((Edited 10/14/11))
Author's Note: Okay, a little sweet happy moment for Cloud is in order… Or at least a moment that makes feel bubbly and giggly. My sense of humor is…odd. Ah well, enjoy!
I am open to constructive criticism, advice and suggestions.
Also, I will do my best to keep all characters as in-character as possible. Some discrepancies in behavior (and appearance) will occur, but for the most part, there will be a reason and an explanation. If you feel that I am being horribly OOC, please, I encourage you to tell me. I love feedback because it makes me a better writer in the end (and it usually makes me want to write more).
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII in its entirety do not belong to me but to Square Equinox. To quote another writer: "These are not my toys; I'm just abusing them…"
Rating (chapter): PG-13
Word Count: 3,401
Summary: The first thing on Cloud Strife's mind when he woke was Not Again. Reliving the past once was hard enough, but doing everything again for a fourth time…Refusing to believe that he is trapped in a cycle of endless death and re-birth, Cloud decides to do whatever he can to stop the future he knows from happening. Along the way, he finds himself tangled up with the man he could not help but think was beautiful but learned to hate. Sephiroth was always part of the problem, but could Cloud turn the General into the solution? Time Travel fic/AU.
Forth Time's the Charm
by Catsitta
((Chapter beta: Meggurra))
"Characters live to be noticed. People with character notice how they live."—Nancy Moser
Chapter Three: Run
Cloud did not need to count to know that there were approximately one hundred-and-fifty wannabe SOLDIER's in the program. About half of that number, were older recruits, who failed the exam and wished to make a second attempt. Which meant, as he glanced down the row he stood in; there were about seventy-five students in his current class. The older recruits never took classes with the younger, why, Cloud was not quite sure.
But, if he remembered correctly, usually only seventy-five total participants ever took the final exam, with only about a third of that number actually passing the test.
Humming softly to ease his nerves—Cloud had never liked crowded spaces—he waited for instruction. Standing at attention, in alphabetical order by last name, had been their only command since Coach Ricker Mason stormed into the room. It was obvious that the red-faced man had a temper and was very close to losing his on an unsuspecting cadet.
Minutes passed, the coach paced. Cloud's muscles began to ache with the desire to move, shift or anything but stand ramrod straight. Keeping his eyes up, his chin high, he did his best to relax on the inside. Calm thoughts. He let out a soft breath.
It was a test of will. So, Cloud would prove he had the stronger one.
After spending two lifetimes filled with suffering and war, Cloud knew how to escape pain. Experience is all he would need to let him focus on something other than his weak, fifteen-year-old body and its petty aches.
Breathing deeply, he pushed away his thoughts and focused on a single point outside his mind and body. Cloud forced himself to remain both steady and at ease. Tensing too much would prevent him from leaving behind reality and relaxing too much would cause him to fall out of his state of attention. It took longer than usual, but after a great deal of patience, his focus blurred and he felt weightless.
SOLDIER's learned to put themselves in an unresponsive state to survive torture and interrogation if they were ever captured. Cloud, in his first life, learned it the hard way in Hojo's lab. Part of staying alive through all the experiments he had to endure was escaping the pain. Unfortunately, spending long periods of time in this detached state mixed with the sheer shock his body went through, he suffered amnesia and struggled to put together the pieces of his past afterwards.
Dying the first time helped rectify that.
Cloud could almost laugh at his own thoughts. He was truly insane. No one, not even himself, would believe that he was living his fourth life. If he told anyone they would say he was a complete, muttering nut job fit for the padded room. He might even agree with them. Apparently, Gaia figured out a thing or two about her champion after he did snap. She was being a little more careful than she had before.
Strange.
Thinking of the Planet as a living deity was one thing, but the more he personified Her, the more bizarre She became in his mind. Why did She claim him as Her savior? Why, after everything, did she keep dragging him back to his teenage body and assault him with his memories? Gaia could very well go pester someone else and make him live through what he's had to, and then after all that force him to stay sane…
Did the Planet actually understand sanity?
Perhaps She learned, like humans did. If his mind was open to Gaia, She could feel his emotions. She understood pain and sadness, grief and anger. Maybe, after all this time, Cloud was teaching the Planet about the limits he could endure…Or, She simply recognized what caused him to die and did Her best to take away that stimulus. Whatever it was it was working so far.
Damn sentient Planet.
