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The Icebergs, floating in stunned peace that moves slowly toward the bright rim of the Earth, are mercilessly shattered by their own destiny. All of their whiteness was born of the dark, all of their fires were lit by the cold at the ends of the Earth. From their depth to their summits they were brought up to silence. They might have stayed there in perfect peace until all time had died. But there was a flaw in the whiteness. It was in love with the light. And with unspeakable pain it set out to reach the Sun, forsaking everything else forever.

- The Songs of the Icebergs, W. S. Merwin

Holly has someone new.

I should be happy for her.

Gail pulled her knees up tighter to her chest in a vein attempt to fill the aching void that was threatening to swallow her whole. She stared out into the dark abyss of her room. The frame of her bed bit into her back as unwitting tears soaked into the flannel of her lounge pants. Her hand still hurt from having punched the bathroom stall at the Penny hard enough to leave a dent, when Holly had left with her new apparent someone, someone.

"I am so fucking stupid!" she moaned into her knees, covering her head with her arms.

Thank God for Chris! Although he had kept glancing nervously from Gail to Holly and back, he hadn't asked any questions, he had just kept buying her drinks. And thank God that Chloe and Dov were so oblivious to anything outside of their own little Disney bubble they hadn't noticed anything might be wrong. They had little cartoon hearts and birds spinning around their heads every time they looked at each other. It usually made her want to puke, but tonight she was grateful.

When Holly had gotten up to go, she thought she saw her look her way, and for one brief instant she thought she saw Holly hesitate. But then her date had leaned over and said something that made Holly smile and laugh, the way Holly used to smile and laugh with her, as they put on their coats. When she saw Holly put her hand on the small of her date's back to guide her through the crowded bar and out the door, Gail couldn't take it any more. She kicked back her drink and stood up so fast it knocked her chair to the floor. Dov's concerned question barely registered as she rushed to the thankfully empty lady's room to punch the wall, and scream, and hide her tears in a stall.

Shit.

Not even Nick and Andy made her lose control like this. She had left the Penny from there and run all the way home.

Run.

Her.

Run.

What the fuck was wrong with her?

Gail awoke to the sound of her alarm clock going off, curled into a tight ball on the floor of her bedroom. Her head hurt almost as much as her heart, and her entire body ached. She felt sick. Had she actually slept? Not really. Today was going to be fucking lovely, she could already tell. Chris met her as she stumbled into the kitchen with a cup of coffee in his hand.

"Hey Gail, are you ok?" He said softly, that look of puppy dog concern on his face, "You left your jacket at the bar. We were worried." He held it up for her to see.

"I'm fine, Chris!" She said a little more harshly than she meant to.

It unfortunately didn't faze him at all.

"Well you know Gail, people do care about you. I'm just sayin', that's all." He said offering her a hot banana chocolate chip muffin he was pulling from the oven.

Damn. She scowled. Why did he have to be so nice to her? She grunted at him and took a bite. Delicious! She might have to eat three or four more of these if she was going to survive the morning.

"Hey, if you hurry you can beat Dov and Chloe into the shower. You know there will be no more time or hot water if they get there first!" He offered, changing the subject.

"Thanks!" She headed for the bathroom, smiling bleakly at him, while grabbing another muffin, and stealing Chris's coffee.

He simply smiled and shook his head as he poured himself a fresh mug.

The ride in to work was mercifully quiet with Dov and Chloe wrapped up in each other in the back seat of Chris's truck. And there was no time for talk before they rushed off to change into their uniforms either.

Her phone began to vibrate in her pocket on as she sat down for parade. She glanced at it under the table.

Holly.

"Hey Gail!"

Fuck.

It buzzed again.

"Lunch? Chinese Dumpling House?"

She ignored it.

Recertifications and signing up for the range were the forefront topic of today's briefing. Good. It looked like it was going to be a quiet, uneventful day. Thank God she was riding with Oliver! If she had been riding with Andy, or Nick, or Chloe, somebody was going to die.

She and Oliver were on their way to his favorite bakery when the call came in, "Shots fired, officer down, repeat, officers under fire. All units respond!"

HOLY SHIT!

They were the first unit on the scene. The medics were somewhere right behind them. Gail could see Chloe's legs sticking out from behind a huge freakin' monument rock as she got out of the car. Andy was kneeling over Chloe on the ground where Oliver raced to join her. Gail stood in the middle of that empty space, weapon drawn, feeling powerless to protect her friends, but she would try.

"Open your eyes and talk to me, Chloe!" Oliver was practically shouting.

Gail had never felt so exposed and alone. She scanned the park, weapon drawn, but everything was still. Where the fuck was everyone?

"Come on darlin' open your eyes! Price! Price! Stay with me!" She could hear Oliver behind her.

"Oliver? Where are the Medics?" Andy was pleading.

Where the fuck were the medics anyway? Time slowed down to a snail's pace. Gail was frantic, but everything was moving in slow motion.

The ambulance finally arrived seconds later. Two EMTs jumped out of the back running toward them with a backboard and medical bags in hand. Gail sprinted along with them, covering them with her gun, searching the surrounding rooftops for danger as she ran. It was pure agony, like trying to run through clear gelatin or being stuck in a freeze frame movie. They scooped Chloe onto a backboard and ran at a crouch back to the waiting bus. The ambulance took off as more cop cars arrived on the scene from everywhere at once, and the world exploded back to real time, just like that.

They were back in the car when it hit her.

Dov.

Oh no! Dov was going to freak! She could only be grateful that he was assigned to booking today and wasn't there to witness Chloe lying on the ground, covered in her own blood! She hoped that Chris would be able to be there for him! She knew Oliver could see right through her, her love, her pain, the deep concern she was hiding behind the flippant attitude, but she couldn't just let him in. She didn't know how without falling apart. She had just begun to tell him about how much of an idiot Dov was for Chloe, how truly worried she was, when the nine-one-one call came in.

Christ, the place was a dump! She had made some sarcastic comment about the probability of hippies living there, and Oliver was making fun of her about it. He had stopped the car and was standing there, leaning on his open door teasing her about double checking the address with dispatch too. He had just leaned back into the car to get his forgotten notebook when the first shot rang out shattering the window of the car door where he had been standing literally seconds before!

MOTHERFUCKER!

She didn't think, she reacted, grabbing him by the vest and pulling him back into the car. All she could hear were gunshots and the beating of her own heart. All she could think about was Holly.

Back at the house, Frank had called an emergency meeting. The mood was grim and tense, nobody sat, they all stood at ridged attention listening.

Holly.

Frank was talking about how this was personal, that they, at division fifteen, were being stalked and hunted.

Holly has someone new. Why does that hurt so much?

Frank was talking about Chloe. Shit.

Holly has someone new, and she didn't even tell her. A spark of anger flared in Gail's chest.

Frank was saying something about the dangers of wearing the uniform, and honor, and duty.

She had been shot at! Would Holly even care? Holly has someone new, and now I am alone, again. And it hurt like never before.

Frank was dismissing them with "Let's all come home tonight!"

If she was going to survive, she would have to lock all of her feelings away and throw away the key. She was ready. She could run, she knew how. She would leave Holly to her new someone, someone, and never look back. She took a deep breath and rushed back out into the hall, clipping her radio back on as she hurried to find Oliver.

Holly.

As if summoned by her thoughts there she was standing in the middle of the chaos carrying a blue folder. Gail could tell by the way Holly was standing there was something wrong. She had never seen Holly looking so lost before. God she was beautiful!

Holly has someone new, and she didn't even tell her. The anger was back.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" She demanded as Holly spun around to greet her.