted Blaine for so long while he was with Kurt. Now they were married. Sam had wanted that for so long. He couldn't remember what his life was like before Blaine. Sam held Blaine as close as he could. "I refuse to think that this is going to end."
Sam was so being so sweet. Blaine loved that Sam was being so determined. Blaine wasn't going to let himself hope though. "You're so sweet, Sam." Blaine said, as they sat down to eat dinner. Blaine dug into the chicken, and Sam started dishing out the mac and cheese. Blaine didn't know where Sam was getting his enthusiasm and strength. Blaine didn't have the same hope anymore. He was sure that he was going to die. Blaine had made his peace with that. He was going to talk to some of the others and see what they thought. Blaine wanted someone to tell him the truth. Blaine knew that that wasn't going to be his husband. Blaine loved that Sam had so much faith though. Blaine was so tired of having to fight. He wanted this to be over. Blaine didn't know how much longer he could do this. Blaine was already tired of trying to go to chemo and throwing up for days afterward. He was tired of always being cold. One thing he did like was he could spend hours watching Supernatural. He had a bit of a crush on Dean Winchester.
The following afternoon, Brittany was taking Blaine back home after chemo. She had brought along a trash can for him to throw up in in the car. Brittany was sorry that he was sick and she wished that she could take it away for him. Brittany wasn't even sure that she understood what cancer was. She was afraid to ask in case it made Blaine sad. She didn't want to make him sad. Brittany didn't like making people sad. It was mean. She tried not to be mean. She was pulling up into the driveway. Blaine looked really sick. She wished that she could something for him. She didn't know what to do. She had promised Sam that she would stay with him till Sam got home. Brittany didn't know what she was going to do for Blaine. She wondered what would happen to Blaine if he got sicker. She didn't understand what cancer was, really. Brittany wondered if she could look it up on the internet. "Are you okay, Blaine?" She asked, as the car came to a stop. She didn't want him to be sick anymore. She went around to help Blaine out of the car, she let him lean on her. Blaine looked like he was going to pass out. Brittany wondered how Blaine felt about being so sick. Santana said that Blaine was dying. Was that really true?
That was always a loaded question. Was he okay? Blaine leaned on her heavily as they walked. He got out his key, wishing that Sam had been the one to take him. All he wanted to do was pass out. He let them into the house, and he moved straight for the living room. Brittany helped him to the sofa. Blaine pulled off the hat he'd been wearing, and reached for his bandanna. "I'm not okay Britt but I will be." He finally answered. He didn't really believe that, but whatever would ease Brittany's mind it was fine with him. Blaine wished that things were different for the millionth time. Blaine leaned back on the couch, trying to catch his breath. Blaine called up Netflix and went to Supernatural, eager to see Dean. He loved Dean more than he would admit out loud. He told Brittany, "You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I know Sammy asked you to but I'll most likely just fall asleep. So if you have something to do you can go." Blaine didn't want her to stick around if she didn't want to. Plus he wasn't exactly a people person right now.
"I'm going to stay. Sam asked me to." Brittany told him, going to the kitchen to get something to drink. She wasn't going to leave Blaine alone. She had promised Sam. Brittany wasn't going to break her promise. She poked in the fridge, wondering if Blaine was hungry. She doubted it. She heard Dean's voice form the living room, and she poked her head in the living room. Blaine was asleep. She wasn't surprised. Brittany was surprised when she heard a key in the door. Brittany saw Sam come in. "Hey, Sam." Brittany said, giving him a small smile. She knew how rough this was on him. "He's asleep." She told him. Sam looked so world weary. Brittany wished that she could help him. More than she already was. "He hasn't thrown up yet, that's something." Brittany said. "Can I ask you something?" Brittany asked. Sam inclined his head yes, and Brittany asked, "What is cancer? Can you catch it? Did Blaine do something to make God mad?" She wasn't sure that she believed in God anymore. She just thought it really wasn't fair that Blaine had gotten sick. Brittany tucked some of her blonde hair behind her ear. She wished that she could figure things out herself. None of it seemed fair.
None of those were questions that Sam wanted to answer. "Cancer is a very serious disease, Britt. It can kill you. It's not something that you can catch. And I can't imagine what God would be mad at Blaine for." Blaine was such a good person. Sam took off his shoes, and saw Supernatural on tv. He wasn't able to keep the small smile off his face. He loved that Blaine was so into that show. It was cute. Sam would have turned it off, but he knew how much Blaine liked to wake up to Dean. Sam wasn't jealous, because he honestly agreed. Dean was gorgeous. Sam went to the kitchen to start dinner. He turned to Brittany. "Do you want to stay for dinner? I know that San's babysitting." He wondered if Brittany was going to say to Santana's proposal. Sam knew how much that Santana loved Brittany. Sam didn't know what to do. He hoped that she would say yes. Sam thought they all needed some happy news. It had been a rough few months for all of them. Sam brushed his hand through his blonde hair. He was so frustrated. It wasn't fair at all.
