CHAPTER ONE(B)
Starting Today, You are an Intern!
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Kaoru had stayed longer than he had intended, and it is well after school time when he calls for his car, the upside being that his unusual location does not immediately lead to an inference of truancy.
He knows that Honey is expecting him to go to Kyouya's house. The thought makes his stomach twist with dread. He supposes that a lifetime of strict discipline in the martial arts has led to a form of straightforwardness in both Honey and Mori – he has never known them to put off what needs to be done, and they invariably prefer to tackle problems without delay.
Kaoru has had a lifetime of discipline in the creative arts, thriving on the capricious nature of inspiration and the soaring flights of imagination. He and Kyouya are 'wait-and-watchers', accustomed to a great deal of work behind the scenes in preparation for one shining moment of triumph.
As things go, the driver is directed to make for the Ootori mansion because Kaoru's instincts are to blame for his current regrettable predicament. He thinks it only fair that he embrace Honey and Mori's way of life at this critical juncture.
It is remarkable how much the journey feels like one to the gallows.
He hugs his knees and pillows his head in his arms, wrapping himself in a smell that is clean and fresh – it is familiar to him though he is not usually in such intimate proximity with it. Mori's simple sunshine yellow cardigan is exemplary of understated luxury. Kaoru runs his hand over the smooth, light Egyptian cotton; the fibres are so close together as to be indistinguishable to the eye. It is everything Mori is: soft and comforting, durable and strong. Only the surprising choice of colour seems incongruent, but it reflects a great deal of summer spirit and besides, Mori carried it off splendidly.
Kaoru loves the feel of fabric against his bare skin. The use of textures to evoke the senses was their first lesson from their mother. Even touching Hikaru is like caressing a superior cloth, one whose silky feel makes his hands crave contact, makes his hands refuse to pull away. When they were younger, there were many times when Hikaru found it difficult to sleep. They would face each other in bed, and Kaoru would glide his fingers over Hikaru's arm – over and over and over again – until his twin's breathing slowed with sleep.
Their second lesson was colour, third was cut, fourth was shape... In an industry such as this, the lessons will never end but the basics will always remain true.
This feel, this smell, this quintessential Mori-ness – it is devastatingly easy to get used to. It has a calming effect that anchors him despite his building anxiety.
Kaoru must think! What will he say to Kyouya in mitigation? How will he know if he is using the right words?
As he mulls upon what his senpais have said, he becomes fairly convinced that they had endeavoured to equip him with the necessary insights to engage Kyouya. He wonders if Honey was implying that Kyouya has the heart of a protector like Mori.
The car plunges into severe shadows cast by the late afternoon sun as it pulls up in front of the extremely minimalistic house. 'House' is the appropriate word for a residence so bereft of warmth. It reflects the personalities of its members within, just like the rest of the host club members have houses that stand testament to their heritage – Kaoru's own home is flamboyant and opulent, Tamaki's home is aristocratic and ornate, Honey's home is noble and welcoming, Mori's home is traditional and dignified, and Haruhi's home is just… uh, neat and plebeian.
When he knocks, it is Team Kyouya that opens the door instead of the regular household staff. This perplexes him, especially since he gets the impression that there are fewer servants about than usual despite the fact that Ootori servants always keep themselves out of sight, unnoticeable until such time as they are needed. It's all very shady in this household.
He inquires about this to procrastinate his meeting with Kyouya, and is privately informed that all the servants have conspired to adjust their shifts to allow everyone half a day off. These canny servants are exploiting the fact that Ootori-sama is on an overseas trip, knowing that their Kyouya-sama will turn a blind eye and their Akito-sama will probably be too occupied with work.
Sneakiness seems to run in his household; there must be something in the water. Kaoru is trying valiantly to contain his laughter, and he needs to get out of Hotta's presence before it explodes out of him.
"Hotta," Kaoru says in a strained voice, "I can handle it from here."
Without waiting for Hotta to react, he darts down the corridor and turns the corner, his shoulders beginning to shake involuntarily with repressed laughter.
It is good that he managed to ditch his assigned escort, because his courage fails him when he arrives at Kyouya's door. A trench is being steadily gouged into the floor by his pacing. Numerous speeches are composed and discarded in his head.
He hears muffled speech growing louder and clearer. Could it be that Kyouya is not in his room? Kaoru turns over to ascertain the source of the voice – there is a figure stalking down the hallway towards him while talking on a phone.
It is Akito! Kaoru grasps the handle to the nearest door and scampers in to hide as stealthily as possible, pressing his ear against said door to listen for Akito's movements.
Footsteps fade off into the distance. Kaoru slides to the floor and scrunches up in relief. He would not like to be interrogated by Akito when his mind already resembles scrambled eggs. There would be a very real danger of him doing something that would infuriate Kyouya further, like... barging into his room without permission.
Kaoru would have screamed but for his throat locking up in unadulterated horror. Thank heavens for small mercies. Small mercies like having had the fortune to enter the room silently, having Kyouya be on the upper floor, having substantial background noise.
"Kyouyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" whines a supremely annoying voice. "You've been at your laptop since you've been home! Didn't you agree to let me help?"
"How else do you imagine the preparations for this Friday's host club are going to be made? You were causing more problems than you were solving," a cool voice retorts rather huffily. "I'll have to organise the whole event with less than half the amount of time I usually have."
The concealed little ball that is Kaoru twitches in response.
A vexed expulsion of breath. "I should have gone to sleep last night."
Tamaki laughs. "That'll teach you, Okaasan. If sleep is so important to you, why don't you go to bed earlier instead? Your skin rejuvenates itself during sleep!"
Kaoru listens in stunned disbelief. The Low Blood Pressure Evil Lord that had moved at an unearthly speed this morning had not slept at all? The awesome power of his fury! The more Kaoru discovers about Kyouya's habits, the more he feels blessed to be alive.
"Because my priorities are: work first, sleep second, then everything else including vanity," comes the dry reply.
"How can beauty be ranked so lowly when you are a host?" screeches Tamaki, appalled.
Kyouya does not dignify the question with an acknowledgement. Tap tap tap.
Kaoru predicts that Tamaki will raise his voice after a period of being ignored. He tenses up in readiness to hotfoot it out of the Shadow King's lair as soon as Tamaki smashes the tranquillity in the room.
Tap tap tap.
Tap tap tap.
Kaoru squirms at the protracted silence. Say something, Tono!
"Nekozawa-senpai called me this morning to say that a high school student was running madly through their university," Tamaki states abruptly.
Kaoru topples over in shock. Luckily, he is nimble enough not to make noise.
"I'm glad to hear that you've overcome your irrational fear of him. Absence has indeed made your heart fonder." Kyouya does not even miss a beat.
"Kyouya."
The rapid tapping ceases.
There is a peculiar atmosphere in the room, one that Kaoru has never encountered before. Kaoru wishes he can see what is going on.
"I'm really relieved that somebody cared enough about the host club to bother doing something about it, Okaasan. I was thinking about Haruhi so much over the past few days, I think I neglected everyone else. Aren't you relieved too?"
Kyouya makes a non-committal humming sound and resumes typing. That mysterious moment had come and gone in a flash.
Kaoru must subconsciously have a death wish because he begins to crawl surreptitiously towards the staircase, fuelled by insatiable curiosity and a conviction that whatever is going on is worth investigating. His escape plans lie entirely abandoned.
"I thought you would be the one to do it."
Dead silence.
Kaoru freezes in an awkward position and holds his breath.
"Well," – papers are rustled – "all members have a vested interest in being part of an extracurricular club, which entitles them to take action to have it restored. I don't see why it has to be me."
This guy... Kaoru can hardly believe his cheek. Why was he so angry then?
"Why were you so angry at Kaoru then?"
Kaoru cheers mentally. Go Tono!
"It was irresponsible of him to make those decisions without proper accounting," Kyouya replies smoothly. That voice can gloss over all manner of sins.
