Neon Genesis Evangelion: Revelation

by OmegaGear

Set after Ep 24 with some changes to expand the story. Instrumentality is at hand, but humanity is not alone. A new threat appears, destroying the foundations that Seele and Nerv were built upon. Now they must fight for survival and search for answers. Please R/R

3. 1:3 Familiar Times

"This was not supposed to happen," the voice of SEELE-01 echoed in the enormous meeting chamber. "The possibility of an 18th Angel was not considered."

"This changes everything," SEELE-08 said, much calmer than the other voice. "We cannot move forward with instrumentality while angels still exist."

An image appeared on the floor in the center of the ring of monoliths. The image depicted a black creature that looked like a cross between a human and a lizard classified as the 18th Angel. "Those twisted forms of God's children…" SEELE-02 commented. "How many more exist to seize the future from our hands?"

"No more can exist!" SEELE-01 shouted. "God created and named seventeen angels; seventeen alternatives to the human race. An eighteenth is impossible."

"Impossible…" SEELE-05 repeated. A long silence fell on the chamber as the monoliths all thought of the last word spoken. SEELE-05 continued his thoughts. "Is anything impossible for God?"

"Do not start with religious ethics and theories," SEELE-01 replied. "Our Dead Sea Scrolls are the words of God."

"True, but they are only an interpretation," SEELE-02 pointed out. "We knew from the start that we could not predict God's plan perfectly."

"A mistake like this is unacceptable," SEELE-01 said, becoming even angrier than before.

"Too many mistakes have already been made," SEELE-03 said. "The use of the lance," he gave for example.

"Evangelion Unit-01's creation of an S2 organ," SEELE-04 added. "Becoming a god…"

"A god made with human hands…" SEELE-07 solemnly spoke. "What blasphemy…"

"Perhaps this new angel is our punishment," SEELE-09 began to wonder. "God is pushing our fate back. He's delaying our return to paradise."

"Punishment for our sins," SEELE-02 stated. "For our mistakes," he rephrased.

"There was no mistake," a man said from the center of the chamber. The image of the eighteenth angel vanished and a light replaced it to reveal Gendo Ikari, whom was noticeably standing instead of his usual position behind a desk.

"Ikari!" SEELE-01 hissed at the interruption. "You were not invited to this meeting!"

The commander smiled at SEELE-01's verbal attack and readjusted his glasses. "I have information that might interest you."

"What could you know that would interest us?" SEELE-03 asked, obviously doubting Ikari's words.

"I know how to calm your fears," he said plainly, smiling with intention.

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Revelation 1:3

- Familiar Times -

By: OmegaGear

Rei awoke to the familiar noises of construction as the sun had just barely begun to rise on Tokyo-3. It had been two weeks since the defeat of the 18th angel and Rei, including thousands of other citizens, had returned to living in the eastern quadrant of Tokyo-3.

Rei blinked away her lingering slumber as the usual sounds of morning settled in. After nearly four years, she had become accustomed to them. Rolling out of bed, she began to prepare for her first day back at school since the summer break. It was her first day in the tenth grade. It was more than that, however. Today, she would see the one she called Shinji Ikari for the first time in nearly two months.

Thinking about confronting Shinji brought an awkward feeling to Rei. As she began to remove her clothing her mind felt uncertain while her body began to feel weak. When she entered the bathroom she faced the mirror and rubbed her face to subdue her developing headache and found that she had become slightly flushed.

She gasped and her hand slowly drifted down her cheek, leaving an ice cold trail through the warmth of her blushing cheek. Ikari…

Rei stared into her bathroom mirror studying her body as she dove into her mind, searching for answers to her current state. The memory of Shinji smiling at her with tears in his eyes after defeating the fifth angel flashed in her mind, but only brought confusion.

"I have memories that are not mine…" she said, speaking towards the mirror. She found herself doing that a lot lately, peering into the mirror like it served as a way to delve into the mind of her past incarnations. "These feelings… are they mine? Or are they to unfamiliar memories? I don't understand."

She turned and entered the shower, washing away her confusion along with the suds of shampoo in her pale hair. As she dressed in her school uniform she heated some instant ramen noodles for breakfast. As she ate she returned to her aimless journey through the tangled web of her mind. She was so drowned in her thoughts that she was barely able to consciously eat her food.

When she finished she threw the empty carton into the trash and left her apartment. As she began her lonely walk to school she could think of nothing but the boy who made her feel emotions she had never felt before.

- x -

Asuka smiled with her eyes shut as she ate the breakfast that Shinji had made for her while she was showering. While she hadn't fully recovered from her mental trauma or terms with her roommate, she felt that today was a chance to get back into routine. After two weeks of awkward days with the boy who tried his best to avoid her and restless nights fighting off her visions involving her past self, she was glad to be able to go back to school and do something different for a change.

Shinji noticed Asuka's unusually cheery mood and couldn't help but wonder. "Um…" he mumbled after swallowing a bite of toast. His head was tilted down towards the table as he tentatively moved his eyes up to the girl sitting across from him.

"Hmm?" Asuka opened her eyes and looked at Shinji with her toast hanging out of her mouth. "What is it?" she asked.

"You're looking quite happy this morning," he replied. He closed his eyes and smiled innocently, trying to hide his apprehension at saying anything to her. He didn't want to provoke her.

"Oh, it's nothing," she said, just as cheery as the smile she wore on her face. She took another bite of her toast as Shinji watched and put the rest on her plate. "Your cooking just… tastes so good in the morning!" she said, laughing lightly as she took another bite.

Shinji could feel himself begin to sweat. Hearing her comment anything about him nearly made him choke on air alone. Needless to say, the toast he was chewing felt like sandpaper as it became jammed in his wind pipe.

As Shinji began to gasp and cough Asuka shot her eyes open and took a good look at him from across the table. "Shinji?" she asked, holding her toast to her lips as she waited for an answer. Shinji didn't reply and dropped his toast on the table as he brought his right hand to his throat and began to make louder choking noises. "Shinji!" Asuka bolted from her chair, sending it tumbling to the ground. She quickly ran over to the choking boy and lifted him from his seat by wrapping her arms around his waist in a bear hug from behind.

Shinji shook his head as the girl lifted him from behind and became tense at her touch. Since a mere comment was enough to make him choke, her touch sent him into a frenzy of uncontrollable activity. Her arms were firm, but gentle around his sides with her hands crossed over his upper torso, just below his ribs. While not particularly stimulating, having his butt firmly planted against her groin was. He didn't know if it was his flushing feeling or the lack of oxygen that caused him to turn pink, but assumed it was both. He put his hands over hers and grabbed them tightly as she pressed on his diaphragm, trying to coax the toast out of his wind pipe.

"Shinji," she grunted, releasing her pressure for a brief moment and then reapplying it. "If you don't relax, I can't help you!" She sounded almost like she was criticizing the poor boy, but distress could be heard in her voice. As she tried for a fourth time to force the toast back out, she lifted Shinji off of the ground with her increased force.

Shinji released his hold on Asuka's hands and let his arms relax, trying to do as she asked. He still found it hard to relax with her so close to him though. As she continued to crush his tightened abs in an attempt to push his diaphragm his arms began to flail at his sides. His chokes were beginning to turn into yelps and coughs with each press she applied.

"Just relax!" Asuka pleaded forcefully, lifting him higher into the air, increasing her pressure even more. Shinji had begun to turn dark red and Asuka was quickening her attempts. Shinji began to turn blue, causing Asuka to panic and heave with all her might. "Shinji!" she screamed. She lifted him higher than intended, causing her to fall backwards with the boy following her.

As they landed Asuka tightened her grip around him to brace for the impact and dug her cheek into the back of his neck. Shinji threw his arms back and planted his hands on the ground to cushion his fall and finally coughed the piece of toast out as he landed.

"Guh…" he gasped, taking in as much air as possible.

The two remained on the ground, Asuka hugging to the boy like he would keep her protected with her cheek digging into his neck. Her legs were parted slightly so that his rested between them, lightening the weight on her slightly. Shinji just breathed heavily, his chest heaving as he tried to recover as quickly as possible. He hadn't even noticed the position that Asuka was currently in underneath him.

Meanwhile, Misato threw the bathroom door open with her toothbrush in her mouth shouting as best she could at hearing them crash to the ground.

"What's all the fuss!" she shouted., stray bubbles of lathered toothpaste flying from her foaming mouth. She stood up, shocked, at seeing the two teens lying on the ground together and nearly began to choke herself. "Huh!" was all she could think of saying in her exploding mind. Her toothbrush sagged and now hung in her mouth as she released it from her hand.

Shinji was the first to come back completely and jumped to his feet at realizing what Misato was so shocked to see. "Ah… Misato!" He said without thinking. He threw his arms up in defense and blushed. "It's not what you think!"

