The only time he speaks his feelings
Part 3
"This is getting quite irritating now... Talking to myself... although to me it feels as if it's the only way I can feel better, like it helps to let everything out. However a part of me wishes you were awake, hearing these words I can so easily speak out every night. I love these moments watching you sleep, you look so peaceful, and I always know for a fact that you're happy and safe when you're here in my arms.
I remember the time that I went into a coma because I was so stupid, picking up that phone when we all knew what was going to happen. I was scared you know... scared that I was never going to get out and you were going to be left alone, scared that I would never see your face again. But you kept me going by speaking to me; you have no idea how much you reassure me, just by talking to me…"
Jack smiled when he replayed Ianto's speech in his mind, and stopped talking for a moment, Hearing the words repeating over and over. He laughed when he remembered Ianto's reluctance to speak.
"I wanted to laugh when you said I knew that you weren't very talkative... yep, very true... unlike sometimes when it's just you and me. It makes me feel warm inside to know you can open up to me. I will always be here, you know... I won't leave you again, I promise..." Jack broke off abruptly, getting angry when he felt the lump in his throat; he needed to say these things!
"… ahem… If I do leave, please believe me when I say I will always come back for you. I will always be there to protect you. I just may never be able to tell you how I feel because… I know I won't be able to survive when I lose you…"
After a few moments he pushed the urge to cry away, he always felt like this… why couldn't he be normal like everyone else?, be allowed to fall in love and not wake up every day worried that the next morning he would be alone again. Swallowing quietly he continued.
"When you told me what you actually thought, that you assumed I saw you as nothing... You broke my heart. I think that affected me more than a lot of things. I don't think I've felt this way about anyone, and yet you'll never know." He swallowed thickly, taking a deep breath before saying the words he found so hard to say to this young incredible man.
"I love you Ianto, you're my soul mate, my friend, my best employee but most of all you're my lover, not just a blip in time… My lover"
Silence fell about the room again, all that was heard was slow breathing, but it was broken soon after when Jack finally lost it, and cried, using all his strength to keep quiet so he didn't wake up his lover. Eventually he regained control and wiped away the evidence of sorrow. Cuddling up closer to Ianto and shutting his eyes, praying that he could have so many more years with this Welshman of his.
A few minutes later Jack was sound asleep, the look on his face showed no sadness although his heart carried plenty.
However the room was completely quiet, as the sound of crying could be heard again... But it wasn't Jacks anymore.
Ianto moved to turn his body around looking at Jack's peaceful form, Tears slowly streaming down his shocked face. Had he just dreamed all of this? Did Jack just say all those things?
He watched Jacks face for a while, not finding the courage to say anything yet in case this man was awake. He watched Jack intently listening out for his breathing, giving him the evidence he needed.
"I don't know what to say… you love me? Captain Jack Harkness loves me… Ianto Jones. I think I understand now, why you don't say anything, why you treat me like everyone else. But I do believe you, and I will stand by you always, because… I... love you to" he said his voice breaking every so often, as he took in Jack's speech.
"I just wish you would tell me these things to my face.."
AN: Hope you like, I'm not sure whether I should continue but it was originally just going to be this... so up you to x