It took me forever to get here, but I finally made it. Thanks for supporting all my stories, even these totally cracked out parodies...lol Sometimes I wonder what I'm on, seriously. No better proof than this below!

Any who, this next one was influenced by the movie "The English Patient". I was watching it at 1 am, and it got me thinking about love triangles...lol So I decided to write my own using game characters. You'll notice some author comments, so bare in mind how late it was...lol I couldn't help myself!

This was the first skit I ever did for a blog and it is my favorite of them all. It's the first time Kirie appeared in a skit of mine, and it triggered the ones to come (two previous skits). This one not only involves Dante, but Leon Kennedy (who I've hinted at in the two previous skits). He obviously gets a much bigger part this time around. As well as a small silent cameo from Gerard Butler...lmao!

Please note Leon Kennedy is extremely OOC and is so for parody purposes only. I'm a huge Resident Evil fan, and Leon comes a close second to Dante in my book...lol So don't think I'm hating on him, he's just here to spice things up! Enjoy!

Another Damned Triangle

Act One

Kirie and Leon are alone in some God awful tent in the middle of a desert for no real apparent reason other than Leon really needs to go back to being a rookie cop, and stop thinking the government has anything else better for him to do now that he has rescued the president's daughter. (Actually, he tossed her off the ski-doo shortly after the game ended for propositioning him..lmao)

"It was only another two miles, I should have had more patience." Leon sighs.

"I know, I know, but at least now we can spend more time together!" Kirie replies so totally happy in love with her brave ex-RCPD member.

"They might take me out on assignment again, I've been hearing things..."

"The voices in your head don't count darling..." Kirie says gently.

"Oh..."

"Let's not think on it now, instead let's make out in the way married people do because we've been married for so many years now and have grown so comfortable with one another that nothing really surprises us in the bedroom anymore."

"Ok!" Leon replies happily as he makes out with Kirie in a very dull manor. In fact the love scene is so dull, we'll skip to the next day (they always do in these cases!)

Next Day

"Darling! I've been given a new assignment!" Leon says happily as he skips in.

"I told you about the voices..."

"No, seriously this time! The President is sending me to hell to locate Osama Bin Laden!"

"But you haven't heard the best part yet! I have a partner!!" Leon says as he does a jig.

"A partner? Leon, you know you don't play well with others, I mean, remember Ashley?"

"I think I can hold my own..." a strange voice calls from seemingly nowhere. Except it would have to be from somewhere, or else this story would make no sense. Well, technically it doesn't anyway, so in theory I should just shut up and let the others do the talking for me.

"Thank you," the stranger says to the omnipotent author.

"You're welcome," responds said omnipotent author.

Leon and Kirie turn as a man appears in the flap of the tent. Tall, decked in red leather, silvery white hair, and piercing blue eyes appear out of the darkness. Despite the lack of wind inside the tent his hair is tousled in a sexy way as is his uber heavy leather trench.

Kirie ogles him.

Leon Jigs again.

Stranger growls.

Kirie wets herself.

"Dante I presume?" Leon asks cheerfully.

"Yeah, you'll do fine." Dante says as he tosses Leon his jacket. "Sooo, you must be Mrs. Dante..." He says seductively as he eyes Kirie up and down. Kirie melts into a puddle at his feet. (clean up on isle 7!)

"So, what are we doing and how soon can we leave?" Leon says completely oblivious.

"Whenever, is she coming too?" Dante says totally ogling Mrs. Kennedy.

"My wife? To hell? Sure, why not! Maybe we can all be separated in some coincidental way leaving you two alone and me once again completely oblivious..." Leon replies.

"Ohhhh yeaaahh.." Dante growls as sexy music plays. -bow chika bow bow- (Don't laugh at my sexy music!)

Act Two
(ahhhh almost 2 am!!)

So our threesome (sickos!) depart to hell in some long montage somehow detailing how they manage to do this (because it's 2 am and reality flew out the minute I began writing this). Dante keeps ogling Kirie, Kirie keeps playing the coy faithful wife all while allowing Dante to ogle her goodies at every turn without rebuking him, and poor Leon remains oblivious. So happy he finally has a job, and such an upright partner.

"You're cool" Leon chuckles at Dante, looking at him as if he were a fan girl.

"You really need a day job..." Dante replies with a raised eyebrow.

Kirie sits looking out the window of their hell hotel at all the torment and darkness with a serene and dramatic look on her face. Trying desperately to not notice the 8 foot Adonis still ogling her from across the room in plain view of her hubby.

"Anyone up for the 20 questions... I spy with my lil eye..." Leon says looking everywhere but at the obvious.

Dante walks over to Kirie and tries to start up a conversation, but figures eyes speak louder than words, and, you know, touching and stuff.

"I'm married you know" Kirie says coyly.

"Well duh... Think I'd be this interested if you weren't. I'm a free spirit, and your coy pulling awayness is just making me want you more!" Dante says with a rakish smile.

"Oh Dante, you confuse me so! You blatantly act like an ass in front of my hubby to get my attention, but in private you're so sweet. Like when you carved a smiley into that bone you found in the desert with your enormous knife... Oh..." Kirie says dramatically throwing the back of her hand against her forehead.