Misato just stood there with her arm supporting her against the wall as she tried to process what she saw. Her eye twitched and her mouth began to hang open. "What…" she started but stopped as whatever she was thinking became a blur.

Shinji waved his hands in front of her to mock another defensive pose and shut his eyes with a fake smile. "Misato, don't worry about it. Nothing happened." He chuckled, trying to lighten the awkward moment but was unsuccessful.

"Duh…" Misato continued to let out nothing but dumbfounded noises as Asuka got up and brushed her school dress off. The slightest shade of pink could be seen on her cheeks. Misato suddenly snapped back to reality and grabbed her head with both her hands. "Ahh!" She screamed, spitting out a flurry of foam and her toothbrush. "Just what the hell were you two doing!"

Shinji probably wanted to jump out the window and run for his dear life, but kept it at a small leap back with his arms flying every which way as he frantically explained in fragments that didn't connect properly. "Um, well," he would start but soon change to, "you see… we were… then she… and I… toast… um…" Shinji's arms waved around to give a visual effect that didn't help to explain the situation any better.

Asuka simply stood with wide eyes and an increasing blush with her mouth hanging open. As Shinji continued to blurt whatever came to his fleeting mind she slowly recovered with a hint of perspiration on her forehead. "Uh…" she began through Shinji's rushing explanations.

Misato was in her same state of shock with her left eye twitching, unable to understand Shinji's broken rants of distress. Asuka didn't quite understand what was going on in her mind, but could make out shock, and possibly even fear.

"We're going to be late for school!" Asuka shouted, grabbing the still cowering Shinji by the wrist and dragging him towards the door. As she grabbed their bags and slipped into her shoes Shinji stopped panicking and did likewise. Asuka's hand was still gripping his wrist and proceeded to pull him out the door as quickly as she had grabbed him out of his trance of fear. "Come on!"

Misato could barely here Shinji cry for Asuka to wait and heard the door open and close one more time. The boy peeked from around the corner and smiled sheepishly. "Uh… we forgot our lunches," he said as he stepped sideways to keep facing Misato. He grabbed the two lunch boxes with the same fake smile on his face and quickly slipped out, closing the door quietly behind him.

Misato just stood still, still completely shocked. Pen-Pen exited his cooler and yawned as he made his way to the bathroom. He paused for a moment to look up at the bewildered woman and smacked his tongue in his beak a few times in contemplation. With another exaggerated yawn, the penguin walked past the woman and shut the door to the bathroom.

- x -

"Man, I can't believe you choked on a piece of toast!" Asuka yelled as they began their trek to school. Asuka was walking forward at a pretty normal pace with her hands moving this way and that way as she went on about the morning's occurrence. "And when Misato came in?" Asuka shrugged at the unspecific question. "Just what were you doing?" She put her palms on her hips and held her head high, "waving your arms and talking like an idiot!"

Shinji frowned as Asuka berated him. By now he should have grown accustomed to it, and actually had at one point, but found it hard at the moment. After two weeks of acting strangely she seemed to suddenly jump back onto her usual ship with all her guns firing. "Sorry," he said, obviously irritated, by the sounds of his voice. He was walking at an even pace to keep up with Asuka, but kept a distance behind her with his head down.

"I was only kidding," Asuka said, still not turning to look him in the face. Shinji thought that she was just being her usual self, ignoring him, but in truth she was hiding the slowly fading blush on her face. He's… kinda cute when he's like that though. Thinking back to the event seemed to return the blush full strength, making Asuka walk a bit faster.

Shinji raised his gaze from the ground as he saw Asuka's feet leave its field of vision. "Huh? Hey!" He cried as he ran a few steps to catch up. "What's the rush?" He asked, slowing to match pace right next to her.

Asuka turned her face away but kept her fast pace, raising her shoulders to help hide her face. Her hands were holding her bag in front of her knees unusually tight.

"Asuka?" Shinji asked.

Asuka stopped, causing Shinji to stand slightly in front of her once he managed to stop. He turned to look at her, eyes pleading for a response. Asuka just stood with the early morning wind blowing her dress in its calm embrace. Asuka's arms were swaying back and forth with her fingers twiddling nervously. She still had her face turned away, but it was obvious that she wasn't angry from the position of her shoulders, which were slumped lower than usual and tense.

Shinji, unfortunately, wasn't the brightest when it came to reading body language. He began to tremble slightly as the moment of silence continued and tightened his left hand into a fist and relaxed in a steady pattern. "I… I'm sorry," he said, unsure if it was the right thing to say.

Asuka giggled at hearing him say those words. Using her hand to brush some hair out of her face, she lifted her gaze and turned to look at him with a smile. "That's my Shinji," she said, walking towards him. She stopped right in front him, bare inches from his face.

Shinji could feel the heat in his body rising and began to quicken the pace of his twitching hand. He tried to back away as she got closer, but discovered that his feet refused to move. He struggled, but felt like he was coated with a fine layer of lead. Even his lungs had trouble doing what were otherwise actions that didn't require actual concentration. Her… her Shinji? He wondered, staring into the joyful blue eyes that gazed back with a life he hadn't seen in them for a long time.

Asuka smiled and flicked Shinji's forehead, just like she had when she first moved to Japan. "You should appreciate your good fortune," she said, beginning to walk again.

Shinji rubbed his forehead where her finger had struck him and mumbled, confused. "What?" he asked. He turned around and saw her back slowly moving away. "What do you mean?" he asked again, louder than last time. "What good fortune?"

Asuka stopped and looked over her shoulder. "Well?" she asked. "You don't think I'd walk to school with just any idiot, do you?" She smiled at him and faced forward again to continue her way to school.

Shinji let his mouth hang open as he absorbed her words. He had never heard her say anything like that to or about him before. If she ever said anything nice, it was usually sarcastic and patronizing. Could she… could she really mean it?

"Hurry up!" Asuka yelled from afar, sounding a bit irritated. Her left hand was cupped around her mouth to help carry her voice to him.

Shinji jumped slightly at being shocked back to reality and ran to catch up with Asuka Again. "Sorry."

"Geez…" Asuka groaned as Shinji caught up to her. "You know, you don't have to always apologize."

"Sorry," they both said at the same time, Asuka more mockingly.

"I should have expected as much…" Asuka said, shrugging her shoulders. "We'll work on that."

Shinji lowered his head in shame at Asuka's comment. "Okay…"

"Uh…" Asuka paused. She didn't expect Shinji to get so down about what she was saying. "Not that it's bad, or anything."

"But you just said," Shinji started, but was cut off by Asuka's hand over his mouth.

"I said we'd work on it, not kill it, idiot!" Asuka said harshly. Asuka had a slightly angry fire in her eyes as she brought her face closer and glared at the boy she was forcing to shut up.

Shinji tried to say something, but only managed a "srmmmry," through Asuka's tight grip over his mouth.

"…" was all Asuka had to say at his reply. That… that idiot just said sorry again! I just know it! Her thoughts screamed and echoed her annoyance. What she thought was cute had quickly become vexation for Asuka. "Oh, let's just drop it already." She said, finally letting go of Shinji's mouth.

Shinji exhaled loudly and then gasped quickly for fresh air. He didn't follow as Asuka began to walk again. She smells so nice… Shinji noted, bringing his fingers to his face where her fragrance lingered because of her hand. Her slaps never leave behind that scent…

"I'm waiting," Asuka rang, dragging the vowels so the words carried her impatience.

Shinji blinked as his thoughts were washed away by Asuka's tone and once again ran to catch up. "So… o… eh… mmm…" Shinji stuttered, but caught himself, finally. "Coming," he said as he fell in step with Asuka, this time by her side.

Asuka smiled at hearing Shinji catch on, and found herself blushing again. Come on, Asuka! Get a grip! She tried to cheer herself under control mentally as she hid her face under her hair. "That's a start," she replied sweetly.

Shinji smiled, but frowned again when he saw Asuka hiding her face from him again. He was about to ask about that when he noticed something on the back of her head. "Hey," he said, getting her attention. "Why aren't you wearing your usual hair clips?"

"What?" Asuka asked. She ran her hand through her hair and felt that it was in its usual style, held up by two hair clips. "What do you mean? They're right there," she said, leaning over to show him the hair clips.

"Those aren't your usual ones," Shinji said. He noticed that Asuka was wearing a pair of simple slips with beads designed to look like pearls. He noticed that same sweet scent in her hair as from before. The smell made him feel a little light on his feet. "Where are your neural plugs?" he asked, still basking in Asuka's scent, but hiding it under an inquisitive face.

"Oh…" Asuka said. Her voice was quiet as she dropped her hand from her hair and stood up.

Shinji noticed the sudden change and looked at Asuka's face for some sort of answer. Her skin had become pale and her once life filled eyes now seemed empty. "Asuka?"

