Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyers owns all characters. I'm just having some fun by diving into Edward's mind.
I told her what I knew and answered some of her other questions. In the reflection of her eyes, I saw my face twist in rage as I told her what Alice had learned about herself. Bella reached for me, then looked down at her hand, wincing.
"What is it?"
"Needles," she explained, staring at the ceiling.
Are you kidding me? Needles?
"Afraid of a needle," I murmured, shaking my head. "Oh, a sadistic vampire intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV, on the other hand…" Her instincts were definitely backwards. She could survive the most frightening things in the world—me and my kind—but a small piece of hollow metal that helped to keep her alive. That was frightening?
"Why are you here?" she asked pointedly.
I looked up at the change in her tone, confused and hurt.
"Do you want me to leave?" I frowned. Certainly, I would leave if she wanted me to. I should talk to Carlisle anyway.
"No! No, I meant, why does my mother think you're here? I need to have my story straight before she comes back."
"Oh." I leaned forward slightly and gave her my most persuasive look. "I came to Phoenix to talk some sense into you, to convince you to come back to Forks…." I continued with my explanation, inserting my virtousness in the appropriate places. "You don't need to remember any details, though, love. You have a good excuse to be a little muddled about the finer points."
"There are a few flaws with your story," Bella said after a moment of thoughtful silence. "Like no broken windows or other evidence."
"Not really. Alice had too much fun fabricating said evidence. You know how… exuberant… she can be. You could probably sue the hotel if you wanted to. You have nothing to worry about." I reached out to stroke her cheek, the touch sending an electric jolt through my body as always. "Your only job now is to heal."
I could hear when Bella's heart accelerated and chuckled when the heart monitor scolded her for it.
"That's going to be embarrassing," she muttered.
I chuckled and appraised her for a moment. "Hmm. I wonder…" I leaned forward, as slowly and deliberately as possible. Bella's heart sped, again betrayed by the monitor. But when I pressed my lips to hers—more gently than ever before—both her heart and the monitor were silent for a full beat.
I pulled back and held my breath until the heart monitor confirmed that Bella's heart was, indeed, beating again.
"It seems that I'm going to have to be even more careful with you than usual." I frowned, folding my arms.
"I was not finished kissing you yet," Bella complained. "Don't make me come over there."
I grinned and bent to kiss her again. The monitor beeped frantically.
I heard Renée's soft footsteps in the hallway and pulled away from Bella again.
"I think I hear your mother."
"Don't leave me!" Bella begged.
"I won't," I promised solemnly. "I'll take a nap."
I stretched out on the turquoise, faux-leather recliner at the foot of Bella's bed and closed my eyes. I listened as Renée quietly interrogated Bella about Forks, me, my family.
"What hurts?" Renée asked suddenly. I looked up at Bella, anxious.
"I'm fine," Bella soothed. "I just have to remember not to move."
I suppressed my smile and closed my eyes again.
"You'll like Jacksonville so much!" Renée gushed to Bella.
I froze, listening to Renée sell Bella on Jacksonville. She should go to Jacksonville, I thought. I couldn't hurt her there.
"Mom," Bella interrupted Renée. "I want to live in Forks." Run Bella run. Stay Bella stay. "I'm already settled in at school, and I have a couple of girlfriends… and Charlie needs me. He's just all alone up there and he can't cook at all."
"You want to stay in Forks?" Renée asked incredulously. "Why?"
I had to remind myself to breathe, even though I didn't need to. Renée and Bella discussed Bella and me for several minutes. Renée's breathing hitched.
"Phil's supposed to call in a little while… I didn't know when you were going to wake up…"
"No problem, Mom," Bella assured. What a selfless, pure angel. I could do nothing to deserve her.
"I can stay baby, if you need me," Renée said.
"No, Mom. I'll be fine," Bella insisted. "Edward will be with me."
"I'll be back tonight." Renée's promised, almost threatened. Like Bella's indignation, Renée's was endearing.
"I love you, Mom."
"I love you, too, Bella. Try to be more careful when you walk, honey, I don't want to lose you."
I couldn't stop my grin.
A nurse came in as Renée left and fussed over Bella for a moment. When the door closed, I was up and at Bella's side.
"You stole a car?" she asked, surprised and and slightly indignant.
"It was a good car, very fast," I smiled.
"How was your nap?"
"Interesting." My eyes narrowed as I took in her expression.
"What?"
I had to look away for a moment.
"I'm surprised," I admitted. "I thought Florida… and your mother… well, I thought that's what you would want."
"But you'd be stuck inside all day in Florida. You'd only be able to come out at night, just like a real vampire."
I looked up at her, willing myself to smile. A real vampire? I wasn't real enough for her?
"I would stay in Forks, Bella. Or somewhere like it. Someplace I couldn't hurt you anymore."