"Uhh, yeah, found...heh" Dante replies nervously.

"The red lips were a nice touch, and it did smell god awful, but oh! I'm so confused!" Kirie manages before running off to her room like a sissy.

"Well, do you think something is the matter?" Leon asks, yet again, oblivious. Dante only shrugs.

Then some dude enters the room.

"Sir, we think we've located Osama." says some dude.

"Oh skippy! I had better go, Dante will you look after Kirie for a while? I may be gone a few days, even an entire month and I hate to leave her alone. I trust you're the best person to take care of my wife!" Leon says cheerfully.

"... :0)" Emotes Dante.

"It's settled then! Off I go! Please let Kirie know." With that Leon leaves with no hesitations.

Dante grins...

Kirie dramatizes in her room.

So, many many many opportunities arise for our two lovers to get freakay, but Kirie is still being a dutiful and faithful wife which kills the mood each time. Not to mention Dante is considering blue as his new favorite color -ahem-

She avoids him, he tracks her down like some predatory beast and the sexual tension goes through the roof. Then, like a moron Kirie decides to go visit Dante...in his room...at night...wearing practically nothing...the kind of nightwear even her husband would disapprove of (and considering how oblivious he is this is saying quite a bit).

Dante's room is red and sexy... Dante's fireplace is roaring... Kirie's nightie appears to be collapsible.

So our two young lovers get their groove on in some majorly passionate and over dramatized way. Kirie passes out several times due to shortness of breath and by the time it's over both of them have advanced forms of brain damage.

Act 3

So, the marathon continues between what's right and wrong and all that jazz. Dante pretty much uses her for his own sexual gratification and she doesn't seem to mind one bit.

"Do you love me?" Kirie asks after one such brain damaging love fest.

"...ZZZZzzzzzZZZzzz" Dante replies.

"We could elope! It would be sooo romantic!" Kirie squeals.

"ZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZZ"

"Our life together will be so great"

"ZzzzzzZZZzzzZZ" Dante snores and then rolls over for a change of pace.

After a while Leon finally returns from his assignment.

"Wow, you smell like Dante! You two must be best friends by now!" Leon exclaims.

"Darling, there's something I must tell you..." Kirie says nervously biting her lip and looking at Dante.

"?" Leon emotes.

"Well, Dante and I have been sleeping together..." she offers gently.

"...and?" Leon asks.

"We've been having sex!" She blurts out.

"So you're trying to tell me...?"

"You know, sex? Making love, knockin boots?"

Kirie draws him a diagram. Leon only scratches his head, so Kirie tries hand puppets to no avail as Leon gives her a slow look. She finally throws her hands up in the air and starts making out with Dante. It takes him a minute but...

"Wait! So you're trying to tell me that this whole time you two have been practicing mouth to mouth?! Well, at least you know it! Better safe than sorry!" He finally says, so proud he's figured it all out.

"We're in LOVE you moron! We're going to get married and there's nothing you can do to stop us!" Kirie shouts at him.

"Whhhoooaaa, hold on there... I never said I'd marry you." Dante interjects.

"Whaaa?! What about last night!" Kirie exclaims.

"It doesn't count during," he whispers to her.

"Oh...," she says crestfallen.

"Well! You're my wife! I won't have it! We're going home as soon as possible!" Leon finally says standing up for himself! You go boy!

"Wait, you still want her?" Dante asks surprised.

"Of course! She's my beloved!" Leon replies loyally.

"Come away with me my love!" Dante says turning towards Kirie and opening his arms to her.

"Hey, you stop that! I challenge you!" Leon hisses as he pulls out a dueling sword.

Leon and Dante fight in a highly choreographed and stylized way that is too out of budget for me to actually write in more detail. Just simply picture any scene from the Resident Evil series or Devil May Cry and come back when you've had your fill. Go on, I can wait... Although I will apologize in advance if any dialogue from RE1, or DMC1 happen to come to mind. Blame Capcom, you'll feel better.

"We're fighting over here!"

Kirie sighs to herself and wonders What the hell am I doing? before whistling to get both of their attentions. The two stop mid fight.

"Guys, guys... Leon, you're a good man, but you're a lil too moronic for me. Dante, you're fine as hell, but your idea of a relationship really sucks when we're not, you know, going at each other. Neither one of you can make me happy..." Kirie says truthfully as the both stare at her in astonishment.

Out of nowhere a motorcycle appears with a helmet wearing rider in all black leather. Kirie's collapsible dress does its thing to reveal a dominatrix outfit complete with stilettos.

"I need a real man." Kirie says as she takes off the biker's helmet.

-Add in one sexy Gerard Butler Pic that can't be put here because Fanfiction net doesn't support it, therefore making it evil in the eyes of said omnipotent author-

"Come on Gerry, let's go..." Kirie says as she gets on the bike. The two ride off into the sunset.

"I can't believe she left me! I mean ME! C'mon!" Dante says outraged.

"I know! And I'm pregnant with her child!" Leon cries attempting to put his head on Dante's shoulder.

"Duuuddeee, that's fucked up!"

Believe it or not, there may be a part 4! Inspired by this very website... We'll see!