This chapter hasn't been beta-ed, sorry for the mistakes you may find.:S
Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl original characters and plot, no copyright infringement is intended.
RECAP OF THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER: Chuck and and Blair are celebrating their third anniversary; the dinner's a success, Blair's given Chuck many bottles of the best scotch and in return he's given her his mother's wedding earrings to her utter disappointment.
February 4th 2012, Van der Woodsen-Bass suite.
To Blair's greatest disappointment, Chuck didn't react. Well, technically he did: he sighed. He sighed! She expected him to petrify before her eyes or look hollow and far away or yell at her or even laugh! Anything but an insignificant sigh! She was talking about marriage for the Lord's love! It was an important issue for them, he should, he had to react! She felt a lump in her throat. Was she that meaningless to him? Had she planned their whole future on false hopes? She felt tears springing to her eyes again, but she couldn't tell if it was tears of sadness or rage. Despite her blurred vision, she saw him closing his eyes and holding his hands in front of him, as if he wanted to protect himself or calm her down. He took a loud and deep breathe.
« Look Blair, I know that... » he began.
« What Chuck? What do you know? » she asked coldly, irritated by his composure.
« I know that you wanted an engagement ring and I... » he began again, trying to get a word in.
« If you knew, why didn't you give me one, uh? » she cut in angrily.
« Please, listen to me before drawing a hasty conclusion! » he pleaded, losing his cool a little bit.
« Why would I listen to you whereas you obviously didn't listen to me? Unlike you I don't have double standards!» she hissed.
« I do not have double standards Blair, you perfectly know it! Let's just not get carried away by... » he growled.
« "not get carried away"? Do you foresee our future in the short term? For God's sake, it has been three years we are dating each other, three years of happiness despite our showdowns! We are twenty one, in one year and a half we will graduate. It is time to plan our future! » she snapped.
He sighed again, loudly this time, and tried to explain to himself. But she wouldn't let him say whatever he had to say. As soon as he opened his mouth to speak, she continued hastily.
« Look Chuck, you and I both know how our world works. We are raised by our governess, we attend the best private schools, the most prestigious Ivies and then it's time to dive into the big pool. It's time to settle, start family and perpetuate the familial traditions. We have to work hard to earn more money than our parents, to raise our children the same way we have been raised, to travel all over the world in luxurious resorts, to attend to elite's galas… This is our soon-to-be life. All we need is finding the right person who will accompany us in this adventure. And we know that it can only be a person from the same background who will understand the other's desires and concerns » she paused a while to let him assimilate her speech.
Then she went on, « I know I have already found this man. It's you Chuck. You and only you. I also know that you dread commitment, because you spent almost all your life in debauchery, womanizing, boozing, not thinking about the day after… But I love you! All I want is making us official because we know we will end up together ».
She looked at him with great hope. He seemed thoughtful, looking for his words. The lump of anger and frustration forming in her chest immediately disappeared. He was finally about to agree with her that it was time to think about marriage!
« Blair, I want you to listen to me carefully until I finish. What I have to say is really important, but I have first to explain to you why I want that. I think that we should take it slow with the marriage. We are still young and we only see each other during the weekends. We have a stormy relationship as you said it yourself, because we are unstable, stubborn and go-getter. If you marry me tomorrow, within a year we will have signed divorce's papers at least twice and reconciled as much! » he explained calmly.
Blair stared at him with wide eyes, completely dumbfounded. Chuck was rejecting the idea of marrying her whereas he knew that it was the only thing she wanted from him! Did this mean that he was rejecting her? She felt suddenly very weak. How could he do this to her after all they had been through together? She had fought for him, be there while he needed support and comfort. Why couldn't he do the same for her? She had the very unpleasant sensation of sweat forming in beads on her skin, whereas she felt desperately cold inside. She shivered but held her chin high. He grinned a crooked smile that she misunderstood.