"I can't pilot anymore," she said, sounding like she was lost in herself. "So, you see…" she paused and turned to face Shinji with a weak smile. "There's no reason for me to wear them anymore."

"Oh…" Shinji had no expression for what he felt at seeing Asuka wear such a fake smile. It just wasn't something he was used to seeing from her. "That's… too bad," he said, unsure if this was the best thing to say.

"Huh?" Asuka asked, losing the smile slightly and becoming curious.

"I think you look good with them on," he finished, smiling, slightly flushed.

Asuka completely lost her fake smile to Shinji's words and let her jaw hang in surprise. After failing to say anything, she smiled again, this time more fully and with a grin.

Shinji returned the gesture, happy to see Asuka smile for real this time. They kept like this for quite some time, forgetting the world around them when Shinji noticed a girl with pale blue hair cross his vision off in the distance. Rei… Shinji let his eyes follow her as she turned a corner before returning to Asuka's. "We'd better get going…"

"Yeah…" Asuka said, turning to face forward again and continuing to walk towards school. She looked at the sky and noticed that the sun had gotten pretty high. "Ah! We have to get going!" At that, Asuka grabbed Shinji by the wrist as she had earlier that morning and began sprinting towards the school.

- x -

Rei sat at her desk next to the window on the second floor of her school watching the many students mingle in the minutes before class began. She wasn't interested in what they talked about, or the people themselves. She just watched time pass them by as they carelessly went through life. A familiar voice could be heard from down the hall, prompting Rei to turn around to watch the door for her fellow pilots.

"Would you hurry up?" Asuka asked, obviously irritated. Her tone was like it always was in the morning at school. Rei's face had no expression as she listened to her.

Shinji cried back in his usual cowardly manner. "Sorry," he said. "What's… what's the rush, Asuka?" Rei's expression changed ever so slightly at hearing Shinji's voice. Her icy cold glare warmed up the slightest bit and her cheeks relaxed with her lips.

"If you don't hurry, you're going to really be sorry!" Asuka shouted, words sounding much like a threat. Seconds later, she came rushing through the door dragging Shinji behind her by his right hand.

This brought out an immediate change in Rei. Seeing them holding hands, even in such a trivial manner, made her squint and growl softly. She felt her body become tense involuntarily and felt like walking over to them and free Shinji's hand.

Shinji managed to stop Asuka long enough to look around the class room. Everyone was watching them, but not because they were surprised. Their classmates were all smiling at the school-wide inside joke that had already been revived. Yes, school hadn't even begun, and he and Asuka had already become the newlyweds again. Shinji frowned at realizing the torment he would already face by lunchtime, when he saw Rei staring at him with cold, angry eyes. "Hmm?" he mumbled to himself. "Oh, hi, Rei!" Shinji waved towards her with his free hand, smiling lightly.

Rei's eyes widened and she turned back to gazing out the window as she began to think about what had just happened. Why… why did I feel that way just now? She wondered, remembering a burning feeling in her chest at seeing the third child holding hands with the second.

Asuka pulled Shinji's arm so that it crossed in front of her and brought Shinji's face looking at hers. Her eyes were burning with an emotion he hadn't seen in a long time. Shinji could barely piece together his sentence as her eyes burned into his resolve. "D… did I do something wrong?"

Asuka pulled Shinji's face in closer and hissed. "Don't act stupid," she said. Before Shinji could say anything, she turned and pulled him over to a desk. She forced him to sit and placed her hands on her hips, "this is where you're going to sit!" she commanded, almost like Shinji was her obedient pet.

The seat was about as far away from Rei's as you could get, making Shinji wonder about Asuka's decision. He looked into her eyes, which had lost some of their fire, but continued to burn. He gulped some saliva that had pooled in his nervous throat and leaned back as he spoke weakly. "Okay," he said. He was scared and confused. The walk to school had been fairly pleasant, but Asuka had suddenly been overtaken by some sort of impulse. Shinji decided it was best to go with it.

"Good," Asuka said, smiling and turning around to take her seat next to him. "And this is where… hey!"

Toji was leaning back in the desk, trying his best not to break out in laughter at foiling the red devil's unusual plan. He rested his head on his hands as he reclined in his seat and stretched his legs on the desk. He looked over and smiled.

"I was going to sit there!" Asuka shouted, bending over to add visual effect to her claim.

"Were you?" Toji asked sarcastically. He addressed the spot he was in by placing a hand on his chest and made a face that was equally sarcastic.

"Yes, I was!" Asuka shouted even louder, making the rest of the room seem silent by comparison as more students began to watch.

"Well," Toji turned his head to look up at the ceiling as he dragged out the word. "Too bad," he said, obviously enjoying her facial response. "You snooze, you lose!" He pointed up a finger at his words of wisdom, and laughed as Asuka's left eye began to twitch at her being irritated so much.

Asuka was ready to explode, but closed her eyes and silently brought herself to a more relaxed state. "That's okay," she said, standing up straight again. "I can sit over here… hey!" She turned to see Kensuke Aida sitting in the other seat next to Shinji.

Kensuke had a similar, but slightly afraid smile on his face as he sheepishly saluted the angry girl from his new seat. "Something wrong, Asuka?" he asked, laughter also threatening to break loose.

"Why you…" she brought her hands up, fingers twitching as they formed a shape suitable for strangling the wannabe spy. "That's my seat," she said, low and threatening.

"Really?" Kensuke fixed his glasses and looked around enthusiastically for a short moment. "That's funny, it's first come, first serve," he said, shrugging. "I don't recall seeing you sitting here…" He looked around again and readjusted his glasses as he returned to looking at Asuka. "I guess that means this seat's mine!"

Asuka's left eye began to twitch again, more so than before. Her teeth were clenched as she tried to scare the boy into leaving the seat on Shinji's right. She bent over Shinji's desk, and grabbed onto the wooden board. Her body heaved with her angry breathing, making Shinji feel more uncomfortable than Kensuke, who looked pretty scared himself.

Kensuke, however, kept his ground despite his fear. He smiled as best he could through his trembling face and blinked as sweat left a cool path down its side. Readjusting his glasses again, he cleared his throat, "Sorry, seat's taken." He held his nose high, trying to look as brave as possible, but couldn't stop his body from trembling.

Seeing that he wouldn't leave Asuka gave up and exhaled out loud in frustration. "Fine, I'll sit over here… WHAT!"

The seat behind Shinji was also taken, this one by Ameko Kentaru. She didn't have any significance to Shinji, but Asuka knew that she was one of the girls that had a crush on him because of his status as an Eva pilot. Ameko smiled, not really in on the joke that Toji and Kensuke were sharing. "Hello, Asuka!"

The girl was one of the youngest in the class, and she seemed to enjoy acting slightly childish. Her brown hair was cut short, just before shoulder length. Asuka had to admit that it made her cute, which is what pissed her off so much. Her figure wasn't anything special when compared to her own. Ameko was shorter than Asuka, even more so than Shinji, but her legs were nearly as long with her torso being short. The proportions were what most men lusted for. If Shinji even looked at her that way Asuka would send him to a world of hurt.

Then again… Asuka thought, trying to sort out why she was so angry. Shinji's too stupid to make a move on her… at least he better be!

"Ameko…" Asuka shut her eyes to try to hide her anger, but couldn't stop the twitch in her left. "Hi… so nice to see you're still in our class."

Asuka, defeated in every way possible gave up and sat in the seat to Toji's left. Asuka didn't want to sit in front of Shinji, since she hated being close to the front, and had no intention of being next to Ameko to hear her gab about whatever filled that head of hers. Asuka huffed and crossed her arms over her chest as she began to pout. She looked at Shinji through the corner of her eye and saw that he had completely forgotten about her, completely absorbed in talking with his two friends.

That idiot… She felt her heart begin to ache. He didn't even try to stop them... Asuka continued to pout, and turned away from Shinji in hopes of catching his attention. When Shinji gave her none, Asuka stared determinedly out the window at the far end of the room. Now, she was really angry and didn't want his attention at all.

"Asuka!" a familiar voice shouted from the door of the classroom.

Asuka turned her gaze, still pouting, but lit up at who she saw. "Hikari!" she shouted back, waving her best friend over.

- x -

Commander Ikari stared emotionlessly at Unit-02 while he waited for Doctor Ritsuko Akagi to arrive. After SEELE's meeting, he called the doctor for important business.

The red giant stared blankly at the unreadable man, asleep within its metal shell forged by man. Within that shell rested a soul that was now awake. This soul made the Eva more than it should have ever become or was intended to become. A soul that was aware of good and evil. It was a soul that could reach to the Tree of Life and destroy humanity through third impact. It was what SEELE feared and would destroy if they ever discovered its secret.

"What did they say?" Doctor Akagi asked, beginning to make her way across the platform that allowed access to the Eva's shoulders.

"You are certain that the results are correct?" He asked, completely ignoring the doctor's question. He stood watching the Eva as the doctor came closer.