I stepped back a pace as Bella's heart accelerated dangerously and she began to hyperventilate. Before I could do anything, a different nurse came in to check on Bella. Bella refused pain medication despite the nurse's solid logic and Bella's need. The girl was so stubborn sometimes. I exhaled a long breath.
The nurse left and I was back at Bella's side, her face between my hands.
"Shhh, Bella, calm down."
"Don't leave me." Her voice broke as her eyes bore into mine.
"I won't. Now relax before I call the nurse back to sedate you."
Her heart did not slow.
"Bella." I stroked her face, silently willing her to calm down. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here as long you need me."
"Do you swear you won't leave me?" she whispered through gasps of breath. I could see the pain in her eyes, not all of it physical. I took her face between my hands again.
"I swear." For now, I promised myself.
We held each other's gaze until Bella's heart began to slow and find its normal rhythm.
"Better?" I asked.
"Yes."
"Silly girl. No need for such an overreaction," I murmured, shaking my head.
"Why did you say that?" she asked, still whispering. "Are you tired of having to save me all the time? Do you want me to go away?"
I suppressed a sigh and turned back to face her. I should have gone away a long time ago, Bella. Don't you see how weak I am by staying?
"No, I don't want to be without you, Bella, of course not. Be rational. And I have no problem saving you, either—if it weren't for the fact that I was the one putting you in danger… that I'm the reason that you're here." Why won't you believe me, love? Look at all I've done to you. Please, Bella, don't make this so hard for me.
"Yes, you are the reason. The reason I'm here—alive."
"Barely," I whispered. "Covered in gauze and plaster and hardly able to move."
"I wasn't referring to my most recent near-death experience." I raised an eyebrow at the irritation in her voice. "I was thinking of the others—you can take your pick. If it weren't for you, I'd be rotting away in the Forks cemetery."
I couldn't contain my wince.
"That's not the worst part of it, though." I continued as if she hadn't spoken. "Not seeing you there on the floor… crumpled and broken. Not thinking I was too late. Not even hearing you scream in pain—all those unbearable memories that I'll carry with me for the rest of eternity. No, the very worst was feeling… knowing that I couldn't stop. Believing I was going to kill you myself." And enjoying every last drop. The taste…
"But you didn't." Ah, the trust in her voice.
"I could have. So easily." I should leave now.
"Promise me," Bella whispered.
"What?" What could she possibly want from me? Could I give it to her? I wanted to. God knows I wanted to give her everything.
"You know what."
I processed the anger in her tone with shocked surprise. Why was she angry? I groaned internally, wishing I could read her mind.
"I don't seem to be strong enough to stay away from you, so I suppose you'll get your way… whether it kills you or not." And it will kill you, Isabella.
"Good. You told me how you stopped… now I want to know why."
"Why?" I asked, warily. Why wouldn't I stop? I didn't want to kill her. I wasn't a monster!
"Why you did it. Why didn't you just let the venom spread? By now I would be just like you."
WHAT?! How did she know this? I had never told her the specifics of vampire transformation, had never intended for her to know. I stood motionless, considering Bella's knowledge.
Alice.
Regardless, I was not going to answer. How could I answer? Her question suggested that she wanted this half-life that I lived. I could not, would not, do that to her.
"I'll be the first to admit that I have no experience with relationships," Bella continued. "But it just seems logical… a man and a woman have to be somewhat equal… as in, one of them can't always be swooping in and saving the other one. They have to save each other equally."
I took a deep breath and walked to the side of her bed. I folded my arms and rested my chin on my arms, taking a deep breath.
"You have saved me." I would never have enough time to tell her in how many ways she had saved me, continued to save me. The only way I could truly save her would be to leave. Right?
"I can't always be Lois Lane," Bella insisted. "I want to be Superman, too."
"You don't know what you're asking." Run Bella run. You can't possibly want this. Not even to be with me. I don't want it for you, even to be with me. At least I shouldn't.
"I think I do."
"Bella, you don't know. I've had almost ninety years to think about this, and I'm still not sure."
Her breathing hitched slightly. "Do you wish that Carlisle hadn't saved you?"
"No, I don't wish that." If Carlisle hadn't saved me, I wouldn't know what love is, what it is like to be complete, to hold you in my arms, to lose myself in you, to live."But my life was over. I wasn't giving anything up." Because I didn't know you. You didn't exist yet. And yet, I must give you up. For your sake.
"You are my life," Bella countered. "You're the only thing it would hurt me to lose."
A/N: I'm evil, I know. We know how this plays out in Twilight, but how might have Edward reacted to this news? I've wondered if this isn't where he begins the process of distancing himself from Bella, or at least planning on ways to let go. Prom as a farewell gesture, perhaps? The "I don't want you to miss anything" discussion suggests that he's trying to prepare her for his absence.... Ah, well. It's fun to think about at least. That's why I write. Reviews are lovely and appreciated, but I'll keep writing anyway. Keep in mind I have other stories, too. Thanks for reading! --OCFM