The more he thought about it, the less everything made sense. He caught flickers of the past, mere moments of passing through the Lifestream. Gaia was pulling him here, not rejecting him. The Lifestream could not accept someone tainted by JENOVA but in his last life, the alien was not even a true factor yet. There was no taint on Cloud or the flowing life within the Planet. So, the question was why him? Why the fragile blonde cadet who obviously failed to stop the worst from happening on more than one occasion?
Hero. Champion. Savior.
Was it just him, or did the Planet sound suspiciously like Aerith? Hmm, maybe all things Ancient sounded the same when one got down to the basics. Wisdom, innocence, chaos and order: these undertones were present because they were undeniable truths of Gaia. Only something powerful and ancient could possess two qualities whose nature are so completely opposite.
Cadet Cloud Strife…Strife! STRIFE, PAY THE HELL ATTENTION WHEN I AM SPEAKING TO YOU!
Huh? That was certainly nothing the Planet ever said to him before. She was normally more subtle. Her commands were shaped into pictures; Her wishes into simple words filled with meaning. By no means did the Planet ever scream at him to pay attention…sounding suspiciously like a certain Coach…Ricker, Damn.
Cloud plunged back into reality, blinking rapidly to regain a sense of where and when he was. The other cadets were nowhere to be seen and the Coach loomed over him like a giant. He opened his mouth to say something but could not find words.
"Daydreaming, boy?" Coach Ricker sneered.
"N-no sir." Cloud did not mean to stutter but it was taking a little while for his brain to process what was going on.
"So you were purposely ignoring orders, then."
"NO SIR!" Damn. How long had he zoned out for?
"Then tell me WHY you're STANDING here and NOT running laps like EVERYONE else!"
Cloud's thoughts raced. An excuse. A reason.
"Sir, your orders were to stand at attention until given instructions to do so otherwise. The command you made to run was given without an at ease or other signal that the original task was completed. Thus, I am to stand here until you give me permission to leave the state of attention, sir." That was pathetic. Coach Ricker was going to laugh in his face before smashing it into the gym floor. Cloud could not help thinking to himself that he already had enough bruises that it was not like any new ones were going to show.
Coach Ricker blinked. A vein bulged in his neck. Yep. Cloud was dead. Just call him squished. Such a short life too…
"Strife, report to your commanding officer…AFTER YOU GIVE ME THE FUCKIN' FIFTY LAPS I ORDERED!" Fifty laps, running that was going to take a while. Hours…
"Sir, yes sir."
Then Cloud ran.
000X000
"…He defied a direct command then proceeded to inform me that I had not properly issued said command. That Strife boy is trouble." Officer Laneway listened attentively as Coach Ricker ranted about the apparent misdeeds of a certain cadet. He arched a brow as he listened to the man rant, his curiosity growing with each detail.
"So you are telling me that this cadet began daydreaming in your class and then ignored you when you ordered the class to run laps?"
"Sir," Coach Ricker nodded.
"Who is he?"
"Strife, sir. Cadet Cloud Strife."
"Strife?" Officer Laneway clarified.
"Yes, sir. Small, weak and does not know to hold his tongue." The coach added as an afterthought, "Probably why he showed up to class looking the way he did."
Laneway hummed his interest.
"Covered in bruises," the coach supplied.
The officer frowned. Sometimes insubordination found root in violence. If this cadet was already being bullied by his peers then what was going to happen later in the year? Not good.
"I'm sending him to your office after he finishes his laps."
"Not punishing him yourself?"
The coach let out a sigh. "No sir."
Laneway almost asked why, but decided not to question the man's choice. At least this way, he would get to see the boy who managed to get himself kicked to his commanding officer on the first day of official cadet training.
000X000
Cloud hated running.
He was so out of shape that he was walking after the first lap. The other cadets snickered, trotting past him. They whispered about how he was going to get kicked out of the program, which was ridiculous, since, it took a minimum of three infractions before anyone considered tossing you out. What Cloud did was minor and would be ignored…mostly. Too many marks against him could fail him on the final exam.
Best behave Cloud. No more zoning out…
Unfortunately, the laps were starting to take their toll on him. A stitch was forming in his side and his legs burned. Pain. Young Cloud never had a high tolerance for pain. At fifteen, he frequently collapsed on the track, his muscles aching too much for him to continue.
Well, he had a few hours to waste…
Soon, he left behind the pain and other mundane things. It was easy, almost too easy to get lost in the little place outside himself. There was no emotion. No sensation. Just existence and thought. Cloud was closer to Gaia here. He could feel the Lifestream and its flow beneath the surface.