Ritsuko looked surprised at the question, but quickly caught on. "Yes, the Magi returned a 99.9% match." She looked over at Unit-02, feeling a chill run down her body. After the fourth's accident with the activation test, she found the sight of the red giant unsettling.

"Mmm…" Gendo squinted. He didn't care either way, but had to alter his timetable based on what was happening. "So it was indeed nothing more than the physical form of the 13th angel…"

"It would seem that way," the doctor replied, not really sure what to say. Although their tests returned favorable results, she wasn't sure about anything these days. The Evas and Angels were beyond the sciences of man.

"I want the second child to return to her piloting duties," he said. He didn't turn to address her presence when she stood next to him, keeping his icy glare on the Eva.

"Misato's report says that she isn't ready," the doctor replied.

"That is irrelevant," he insisted. "SEELE's Eva Series is nearly complete. If we are to move forward with our plan, we need both Unit-01 and 02 now."

There was a moment of silence as Ritsuko fought to stop herself from arguing with him. "Understood," she finally said, closing her eyes and turning around to leave. "I'll have Unit-02 reprogrammed for Asuka immediately." But can she pilot it? Will she pilot it once its soul joins with hers?

Gendo Ikari smiled.

- x -

"Charging LCL," Maya said through her microphone. The orange fluid in the entry plug flashed brightly briefly before turning blue to signify that the test had begun. Shinji leaned back his head and relaxed like he always did. Here comes another thirty minutes of boring silence… he thought to himself. That's usually what he did during the sync tests, think.

He looked over to his left and saw Rei's test plug. Even though he could not see her, he could have sworn that a cold aura was radiating from the metal shell. That's all he could ever feel form Rei now. Long gone were the moments of warmth that he saw in her. He began to wonder if it was him that was causing her to appear cold. If it was one thing he had learned since coming to Tokyo-3, and living with Asuka for that matter, it was that people see what they want to see. Maybe I'm just afraid… of the truth. Even though I know, that doesn't change who she is.

As he continued to contemplate his situation with Rei, Shinji drifted off to thinking about what had happened earlier that day at school. He remembered Rei giving him and Asuka a very scary glare when they arrived to class. Being his usual self, Shinji tried to alleviate the situation by running from it. In that case, he ran by acting innocent and oblivious towards Rei. That was all he could do before Asuka dragged him as far away from the other girl as she could within the room.

While Asuka had seen her ups and downs since returning home, she was something completely different at school. She showed the same fire of life she had at her peak. Shinji thought that it would be a good day to get to talk to her, but was surprised to discover that she was angry at him during lunch.

"I wonder what I did to upset her so much." He thought out loud. He usually did that when he was alone, especially when in the entry plug of Unit-01. That had stopped lately, however, because voices had begun to answer back.

"Shinji, can you hear me?"

Shinji blinked a few times until he was fully alert of his surroundings. He looked forwards towards the observation window and saw Misato nearly pressing her face against the glass with a microphone to her mouth.

"Uh… yeah, I can hear you, Misato." His voice sounded afraid. Shinji knew that they could see him through the plug monitors, so he smiled weakly.

"You're thinking too much," his guardian and commanding officer said bluntly. Although she wore an angry face, Shinji detected worry in her voice. "Try to calm down and concentrate on the test."

Shinji mumbled to himself, realizing her words were a request and not an order. If it was an order, he'd have no problem with complying, but since it was a request, he felt guilty. In his mind, he had done something wrong to worry her. No one should have to worry about me… he began thinking again. He had spent his entire life with people who didn't care about him, so he thought it was natural. Whenever someone did worry about him, Shinji looked at it like a problem he was at fault for. He could only see people suffering because of him; because of something he did.

Maybe… maybe that's why I admire Asuka so much. Shinji let his eyes droop slightly as he thought about the girl that made his heart tremble. He couldn't decide if it was in fear, or something else. She doesn't care about me, so I can't cause her pain. Shinji wanted to believe what he was thinking, but frowned at how wrong the words felt. He felt empty whenever he thought about his relationship with Asuka, if you could call it that. He wanted to fill the void, but didn't know how to. He didn't know what it was that he desired from her.

Shinji sighed deeply and washed the chain of thoughts from his mind. He was glad that he wasn't in Unit-01 itself, because it was times like this when the voices would begin to talk. He was thankful for the peace and quiet of the test chamber and began to relax, finally. Shinji took a deep breath and let his whole body go limp. For the time being his problems didn't matter. He could forget the pains of reality and escape to a world of peace.

"Dreaming again?" he heard someone ask. It was a whisper that Shinji couldn't identify, but felt it belonged to someone he knew.

Shinji opened his eyes slowly and towards the observation chamber. When he saw no one looked directly at him, he said, "Excuse me?"

"What is it, Shinji?" Doctor Ritsuko asked, leaning over a command terminal. "Is something wrong?"

"Uh…" Shinji held his words in his throat as he tried to figure out what had just happened. Since he couldn't come to any likely conclusion, he shrugged it all off. "No, it's nothing," he said. He once again relaxed and returned to thinking of nothing.

"Yes, that's right," the voice whispered again. It almost sounded female, but had a deeper tone than you'd expect from a woman. The voice echoed through the chamber gently, letting the words settle into Shinji's mind.

"What," he began to say, but was cut off.

"You desire nothing," the voice stated, contempt showing through its tone.

"That," Shinji tried to speak again, but the voice didn't seem interested in any response from the boy.

"You desire a world with no one else."

"But," Shinji remained as calm as possible so he wouldn't alarm the people monitoring his progress. He was starting to get frustrated at not being able to speak a complete sentence.

"You desire a world where no one can hurt you." The voice was starting to get louder, but remained a whisper. "A world where you can cause others no pain."

Shinji was surprised at what he heard. He began to wonder if what the voice said was true. He shook his head and squinted in concentration. I don't want to be alone anymore! He screamed inside his mind, thinking that the voice would be able to hear him somehow.

He was replied by the eerie silence of the test chamber.

Shinji frowned at the silence. While it was welcoming before, it felt unsettling now. The loud hum of the test plug's instruments was overwhelming Shinji's ears as he concentrated on listening for an answer. He got one.

The voice was harsh and angry as it spoke. "You will always be alone, Shinji Ikari."

Shinji shot his eyes open and gasped when he heard the words. His heart was beating faster than it had in a long time. He could feel his entire body trembling from an anxiety that he so often felt. A sudden feeling of need and desperation overtook his mind, causing Shinji to panic.

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Revelation 1:3

- The Unknown. Voices and Memories. -

"It has begun…" SEELE-01 announced.

"Contact with the children has been made?" SEELE-02 asked.

"Yes," SEELE-01 answered with a touch of joy; evil joy. "Ikari, we did not want it to be this way," he said to no one in particular. "There is no other way."

- x -

Toji took another deep breath as he nearly fell asleep in the warm test plug. Doctor Ritsuko Akagi had strictly instructed him that falling asleep while doing sync tests would require him to start over, which was the last thing he wanted. He found the task of staying awake nearly impossible though. The test plugs were warm, boring, and had a constant hum that seemed to numb his mind. It didn't help that thinking about anything caused sync ratios to drop.

Toji frowned a bit as he tried to empty his mind. He thought that would be easy enough for him to do, since everyone told him his head must've been empty anyways, but found an ocean of thoughts to ponder whenever he was in the test plug.

Come on, Toji! Now is not the time to think! He yelled at himself in his mind and took another deep breath to try to relax. As he exhaled loudly he could feel the thick liquid he was submerged in become unsettled slightly. He ignored the change in the LCL due to his heavy breathing, remembering a lesson that Shinji had given him.

It was after his activation test with Unit-02. Shinji met Toji as he was cleared to leave the hospital and confronted him about piloting the Evas. After a brief argument that much resembled the one they had had the previous day, Shinji accepted his choice. That's when Toji asked his friend about what he had experienced inside the Eva.

Toji didn't tell Shinji exactly what he saw or heard, just small details about how it felt.

Shinji seemed to laugh more for irony than anything else when Toji started talking about the liquid he was submerged in.

"Don't think about the LCL," he had said. "You'll notice things that'll only distract you and scare you."

Scare me… Toji began to think about what scared him. He thought about losing his sister and his friends and the battle against Eva Unit-01 that he was helpless to stop. I don't understand. How can the LCL scare me?

"Why not ask the third child?" a voice whispered, barely audible.

Toji stiffened at the sudden intrusion and opened his eyes slightly. There wasn't anything unusual that he could see. Toji emptied his lungs of as much air as possible in a sigh. He could feel the weight of the LCL begun to press against his depleted lungs and slowly took in another breath. Now I KNOW I have to loosen up. I'm starting to hear things.