The asshole was gloating. He was enjoying himself whereas she was hurt. Truly hurt. She had been dreaming of this moment from the instant he had asked her to accompany him to Tuscany. And despite the hard time they had given each other after that uneventful summer, she had never given up. Especially when they had gotten together. But now she wanted her dream to come true, while he was obviously still playing one of his sick games. She saw his hand slipping in his pocket. Just like that. So casually. It infuriated her as much as something could possibly trigger fury in someone. Her blood was boiling in her veins, but no more from desire. Only from anger.
« But I thought of ... » he began triumphantly.
« But what Chuck? What did you think about that is so brilliant that you want to tell me after such a confession? Because I'm sorry if I can't be delighted as you obviously are, but I actually have a heart and I just realized how much of a fool I am! » she yelled at him, interrupting him.
« I thought that you had grown up a little and would change for me, as I changed for you. But you won't do that, will you? You're still a selfish, self-absorbed kid, aren't you? » she asked bitterly.
« Oh you think you have changed for me? C'mon Blair! We both know that I was the one who changed to make it work between us. It did until you talked about marriage! We are perfectly happy this way now, I can't see why you need to screw up everything we have because I just can't get a word in edgeways with you! » he shouted, hating to be cut in every time he was about to talk seriously about their future.
« Oh you don't have to worry about me not listening to you, because we share nothing, here and now » she spat furiously.
It took a few seconds to Chuck to realize that Blair was not in front of him anymore, still bewildered by her reaction. He turned round to see her heading towards the sofa where they were sitting the moment before their argument. He was completely lost, he needed to understand how they had come to such a conversation. He had been about to give her the second gift he had gotten her several times, and it would have almost been what she wanted. She would have calmed down and been happy in the end, if only she hadn't interrupted him every single time he had tried to speak!
« What do you mean by "we share nothing"? » he asked irritated.
« I think you speak English well enough to figure it out » she retaliated.
She was now taking off the earrings he had just offered her and replacing them into their velvet box. He could not believe what was happening, it seemed unreal.
« What the hell are you doing Blair? »he questioned, exasperated. Damn it, this girl was driving him insane!
« I am returning your mother's earrings Chuck. They are beautiful, I have already said so. But I think you should give them to the woman who will share your life, not to some random girl you are toying with! » she answered angrily.
« Stop it, you know you're not some random toy girl! » He was fed up with her tantrum, why did she have to ruin their anniversary?
« ENOUGH! » she shrieked.
« I have perfectly heard and understood what you said, I don't need or want to listen to you anymore »
She made for the table and looked for her belongings. Chuck was pissed off, she was making a scene again. He was so used to her whims that he was underestimating the seriousness of their argument.
« Seriously Blair, what do you think you're doing? You leave me here all alone, go back to your home, then Yale, you will not answer my calls next week to make me feel guilty and come to apologize? And then you'll finally be reasonable again and will listen to me? » he smirked.
He knew Blair better than anyone else, what he had just described would happen, things always ended up this way. But when Blair turned to look at him scornfully, he understood he had talked too fast, this time was an exception to the rule.
« Actually I won't. I am done with you, it's over » she said as she took her purse and dashed off towards the elevators.
« Wait! » He grabbed her arm. She turned her face to answer but he could only see tears filling her eyes.
« Let me go Chuck! You still don't understand! I wanted to be the one for you. I was ready to try my hardest to make things work, but you are not. Not enough grown up. Now just let me go»
« Look Blair, I was going to suggest a compromise » he claimed.
« Unless you are ready to propose, I have nothing to do with you. I am not going to waste my time with someone not willing to make concessions for me. I need a husband, not a compromise » she barked.
« So this is how you hope you will convince me? Using blackmail? If I refuse to ask you to marry me you will leave me? Fuck it Blair! You think you can boss me around as if I was your little dog? I have fulfilled your desires, always done things the way you wanted, made my best to act as the perfect boyfriend…You are the selfish temperamental spoiled little girl! Shit! » he shouted, furious as ever.