"Really, Kyouya? Wasn't it because Kaoru was right about you?"
Tamaki sounds utterly unrecognisable. Kaoru falters, remembering the embrace he received earlier in the day. Right about Kyouya-senpai? Right about what? Wasn't my guess thoroughly offensive?
Kaoru reaches the foot of the stairs. Now to ascend them – the great advantage of an extended childhood is the gaining of heightened agility, mobility and flexibility through frequent play. Hikaru and Kaoru's childhoods are still well underway, actually.
"Right about me visiting vengeance upon him? How correct he is."
Kaoru nearly loses his grip. Oh, what a malicious jerk.
He is approaching the top of the flight of stairs. Here he faces the most perilous part of his adventure: he must inch his head upwards so that it will be sufficiently raised to catch a glimpse of the two boys, but not so much that he catches their attention instead. He must do this while perched precariously on the steps, his body plastered to the handrails on one side.
"Kyouya, I know you haven't made preparations for the club at all."
The air suddenly becomes close and thick.
Kaoru's lungs are dying from having to hide his exertions but now more than ever he knows it is imperative that he grasp the nuances of what is happening. He was too late and too ignorant about the Tamaki debacle, and he will not allow another dissolution of the club to happen again.
"Just because Hikaru and I are in love with Haruhi and the senpais are off at university doesn't mean that we're not going to come back to the club. Did you think that Haruhi's going away means that none of us will be interested anymore?"
It takes all of Kaoru's willpower not to suck in his next breath sharply. He concentrates purposefully on regulating his breathing and heaves himself upwards – Tamaki and Kyouya come into view.
"That is your speculation. I have other commitments in my life apart from your club, many of which are more pressing."
"Then why aren't you happy that Kaoru offered to take responsibility?"
Kyouya is sitting on his bed with his gaze lowered to his laptop, surrounded by stacks of papers and facing away from Kaoru. His back is stiff and proudly straight, but it gives him a look of brittleness rather than of strength. And Tamaki...
Tamaki looks like he is made of light.
"Because responsibility is not what he wanted. He was merely trying to force my hand, having deduced that the detrimental effects of appearing indecisive and therefore incompetent would prevent me from rescinding his announcement. Do you think he really considered what this 'responsibility' would entail? Do you imagine he contemplated the work that goes into a single cosplay session? He has saddled me with a colossal project based on his own selfish desires. Initiative without ability is useless." Kyouya's words are scathing but his tone is completely emotionless. His analysis indicts Kaoru with its truth. Kaoru has, in point of fact, not given much thought to the aftermath of trying to play Kyouya into resurrecting the club.
Kaoru sees Tamaki edge towards Kyouya, his knees uncaring of the paper on the sheets. He tilts Kyouya's head upwards to rest his forehead tenderly against Kyouya's, and Kyouya lets him.
"I'll help, Okaasan," whispers the most velvety voice Kaoru has ever heard.
They stay like that, eyes closed, suspended in timelessness.
"It's all right to be affected by her leaving. All of us are. She's part of the club we love, right? But we're not going to fall apart just because one piece is taken away for a short time."
Kaoru is trespassing on something precious, but he cannot look away. Tamaki is incandescent and Kyouya is not immune. Their King drags all of their insecurities out from the deep, dark recesses of their minds; he has always insisted on doing this, as though the presence of light is the cure, as though he is the cure.
Such conceit! Such unmitigated conceit! What gives him the right to be so pushy, to be so fearless, to be so selfless, to weather their storms for them, to appoint himself as their shield? What gives him the right to love them?
Kaoru feels so hostile towards Tamaki all at once, so galled and so, so hopelessly… hypnotised.
He sees in Tamaki's radiant face a revelation: that Tamaki loves all of them far more than any of them ever loved him. So purely, so intensely, so unconditionally, so stupidly.
Tamaki wants them as they are, glorious and inglorious.
And Kyouya knows this. Kaoru can see that Kyouya knows this. This is why perfect Kyouya is held spellbound by someone universally acknowledged to be idiotic. This is why Kyouya consents to be made imperfect.
