A/N: Okay so I know some people have been asking about Hope... and he will be in the story haha. Not this chapter, but soon. :) Just wanted to say thanks again to those who are reading!

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Internal Dialogue
Chapter 3

Even though I offered my house several times as we walked from the station into town, Sazh refused and said he and Dajh were going to rent a hotel room instead. He argued it was part of the "sight-seeing" experience. I really hoped he would've agreed to take my extra room because then at least I could use Dajh to distract Snow while I talked to Serah.

I pleaded with Sazh, "Are you sure I can't… you know,keep him for a day?"

"You can't just take my kid…"

Right. "Well, just know, you can stop by whenever you want."

"Of course," Sazh nodded as he held out his hand for an awaiting Dajh. "Dajh here really wants to see Snow, and I can't congratulate Serah enough on her engagement. I could congratulate her enough for the both of us!"

"Yeah, I don't doubt that at all." I smiled dryly, casting a wayward glance at the sky. "But listen, you two should come over for lunch."

"Or early lunch!" Dajh chipped in. He turned to me, as if informing me on the biggest development in his life since I'd last seen him, "It's early lunch now."

Sazh chuckled, lifting Dajh up onto his shoulders, "Yeah, early lunch – bacon, soups, and breadsticks – how about it?" He glanced up at Dajh, and the two of them began to chuckle in synch. I smiled a little. It was nice seeing Sazh so happy. I felt like it was easier to feel happy for him than it was for me to feel happy for Serah. Is that bad? I know it is. I can't help it. Oh, Serah… I don't know what to say.

"Well, I don't know if we have any of that," I said, crossing my arms. Dajh's face fell instantly and I saw him look down at Sazh through his hair, disappointed. Ugh, again? I can never say anything this kid takes well. "Uh—" I interrupted. "—but… there's a chance of Snow." I'm so clever.

Dajh nodded firmly, crossing his arms like I was, atop Sazh's head. "I'm sold." He's so precious, I could die.

The three of us – or two, since Dajh was too preoccupied with his chocobo – talked about nothing as we headed back to the house. I was still feeling anxious that Snow was shirtless. I mean, I know I left awhile ago, so there really should be no reason why he was still walking around without a shirt in my house. However, he was that kind of person. He can't sense awkwardness well. So he would find nothing wrong with his lack of a shirt or anything. And his 'well I just woke up' reason? I don't buy it.

I slowly pushed open the front door. It creaked. I had to fix that immediately. I could hear footsteps scampering down the hall and I knew at once that it was Serah. As I shut the door gently behind Sazh and Dajh, she appeared, looking flustered and hurried. "Claire," she said, breathily.

"Serah." I replied curtly. I gestured briefly to our two visitors, "Dajh, Sazh, Serah; Serah, Dajh, Sazh. You remember, don't you?" I looked at her and she nodded right away. She was acting funny. There was still a Villiers in my house, wasn't there? Okay there has to be a better way to ask that. I looked at Dajh and I remembered there was at least one person who wanted to see that… guy. "Where's Snow? Dajh is looking for him."

"He's – he's coming. He's just… upstairs."

Um. "What for?"

"Oh, just…" She scratched her head nervously and took a step forward to pat Dajh, who instantly beamed, on the head. "You know." No, I don't. "Can I talk to you for a second? Alone?" Her eyes locked with mine and I knew there was trouble. I can't believe this. She's pregnant, isn't she? There's going to be more Villiers, aren't there? This is so unnecessary. But I couldn't get angry at her. No, no. That would… she wouldn't trust me anymore. She wouldn't want to talk to me anymore if I blew up in her face. I should play it cool. I should let her tell me whatever she wants, and then outline to her my five-step program to rid herself of the Villiers child – oh my goodness, that was the worst thing I've ever thought of in my entire life. I – God, if she knew I thought that, she would never speak to me again. I need to not… I just need to not, okay.

"Claire?"

"Yes?"

"Talk. Can we?"

"Where's Snow?"

She rolled her eyes and rushed to the foot of the staircase. For a moment, she looked like she was going to yell something, but after taking another glance at me, she quickly rushed up the stairs and emerged with a flustered Snow. What is with all the flusteration? What's going on? Ugh. There is a baby. I knew it. I'm not ready to be an aunt. I'm not ready to be an aunt to a blond Villiers baby.

Snow didn't look at me when he came downstairs. Obviously, he wouldn't. I would've knocked his eyes square out of his face if he did. Well. Would I? Would that make Serah happy? No. But it would make me very, very ha—

"Hey, big guy!" Snow grinned suddenly, bypassing me and scooping up Dajh. "How've you been?"

"Without a robot!" Dajh exclaimed, throwing his hands up as he giggled. "I've missed my Billers robot!"

"… Villiers."

"Vi…Bill…"

"You'll learn." Snow shrugged. He glanced at me too – why was everyone glancing? What is this? It's so noncommittal. If someone has something to say, such as 'there will be blond babies', I'd like to hear it now so I can murder Snow and effectively postpone the wedding. "Come on, let's get out of here. Sis looks like she's gonna have a heart attack." What? He rushed away with an intrigued Dajh – "A real heart attack?" I heard him say – and Serah was looking at me funny. I can't stand this.

I turned to Sazh, who I noticed was waiting for all the awkwardness to pass. I should've warned him that the atmosphere was pretty much a bag of mixed signals since morning. "You can ravage my kitchen." I told him. "I think there's cabbage somewhere in a tray."

"A-actually," Serah spoke up. She made it a point to avoid my eyes completely as she spoke to Sazh around my head. "Snow cooked lunch. So. There's stuff in the kitchen." She smiled warmly at him.

Sazh smiled back, "Aww, well…" I turned around to look at him. How is it that everyone is buying into this Snow thing except for me? I don't know. I feel as if I've somehow been robbed of a sister, robbed of a house, robbed of the only small child I've ever liked, robbed of my friends, my integrity – all because of Snow Villiers. This is ridiculous. I – "Are…" Sazh cleared his throat. And I realized I was still looking at him. