Title: Weirdos United
Author: Asaria
Co-Author and Editor: Roxeen
Disclaimer: Dudes aren't mine, they belong to their respective owners, but we do own Sini, Yuun, and Faye!
Pairing: Leon/Squall x Cloud, side AkuRoku, funny OOC
Summary: Love hurts... and the twins, Leon and Squall, learn this the hard way when they meet Cloud's three right hand men... or shall we say WOMEN?
Authors' Notes: Yes, you read right. Leon and Squall are two different people in this story and they happen to be twins. Yes, we are cuckoo bananas. Complaints? Join the club. Enjoy the story!
-:W E D D I N G . B L U E S:-
Most people would find a ride in a limousine the most exciting experience of their entire existence. I mean who doesn't dream of popping their head out of a sunroof, waving frantically to anyone and everyone, practically making it your mission to make everyone think that you must be pretty important?
Well, let's just say the limo ride back was to say the least... boring and uneventful. Cloud grumbled into the window, his face pressed up against the glass, watching as the dizzying road passed underneath the vehicle.
Faye and Sini were chatting about the wedding, sharing details on what they were going to wear to the reception. But in Sini's case, she was more concerned with what Cloud was going to be dressed up in.
He lightly tapped his fingers on the window, not making any eye contact with the girls, "Please... It's no big deal. Who cares what I wear? It's just a tuxedo."
Sini gave a light laugh, not filled with happiness, but mischief. "That's where you're wrong." She placed her over sized purse on her lap and pulled out a string of frills, "I just saw these at the store and thought you would look absolutely stunning in a dress made exclusively by moi."
Cloud winced. His brain could actually grasp how it would take place. The blond was definitely spending too much time with the likes of this demented seamstress.
Faye was absently flipping through Sini's portfolio, which Sini took with her everywhere in case she ran into a famous designer willing to hire her, and smiled. She pointed a finger at the picture of a Cinderella-esque ball gown. "Don't tell me you designed this with Cloudster in mind?"
Sini shifted in her seat to look over at the portfolio in her friend's lap. The blonde girl suddenly burst into a cackle.
"Um, Sini?" she faltered. As upset as she was at Cloud, she feared for the chocobo-haired man's life.
The blonde turned her head towards Faye slowly, much like in those melodramatic horror movies where the funny guy died first, with a crazed look in her blue eyes. Swiftly bringing up the book to Faye's face, almost hitting the brunette square in the face, Sini's grin got wider.
"This," she exclaimed, "is perfect!"
Confused, the brunette's brown eyes shifted her attention back to the dress displayed before her. It was possibly the most beautiful dress she had ever seen in all of Hollow Bastion. Her fashionista vocabulary would never satisfy the description, but the only way she could describe it was as a strapless dress with a sweetheart neckline and a fully embellished bodice. The layers of tulle were set accordingly to give the dress it's full potential. The dream dress of any girl to wear to an event on which all eyes would be forced on her...
"Who's it for...?" Faye began to ask but trailed off when Sini's sinister smile quirked to one side and gave her a look clearly stating, "Who do you think?" The assistant felt her own mouth twitch downward slightly, "Or boy..." she sighed, "At least I'll get a good laugh out of this." What can she say? The "urge to cross dress pretty boys in pretty dresses" gene must have skipped her generation.
She poked the blond in the side to get his attention, "Cloud dear," she called, her voice sickly sweet
The spiky blond, who continued to huddle in the corner seat of the limo attempting to stay out of whatever plans the girls were up to, instinctively perked up at the sound of his name. He couldn't help it really, but once he realized who exactly was calling him, he slouched back into his miserable "oh woe is me" position and simply nodded to indicate that they had his attention.
Sini and Faye scooted up to Cloud, giving him no chance of escape unless he opened the door his back was to and therefore basically committing suicide; which was in any case was bad.
Faye feigned innocence, "I just realized, Cloud, that I never scheduled time to pick up your tuxedo..."
"And since we don't have time to get one because that would make us late..." Sini continued. She wasn't so good on the innocent part.
"We'll just have to make due with what we have, because you have to dress enchantingly no matter what, right Cloudster?"