Blaine was going to die? It really wasn't fair. Brittany's eyes brushed with tears. She would pray for him to get better. Brittany couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that Blaine might die. She touched Sam's arm. "I bet Blaine will be just fine. There's no way God would let Blaine die." She said, shaking her head. It wasn't fair. It was like when Kurt's dad was sick. He hadn't deserved to be sick, either. She brushed her hand through her long blonde hair. She couldn't imagine life without Blaine. She didn't know what else to say. It really wasn't fair of God to make Blaine sick. "Let me help cook." She said. She moved to help him, starting to peel potatoes. Brittany loved to cook. She loved it almost as much as dancing. She guessed that she understood why Sam was so scared now. She knew how scared Sam must be. "You must be so scared." Brittany said. She didn't know how he was making it through each day. She would be so scared if it was Santana. She knew she couldn't live without the Latina. It was all she could do to keep the tears from falling. It wasn't fair. She didn't know what a world without Blaine would be like. It wasn't going to be good. She wondered if they were going to make it through.
It felt good to have someone to talk to about it. Sam loved Brittany's unique view of the world. She was special. Sam wasn't sure what to say to her about any of it. Sam didn't want to let his feelings out. He didn't want to deal with any of this. This was all bullshit. None of this was right or fair. Blaine was such a good person. "I've never been so scared." He said, shaking his head. He didn't know what they were going to do. "I could lose him, Britt. I'm not ready for that."
Meanwhile, Kurt and Rachel were hanging out at Rachel's dads'. Kurt needed to vent about Blaine and Sam being married. "How did I mess up so bad? I miss Blaine so much." He didn't think that Sam could make Blaine as happy as he could. Kurt loved Blaine and he wished that he hadn't messed up so much. Kurt wished that he had a time machine. He'd go back and fix his mistake. Kurt reached for the bottle of wine to pour himself a glass. He didn't believe he'd messed things up so much. And now Blaine was dying. How could he stop it?
Rachel didn't know what to tell him. "You broke up with him and he moved on. You are just going to have to live without him. I know it's difficult. You are going to have to just forgive yourself. You made a mistake, and it just happened to be the one that you can't amends for. You lost Blaine, Kurt. I'm sorry but that's how it has to be. He chose Sam. I know how you feel. Finn and I aren't together either. And it's my fault. I broke up with him and I shouldn't have. Now I have to be away from him. I wish I could change it. But I can't and neither can you." Rachel knew exactly how Kurt felt. She didn't know what she was going to do without Finn. She had always felt that they were going to end up together. Rachel supposed that it might be still be to work things out. She just had to speak up and tell Finn that she loved him. Rachel knew that this was complicated. All of their lives had gotten so complicated. Seemingly overnight. It was hard to deal with. Rachel was so angry that her show had been cancelled. Rachel was going to stop at nothing till she got it back. The having a show bit. She loved the limelight. Her show had been popular before the cancellation.
"Your situation isn't at all the same. You and Finn just need to talk and things will be fine. Finn still loves you, I know that he does. I have lost Blaine forever. Forever. Even if he and Sam get divorced, he'll die." Kurt knew how pessimistic that was. But he knew the survival rate. It was really low. He sniffled, wiping his eyes. It was going to work out badly for him all the way around. Kurt didn't know how to get it his way. He wished that he could make it up to Blaine. It was all that he wanted to do. He turned his wet stained eyes out the window as Rachel's dad Leroy came in. Kurt barely heard the conversation, he was too busy trying to think of something to do that would get Blaine back. He fingered his shirt, the hem. He wondered if there was something that he could do. Kurt wanted to help Blaine in some way. He just didn't know how. He didn't want to live in a world without Blaine. Kurt knew that that was a real possibility. He couldn't stand it. He wanted to do anything that he could to change it. He had to do something. It just felt so helpless.
Hiram, who had come in too, was watching Kurt, and he asked, "What's the matter, Kurt? You missing Blaine? I heard he got married. I'm so sorry for you, Kurt." He said. Hiram had always liked Kurt. He was a good kid. Hiram had always thought that Kurt was destined for good things. He didn't know how to help Kurt though. It was hard to be in love with someone who was married to someone else. Especially when that person was dying. Hiram touched Kurt's shoulder. "You'll find someone else, Kurt, I know that you will. You just have to be patient. He's out there."