Kaoru has somehow managed to overlook Tamaki as a pivotal factor; he has not included Tamaki's importance in his calculations. Tamaki should have been his ally from the beginning, not someone to clean up the mess. The maturity is astonishing to behold.
This is the first time that Kaoru has ever been able to imagine someone like Tamaki running the Suoh Empire.
He knows now, with the sort of explosive clarity gained from the illuminating presence of this force majeure, that Tamaki will be running the empire.
Kaoru can also see that this is a conclusion Kyouya has long since arrived at. Softness has seeped into Kyouya's posture, reacting to Tamaki's heart of gold, Tamaki's piercing insight, Tamaki's complex simplicity, Tamaki, Tamaki, Tamaki.
The two senpais in front of him know the truth of each other, and they are dazzled by that truth.
Kaoru is so engrossed in his awe that he does not catch what Kyouya says to Tamaki. Tamaki's eyes sparkle and he bites his bottom lip, but a smile has already crept up inexorably.
The pressure in Kaoru's chest makes him drop his head down onto the cool surface of the step. He does not lift it again at the mention of his name.
"What happened to Kaoru in the end?"
"After Nekozawa-senpai called, I called Mori-senpai to tell him that Kaoru was searching for them."
"I see."
"He's in safe hands," assures Tamaki.
Kaoru is taken aback at how much he has not noticed, even though he considers himself the observant twin. So that's why his senpais happened to be together despite being in different faculties and having different timetables, and that's how they found him. It had not occurred to Kaoru to question their togetherness, since it is inconceivable that they can be apart.
"What are we going to do now?"
"Make the best of the situation, of course." Kyouya is back to his old self. Or – perhaps more accurately – back to his façade.
"Kyouya, I think we should call Kaoru to help for real, especially since he came up with the idea."
A dark chuckle resonates across the room. "Such an audacious idea it is. He wants the customers to cosplay with us. Are you aware that our kouhai is gambling on the chance that we will feel duty-bound to help him rather than leave him to his devices for making this decision unilaterally? We should hang him out to dry."
"Don't misdirect your anger at him, Kyouya," Tamaki chides quietly. "Although I did think you would be the one to reconvene the club, I don't think any less of you for not doing it."
"It's not sustainable for the customers to cosplay with us. We have storage rooms and procedures to manage our costumes. The customers will be left on their own to find a room in which they can change. Unhealthy competition may be encouraged amongst the girls; there is a high probability that repeated dressing up will result in excessive expenditure and neglected studies. The focus will be taken away from the hosts and transferred to a contest of fashion," Kyouya rejoins testily.
"Kaoru is fashion-minded," Tamaki snorts. "I like his idea. It allows our customers to play out the fantasy American school life. A lot of them will have heard stories from their parents and their overseas acquaintances, and they can show off their clothes and rare accessories by customising a basic school uniform. It's meaningful, too – our Haruhi will be living in this type of school environment – that's why he chose this theme, isn't it?"
Tamaki is currently his favourite person in the whole wide world, apart from Hikaru, Honey-senpai, and Mori-senpai. Kaoru is pleased that Tamaki has deconstructed his theme in exactly the way he intended.
Kyouya and Tamaki's conversation degenerates into the mind-numbing process of hashing out the finer details to allow Kaoru's idea to work. Kaoru had thought that Tamaki would be unsuited to this mundane task, being usually the original troublemaker who needs Kyouya to dissect his semi-coherent ideas to rebuild them into a comprehensible whole.
He is appallingly wrong about Tamaki. He had thought that Tamaki's enthusiasm for the nitty-gritty of club operations was to impress his grandmother when she had enforced that strict study regime on him. When Tamaki had been permitted to return to the host club, his need to impress his grandmother should have faded, and the full burden could very well have fallen on Kyouya's shoulders again.
Hearing him now, overflowing with genuine passion and motivated from within, Kaoru knows that Tamaki himself has realised that the Suoh Empire is within his grasp, and has become determined to fight for his legacy.