"Asuka… Please die with me…" he heard a woman's voice say. The voice sounded insane and the words echoed away as the other voice returned, laughing to itself. Toji shivered at remembering those words. He had heard them during his activation test with Unit-02. At the time, it was a mess of images and sounds, but as time progressed they began to clear.

"You wonder about what saw inside the Eva…" the voice said. Toji had never heard that voice before, but it sounded like it belonged to a boy his age.

"Wha… what was it?" he asked weakly, unsure of what to do. He wanted to contact Doctor Akagi about what was happening, but was also curious about what he might discover.

"It was the Eva." The voice said. As its words echoed it spoke some more, overlapping its own voice. "It was its soul. It was its will. It was its past. It was its life."

The four phrases were repeated over and over again. Toji began to feel his mind being torn apart as the voices became louder and echoed more hollowly. They were beginning to sound like the voices from ghost movies he had seen. He began to tense his entire body to shut out the noises, but was unable to have any effect on them.

"The Eva has a soul," the voice said through the constant rain of phrases. "It will not bend to your will."

I don't know what the hell you're talking about! Toji admitted. He knew that the Evas were more than machines from personal experience, but souls? For someone like him, it sounded like something straight out of a cheesy sci-fi movie.

"Soon you will know," the voice whispered, becoming quiet. The repeated phrases ceased and Toji was finally able to relax. He was breathing heavily and could feel sweat on his face despite being submerged in LCL. "But it will be too late. They will be free." The voice said.

Toji stopped his heavy breathing and blinked before looking upwards. "Free?" he asked blindly.

"Come and die with me…" the woman's voice from his memories asked again.

- x -

Ritsuko was writing down some notes for analyzing the sync data when a blinking light on a monitor to her right caught her attention. "What's wrong?" she asked.

Maya glanced over her console while typing in some basic commands at the flashing light. Shinji's image and data readouts were highlighted while an orange message was blinking. Maya read over the small message and the readouts without changing her expression the slightest bit. "The third child's brainwave graph is showing some irregularities."

"What sort of irregularities?" Ritsuko asked, walking over and leaning closer to read the graph for herself.

"I don't know, ma'am," Maya admitted. She tilted her head when Ritsuko leaned over to give her a better view. "His brainwave pattern is fluctuating, but not erratically."

"So the pilot isn't experiencing trauma," Ritsuko said. She began to tap her finger on the command board as she thought about what she saw. Shinji's graphs were out of the ordinary, but not considered erratic. The video feed from the test plug showed that he was a bit tense, but that wasn't anything strange for Shinji either.

If it were simply trauma she would call off the test and have him checked out, but since he was in control there was something else going on. "How is this affecting his sync ratio?"

Maya pressed a few buttons and brought up an image of Shinji inside the test plug with several graphs to the right. A large bar graph at the top fluctuated at the forty-seven marker. "It's getting lower…" Maya said, unsure of how her superiors would react to the news.

Ritsuko sighed out loud and stood up. She used her right hand to pinch the bridge of her nose, which seemed to be irritated all of a sudden.

"How long has this been going on?" a woman asked from their left. It was Misato. She stood gazing out the viewing window with her arms crossed over chest.

Maya glanced at a line graph underneath the bar graph. A white line formed what looked like the most treacherous of mountain ranges with needle-like peaks. As the graph moved to the right the peaks gradually got lower with a sudden plunge just recently. "Approximately forty seconds," she informed.

"Hmm…" Ritsuko leaned over again while Misato turned to watch. She examined the graph closely and noted that Shinji's sync ratio started at eighty-nine percent, which was even higher than when he fought against the last angel. She also noticed when she compared the sync graph to the brainwave graph just below it that his sync ratio's drop started at the same time his brainwave activity became proactive.

After she had examined the graphs for quite a while, Misato walked over and made her presence known. "Is something wrong?" she asked firmly, keeping her arms crossed as she stood with her shadow hanging over the two women.

"I can't be sure yet," Ritsuko replied. She stood up and adjusted her glasses while she turned to address her old friend straight forward. "We'll continue the test for now. I want the third child's graphs watched closely."

Another blinking light caught the scientist's attention, forcing her to stop giving out her orders to attend to it. "Another one?" she asked in building frustration. Ritsuko saw that the fourth child's graphs were also experiencing irregularities now. His sync ratio was running on a pre-activation program of the nearly complete Unit-03 and was showing promise with a forty-five ratio reading. Now it had begun to fall slightly, stopping at thirty-eight.

"The fourth child too," Ritsuko mumbled, letting her voice trail off as she finished the sentence. She ran a hand through her blonde her and sighed. "Well… he is still new to all this," she said, trying to make light of the situation.

"Are you sure that's it?" Misato asked, her eyes squinting at the scientist.

Ritsuko ignored Misato's facial gesture and looked at the graphs. "He's doing very well for someone with so little experience," she explained, avoiding a clear answer to the question she had been asked.

"That's not what I wanted to hear," Misato said coldly. She couldn't stand it when Ritsuko kept things from her and lately that had been a lot. She was about to continue and ask the same question in a more aggressive form when an alarm went off on the console.

The high pitched beeping could faintly be heard in the giant control chamber, but they knew what it meant. One of the pilots was becoming unstable.

"What's wrong?" Misato asked still keeping her icy glare on the woman before her.

Ritsuko returned her attention to the fourth child's graphs and noticed that his sync ratio had bottomed at twenty-eight while his brainwave pattern had become unstable. The video feed showed that he was grasping the back of his head and clenching his teeth. "Something's wrong with the fourth child. He's starting to experience mental trauma."

"But that's not possible during a sync test!" Misato shouted. She had lost her icy glare and donned a fire in her eyes. "It's just a simulated computer program!"

"I know that!" Ritsuko yelled back. Her eyes held as much fire as Misato's, but had an ice to them. This cold was natural to the scientist, whom used it to hide her emotions quite often. She kept her gaze on Misato's, but was unable to stare her down. Another alarm sounded, forcing Ritsuko to reluctantly turn away from Misato. "Shinji too?" she gasped.

Shinji's graphs had begun to become erratic as well. His sync ratio bottomed at forty-one percent while his brainwaves went through the roof and the basement. Shinji's video feed looked similar to Toji's, his eyes shut tightly while he grabbed his forehead and winced.

Ritsuko took a moment to check the test plugs, but discovered that there wasn't a malfunction with the test programs. All the instruments were working perfectly and the LCL was at the right pressure and charge. She couldn't find a logical explanation. "This can't be happening," she said quietly.

Misato had had enough. She threw her fist through the air and held it at her side. "Damn it! Do something!" she yelled. Her eyes had squinted even more into a glare that few had ever seen. Ritsuko, however, knew the look well.

Ritsuko glanced from the angry woman glaring at her to the monitor displaying the warnings. A sigh escaped her as she rubbed her forehead and wiped the sweat from her brow. She squinted her eyes from under her glasses and cleared her throat. "Abort the test."

- x -

Shinji could feel his heart begin to beat faster. His breathing had become short and quick as the voice began to laugh at him. The laugh was that of someone gone mad. He hadn't heard the laugh before, or anything like it, but the voice still held a familiarity to him.

Through the laughter, the same voice began to speak. It came as a single voice overlapping itself with phrases and mad laughter that repeated steadily. "I can see into your mind. I can see into your soul. You are alone. You will always be alone."

Shinji tried to remain calm, but felt the voices begin to pull on his mind. He had heard this all before, but never in the test plug. The strain on his mind continued to increase, creating an aching pain in the back of his head. Shinji reached with both his hands and grasped the back of his head in reflex, but couldn't stop the voices or his headache.

Shinji felt like the temperature of the test plug was increasing and began to sweat. His lungs took in heavy breaths of air through the LCL that felt thick and hot. Shinji's ears pounded with the sound of his rapidly beating heart and the echoes of the voices. A faint dizziness began to blur Shinji's senses. His body began to loosen as he lost touch with his nerves and felt like he was air but as heavy as lead. When Shinji turned his head up to look forward, his head felt like it was spinning in a tornado.

Shinji forced his eyes open again as he heard a faint sound over everything in his head. The LCL flashed white and then dimmed to a dark blue as the program shut down. He would have let out a sigh of relief had the problem ceased, but it continued. Shinji did the only thing that he could. He screamed.

- x -

"Asuka… come and die with me…" A woman's voice rang in Toji's head again. The barrage of visions he had seen within Unit-02 were playing in his head again, taking turns on the center stage at a speed that drove him insane.

Toji cried out as they continued to play. His mind felt like it was being torn apart by the memories he was given by the Eva. All he could do was scream as they took him over.

"Mental trauma is still increasing!" Maya shouted. Another alarm had gone off on her console, flashing an orange message warning that the pilots were succumbing to shock.

"But how?" Ritsuko asked. She spun her eyes back and forth as the graphs of Shinji and Toji became more erratic. "The program's been shut down."

