Abandonment

Dusk

Part 3

Loki was wrapped around me from behind the next morning, arms possessively enclosed around my abdomen. For a while, I drifted between sleep and wake, until Loki stirred and got up from the bed. I turned to look up at him. He gazed back, then kissed me on the forehead.

"I must attend to some things," he whispered. I nodded and moved to stretch and leave the bed.

Searing pain shot everywhere when I moved. I gasped and clutched myself. He looked at me curiously and I shook my head.

"Just—just a bit sore…" I managed to murmur. He started dressing himself in new clothes while I continued to forcibly relax my muscles. I need to meditate more… I sighed. Maybe after breakfast…

When I looked back at Loki he was holding Galdrs Hapts. The sight made me feel surprisingly uneasy. I gave him a questioning glance and he stared between the staff and me for a moment.

"I don't understand…" He said, more to himself than to me. "Why would Odin give you something so worthless?"

I shrugged. It had, after all, proved to be worthless thus far, but that was likely more because I never was forced into a situation where it was necessary.

"He reminded me of it's namesake. The Fetter of Illusion and Incantation."

He made a bored sound and tossed it to me. Once it was in my hands I felt a bit of a buzz, as if it was charged with some sort of energy. As soon as I moved to inspect it further, it stopped.

Loki finished dressing and strode from the room. I moved more quickly than before, despite my aching body, and stumbled into the bathroom.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a full-length mirror. I did a double take at the sight of my reflection.

I thought I looked bad before going to sleep—now full bruises nearly covered my upper body. My neck and shoulders were lightly coated in dried blood, and after wiping it away I saw four bit marks that had scabbed over—three on my right shoulder and one on my left. My hips were battered as well, and my lips looked excessively chapped.

I took care rinsing the grime of blood and sweat off, as some of the bruises were more tender than others. Eventually, I decided I looked as best I could, so I returned to the bedroom to clothe myself.

After a quick change of clothes back in my own home, and an apple for breakfast, I moved to the large courtyard lying in the center of Asgard for a meditation.

I laid Galdrs across my lap, and for the first time, inspired by the energy experienced earlier, called on it to aid me. Breathing out, I felt the same energy surface and intensify, pulling me into it, allowing it to move into my subconscious and pull out the truths needed to move forward.

It was a bit like having a conversation with myself—but a wiser, more thoughtful version of myself. As an Asgardian, I was taught to recognize the soul in everything, including inanimate objects, but especially in magical instruments such as Galdrs. The souls of objects often could help us look within ourselves for guidance.

Loki is angry. Too angry. He needs me. He needs me to stay by his side. I can protect him from himself.

Nothing can protect him from himself. He is a danger—both to you, and all of Asgard.

No. He just needs guidance.

And you think you are the one to give it?

Images of the activities from the night before flashed through my mind—Loki's intense gaze, his manhood, his strong hands, gripping every inch of my body—nearly interrupting my meditation.

Perhaps that was a mistake, but I do not regret it. Mistakes must be made for one to move forward—

You think Odin doesn't understand that? Thor made a mistake, and he was sent to Midgard. Odin wouldn't do such a thing without a reason. He plans for Thor to return.

But… Loki, he couldn't possibly rule of Jotunheim. He deserves to be king of Asgard just as much.

Your love blinds you. Loki cannot be king. He is not worthy.

What, precisely, makes him unworthy? He is honorable, he his kind, he—

He deceives you and he is selfish. He cares only for himself. You are ignorant of his true desires. Think back to what Odin told you. 'He is quite calculating. Sometimes for the good of others, but most often for himself.'

He could not have planned for his father to be Laufey.

No, but he is smart—and adaptable.

I sighed. Forcing myself to concentrate. I didn't like where this was going, and never before had a meditation been so in depth, nor had I ever been so in tune with Galdrs Hapts. Part of me wanted to stop and go on with my original intentions—staying obediently by Loki's side. But that was impossible. Galdrs already had taken me too far.

What does he plan to do, then?

I know only what you know and fail to see. You must look for that answer.

And the meditation broke, leaving me exhausted on a plain of grass, struggling to collect my thoughts and emotions into one goal.

I drifted into sleep.

By the time I woke again, the sun was setting and I realized there was only one option. Thor had to be brought home—and only Loki could do so. I made for the palace again. When I arrived, darkness fell completely on Asgard, the moons and the worlds showing themselves clearly.