They both gave him smiles brimming with anticipation. Cloud sighed and grumbled a whatever, inwardly thinking, "Have I just dug my own grave?"
Yes, Cloud. Indeed you have.
The tires scratched against the pavement until it reached to a stop and Yuun swiftly dismounted from the bike, taking her helmet off. She ran to meet her friends at the limo and she knocked on the door to announce her arrival. The door opened so suddenly that she had to jump back. "We're back at the company building!" she sing-songed. "Did I miss anything?"
"Perfect!" Sini dragged a screaming and stubbornly struggling Strife heir out of the parked vehicle.
"I'll fill you in later." Faye winked.
"Give me a hand will ya?" the seamstress demanded, "Cloudette isn't as light as he looks."
The bodyguard took a hold of one of the spiky blond's flailing arms and made sure to glare at anyone who dared to help out him out. No one would get in the way of her fun. She didn't need an explanation, her cross dressing senses were tingling.
Yuun grinned as her imagination began to take flight. The petite blond in an adorable ball dress surrounded by evil predators whose gaze gleamed in hunger and then Yuun jumped to the rescue, laughing manically as she burned them all to crisp with her pookie. The Asian began to chuckle softly with a murderous glint within her hazel eyes. Oh, she'll definitely enjoy this.
Leon groaned in annoyance as he, his twin, and that obnoxious woman of which he so much rather not be associated with came back to the journalism classroom for the fifth time that day. Squall has his monotonous look as usual, but Leon knew better, if you really looked, Squall's eyebrow was starting to twitch in that way he did when he was near to murdering something. Or in this case, someone.
Oblivious, or just plainly ignoring the twins, Selphie plopped herself onto an impressive large leather rolling chair in front of the best laptop money could buy.
For a school journalism class, Selphie took herself with the utmost seriousness. Leon couldn't begin to comprehend on how she managed to buy all the items with the measly school budget she had been given. Must have pulled some strings or blackmailed someone... No offense to the girl, but he went with the latter.
"Hmm..." she tapped a finger against her chin in thought, breaking Leon out of his own, "Should I add the failure of the popular Leonhart twins in my article as well? That would totally get the school's attention."
Squall slammed a fist on the girl's desk, causing her pen container to tip over and spill all the writing utensils over the floor, "Don't you dare involve us in your flock of gossip. If you want to put us in your column, you better start writing about the Leonhart twins successfully crashing one of the most ill-fated weddings in all of history."
"Gossip?" Selphie attempted to look hurt, "Why, how can you accuse innocent me of committing such a thing?" She carefully shifted a stack of newspapers so that it would be parallel to the edge of the desk. "It's merely natural curiosity... with benefits." She stood up, both palms flat on the desk and shrugged with a smile, "I prefer to call it a human interest piece."
Leon rolled his eyes. "Squall, to crash the wedding, don't you think it's necessary to first find out where it's being taken place?" he asked.
Simultaneously, they sprung into action. Squall began to open cabinets and drawers, despite Selphie's protests, and found a phone book. Leon pulled out his cell phone from his pocket, flipped it open and started dialing his own church's number first.
He listened while it rang only once and an extremely chipper voice came to his ears, "Hello? This is Brother Sora of Twilight Chapel."
"Sora..." he pinched the bridge of his nose. Here comes the headache. The brunet knew he wasn't the most... well behaved person.
"Ah, Brother Leon? How are you today? It's so rare to get a call from you. Did you do another sinful deed of molesting a young teenage boy so that you could confess today, but instead called because you were too lazy to come here to the confessionary? Or did Brother Squall hurt an innocent bystander because he looked at him quote unquote funny? Or maybe you're calling because you suspect that there is an event taking place here today and you wish to ruin it for every person who had been waiting for such a happy moment? Or perhaps you...?"
Leon snapped his phone shut without hesitation and stilled in dead silence. Man, could that boy talk. Leon sent Squall a glare, "I don't care what dad says. There's no way we're going back to Sora's church again..." Squall raised a curious eyebrow at his younger brother (by only two minutes, Leon always reminded him) but decided against asking. "Just give me a number..." Leon sighed.