He had not realised that they were all growing up and stepping into their brave new worlds. Haruhi had seen this Tamaki before him, had understood what Tamaki's choice had meant, and had herself decided to pursue her own interests fearlessly.
It dawns on Kaoru that in this one day alone, he has learnt more about all the host club members and their relationships with each other than he has in his two years of hosting with them.
Somebody is talking about him again.
" – design aspects of the room. It doesn't matter if you think that he's not ready for the responsibility. He did ask to help, didn't he? We should let him try! We shouldn't let him get away with making promises like that. That'll only make him less responsible, Kaasan."
"Remember when you first asked to help as well?" Kyouya deadpans. "You were thoroughly counterproductive even though you genuinely wanted to become involved. Kaoru doesn't even have the heart."
"But Kaoru definitely has more acumen than me. I know it."
Kyouya's voice contains a disgruntled frown. "I highly doubt it. He and his twin like being children. You shouldn't discount yourself, Tousan. What you lacked in skill you more than made up for in vigour."
"I still think –"
"And you were not particularly lacking in skill, either."
Tamaki's happiness swells to fill the room. There is the sound of papers flying, and the dull thud of a body being tackled to the bed. "Oof."
"Really?! You were so harsh sometimes, Kaasan! I thought I was performing really poorly! So you do think I am quite good at it!"
"That's not what I said. You have one second to get off me."
"Kaasan, all the credit is yours! Good teachers produce good stud – "
Kaoru raises his head, alarmed at several thudding noises and an ear-splitting shout.
"Ahahahahahaha! Stop – stop it!" Tamaki howls. "Kaa – kaa – stop – please! Ahahahaha! Help!"
An opportunity to escape has presented itself, and Kaoru seizes it.
They do not divert their attention from each other even when he pulls himself to his feet and pads to the door.
.
.
One thing has been made unambiguous: this is not the time to talk to Kyouya.
A massive migraine is raging in Kaoru's head as he straggles down the hallway in the Ootori house. All he wants is to go home to Hikaru before he doubles over and dies here. Suspicion will be cast on Kyouya for murdering him, and the inconvenience to Kyouya would be considerable.
People in the prime of health would have difficulty facing Kyouya without him being ill-disposed towards them, and Kyouya is very ill-disposed towards Kaoru indeed.
It does not, however, mean that coming here was a mistake. Quite the contrary – Mori's and Honey's advice have proved to be utterly first-rate. Kaoru has always thought highly of his senpais; that opinion has skyrocketed out of control.
What he needs now is time to process and analyse his discovery.
To attain a triumphant getaway, Kaoru must first overcome the obstacle of Team Kyouya. They know that he is here, and long experience has taught them that Kyouya generally walks his friends out and bids them goodbye at the door. The absence of their young master will be conspicuous, and although Kaoru does not have a mirror handy, he surmises that his complexion is probably ashy grey at the moment.
Ootori staff are nothing if not sagacious. This deviation from the norm will put them on high alert – Kyouya will be notified and Kaoru will be finished.
An idea strikes him – another one of his brilliant ideas – that has all the potential in the world to land him in trouble.
He takes a moment to compose himself – the tears that have been threatening persistently are allowed to fall, tension is allowed to fill his body, the trauma of this wretched day is allowed to come through in his eyes.
"Hotta, Hotta," he bemoans in the most tormented voice he can muster as he dashes into the household staff's living space.
Hotta and Aijima jerk in surprise. Kaoru has stepped into their territory; he is skating on thin ice. Some household staffs, Kaoru knows, are extremely averse to their employers crossing the social boundaries into their domain. By all appearances the Ootori staff is composed of businesslike and strait-laced people who observe the rules of propriety fastidiously, which more likely than not means that Kaoru's current intrusion is loathsome to them. Hopefully Kaoru's age will gain him some concessions should his charade go wrong.
Poor Hotta looks really anxious, while Aijima has a poker face to rival Kyouya's.
"K – Kaoru-sama!" Hotta stutters.
He turns Honey's patented googly eyes on them. "I can't do it!"
