The bus pulled into the venue early and everyone scrambled to gather their items for a shower. Rob called first dibs on shower, Ted second, Tegan third. Everyone else was on their own.
Tegan spent the next few minutes passing the time by digging through her bags for a clean pair of jeans and underwear. She really hoped this venue might have a laundry facility; she wasn't sure if she could make it another day to the hotel. Successfully having found a pair of jeans and some clean (well she really hoped) underwear, she waiting in the dressing room for Ted to finish his shower.
Ted appeared, toweling off his wet hair, "it's all yours, Tee."
"Sweet, I feel pretty gross," she says moving past him. Inside the small bathroom she turns on the tap, testing it with her hand until it reaches an acceptable temperature. Shedding her clothes, she drops them on the floor and hangs a towel on the door knob before finally stepping into the water. Her eyes close as the water sprays over her head, soaking her hair and running down her back. She begins to feel her tense muscles relax slowly.
"Where's Teeg," Sara asks, venturing in with a bag on her shoulder. She didn't get much of a response other than a head shake. "Alright, where is the bathroom?"
Rob motions down the hall, "at the end on the left there."
Sara nods thanking him before heading down the hall way. She walks briskly down the hallway anxious to shower and shake some of the post-sleeping pill haze she'd been in. Sara pauses outside the bathroom and listens for sounds but doesn't hear anything. She knocks twice with no answer.
"All mine," she thinks as she begins to twist the knob.
Sara's heart nearly jumps out of her chest when she sees Tegan, naked and wet, eyes closed under the spray. Tegan clearly did not hear her knock or hear her come in. Her eyes stayed shut as she ran her hands over her short hair and shook her head slightly.
Sara felt her mouth fall open slightly. Sure they were twins, and they were "identical" but Tegan's body was different. Her shape was fuller, she seemed softer and almost sweeter. She had curves in places Sara definitely didn't and Sara noticed only then that her sister definitely had more of an ass on her.
Just as Sara was looking Tegan over for the third or fourth time in the few seconds she'd been there, Tegan's eyes fluttered open and Sara was greeted with a shriek.
"What the fucking fuck, Sara?!" Tegan shouted, frantically trying to cover herself with just her arms. Sara swallowed her embarrassment at checking her sister out and looked pointedly at the wall to her right.
"I knocked. Twice."
Tegan stared at her in disbelief. "Well, clearly I'm in here, you can exit now and come back later, thank you!"
Sara, annoyed by her sister's tone, instead of leaving begins to put her things down on a shelf and walks over to the fogged up bathroom mirror.
"Sara. Leave. Now."
Sara shook her head, "No, I'm not leaving. We're twins. We have the same body parts, Tegan. It's not like I've never seen you naked, ya know."
Sara proceeds to unpack her toiletry bag and brush her teeth, pausing to re-wipe the mirror between spits. Tegan could see that Sara was choosing to be extremely stubborn, as she could be at times, and didn't push the issue much further. Instead, she just spun around and faced the shower wall leaving just her backside facing her obnoxious sibling.
She glances over at Tegan's ass once more and smirked, "Tegan, yo fit!" She loved saying that to her sister ever since a fan shouted it at a show. It was her favorite thing to say when Tegan looked nice or was getting attention from people. She knew it made her sister laugh and it worked this time too.
Sara heard a small giggle come from the shower stall and she couldn't help but grin. She paused for a second and thought twice about saying it, but decided not to filter herself.
"No, I'm serious. You've got a really nice ass." Tegan looked over her shoulder at Sara half amused and maybe a little disturbed that her twin had been checking her out. Then she glanced down at her backside and just shrugged.
"Yeah... I suppose I do. Thanks for noticing."
"So, are you going to hurry up or am I going to have to share the shower with you," Sara asked in a mock tone of annoyance. Tegan didn't believe her sister would actually share with her. In fact, she was willing to bet Sara would end up making a pouty face and whining for her to hurry the fuck up. She was so cute when she pouted and batted her eyelashes.
"Oh, I'm in no hurry. I smelled horrible," Tegan said, stretching languidly under the spray as if to demonstrate her point.
"Oh is that so?"
She nodded. Not far from the truth, she thought. Tegan turned and put her face under the spray of hot water, expecting to open her eyes and find Sara sitting on the toilet, pissed off about waiting. Instead, she spun around to find Sara slipping into the shower stall next to her completely naked. Tegan didn't mean to, but her eyes glanced quickly over her sister's body once...okay, no twice before asking her what the hell she was doing.
"I'm showering," the younger sister responded, "Duh. We used to do this all the time as kids."
"True, but Sara...we're nearing thirty now. Don't you think this is odd? Just a little?"
"No," she said curtly, "Do you?"
Tegan raised an eyebrow, "Yeah... I do." She paused, "But you smell, so I'm gonna let it pass this once."