It sounded all well and good. Kurt didn't believe it though. "Thanks for saying so, Hiram." He said. Kurt didn't want know what he'd do without Rachel's dads. He had had them to ask about things. He brushed his hand through his brown hair. He looked at Hiram with wet eyes. "It doesn't feel like it right now. I don't know that I'm going to meet someone new." Right now it felt like he was going to die alone. He didn't know that he could handle that. Kurt didn't know what to do. He wished that things were better. Kurt heaved a sigh.
"Oh now really, Kurt." Rachel cried, exasperated. She was tired of all the whining. She didn't know what she was going to do if Kurt never shut up. It was looking like he was going to be letting go. Rachel knew it had to be hard for him, but you had to let go eventually. She didn't know how to get him to let go, but it had to happen. Rachel ran her hands through her long brown hair. "You're not going to be alone. Do you know how many guys are out there? You will find someone. You have to stop beating yourself up."
Hiram and Leroy shared a look. Leroy touched Kurt's arm. "It's going to be okay, Kurt. I know it doesn't seem like it." He said, trying to be reassuring. Leroy shot Rachel a look. She wasn't helping one bit. He wished that he could get Rachel to relax. He knew it was because she was missing Finn. They would work out, he knew it. He just thought they needed to talk. He knew that Rachel was the one who liked to talk about things. He looked at Kurt. "Don't listen to her. It's hard to be without the one that you love."
That was helpful. Rachel wasn't being helpful. Kurt brushed his hand through his hair. He honestly wasn't surprised though. He knew that she was getting tired of his talking about Blaine. Kurt didn't want know that he could stop. He was talking about him a lot. He let out a sigh. Kurt wished that things were different. He wished that he could fix things. He just couldn't Kurt was grateful for Hiram and Leroy. They of course weren't as good as his own father, but it was nice to have them to talk to. It was great to have someone that understood. Kurt sighed. "It's okay, she's right. I have been talking about Blaine too much. He's married now. I have to let go. He's made his choice… and honestly, I feared his relationship with Sam would turn romantic for a long time. They always seemed so much closer than Blaine and I were. He just…. He seems more comfortable with Sam. I think that's what hurts the most. Blaine and I were supposed to be best friends, too, but Blaine… there was apart of him that I just couldn't couldn't touch. He was always his total and complete self with Sam like he never was with me. It hurts so much that I have to be mad at myself. I did this."
Hiram looked at Kurt. "You do have to stop feeling guilty. You did what you thought was the right thing. It turned out it was. Kurt, you are such a perfectionist. You always strive to be the best at everything. That is a great quality. But sometimes it means that you don't see the forest for the trees. You try too hard. This will pass. You will get over it. Life is fast, and nothing lasts forever. You never know what it has in store for you. Never make plans for too far in advance, things could change on a dime. You have to be willing to roll with the punches." He didn't think that Kurt was going to take any of that to heart, but all Hiram could do was try. Kurt was going to have to get over this on his own. He was going to have to fully embrace the pain. It was hard, when you thought you'd be with someone forever and then you lost them. Hiram didn't envy Kurt. It had to be hard. He'd been there a few times himself. It was just too painful to recollect on, and he had Leroy. He knew that he always would. They were forever.
That evening, it was a thunderstorm to beat the band. Blaine was clinging to Sam in the bed, who was singing Against All Odds, trying to calm him down. Blaine was crying, big sobs that rocked his entire body. Sam was aching to help him more than he could. It was awful for him to watch. Blaine was already scared so much of the time, he didn't need this. His arms were wrapped around Blaine's waist, holding him as close as he could. He rubbed Blaine's back. "It's going to be okay, B, I swear." Sam told him, wishing that he knew it really was. He had no idea if it was going to be. Sam hated every minute that his husband felt terrified. He felt helpless and out of control. It wasn't a good feeling for him. "I know it seems scary right now, but I swear that you're going to be okay." They both knew that he was crying for more than just the storm. Sam hated that Blaine was dealing with all of this. He shouldn't have to. It was hard. Sam stroked Blaine's back harder, hoping it would help. He hated this more than anything he had ever hated. Sam pressed kisses to his husband's forehead, hoping it would reassure him. Sam was losing in his faith in God now, and that scared him.