Aijima is vertical in a split second. "I'm sorry, Kaoru-sama. Did you call without receiving an answer? I will check that the bell is functioning properly. What is it that you cannot do? We'll do it for you at once."
Wow. Kaoru blinks dazedly.
"No, I'm sure the bell is working just fine!" he hurries to say. "It's just... I..."
The rest of his sentence trails off into an incomprehensible jumble.
"Excuse us, Kaoru-sama. Could you repeat that last part?"
Kaoru estimates that a reluctant silence should be inserted here. One second, two seconds...
"Kaoru-sama?" Hotta prompts.
"I offended Kyouya-senpai today so I wanted to apologise, but I'm too scared to go into his room!" Kaoru bursts out.
The act is dangerously close to reality. The tremors coursing through Kaoru's body certainly feel real.
"Calm down," Aijima says gravely. "Hotta, prepare some tea for Kaoru-sama," he commands as he guides Kaoru to a seat and fetches some hot towels and sweets.
"Yes!" Hotta springs into action.
Kaoru has to remind himself to concentrate on looking despondent. It is amazing, the speed and efficiency of this team. The Hitachiin staff is ingenious and lively, but they simply do not have this kind of military precision.
It appears that the commotion has attracted Tachibana to the scene. Kaoru wonders whether Tachibana will have him thrown out. Not physically, of course – Tachibana's sense of decorum is well-instilled – but if Tachibana makes known his opposition to Kaoru's presence, the others will follow his lead.
Tachibana knows better than to scrutinise him openly, but Kaoru can just about hear the cogs in Tachibana's mind whirring and wheeling all the same.
The sweets are wonderfully sugary. They must not have been meant for Kyouya. Kaoru helps himself generously, nibbling on them to take the edge off his nervousness. He suspects that some of these may be the products of Fuyumi's and Tamaki's commoner food tour. The sugar rush makes him even more lightheaded, but he no longer feels like throwing up.
"Kaoru-sama," Tachibana acknowledges him respectfully. "It is common to be affected by a range of negative emotions when Kyouya-sama is displeased at your behaviour."
What? Kaoru pauses mid-bite into an ichigo daifuku.
"Meditation techniques will help your peace of mind when you find yourself dithering outside Kyouya-sama's room."
"If you feel unprepared, it is acceptable to go away for as long as you need to regain your composure," Aijima chips in compassionately.
Why do these people sound so experienced?!
Horror and humour battle fiercely for dominance inside Kaoru's mind. His intention was to play up his discomfort in order to gain their sympathy, but what he has in fact gained is their empathy.
"The best time to apologise to Kyouya-sama is during the evening, when he has a full stomach and before he starts on his work."
Should I be writing this down?
"Yes," Aijima concurs, "Kyouya-sama prefers apologies to be short and direct, and he expects you to know what you are apologising for. The young master has no patience for people who waffle on."
"Kyouya-sama's levels of stress differ from day to day. It is better to gauge his mood and choose the best day rather than rushing the apology on a bad day because you want to get it over with."
Aijima and Hotta nod intently at Tachibana's warning.
"If he tells you to go away without actually accepting your apology, don't make the mistake of thinking that all is fine. Paying attention to what Kyouya-sama says is vital," Hotta emphasises helpfully. "If you feed him food that he likes, he will be more receptive, but you mustn't be too obvious about ingratiating yourself with him. If, after you apologise, he –"
"If he says he forgives you, accept it and don't say anything more," Aijima interjects. "If he doesn't, it means there is something else he wants you to do or to understand, so go and find out before apologising again."
"Doing all of this will get you the highest rates of success," Tachibana concludes. "If you fail despite all of your preparations, try and try again."
These people have it down to an art! Kaoru presses his lips together and nods attentively. Three intimidating men are standing before him, all but admitting to the number of times that they themselves have gone through the process of chickening out of apologising to Kyouya. His scheme on a whim has worked too well.
"Yes. I – I don't really feel so well," he says pitifully, "I think I should go home and compose a better apology."