"Try this one..." the short haired brunet suggested, pointing at a number on a full page ad.
After punching in the number, the phone rang about six times before an irritated voice answered. He should have actually taken it as a sign to hang up...
"First Destiny Church, Riku speaking..."
"Hey," Leon placed a hand over the speaker and looked up at his brother who signaled him with a hand wave to go on, "But he sounds pissed..." he mumbled before uncovering his phone.
"...Is this another one of you guys? You know what the deity that you believe in does to prank callers?" his voice began to grow in anger.
The long haired twin hastily replied, "Uh, no, I'm not prank calling or anything! Just want to know if there are any weddings being hosted at your chapel... Riku, was it?"
There was a small pause from the other side of the phone.
"You're kidding me. This has got to be the worst prank call. Well, just because you might be mentally retarded, I'm going to play along because obviously you're really lame at this. No, there are no lovey dovey couples that are going to make a big deal about putting on a ring and then will party until they go drunk and have hangovers together for the rest of their lives. Anyways, practice on your prank calling, you really suck."
Beeeeeeeeeeeep... He hung up.
Leon stared in stunned shock at his cellular device as it continued to innocently drone on with its censoring sounds.
"Well?" Squall queried.
However, he got no answer from his brother for said twin continued to state at his mobile phone like it had asked Leon to tap dance shirtless on the moon. Squall waved a hand in front of the traumatized Leon, hoping for some sort of response.
"You know..." Selphie's voice interrupted them, decorative silver and gray paper folded in half in her hand, "I just happened to pick up a stray invitation that had been dropped right outside our university..."
Squall's head immediately jerked at the mention of the invitation and with stealth that rivaled a ninja, he snatched the card from the girl.
"Why didn't you tell us you had this earlier?" he yelled, thoroughly frustrated.
Selphie sniggered, "Just to tease you Squally-boy. It's way more fun to watch you two normally stoic guys panic."
Shaking his head, he opened the invitation as a satisfied smirk revealed itself when his eyes ran along the answer to his prayers perfectly clear in black and white,
MR. STRIFE AND COMPANY
REQUEST THE HONOUR OF YOUR PRESENCE
AT THE HAPPY MARRIAGE OF TWO PEOPLE IN LOVE
TUESDAY, THE TWELFTH OF JUNE
TWO THOUSAND AND EIGHT
AT HALF AFTER SIX O'CLOCK IN THE EVENING
RADIANT CATHEDRAL
218 NORTH GRAND ROAD
"Well, this worked out perfect. Hey, Leon! There are some tuxes waiting to be rented by us! Let's get going!" he shouted over his shoulder to his slowly recovering brother.
Finally, now that Leon was snapped out of his daze, he followed his brother out. "Goddamn crazy priests these days..." he mumbled.
Selphie tsk'ed, "When will they ever learn...?" she said to herself softly as she moved the mouse cursor over the tiny button at the bottom of her screen...
"Submit".
"Ahh!! We're finally here!" Sini squealed, lowering the window to peek her head outside. She looked up to the marvel of architecture that was the church of the couple to be married. "Oh, they chose the best place! Radiant Cathedral! I want to get married here one day too!"
Yuun giggled, "Will you ever find a man to marry you in the first place?"
In a rush to playfully slug her friend, the blond hit the top of her head on the roof of the vehicle. She rubbed at the sore spot, "Hush you... Besides, it's not about me today anyway," the blonde huffed and stepped out of the limo.
Yuun and Faye got out from the other side, all three of them dressed for the special occasion, all original designs by the one and only Sini Tottori of course.
Faye's dress called for sophistication and had a shoulder-baring neckline and an asymmetrical hemline in a beautiful baby blue.
Yuun, not being one to wear dresses because she claims they restrain her movements to an extreme, had a scarlet dress with crisscross beaded straps extending to the back at a just below the knee length.
Sini's strapless lime sherbet gown had three wide satin bands that come on the side as dainty bows complete with fish tail hem line.
But seriously, who cares about what the girls are wearing? Let's get back to Cloud.
