A/N- Here's some more for my friends and especially inyashanaruto365. This chapter is pretty funny with Shrek trying to get his teenage self to talk to Fiona without freaking out or stammering.
Itchy polki pitch
Listen to the witch.
You will meet a knight
Who'll you defeat in a fight
Then you'll meet a donkey who
Takes you to a princess far uglier than you.
- William Steig, Shrek!
Ch 3
Shrek watched as his teenage self was in the Boy's Room gathering up his courage to talk to Fiona. He could tell the kid hadn't talked to a girl before. "Maybe this isn't a good idea." He said. "No it's not man. You're just a little nervous, that's all. Close your eyes and focus. Tell me what you love about her." Shrek replied to his teenage self.
He watched as his teen self closed his eyes. "I love her eyes, the way they sparkle when she looks at me, when she beat up the jocks on my first day at Duloc High, her personality." He replied. Shrek watched as his teenage self opened his eyes. "Wow that's a lot of things. Have you ever told her this?" Adult Shrek asked curiously.
"No. Whenever I see her, I go all weird and stammer when I try to talk to her and the jocks start on me." He answered. "I've got my work cut out for me. But if I can get Artie a girl, I can get my teenage self what he wants." Adult Shrek thought as he watched him drink Pepsi.
"You'd better be careful with that stuff." Shrek told him. "Why? It's just Pepsi. It won't hurt me." his teenage self asked him. "Because that stuff is lethal to ogre bowels making us do fire belches and farts." Shrek answered his teenage self. "How do you know that?" teenage Shrek asked. "Because Snowgre dared me to drink a six pack of it in Chemistry class and I caused massive damage to the lab." he explained. His teenage self went off to Chemistry but Snowgre stopped him. "You look thirsty. Here. Take this." he said as he gave him a six pack of Coke. Shrek's teenage self cackled at this. "Time for some fun!" he told him as he downed all six cans in his throat. Snowgre watched as his cousin walked in. He was feeling really weird as he sat down.
But while Adult Shrek was trying to find Charming, he heard a massive explosion come from the Chemistry lab and ran towards it. He saw a fire crew using hoses and his teenage self walking out with charred skin and a few burns around his mouth, "Oh crap! I can't believe Snowgre got me twice!" he muttered under his breath. His teenage self saw Fiona run off upset. "You okay?" Adult Shrek asked his teenage self. "No. She'll never talk to me again and it's my fault! No wonder my Dad hates me!" he said running off with him following him. He felt sorry for the kid.
Later they were back in the cave in his teenage self's room. He watched as the teen came through the door. His right eye was purple and swollen. "Dad found out what happened in the Chemistry lab, huh? Don't listen to him. He doesn't know how wonderful we are because he cares about getting druNk and picking fights with hunters." Shrek reassured him gently hugging the teen. He then felt better. "Thanks man.
Will I remember you once I'm an adult? It's just you're the only one who thinks I'm cool." teenage Shrek asked worried. "I'm not sure because... you're gonna be me." Adult Shrek answered softly... This scared the teen more than his Dad.