"I don't know," Maya said. She continued to move her hands over the command board as fast as she could to alter the condition of the LCL in the test plugs as a means of fighting the anomaly. In the haze of the moment, she had forgotten that such procedures required that the pilots were actually synchronized with an Eva. Without a mental link, they could do nothing outside of altering the environmental settings. "Both pilots are approaching the end of the acceptable limit! What should we do?"

Ritsuko ran every option through her head, but couldn't come to anything solid. Had they been synchronized with Evas, they could do something by suing the link with the LCL, but that was useless in the current situation. Only one option made any sense in her mind. Her shoulders sagged as she exhaled deeply a breath she didn't realize she was holding. Her throat felt like sand as she spoke. "Drain the LCL and unseal the plugs."

"Ma'am?" Maya asked, clueless as to what she was doing.

Ritsuko couldn't help but hang her head down in shame. She couldn't stand not being able to do anything, but she had to admit defeat in the face of this debacle. "I want a med-evac ready for the third and fourth children once they are retrieved from their plugs."

"What?" Maya asked, completely shocked. Her hands had stopped over her command board, stiff as ice.

Misato was just as shocked, but managed to keep her composer and even glare a questioning eye at the scientist that was supposed to be an expert on these tests. If you had looked closely though, you'd notice that she was trembling ever so slightly in fear.

"You heard me," Ritsuko said through the uncomfortable silence. She could almost feel the burning glare Misato gave her as well as the cold of everyone else who were more puzzled than she was. "Have a med-evac team assembled and retrieve the two pilots." She continued to give out orders in a professional stature, but couldn't help but feel weak. Her legs were shaking and felt like they would collapse any moment.

Maya remained in shock seconds after the order was issued. Her wary eyes never leaving her superior's struggling face. "Uh…" she mumbled as she turned back to her console and began to send the orders to the proper emergency wings. "Orders have been sent. The evac teams will be here in an estimated eleven minutes…" Maya said. Her voice was weak.

Misato let the two do what they had to before interjecting. She uncrossed her arms and let them hang at her sides as relaxed as possible. "What are you going to do?" she said, nearly whispering. Her throat felt sore and speaking brought a strain to it.

"The only thing I can do," Ritsuko said bluntly. She didn't want to have to put up with anyone's crap on top of what she already had to do. "They'll be examined in the mental wing and treated as needed." Her voice was noticeably calmer. "I can't say or do anything else."

By now the evac teams had pulled the two children out of their plugs and tied them down to medical stretchers. They worked fast and without incident since the two boys didn't struggle against them. As the stretchers were pushed out of the testing chamber behind sliding doors, Misato couldn't help but feel that she had seen all this before. With that strange feeling of déjà vu also came the pain of remembering the past. It was a pain that brought her to tears.

- x -

Asuka was just finishing putting on her plug suit when Rei returned from the sync tests. She looked over after pressing the button on her wrist and watched Rei walk past her to her locker. Rei didn't say a word, as usual, and immediately started the task of changing back into her school clothes. Asuka stretched in the slightly unfamiliar suit, readjusting to the skin tight material.

Although she had spent most of her life as a pilot, the plug suit just didn't feel the same after being without it for so long. She looked at her hand while she rotated and tightened it into a fist. The suit stretched with her fingers into the fist, making it feel tight than it really was. It feels foreign. She thought, starting to lose some confidence. If the plug suit alone made her feel uncomfortable, there wasn't much hope for activating the Eva inside an LCL filled plug.

She sighed, setting her doubts aside and looking into the small mirror that sat at the back of her locker. Asuka rotated to look at herself in her red plug suit. As she turned almost completely around, she saw her neural clips sway in her hair.

"You look good with them on," she remembered Shinji had said that morning on their way to school. Asuka leaned forward and shifted the clips in her hair so that they were straight and smiled.

Rei looked over to Asuka when she heard her giggle lightly. Why is she so happy? Rei wondered. She returned her attention to her bra and finished putting it on.

As she pulled her shirt over her head she heard Asuka say, "I'm going now." Rei ignored Asuka's announcement, because she didn't care what she did.

Asuka took one last look at Rei through the corner of her eye as the door slid open and sighed. Freak-o-zoid… Asuka looked forward and saw Misato outside. Taking a deep breath, she stepped out of the door.

Rei looked over to Asuka's closed locker, thinking back to when she had giggled. Laughter… She remembered a conversation she had had with the commander. One in which she smiled at something he said. Another memory that isn't mine…

Misato and Ritsuko were waiting outside of the women's locker room when Asuka exited. Ritsuko looked as she usually did, distant and troubled over some aspect of work. Misato on the other hand, looked more troubled than usual.

Asuka quickly noticed, but wasn't interested in what was troubling her usually high spirited guardian. She looked from one end of the hall to the other, but saw no one else besides Ritsuko and Misato. "Where's Shinji?"

Ritsuko looked up from her clip board and began to answer, "Shinji's…"

"Shinji's with Toji," Misato quickly interjected, knowing her friend would have told Asuka he was being treated for mental trauma. She glanced at her friend and glared ever so slightly. She doesn't need to know there was a problem before her activation test! She looked back over to Asuka and smiled to create the illusion that there was nothing wrong.

Asuka was taken back from Misato's quick reply. Her fake smile didn't do much to help the situation either. "Oh…" Asuka said, giving up. She knew that when Misato was like this she was hiding something. She also knew, however, that Misato also wouldn't say anything no matter how hard she tried. It was probably the one thing that Misato managed to be both good and bad at. She could hide something from people as long as she wanted to, but was terrible at covering it up.

"What's wrong, Asuka?" Misato asked, wondering why Asuka was so gloomy. "You said you were ready for this when you got here."

Asuka looked at the ground and to her right, trying to think of what to say. Her mind was still a mess, and it's true she had said she was ready, because at the time, she felt like she was. Now, she wasn't so sure. Why am I doing this? She wondered. Is it to prove I can do it? Is it for them? Or myself? She thought back to the walk home from school after receiving the order from NERV.

"Asuka… are you sure you want to do it?" Shinji asked from her right side as they walked by a park.

Asuka took a moment to think. So many things were going on in her head, and not just about piloting Unit-02 again. A lot of her confusion had to do with her relationship with Shinji. Her visions had gotten less aggressive, but still left her in doubt. She still couldn't believe someone caring about her that way, especially Shinji. He seemed that way now, but was he really caring for her? Asuka remembered that Shinji didn't think that others should have to suffer. Does he really care? Or is he just worried that someone other than himself will suffer?

"Of course I'm sure," Asuka finally said, trying to sound confident in her answer. Her voice was steady and strong, sounding a bit irritated.

"Oh…" Shinji groaned, sounding disappointed in her answer. He looked away from her and began to stare at the ground as they continued down the empty sidewalk.

Asuka felt a little guilty at making Shinji feel that way, but didn't know what to do. What was I supposed to say? "No, Shinji, I'm not sure. Please hold me!" That pervert… Asuka squinted in disgust.

"Well, if you're sure…" Shinji started. He stopped and looked up into the blue sky and sighed. "I hope you do well, Asuka."

Asuka stopped and turned around to look at Shinji, whom kept his eyes towards the sky. She looked up with him and saw some birds fly overhead. They spun around in circles, often giving chase to one another and chirping some sort of quarrel. One chases the other, and then they fight. One runs away, and the other gives chase… It's the nature of all beings. Asuka looked back at Shinji. He was still staring up at the sky, but seemed to have drifted off completely. Shinji's running away from the fight. He doesn't want to trouble me…

Asuka walked over to Shinji and looked into his eyes. They were empty, lost in whatever Shinji had fallen into. And I give chase… unsure why. Asuka sighed out loud, "hey."

Shinji didn't respond. He didn't look like he even heard her.

"Hey," Asuka said a little louder.

Shinji blinked, but still didn't respond in a way that showed he was paying attention.

Asuka mumbled. Here I am… trying to confront this mess and he just runs off into dreamland! Asuka wanted to escape like usual too, but she needed some clear space. She was tired of being afraid. "Shinji!" she screamed.

Shinji jumped and looked at Asuka. "What!" he asked, still a little shocked. He suddenly noticed how close her face was and fell backwards. "Ah!"

Asuka blinked at Shinji response. What's with him? "It's about time you rejoined the living," she said sharply.

"…" Shinji looked away, a bit embarrassed at his actions and how he felt about everything. "Sorry," he said, blushing slightly.

"... I'll pretend you didn't say that," Asuka said, giving him a sarcastic glare. She was honestly tired of hearing him say that, even if it was cute. Cute… Why does he look so cute when he's like that! ARG! Asuka began to scream in her mind. She couldn't figure it out. How did she develop these ideas? "Anyways…" Asuka said, pushing her conflicting emotions to the back of her head.

Shinji had recovered from his moment of surprise and was now looking into her eyes. They had been filled with life again, and shined with concern.