Cloud. That voice…It belonged to his mother. He turned. The ShinRa training facilities were gone. He was home. He was…ten?
"Cloud, what are you doing?"
"Fighting monsters, mama." He slashed at the offending tree with a stick. "Take that!"
"Cloudy~" His mother let out a giggle. Her son was so enthusiastic and brave. Already he talked about joining the army and saving people.
He stabbed he tree…the stick broke. "Ahhh, my sword!" Cloud yelped before diving to the ground. Small and agile, he quickly escaped the imaginary monster that snapped his sword with its powerful jaws. "Mama, run! He's gunna get you."
"Oh no," she did her best to feign fright but ended up giggling instead.
"Not funny mama, he's gunna eat you." Young Cloud sounded so serious. It was rather humorous to hear such a deadpan voice come from a tiny, vibrant child. His mother ruffled his blonde spikes.
"I'm running, Cloudy. I'm running."
A smile lighted on his face.
"I have to find another sword before he destroys the town. Cloud Strife to the rescue!"
With that said, he ran, charging past the "monster" and disappearing into the forest. A new weapon waited for him. He just had to find it.
"Wow, you can really zone out, don't'cha kid?"
Cloud blinked. Running beside him was…Reno? The redhead grinned at him smugly. Nothing really ever changed about the boy between his days as a cadet and his recruitment into the Turks. Though Cloud had never noticed him in his first life; in his second and third lives he had.
It was odd now how he missed someone so…obvious. It was not like Reno was the most subtle of people. That he stood out in a crowd was putting things lightly. From the sheer brightness of his hair, to the outspoken mannerisms, to the scars beneath his eyes, it was just hard to ignore Reno. Then again, the Turks had wanted him for a reason. For all that he was a loudmouth and impulsive, Reno was insightful and a scrapper. Being able to read people like a book then putting a bullet in their skull required a sick mix of empathy and utter brutality.
"Er, I guess."
Reno snorted. "Heard you badmouthed ol' red-face, yo."
"Not really."
"No?" Reno smirked.
"No."
There was an awkward, drawn out pause, before Reno burst out laughing. "You're funny kid."
Cloud shot him an incredulous look.
"I'm not a kid. I'm fifteen."
"…and you look twelve, yo…"
A hard glare sent Reno a step to the side. "Ooh, scary. But, hey, lemme ask you somethin'. How'd you get those bruises, yo? Looks like you got your ass handed to yah."
"I fell," Cloud told him softly not really expecting to be believed.
"On someone's fist?"
"No, in the bathroom. I was disoriented after the last hell they put us through and collapsed, alright? I…I bruise easy. That's all…" Would Reno believe him?
"That the truth, kid?" Reno asked obvious disbelief lacing his tone.
"That's the truth…And I'm not a kid. My name's Cloud."
"Reno…" The redhead flashed a smile. Perhaps things would be just fine. If someone as popular as Reno was talking to him this early on, then Cloud was doing something right. The soon-to-be-Turk usually only noticed people he found interesting. Having a potential friend this soon, well, even Cloud had to admit, was a record.
They talked for a while about nothing. It was fairly one sided, with Cloud telling him about his life in Nibelheim. There was very little good to say about the place, but…it was still home. His mother was there and Tifa was there. The mountains he grew up in were there. Everything that had been good about his childhood was there…though; it was also the setting to some of the worst days of his life.
A place of beginnings and ends, Nibelheim was an enigma. The truths got tangled up in the lies that shrouded the town. People whisper at night about the past. They whisper about those who don't belong. With eyes wide open and minds closed tight, the townsfolk had always found something to gossip about mostly that included Cloud.
Being different did not start when he left for Midgar.
Cloud was the bastard son of a father he never knew. His mother described him as handsome and honorable, with the looks of an angel and the heart of a soldier. She said that she had planned to marry him, even before Cloud started growing in her belly. But her fiancé was a military man and the time never seemed right to have a wedding.
He disappeared one day, however. She got a letter in the mail about him being lost in Wutai. That was when Cloud was older of course, but the two never even had a chance to meet.
Many of the townsfolk believed that he had run off and had never wanted to come back to his wife and son. But Cloud read the letters his mother thought she kept hidden. The man still loved her…Or at least he claimed to on paper. His presumed death in the war shook his mother and made Cloud ever more determined to join the military. It was not until the recruitment posters showed up with Sephiroth posed in the middle did Cloud want to be a SOLDIER.