Faye bent down, looking into the inside of the limo, and tried to usher a certain unwilling someone to come out. With Faye's strength nowhere near Cloud's, she struggled to pull him out. She straightened up and tucked a stray hair behind her ear, "Guys? A little help?"
Sini laughed, placing her hands on her hips, "Can't get the princess out on your own, Faye?"
"I can hear you!" Cloud shouted from the inside.
The brunette sighed, "I'd like to see you do any better... The reason he's not coming out is actually because of what you did to emotionally scar the poor boy."
"I didn't see you complaining about it though," the tailor shot back. In response to this, Faye bit her lip.
Yuun cut in before Faye could retort, "Stop it. It's our special friends' wedding day, let's not ruin it by getting into any stupid arguments." She bent down and rested her forearm on the roof of the car, "And Cloud," her voice dropped to a serious cold tone that sent shivers up their limo driver's spine, "Come out here or I will make you. But we wouldn't want that to happen, now would we?"
It seemed that the blond was convinced that he didn't want to suffer anything the bodyguard had in mind. So he regrettably and very slowly climbed out of the limo, clad in the extravagant midnight blue gown that had replaced the man's non-existent tuxedo.
"Oh my goodness! You look adorable!" Yuun wiped a fake tear, "My little Cloudette is growing up!" she exclaimed, pull poor Cloud into a large rib-crushing hug.
Faye checked her palm pilot and nodded toward them, "Alright, we're a little late, so let's hurry inside and greet everyone before it starts. Everyone have their invitation?" She pulled out her ticket in, "Yuun?"
"Yessum."
"Sini?"
"You betcha, commander."
"Cloud?"
"...Uh..."
"Wrong answer!" Faye snapped, "Where's your invitation?" She tapped her foot in impatience.
"I-I don't know," Cloud stammered as he lifted his full length skirt to see if he had possibly dropped it. "I had it before I went to school, but now I can't find it!"
"Probably left in your pants' back pocket." Sini suggested.
Oh, how the blond missed those pants. Though there was a delightful breeze... No, bad Cloud, bad!
"Eh, I think it'll be okay, Cloud's pretty famous, he should probably be an exception," Yuun shrugged the problem off as if it was an everyday situation. "If not, you could always charm your way in, dear." the bodyguard said gleefully... a little too gleefully.
"Do whatever it takes, we have to get going now," Faye pleaded. So then the group made their way toward the entrance.
"Even if you have to show a little leg..." Sini whispered loud enough behind a cupped hand for the blond to hear.
"I'm not going to show a little leg!"
Introductions were made, hellos were exchanged, and a couple of questioning looks were ignored. People knew too well that the girls were behind all this; it was better that they didn't ask. They would probably most definitely fear the answer anyways.
Several minutes of hectic chatter later, the wedding was finally ready to begin. The crowd soon began to disperse and take their seats within the chapel.
Yuun tried not to trip over herself in her heels as she made her way to the front of the church. As she took a seat in the pew, she gave a sigh of relief that the sharp pain was slowly becoming a dull thud, "I don't see anything wrong with wearing some perfectly comfy sneakers. Heels are torture devices that lead you to a long and painful death..."
Faye fumbled with her electronics, putting them on vibrate one by one, "If heels were so wonderful, men would wear them, Yuunie." The brunette gave a light laugh, "Cloudster would know."
Cloud didn't even bother to grace his assistant with an answer. He was too busy trying to cover his face in sheer mortification. There went his reputation, well the little part that was left since he was introduced to the wonderful world of cross dressing anyways.
Sini cheerfully seated herself next to the blond and beamed in self-satisfaction. Waiting for the bride to come out, she took out her knitting needles and yarn and continued on her most recent project.
Just then, as the two large back doors opened, an organ began to play the first notes of the Bridal Chorus. And there she was. A dazzling vision in white, her chapel train trailing behind her as she walked in tempo to the music. Her face hidden behind a lacy veil and a bouquet of fresh white roses in her hand, she glided across the red isle.
"Oh wow, she looks gorgeous..." Faye breathed.
Sini gleamed in pride, "Obviously. The wedding dress was designed by me."
"Why am I not surprised?" Yuun sighed.