"Uh…" Asuka seemed to have forgotten what she wanted to say when she saw the way Shinji was looking at her. She felt her face get warm and turned around, noting wanting Shinji to see her like this. She didn't know if she was blushing because of the way he was looking at her because she was embarrassed about forgetting what she wanted say. She realized that the latter was because of the premier, so it could only be the first reason. "You'll… you'll be there, right?" she asked, saying the first thing that came to mind.

"Hmm?" What do you mean?" Shinji asked.

"My activation test, of course!" Asuka yelled. Asuka quickly calmed down and asked, "You'll be there, right?" She turned and waited for Shinji's answer. She wasn't sure why, but she felt profoundly anxious for his answer. I give chase…

"Uh…" Shinji didn't know what to say. He had assumed that Asuka wouldn't want him there, so hadn't really given thought about being there. He looked at the ground with wide eyes, looked for an answer outside of his now confused mind. "I… if you want me to," he said weakly.

"What kind of answer is that!" Asuka yelled, trying to sound angry. If anything, her act was believable, and even surprised her with how real it sounded. We fight…

"Well… I don't want to intrude…" Shinji seemed to shrink as he spoke. His hand was starting to twitch into a fist and then a relaxed position. "I know how you feel about me and piloting…" he finished, slumping slightly.

Asuka choked on her breath and took a step back. How I feel about him and piloting? Asuka wondered. What… how do I fell about him and piloting? Asuka wasn't quite sure. She remembered a lot of the things she said to him while piloting and in relation to piloting, but a lot of them had to do with her way of closing herself off. Now that she had lost touch with that side of her, it was a complete mystery.

"Forget about that," she said. I run away from the fight…

"What?" Shinji looked up.

He gives chase… Asuka smiled sincerely and brushed some hair out of her face as wind blew by from the park. The sound of rustling leaves and chirping birds seemed to calm the mood for her. The chirping had lost its rampant noise and now sounded like rhythmic singing. But I won't renew the fight… "Just be there," she said. I'll stop and wait for him… "Please." I'll stop running.

Shinji's hand had stopped its reflexive twitching now. He looked into her eyes again. The pattern he was so used to had been broken. He was once again lost in a sea of emotions and broken memories. Too many possibilities were present for him. He had to continue alone into the unknown.

"The kanji we use for the word 'she' can also mean 'a woman far away'." Shinji remembered what Kaji had told him about women. "A woman will always seem to be on a distant shore. The gulf that separates male and female is deeper than any ocean." Shinji couldn't help, but find this true.

No matter what he tried, Asuka seemed so far away, but now she didn't seem so far away. This unfamiliarity puzzled him. Just when I thought I had you figured out… He thought.

"No, you only think you understand." Kaji's words spoke in his memories again. "Understanding 100% of anything is impossible. That's why we spend so much time trying to understand. Our own motivations and those of others… That's what makes life so… interesting."

Shinji pondered those words and his own motivations. It was true, what he said. It was impossible to understand yourself, much less others. My motivation… Shinji looked at how Asuka was smiling. He had seen it only once before, when he saved her in the volcano. Before then, she had done nothing but yell and fight with him, but that smile made all of that seem insignificant. To see Asuka smile like that again.

"I'll be there," Shinji finally said, returning her smile. He wondered how long he had kept her waiting.

"Good," Asuka said, turning back around and continuing to walk. I won't run away… "And… thank you, Shinji."

"What for?" Shinji asked, walking beside her again.

"For being there," she said. "When no one else was." I won't run away again.

I won't run away… Asuka remembered her conclusion. It wasn't just about her confusion about Shinji. It was about everything. Her visions were right, she always ran away.

"Asuka?" Misato called for her.

Asuka looked up at her commanding officer. "Huh?"

"You zoned out there for a while," she said. "Are you sure you want to go through with this?"

Asuka blinked and nodded. She stood up straight and took a deep breath to relax. "I'm ready," she said. She tried to look confident, but suddenly remembered why he had lost it in the first place. "It's just that Shinji said he'd be there."

"Well… uh…" Misato stuttered. She didn't know Shinji had promised to be at Asuka's activation test. What was she supposed to say now?

Ritsuko pressed her clip board to her chest after jotting something down and looked at the young pilot. "I'm sorry, Asuka, but Shinji isn't authorized to attend activation tests."

"Oh…" Asuka said, sighing.

Misato was thankful of Ritsuko's answer, but felt it came out a bit harsh. "Don't worry," she said. "Shinji will be waiting for you just outside of the testing chamber!" Misato smiled cheerfully.

"Really?" Asuka asked, eyes starting to look hopeful.

"Of course!" Misato shouted, believing it herself. "Besides, he can't go home without at least one of us!" She laughed.

Asuka laughed too, although not as enthusiastically. "Okay," she said. "Let's do it."

As Rei exited the locker room she saw Ritsuko and Misato leave with Asuka for her activation test in Unit-02. After watching them turn the corner, she turned and walked the opposite direction. She passed by the men's locker room and stopped to look at the closed door.

Rei remembered that both of the male pilots were taken by med-evac to the mental wing of the hospital to be treated for mental trauma. Everyone seemed so distressed while the pilots were removed from the plugs and taken away, yet Rei felt nothing.

As she continued to stare at the door, a memory, or more correctly, two similar memories, flashed in her mind. One was of commander Ikari opening her still hot test plug with his bare hands and the other of Shinji Ikari doing the same.

Rei felt something cold run down her face and looked down as a tear hit her open hand. "I don't understand…" she said to herself. "These memories are not mine… so why am I crying?"

- x -

"Understood," Ritsuko said into a phone. She hung up and turned to Misato. "That was the mental wing. Both pilots checked out fine," she said.

Misato sighed in relief. "That's good to hear," she said. She turned around and looked out the viewing window at Unit-02. Asuka's plug was just now being placed inside of the Eva. "Are they awake?" she asked.

"Toji is," Ritsuko answered. "Shinji hasn't woken up yet, but shows no sign of a coma." She pulled out her clip board and got ready to start the test. "Do you want me to have him woken up and taken here?"

"No…" Misato answered slowly. She watched as the back of Unit-02 locked down and plug activation was confirmed on the main monitor. "Let him rest." Misato looked down at the ground with her arms crossed over her chest. "I'll tell Asuka everything after her test is over. It's better this way."

"Well, if that's your decision," Ritsuko said, turning her attention to the main monitor. "Asuka, are you ready?"

"Yes, ma'am," Asuka said, sounding confident.

"Alright, begin the test!" Ritsuko shouted to everyone in the control chamber.

- x -

Toji blinked as he continued to stare upwards. He saw the familiar pale blue ceiling of the hospital overhead and came to the conclusion that something had gone wrong. He couldn't remember exactly what had happened, but knew it had something to do with what he saw inside of Unit-02.

"How long was I out?" he asked, hearing a nurse placing a tray on the table next to him.

"Not too long," the nurse answered. It was a woman, and she sounded cute. "You recovered very quickly."

"What about Shinji?" he asked.

"The other patient hasn't woken up yet, but he's just fine," the nurse said in a calming manner. It was her job to make things sound as pleasant as possible to keep patients and visitors as calm as possible. The obvious technique used here was to deliver good news after bad news.

"Hmm…" was all Toji said in response. He sat up in his bed slowly, checking for anything sore. When he discovered everything to be satisfactory, he stretched and yawned. "How long until I can go?" he asked.

"You've been cleared to leave already," the nurse said, lifting the data sheets at the foot of the bed. "Will you be leaving then?"

Toji thought about it for a moment. He certainly didn't want to remain lying in bed, especially in the gowns they put you in. "I might as well," he said, turning so that his legs hung over the side of the bed. He jumped down to his feet and looked around the room for his clothes. "Um…"

"Your clothes haven't been brought in, I'm afraid," the nurse said.

"That's okay," Toji said. "I can go get them myself." He made his way to the door, but was stopped by the nurse as he opened.

"If you'll be leaving, you'll have to fill out the release forms," she said, trying to sound as nice as possible.

Toji groaned at hearing what she said. "Okay…" he mumbled.

- x -

"Asuka," Ritsuko spoke into the intercom. "Try to concentrate."

"I'm trying," Asuka replied, sounding distressed.

Ritsuko turned from the intercom and looked at Maya. "Is there any change?"

"No, ma'am," Maya reported. "Her sync ratio still isn't high enough to successfully activate the Eva."

Ritsuko hissed. She looked at the graph as it fed the data onto the screen. "8.6%..." she said flatly. "I don't get it…" Ritsuko looked at the internal monitor that showed Asuka within the plug. She had a tense look on her face like she was trying to fight away some sort of pain. "Just relax and do it like you used to," Ritsuko ordered.

"I'm trying!" Asuka shouted. "This stupid thing won't work!"

"Asuka, stop making excuses and concentrate," Ritsuko said coldly. She turned off the intercom and watched the graphs. The bars had moved up slightly, fluctuating at 9.3%. Ritsuko squinted and sighed in defeat.

"What happens now?" Misato asked. She didn't know what would happen to Asuka if she couldn't activate the Eva.

"I'm not sure," Ritsuko answered, writing some notes on her board as she did so. "If situations were different, we'd terminate her status as a pilot and find a replacement."

"If situations were different?" Misato wondered.

"You saw for yourself," Ritsuko told her. "Unit-02 won't accept another pilot."

"Just like Unit-01…" Misato added, looking over to the Eva in the testing chamber. "But… when Unit-01 became that way, it took Shinji into itself and achieved perfect synchronization. This is nothing like that."

"I wish I could give you an explanation, but I can't," Ritsuko said. She looked over to Misato and became hauntingly serious. "You've read the reports. Unit-01 is a special case."

Misato thought back to the reports she was given while Shinji was still inside of Unit-01. Because of the situation, she was given access to highly classified files that regarded the first incident with Unit-01; files that told her about Shinji's mother's accident. "I suppose you're right," she admitted.

"That's enough for today, Asuka," Ritsuko said into the intercom. "We'll try again tomorrow."

"No, I almost have it!" Asuka protested. "Just five more minutes! It'll happen!"

"Asuka," Ritsuko said with authority. "This activation test is over." She turned off the intercom and looked over to Maya. "Start the shutdown sequence."

"Roger," Maya replied. "Discharging LCL."

"Damn it!" Asuka cursed as the LCL went through the shut down cycle. She was certain she could have done it. She just needed more time. Why can't I do it? Asuka wondered as the LCL began to drain from the plug. I approached it just like I used to!

Asuka bent over in the pilot chair as the plug was removed from Unit-02's back. I'm worthless! She began to chant mentally. If I can't pilot… I'm worthless!

The airlock of the entry plug dispersed its pressure seal and began to open slowly, revealing the white lighting of the test chamber. Asuka hid her eyes from the piercing light and continued to sink into her mental self pity. Worthless! I'm worthless!

Asuka looked up through the open plug at the control chamber above. She could see Ritsuko speaking with Maya about something while Misato looked on sadly. Worthless! The words seemed to echo now, leaving behind a heavy feeling of despair on Asuka's shoulders. I'm worthless!

Misato turned around to look at Asuka. She looked troubled again, but quickly smiled with a thumbs-up gesture when she noticed Asuka staring at her with a mixed expression. Asuka looked away as she got out of the entry plug and onto the lift that had extended from the wall. If I can't pilot Eva… I'm worthless!

The lift carried Asuka over to a door next to the large windows of the control chamber. She heard a hiss as the door's air seal was released and a swish as it opened. Asuka was beginning to tremble with anger as she stepped into the control room. Her hands were balled into fists that shook at her sides while she fought back tears with clenched teeth.

Misato watched this display from Asuka, knowing what must have been going through the girl's mind. It was the same as before her coma. Asuka's pride was damaged and she was slipping into depression. "Um… about Shinji…" Misato started, wanting to get Asuka's mind off of the failed test, but also wanting to avoid a complete outburst.

"That idiot isn't here, is he!" Asuka cursed through her teeth. All recollection of the day's events with him had been replaced with a single mental loop. If I can't pilot the Eva… I'm worthless! Asuka growled quietly as she walked forward to leave the control room and make her way to the locker room.

"Just you wait… When I get my hands on him I'll… I'll!" Asuka couldn't finish her sentence. She started to flinch and spasm with hands clenched in a position to strangle something. "I'll!" Asuka repeated, completely blinded by her anger.

"Shinji's… in the hospital…" Misato said. She watched for Asuka's reaction, wondering if she had even heard her.

Asuka froze in place, arms slowly dropping to her sides and eyes becoming blank. "In… the… hospital?" she asked slowly.

"Yeah…" Misato confirmed sadly. "There was a… difficulty during the sync tests today."

Asuka dropped her head to her shoulders and stared at the grey floor just before the door that led outside. She suddenly remembered through her prison of despair how Shinji had always been there for her. "I have to go," she said, exiting the room as quickly as she could without running.

"Asuka…" Misato called to the closed door. She didn't know what could be going on in the girl's mind now. "I'd better go check on Shinji," she said, turning to leave.

"Don't worry, Misato," Ritsuko said without turning from the main monitor. "Asuka will get another chance."

"Another chance…" Misato repeated sadly. Another chance…

- x -

Toji was sitting beside Shinji's still sleeping form in room 309 of the psych wing. He had decided to wait for his friend to wake up from his slumber before leaving. He looked over at the clock on the wall and noticed he had been there for nearly half an hour. Shinji sure can sleep a long time… He began to think to himself.

The door to the room suddenly flew open with Asuka flying through it screaming. "Shinji!" she shouted, nearly throwing Toji out of his seat with her sudden arrival.

"Gah!" Toji yelped and covered his ears as he twisted in his chair to regain his balance. When he felt the all of the legs of the chair touching the ground again, he lowered his hands and looked over at Asuka. "Geez," he whined. "There's no need to yell."

Asuka didn't seem to notice that Toji was present. She was standing at Shinji's bedside, looking at his serene face. "Shinji…" she touched his cheek with her hand, feeling an awkward feeling through her entire body. It was a need for something.

Asuka began to sniffle as the feeling spread, making her body ache. Asuka's legs lost their strength, bringing her to her knees. She held herself up by resting her elbows on Shinji's bed, starting to heave as the need increased.

"Uh… Asuka?" Toji asked, starting to worry for her. He didn't get along with Asuka most of the time, but he still knew when someone needed release. "Are you okay?"

Asuka continued to ignore Toji, tears running down her face. "I couldn't do it," she mumbled through her short breaths. She dropped her head next to Shinji and began to sob out loud. Her shoulders twitched with every coughed breath and sniffled tear. "I couldn't do it, Shinji. I couldn't pilot the Eva."

Shinji remained unmoving, breathing quietly through his barely open mouth. His unconscious face looked at peace.

Toji had gotten up from his seat at seeing Asuka's break down. He wanted to do something, but what? He didn't any experience with this sort of thing, but he could just stand around and watch. Think, Toji, think! What would Shinji do? Probably say "sorry," bad example. Toji frowned as one option was thrown out the window. Kensuke? He'd film this for blackmail material… How did I become friends with that guy anyways? Toji's shoulders slumped. He had run through his list of close friends.

Asuka continued to cry, sounding like a girl that had just lost everything. "I'm worthless!" she managed to say in between sobs. Asuka started to breathe deeply to try to subdue her crying, but only managed to stop momentarily. Her control soon broke, reducing her to nothing but tears again. There were no more words, only tears.

Shinji slowly opened his eyes as he woke up. He heard the sound of someone crying to his left and looked over with tired eyes. Shinji saw Toji standing there, but he wasn't crying. Toji had a worried look on his face, but not a sad one. It was more like the face of someone at a loss at what to do. Shinji also noticed some locks of red hair in the corner of his eye. Sitting up slightly, Shinji saw that Asuka was the one he heard crying. "Asuka?" Shinji asked.

Asuka rubbed her face into the bedding as she tried once more to halt her tears. She lifted her head slightly, revealing a wet spot where she had been crying and ran a hand over her eyes to wipe some stray tears. "Shinji… I couldn't do it," she said sadly, nearly breaking down again at having to say it.

Shinji looked upon Asuka with concerned eyes. He moved his hand over hers and squeezed it gently, not sure if it was really welcome. "Couldn't do what, Asuka?"

"Pilot the Eva…" She said, almost whispering. Asuka got back onto her feet and leaned over Shinji's bed so that she could look him in the face. "I'm worthless…" she said, tears starting to breach her eyes again.

"Asuka…" Shinji called her to him and gently pressed her hand again. Part of him didn't want to be there, to be her emotional crutch, but the greater whole wanted to be there for her. He remembered the last time he was faced with this situation. It was when Misato received a message after Kaji's death. Shinji didn't do anything then. He couldn't do anything, but not this time. Shinji wouldn't run away this time. "You're not worthless," he said, wrapping an arm around Asuka's shoulders.

Asuka closed her eyes and fell onto Shinji's lap. Her hands dug into his right thigh as she tried to get some sort of grip on herself. Asuka didn't say anything the rest of their time there. All she did was accept Shinji's comfort and let herself go for once.

To be continued…

Okay, I know this one took forever to be released; two months. School started and I didn't have time to write for a while and when I finally did, I had writer's block. But now it's all good… yeah… By now, you've probably noticed that the chapters are being presented in episode format. I know this makes things seem long, but that's how I've chosen to write this fanfic. Any comments can be sent to .

Updated 4/19/2011: Reformatted for easier reading.