Blaine was praying that Sam was right. He tried to calm himself down, and it wasn't helping. He buried his head deeper in Sam's neck, taking a deep sniff. Smelling Sam's neck always helped. It actually did this time quicker than usual, and he let out a soft sigh. Blaine's sobs slowed to sniffles, but he still clung to him, keeping his nose buried in Sam's neck. He didn't know what he would do without his husband. Blaine said, "I really hope that you're right." He really did. He clung a bit tighter. "This world is all I know, Sam. i can't…. I can't die." He said. He didn't know if he was going to make it and it was scaring him more than anything he'd ever gone through. It had to work out. Blaine wished the storm would stop. He wanted one moment of peace with his husband. Blaine didn't know what he'd do without Sam. He was so shaky. He kept his face in Sam's neck. He loved being with him. Blaine tried to focus on something else. He had caught Kurt staring at him when he'd gone to the Bean with Sam the other day. Was he ever going to give up? God.
That was terrifying. Sam had to change the subject. "What are we going to do about Kurt? I caught him talking about you to Finn the other day. We've got to do something. I don't know that I'd like him to keep doing that. You're my husband, and he can't keep staring at you. Did you notice at the Bean the other day?" Sam asked, still stroking circles on Blaine's back. That was seeming to work. Blaine's sniffles were ebbing away. Sam was extremely glad about that. He hated when Blaine was crying. "I am so willing to kick his ass, violence being bad notwithstanding." Sam let out a sigh. He hated all of this. It wasn't fair at all. He let out another sigh. "I don't trust him anymore. I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to cause too much trouble but I can't handle him trying to get you." Sam didn't know why Kurt was even trying. He and Blaine were married. For months now. He didn't know how he was going to get Kurt to realize that it was over with him and Blaine. Sam brushed his free hand through his blonde hair. He was more frustrated than he'd ever been. "I want you to know that I love you and I trust you. It's Kurt that I don't trust. He needs to back off."
That was a nice change of subject. Blaine was glad that Sam had done that. He finally lifted his head to look at his husband. "He was talking about me? I'm not surprised." He said, shaking his head. Blaine ran his hand along Sam's hip. It felt good to be able to touch him like that. Blaine didn't know what to do. He felt so annoyed that Kurt just wouldn't let go. Why did he have to be so damn obsessed with him? Blaine just wanted to be with his husband. Even if Kurt didn't want to let him. Blaine let out a breath, wishing he could relax. It was harder than it sounded. Blaine let out a sigh. "It's getting pathetic. I want him to get over me. Honestly, I want him to go back to New York." Blaine knew that he didn't want to go back there. He knew that the part of him that had wanted to go had been the part that had been too obsessed with Kurt. Blaine didn't want to be that version of himself again. Blaine found himself thinking about the breakup again, even though he didn't want to. It had hurt so much.
"I want that too." Sam agreed. He wasn't sure why Kurt was refusing to move on. Sam knew that Kurt was stubborn, but that didn't mean that he couldn't move on. Sam guessed a small part of him understood, if he lost Blaine he'd do anything to get him back. But Blaine was married and Kurt was still trying. Sam really thought it wasn't right to go after a married man. Once someone had taken that step it was forever. Sam was hoping that Kurt could move on. He missed being able to be friends with him. He knew that that might never happen again though. It amazed him how much had changed since high school. Sam didn't know why Kurt was being this way. He let out a sigh. Sam was determined to get Kurt off their backs. He just hadn't figured out a way to do it yet. Sam stroked Blaine's back. "I promise that we'll get him to back off. I don't know how but we will. I love you, Blaine, and you are always going to be mine." He said. Sam cradled Blaine closer. It was hard to believe that this was going to be possibly their last time doing this. It hurt more than he wanted to admit. Would it always be that way?
Blaine was lost in his own thoughts and barely heard Sam. He couldn't get his mind off the fact that this could be the last time that they did this. He had a ticking time bomb in his head. Blaine didn't know how he was going to make it through all of this. Blaine was getting discouraged. It wasn't going to help in the long run and he knew that. Blaine wished that he could lean on his family. He knew he couldn't. His family had disowned him for being gay.
The next morning, Sam awoke to a very snowy day. He had a momentary freak out when he turned to look at Blaine and thought that Blaine might not be breathing. Sam got closer and took a look, he was fine. Sam got out of bed and went to check the school closings. Sam was hoping that McKinley would be closed. He wanted to spend the day with his husband. Sam started the coffee maker while he waited. Thankfully they had a small tv in the kitchen. Sam got out some eggs to start making French toast.
As Sam was mixing up the batter for the toast, Blaine came in, wrapped in OSU sweats and a snuggie. "Morning, baby." Sam said, as Blaine went to kiss him. "I'm making French toast. And hell yeah, school's closed. Snow must be really bad." Sam said, grinning. Ohio got a lot of snow, they didn't cancel school often for it. Sam watched as Blaine settled in at the table with his tablet, he read the paper every morning. Sam didn't know what they would do today, but at least they were going to get to hang out. Sam brushed his hand through his long blonde hair.