The closer I became to Loki's quarters, the more anxious I became. Something was wrong. I could feel it in my bones. By the time I arrived at his door, I was sprinting. Without knocking, I opened the door and stumbled into his room, extremely out of breath.

What I saw made little sense.

Loki stood with his arms extended in front of him, murmuring an enchantment foreign to my ears. Before him was a circle of shimmering light—beyond it an image like nothing I had ever seen. It was like the night sky, but brighter and clearer as if magnified and multiplied.

"What—what are you…?" The words refused to form. He turned to see me, at first shocked, then annoyed.

"What terrible timing you seem to have," he whispered. "Sorry, darling, but I have an engagement."

Ignoring him, I asked again. "Loki… what is that?"

"A portal to Midgard," he replied after a moment. For a moment, I was ecstatic. He already planned to go to Midgard and bring Thor home. I didn't need to do anything. Then a question came up: why was he not taking the Bifrost? And how did such a portal even exist?

"…Why are you going to Midgard?"

"I need to have a word with my brother. He's gotten himself into a bit of trouble."

"Are you bringing him back to Asgard?"

"No… I don't think Odin would quite approve."

My earlier intentions were forgotten. There was something obscenely wrong with this situation. An idea crossed my mind, suddenly and mercilessly. I tried in vain to push it back, but it would not be thwarted.

"Why doesn't anyone else know about this sort of portal?"

For a moment, he stared at me, tilting his head a bit, as if sizing me up. "You're beating around the bush. Ask me what you desire to know."

I could not. I did not want to know. He told me anyways.

"I aided the Frost Giants' entrance to Asgard."

My breath caught in my throat. I thought I was going to be sick.

"Why…?" My voice was small, and in the back of my mind, the memory of Odin warning me about Loki resurfaced. I am weak.

"Sigyn, Sigyn, Sigyn. We were to be wed and yet you know so little of me? I've been playing tricks since I was a child."

"No. It's too much. Why would you—" Why would he do something that could potentially threaten the safety of Asgard?

"My brother knows nothing of what it means to be king other than that it would allow him access to all the battlegrounds and whores that he pleases. Asgard needs a true king. Asgard needs me."

"That was for Odin to decide, Loki. He does everything for a reason—he has plans for you, I am sure."

He scoffed. "Oh, yes, indeed. He planned for me to return to my home and rule as king there. As if I would reign over a pack of monsters. They deserve to be obliterated and turned to ash."

"They are not monsters, nor are you! Please, Loki, hear me! I looked past your birth. Others will do the same."

He turned to smirk at me. That caught me off guard—more than it probably should. "What—they'll whore themselves out to me?"

"No—what? How—how dare you? You and I are to be wed! I chose to lay with you because I care for you and you needed me and—"

"Are you that stupid? Do you honestly believe yourself to be the only one I have awarded the slightest favor?"

No. No, he couldn't—wouldn't—

He sighed, as if irritated, turning away again. "Perhaps it is time that we end this pointless relationship."

"No!" I screamed. I wore far more emotions on my face and in my words than intended and I regretted it instantly. "You—you can't leave me! I love you! I have always loved you!"

His gaze turned from the portal back to me. He raised his eyebrows, but only for a moment, before the corners of his lips turned up. He sneered at me.

"Well…that isn't my fault."

My heart shattered. It had to be a lie. He loved me. He—

He moved for the portal again. Without even giving my actions a thought, I leapt out at him, catching him just as he moved through the light.

It was a foreign experience, as I never once travelled through the Bifrost. At first I overreacted, nearly letting go of Loki, which would have either killed me or thrown me somewhere into the depths of space. After becoming used to it, it was almost pleasant. The light was beautiful and glorious—it felt like flying.

Then the sensation fell away as I slammed into rock hard earth, Galdrs beside me. The force made me lose my hold on Loki as well. Looking around, my eyes met pitch-black night.

Somewhere to my left, Loki let out a deep, pitying sigh. "I suppose this is for the best. You seem to always be in the way recently and I can't exactly have you speaking to others about my origin."

Words would not form.

"I'm casting a spell on you. Heimdall will be able to neither see nor hear you, so please do not waste your breath calling for him to open the Bifrost."

Through the darkness, I felt his hand cup my cheek. In a panic, I moved towards him, trying to grab his arm. My hands met only air and the touch disappeared from my face.

"Goodbye, Sigyn."

End of Dusk

A/N Just so we're clear, Dusk is the first part of the story. The other parts will be published here, under the same title.