« How the hell do you dare to make you out to be a victim? You are an ass! I am more involved in our relationship than you are, I always make things easier for you and always forgive your behavior! You don't deserve me Chuck! » she screamed.
« Goddamn! Stop getting on your high horse! You are too interested in yourself to consider more than two seconds my desires. You keep asking for too much from me, but never do something worth it in return. A Blair-centered relationship is a suffocating trap where you like locking people in! No wonder why any guy you went out with let you down in the end! » he snarled bitterly.
Blair's face successively read anger, pain, disappointment and disgust. Chuck knew he had crossed the line. She broke free from his hand and articulated with difficulty, her voice quavering in fury, « I-DO-NOT-WANT-TO-SEE-YOU-AGAIN, NEVER! »
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Chuck thought he was going to die. He could no longer feel neither his limbs nor his heart beating. Just his ears buzzing loudly. He saw her running to the elevators and the sound of the doors closing dealt him a blow. The floor was giving way beneath his feet, snapping up his legs. He clung on to the bar so as not to collapse on the floor. He had a rush of blood to the head. His temples were hurting him as well as his vision became indistinct, the dizziness seizing him. He tried to breath deeply and waited.
When he felt less dizzy, it was the turn of rage to spread through his body. An uncontrollable fury which burnt him inside. He loved Blair but she had gone too far. She had been so stubborn that she hadn't listen to him. She hadn't listen to his proposition that she would have loved. She had just missed the occasion of moving in with him. At that very moment he loathed Blair Waldorf, loathed the power she had on him. How the hell could she hurt him that much? How the hell could she think she was just a prop he used for fun? That was fuckingly unfair.
He could not restrain his pain, he shouted a loud and desperate cry, the kind of cry that makes you shiver for days. Anyone who would have seen him in this state would have thought that he was enraged, and actually he kind of was. He turned the table of their dinner upside down and threw it at the wall. The sound of the crockery crashing did not calm him down, he felt the need of releasing his tension against other objects. He reached for the small key in his pocket and threw it at the wall.
« Stupid fucking damn key!» he shrieked.
He then took one bottle of the scotch Blair had offered him and sank into the sofa. He only wanted to forget. To forget Blair, to forget the awesome night that had turned into a nightmare, to forget the pain. So he drank, he drank away his frustration till he fell asleep because of his booze, his pain, the exhaustion.
As soon as the doors of the elevators closed, Blair collapsed on the floor and burst out sobbing. She was feeling so miserable, angry and hurt in the mean time, she had never thought it was possible to be suffering as much as she was right now. The aching pain in her stomach was assailing her whole body. Her viscera were wringing in her abdomen, nauseating her and piercing her right through. She felt like she had been stabbed by some unhinged guy, whereas it was the break-up with her now former-hoped-husband-to-be that hurt her so much.
When the doors opened in the hall, Blair was hardly able to get up. But as she saw the receptionists looking at her weirdly, her pride got her over it. She wiped her tears with the back of her hand, took a deep breathe and walked through the huge hall at an assertive pace. Every step she took was an ordeal. She wondered why she had not already fallen, and when she finally got into a cab she had no idea how she had made it. She only knew that she was crying again because of the wetness on her cheeks and her eyes stinging.
After a journey that had seemed to last an eternity, she found herself in her apartment. She was too weak to do anything but sob, so she only took off her shoes and went to bed fully dressed with her make-up still on. That was something she was usually extremely unlikely to do, but tonight she did not pay attention. She cried her eyes out all night, feeling completely at loss and hollow, as if someone had stolen her soul. It was early in the morning when she fell asleep, exhausted as never.
A/N: Hope you liked the chapter even if they broke up. Blair and Chuck being Blair and Chuck, they can only be hurtful when they have an intense quarrel! Thanks everyone for the reviews, I liked them!