Though he wouldn't ever say it out loud, Cloud was indeed enchanted by the bride's gown as well. It brought out that sort of aura that made everyone feel light and warm inside. What a magical feeling it must be to be the source of that wonderful feeling. Of course, he wasn't thinking of ever wearing something like it... Course not.
The blond was sad to admit that weddings were not very interesting to him. And the pastor was indeed not helping the matter. He was surprised to find that Sini's repetitive knitting patterns were much less boring than Pastor Ansem's "I put you to sleep" voice that carried on and on and on... The spiky blond didn't know how much more he could take. Faye's rants still topped his ultimate boredom list though. The brunette should be honored.
"Is there anyone who thinks this lovely couple should not be wed?" Ansem groused, "Speak now or forever hold your peace."
Suddenly, the sound of heavy doors slamming against the wall was heard throughout the cathedral.
Synchronously, every soul in the building turned their head to face the cause of the disturbance. There stood two people that made Cloud widen his eyes in realization. The very same twins he had encountered that morning at HBU(1) had somehow managed to gather the nerve to interrupt a wedding, of all things, his uncle's wedding!
"WE OBJECT!" they roared together, determination in their eyes. Their voices echoed off the walls and the stain glass windows.
Silence flooded the enormous room. One hundred and seventy-two guests completely dumbstruck and speechless... By this time, everyone's jaws had either dropped to the ground or their eyes had popped out of their sockets.
Leon smirked, "That was cake," he thought to himself, brushing off invisible dust from his tuxedo.
Squall appeared to have a hint of a smile, convinced that their plan had gone without a hitch. He started to take a step forward, but of course most people should know that acting before thinking is a very stupid thing to do. Very stupid. Guess plan "Rescue Cloud" still had a couple of kinks to it, huh?
"Ex-cuse ME!?" the man across from the bride snarled, and that's when the twins suddenly realized. The groom did indeed have blond hair, but it was no where near as spiky as the man they had fallen head over heels for had. They could be related, but one thing was for sure, that was most definitely NOT Cloud.
The bride followed suit, lifting the veil in front of her face, red lips slightly parted in disbelief. The brothers were hit with surprise again as the blushing bride was not the girl they recently developed a hate for.
"Shit..." Leon cursed under his breath, but then felt a slight nudge at his side. Not wanting to make any sudden movements, he took a side glance at Squall. He saw his brother nudging his head to the side signaling to move his eyes towards that general direction. Following his gaze, he spotted the blond they had been searching for. Cloud was definitely surprised, but not in the way the brothers had hoped he'd be.
Seeing that the groom was still looking at them with 100 percent pure concentrated hatred, Squall quickly spoke up hesitantly, "You've been punk'd?"
"You're not Dashton Mutcher(2)!" someone accused, pointing an incriminating finger.
Leon would've very much wanted to hit the back of his brother's head with something very, very hard right now. But it wasn't exactly the time to do so... "Ah, we are truly sorry for disturbing your, uh, wedding... We seemed to have made a mistake!" and the twins then hightailed it out of there with speed that made light cry.
To say that the stillness was awkward would be a complete understatement. But what better hero to save them from this mess than Pastor Ansem?
The bored tone of Ansem could be heard oh so crystal clear as he recited his last lines, "And I now announce thee, Cid and Shera Highwind, husband and wife." He slammed his book closed and ignored the baffled stares, "Thank God it's over with."
And to that, a few scattered amens were heard.
Some people couldn't have said it better themselves...
A/N: A bit of a slow chapter in my opinion. And is it just us or is there something with Hollow Bastion's priests? We are happy to announce we have three awesome possum reviewers! From now on, we'll take the time to say a little something or answer questions. Thanks for the support, guys! Next chapter will have more Boy Lovin' action and some AkuRoku, so sit tight. Also, please vote on our newly made Poll on our account page! :)
A round of applause to Tobi-Uchiha, Kiemura14, Rikkamaru for helping us make this story feel more complete with its fans!
(1) Short version of Hollow Bastion University.
(2) In the series of That 70's Show, Ashton Kutcher (character name: Michael Kelso) always uses the catchphrase of "You've been Punk'd!".