"Of course, Kaoru-sama," Tachibana says. "In that case, we will not say anything to Kyouya-sama about your visit."
The whole plan has been right on the mark.
"Really? That's really kind," Kaoru babbles in sincere relief. "That would be really, really helpful. Thank you."
Aijima dips his head in assent. "We'll call your car right away."
.
.
"Kaoru!"
The instant Kaoru steps out of the car, he is attacked by Hikaru's fierce embrace. Hikaru seizes him and drags him into their home, face full of worry and asking an endless stream of questions.
Hikaru is going to shout at him, he knows it. The questioning will begin with his mental health, his reasons for those ill-fated posters, where he went after he left the school, where he has been since, how he is feeling now, what is he going to do.
Kaoru holds himself answerable to his twin, so he lets Hikaru rant at him and then provides a detailed explanation to the best of his ability. It is terribly late by the time all is said and done, and it is only when Hikaru is tucking himself into their bed that he makes mention of the fact that their mother will be flying back to France in the Cessna before daybreak the next day.
She had come back to spend the weekend with them, having heard that Haruhi had left and guessing that they would be depressed. It occurs to Kaoru only belatedly that cooping himself up in the study for all of Sunday to work on those posters could not have eased her mind about their welfare.
Sensing that Hikaru is already half-asleep, Kaoru exits the room silently in search of his mother. He finds her alone in the atelier, and feels a pang in his heart at how little they have reciprocated her concern for them. It is the first week of September, which means that the first major fashion week is about to kick off the spring/summer season. Their mother is always insanely busy at this time of year, and her presence in France should have been essential. They had not even bothered to acknowledge the gruelling fourteen-hour flight she had made just to see them.
She looks up when she hears him and flashes a grin. "Hello, sweetie. Still awake?"
Kaoru cannot help lowering his head slightly in disgrace.
"Mum, I –" he sighs, "Hikaru and I, we're fine, you know. It's not like we'll never see Haruhi again. And we're really happy she decided to go and broaden her world. I think it's very brave."
"I see." She gives him a motherly smile. "Well, I'm glad you think so. I was becoming very worried –"
"And so I must be brave too!" He places his hands flat on the table, and leans forward eagerly. "Mum, I want to be brave too!"
She looks bewildered at his outburst. "But you are very brave, my Kaoru."
"No," he says sadly, "I haven't even apologised for neglecting you because I was too self-absorbed."
"It's all right, sweetie. There were some last minute things to do here anyway."
Everything about her tone and carriage tells Kaoru that she had known when she had flown home that she would be largely ignored during the weekend, that they would be ill-prepared to confide in her, that they would like her to be present nonetheless – all these hidden needs and wants that Kaoru had not even known he had needed or wanted.
His mother can be so irreverent sometimes that it is easy to forget that she is at the helm of a fashion empire. The woman in front of him now is not just his mother but a master of the family – in times when she chooses to make her authority known, she is no less fearsome than even Ootori Yoshio, no less observant, no less astute about people's complexities, no less precognitive about other people's desires. Kaoru stands there, guilt and admiration clashing disagreeably in his belly.
This has been an unbelievably trying day.
Faced with this image of the ideal that Hikaru and he must become, Kaoru instantly feels sharply insecure about the request he intends to put to his mother – a request that had crystallised in his mind during the ride home. Pure talent and extravagant artistic taste would not insure the survival of their family's business; he needs to look no further than Lacroix as evidence. Their mother has always insisted on owning her own company – nobody owns Hitachiin Yuzuha. If they want to respect their mother's wish, they still have so much to learn and so much unfamiliar responsibility to take on.
Hikaru and Kaoru had not lied when they said that they just do whatever they feel like when Haruhi had commented on how incredibly adult people had to be if they were part of an important family. Haruhi had called them children then.
Children can neither run companies nor survive in the cutthroat fashion industry and the savage corporate world. Friends who behave like children would lose their value to Kyouya, would become burdensome for an overachiever like Haruhi, would be left behind by the New Tamaki, would not be principled like Mori demands his friends to be, and would eventually have nothing left in common with Honey as he prepares himself to ascend as heir.