Blaine said, "I'm glad, because I'm so glad to get to spend the day with you." Blaine just hoped that he wouldn't throw up too much. He didn't want to spend his day with Sam in the bathroom throwing up. Blaine was wearing a scarf as usual, he wished he had his hair still. Blaine wanted to go Christmas shopping, and with all of this snow, it wasn't going to let them. Blaine looked at Sam, as he put the bread on the skillet. "We have a whole day. What do you want to do?" He asked. Blaine just hoped that he could eat the French toast without throwing up. He wasn't sure that he could.
Sam started to answer, and he turned around. Blaine was having one of his seizures. "Baby, it's okay." Sam went to help him to the floor, so he didn't fall off his chair. There was nothing to do but hold him till it was over. Sam leaned Blaine against him, and kept his arms around him, trying to keep Blaine as still as he could. He said, "Just wait, it'll be over, baby." Sam hated these seizures. Thankfully it only lasted a couple of minutes. Sam wiped a few tears off Blaine's cheek. "Are you okay, baby?" He asked.
Sniffling, Blaine leaned against his husband. "I'm okay." Blaine didn't feel like he could stand, his legs felt like jelly. Blaine turned his head into Sam's chest, trying to catch his breath. Blaine really couldn't wait until these seizures stopped. They were going to keep happening until they took the tumor out. Which they said they had to try and shrink it first. He didn't know that they were going to be able to do it. Blaine was more scared than he ever had been in his life. Blaine's breathing was still a bit ragged.
Sam stroked Blaine's stomach, trying to help him calm down. Sam hated these seizures just as much as Blaine did. Sam knew that Blaine couldn't stand yet. "I'm going to help you to the couch." He said, and reached to lift his husband in his arms. Sam liked that as he lifted him, Blaine's arms slid around his neck. Sam had always been able to lift and carry him, Blaine was small, but it was especially easy now. Blaine was so thin. Sam headed into the living room, and carefully laid Blaine on the sofa. Sam made sure he was safely tucked in, tucking a blanket around him. "I'll bring you some breakfast, you watch tv." Sam told him, and kissed Blaine softly. Blaine gave him a nod, and Sam wished he could do more for him. He watched him for a moment as Blaine fished out the remote and turned the tv on. Sam sighed. He went back into the kitchen, and tossed the burned pieces out and dipped two more in the batter. Sam didn't know how they could keep doing this. He was so scared all the time. If he was, he knew that Blaine had to be. It wasn't fair. Why did this have to happen to Blaine? They had been so happy. Sam didn't want that to change.
Their day together was spent with Blaine sleeping most of the day. Sam didn't mind too much, they spent the day with Blaine in his arms. Sam was stroking Blaine's back and he was watching Two and A Half Men. Sam didn't know if there would be school the next day, either, it was still snowing pretty hard. He glanced down at Blaine, who thankfully was still breathing. It was a worry constantly now. Blaine moved in his sleep, snuggling up closer to his husband. Sam looked down at him, Blaine's thumb was in his mouth, sometimes he did that. It was so cute. Sam didn't know how anyone could not think it was adorable. Sam thought Blaine was always adorable. He stroked Blaine's back, just hoping that Blaine wasn't going to have a nightmare. It happened occasionally. Sam whispered, "I love you, Blaine." It was true, and it was always going to be true. Sam knew it was time to fix something for dinner. Sam just didn't want to move. Sam was surprised when Blaine's hazel eyes opened. "Hey, baby." Sam said softly.
Blaine looked at Sam, blinking a bit blearily. He was actually hungry, and he knew how big a deal that was. He was almost never hungry anymore. "What have we got for dinner?" Blaine asked, not able to keep the smile off his face when Sam grinned and said he could make that happen. Blaine kissed him back and then watched him head for the kitchen. Blaine knew that Sam was glad he was hungry. He wished he hadn't slept so much. But by the looks of things, Sam would be off work again the next day. Blaine knew how precious their time together was, and he didn't want to waste a moment. Blaine didn't know how many they had left, and as scary as that was, Blaine knew it was something he was going to cherish. Now how matter how long he had left.
Author's note: Sorry it's been so long. I have had most of this written for awhile. Got a bit of writer's block and Sciles and Destiel tried to take precedence. I still love Blam and I swear Blam will still come from me. Hope ya'll liked! I always thought it was strange that Kurt never worried about Sam and Blaine having something going on. Because he SO SHOULD HAVE.