"Gee, thanks. Can you pass me the shower gel please?" Sara asked with her hand out. Tegan leaned over to get it and felt Sara's eyes on her. Tegan's face flushed, more because she felt a surge of adrenaline and less because the water was really hot.
Tegan hands over the shower gel and steps out of the way to let Sara get wet. She meant to turn the other direction and start shaving her legs but didn't. Her sister was gorgeous. Her body was leaner than Tegan's frame, her features seemed more angular and her bones seem to come right out of her. She hadn't realized how thin her sister had gotten and it made her heart sink a little.
"Sara, do you even eat anymore? You are getting so tiny it's ridiculous," she asked as she ran the razor up her leg.
"You mean food?" Sara quipped, "I eat food. Plenty. Although, these days I'd trade real food for pussy."
The razor slips out of her hand and hits the tile with a clang.
"Shit," she mumbled, picking it up quickly and focusing in on her leg in hopes Sara wouldn't notice the flush of her cheeks. "I know the feeling..."
Sara turned under the shower head, rinsing the shampoo from her hair and watched Tegan doing a very poor job of shaving her right leg.
"You might want to get down there," Sara said motioning in a circle around her crotch, "You got a little something going on there."
Tegan's eyes snapped up, "No thank you. That's uncomfortable." She glanced at her sister, completely hairless and smooth.
"I don't know how you stand it, doesn't it make you itchy?" Tegan's face screws up at the idea.
Sara shrugged, "You get used to it, I guess. I dunno. Emy liked it."
"Ugh, I do not need to know," Tegan said flatly.
Sara paused for a moment, eyes focused on the tile flooring of the shower stall. "I miss her a lot."
Tegan hated seeing what Emy had done to Sara. Every mention of the girls name sent her into over-protective mode and she felt like hiding Sara away until she was strong enough to attempt another relationship.
"I'm sorry, Sara. I know you do, but...you're okay right?" Sara nodded, unconvincingly. She gave her hair another quick rinse and stepped out of the stall.
"I don't know what I'm doing," she said as she grabbed her towel and wrapped it around herself quickly.
"What do you mean?" Tegan asked, pausing again with her shaving. She rinsed the razor, this was hopeless. She can't focus enough to shave her own leg. Maybe tomorrow.
"I'm sorry I barged in on you, Tee," Sara looked like a lost puppy with her downcast eyes and her wet hair, "I'm gonna go get dressed in the other shower room."
"Okay...," Tegan's voice trailed off, confused at what just happened. Motherfucker. There was another shower?! Seriously, sometimes the things her sister did made absolutely no sense. She snatched her towel off the rack and wrapped herself up in it and hurried herself into her clothes.
Tegan didn't see Sara again until just before going on stage.
"You okay?" she asked, uncertain of what all had really happened in Sara's head in the bathroom.
Sara nodded, "Fine. I'm fine."
A lie. Tegan knew it. She always knew it. Sara couldn't hide much from her. But she let it go since it was literally seconds to showtime and they couldn't afford a big fight right now.
The show that night was tame with little banter back and forth. Tegan attempted keeping the crowd engaged and even did her best to bring Sara into the mix as much as possible, but Sara hid behind her bangs and her Les Paul.
She didn't miss any chords or stumble over any lyrics, but Sara's head was not in the game. She was lost, in her own mind, in memories and in confusion over why she'd wanted to shower with her sister. Occasionally, Tegan would glance up and notice Sara making a face- either appearing to be on the verge of tears or grimacing, as if she were in pain.
They wrapped the show and exited the building quietly. Back on the bus, Sara retreated to her bunk immediately without saying a word. Tegan was hopeful she'd emerge eventually and she could question her twin about her behavior and if she was really alright. Two hours later, she decided to call it a night and gave up hope. She dressed in her pajama pants and an old t-shirt and climbed into her bunk.
Tegan lay there staring up at the ceiling that was only inches away from her face. She worried about Sara constantly these days. She was pretty sure Sara didn't even have a clue as to how much Tegan worried about her. At times, Sara would even accuse Tegan of 'not caring' or being 'heartless' because she never showed much outward emotion, but inside Tegan was a mess too.
Her heart hurt for her sister's painful breakup. Her heart hurt for Sara's struggle with depression and anxiety. She just wanted her to be better, to feel better, to be fixed. Tonight her spell of nightly self exploration was broken. She sighed and reached for her iPod. She wanted a song for Sara tonight. She scrolled down to Missy Higgins and selected "Nightminds" as she shifted herself into a comfortable position. The words rang all too true in her ears as she drifted to sleep...
Just lay it all down.
Put your face into my neck and let it fall out.
I know, I know, I know.
I knew before you got home.
This world you're in now,
it doesn't have to be alone,A
I'll get there somehow, 'cos
I know I know I know
when, even springtime feels cold.