His commoner best friend has grasped this before him. Despite – or perhaps because of – his privileged birth, Kaoru has never quite appreciated what it truly takes to inherit this legacy. He has taken it for granted, a birthright that the rest of the world is expected to yield to without opposition or objection. Maybe that's why Active Haruhi sometimes causes Kaoru to feel a strange anxiety. The will to achieve is something that all their senpais have; now that Haruhi has joined their ranks, Hikaru and Kaoru have unexpectedly become left out.
Kaoru takes a deep breath. "Mum, I want to become more involved in the company. Please allow me to start learning about the business – I don't mind being in prêt-à-porter or accessories or perfumes or anywhere you want to assign me to."
He does not know how to convey everything he is thinking to his mother. He does not know how to explain why this is suddenly important to him.
He need not have worried.
Her eyes say: at last.
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From: Hitachiin Twins [doubletrouble (a) ouranhostclub . com]
To: Fujioka Haruhi [haruhi_tanuki (a) ouranhostclub . com]
Subject: Announcing the New Me!
Date: Tues, 7 Sep 2010
Our dear Haruhi! ^.^
Please send the photographs quickly to save my life! Wear the clothes that Hikaru and I gave you and pose around your school grounds. We want to see how cute you look in them. Can you try to make yourself look like a boy for some of the photos so that we can show the host club customers? We can tell you how to make your outfits school-appropriate. Or better still, how to flout the rules and get away with it because even the teachers will think you look too gorgeous. ;)
It's boring in class without you. The teachers are already piling on the work and Hikaru doesn't really want to study with me because it reminds him of our Best Friends Study Sessions, I think.
There's something that I want to tell you. I've decided that I also want to become better. Resolute Kaoru is not going to lose to Active Haruhi, you know. I asked my mum for permission to take a more active role in her company. She agreed to let me start out with the Ready-To-Wear division of our Hitachiin label as a design room assistant!
There's one thing that I don't really understand though. When I tried to tell her that Hikaru would enjoy doing the storyboarding (because Hikaru's always been good at that – next time you come to our house I'll show you some of his "mood boards"), she told me that if Hikaru wants to do it, he will have to ask her himself. I told her that I'm asking for him but she said no, and when I told her that I'll ask him to ask her, she said not to do that also!
Never mind all that now. If I work hard, I think my mother might allow me to tag along for the autumn/winter fashion week in New York in February! Then we can meet up and celebrate your birthday with you so that you won't be lonely.
Reply quickly! You take so long. Boo.
Kaoru
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"I think once you decide to change, you've already begun your transformation." – Fujioka Haruhi
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Notes
(a) Team Kyouya is composed of 3 members: Tachibana Seizaburo, Aijima and Hotta. They appear in the volume 8 omake and also make scattered appearances through the manga, such as Chapters 54 and 56.
(b) This is what Tamaki actually says when he calls Kaoru:
"Kaoru! Kyouya's not going to call. He's going to go after you. If he gets there before me, make sure Hikaru doesn't get involved! Stay in your classroom, I'm coming to save you now!"
(c) Kaoru's talk with Kyouya regarding the end of the host club is in Chapter 73.
(d) Honey expresses his belief that Kyouya most treasures the host club in Chapter 73.
(e) Akito is Kyouya's second eldest brother. Kaoru does not like Akito much, as seen in Chapter 73 when he expresses annoyance at Akito. Akito also appears to be anxious about Kyouya and his talents, which results in him taking a defensive attitude towards Kyouya.
(f) The quote about the two senpais 'knowing the truth of each other, and being dazzled by that truth' is from Bones, season 5 episode 1 'Harbinger in the Fountain'.
(g) Fuyumi and Tamaki's commoner food tour is referenced in Chapter 23 of the manga.
(h) Haruhi observes how grown-up children from important families must be and makes related comments in Chapter 71.
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Next Chapter:
2. The Job of a Fashion Intern!