It was embarrassing to look back and recognize how obsessed he became with the man.
Without a father figure, Cloud often sought out strong individuals in town for advice, if only to fill the emptiness that existed within. Feeling alienated by his peers, though there were only a couple kids remotely his same age, was nothing unusual for him. So adults became his preferred companions, but that ShinRa poster…
He had suddenly felt like he had found his purpose.
Cloud was never sure if it was the promises laid out in text that made him want to join the army more than ever, or if it was the man who was the General. He looked so strong, powerful… Sephiroth was not the kind of man a town would feel embarrassed by. He was a hero. A man that a town welcomed with open arms and hearts.
Younger Cloud worshipped the man on the poster. How easily such foolish dreams were broken. Reality was not kind to the image in his head. No. What he went through obliterated everything he ever thought he knew about the General. Well, other than the fact that the man was powerful and beautiful…
Beautiful… That was perhaps another one of his problems growing up. He did not realize it until he was in the SOLIDER cadet program that he liked…men. The town more than likely figured it out before he did. Honestly, when the mayor's daughter Tifa started treating him like a friend and he did not trip over his own two feet in love with her for it, well… Cloud was never exactly sure why Tifa ever felt like more than a potential friend to him. He assumed it the age difference and her attitude.
Thinking back to his obsession with the poster, Cloud knew he should have realized sooner that there was never a chance that he would think of her differently.
Cloud? The scene blurred until he was standing beside the brunette, staring out over an expanse of desert.
"Yes Tifa?"
"What do you think would have happened if…none of this had happened?" She motioned towards everything.
"What do you mean?"
Tifa bowed her head and blushed a little. "Do you think we could have been…together?"
Cloud frowned sadly and wrapped his arms around his friend. She buried her face into his shoulder and began to cry softly. It had been hard for them. All the pain. All the death. Everything the group accomplished only ended up leading to more and more problems.
"No,,,"
She groaned. "No?"
"It would not have been fair to either of us." He told her softly, stroking her hair.
"But you love me!" she whispered, "and I love you."
"Yes. I love you."
"But?"
"…But not as a lover. As a friend, it would devastate me to lose you."
Silence drew between them. Then, thankfully acceptance. Tifa hugged him, as if to assure him that it was okay, that everything would turn out okay. Cloud returned her embrace, holding her for as long as she wanted to be held. Since the chaos began, they'd lain together at night trying to forget it all. Love existed between them, but no passion. It was simply an act between two humans trying to ease the suffering they felt. Comfort found in each other's arms was a small gift, even if it was not what either of them thought they'd find.
"I love you, Cloud."
He felt his heart wrench in his chest.
"Even if you can't love me back."
She pulled away then and looked in his eyes. "I hope one day, however, you find who you're looking for. It's wonderful finding love, even if it's a one sided affair."
Cloud smiled. It was all he could do to mask the chord her words struck in his heart. Sephiroth. His name echoed within him, devastating in nature.
"Whoa, Cloudy-boy, are you in there, yo?" It was Reno. Cloud took a sharp breath when he saw the hand waving in front of his eyes.
"Y-yeah…" It was hard to make the words come out right. The visions always messed with the mental functions for a while. If they were strong enough, his physical body would react, like earlier that morning.
Reno shook his head and mumbled something about Cloud being a weird kid with his head stuck in the mountains.
"I heard that," he snapped.
Reno said in what for him was a placating tone, "Geesh, easy kid. No need to lose your cool, yo."
Cloud shook his head, not realizing that the last lap had come and gone already. He felt…strange. Not good, but not bad either. The pain simply was not there. Fatigue threatened to tug at him but…He came to a halt, Reno half collapsed beside him.
"How you still standin'?" He asked between gasps for air. Cloud didn't notice how strained the redhead had sounded while they were talking. But now…
He shrugged.
The other cadets were already finished. Most were heading towards the showers, others laid on their backs like Reno. Coach Riker was hovering nearby and when Cloud finished, marched over. "Cadet Strife!" he bellowed.
Taking in a deep breath, Cloud turned toward the red-faced man.
"I thought I told you to report to your commanding officer when you when you finished those laps! Now move it."
"Sir!" Cloud marched away from the other recruits. He could hear the coach screaming at the cadets lying on the ground, telling them how pathetic they were and how they needed to get their lazy asses up and into the showers.
He shook his head. This was certainly turning into a day to remember.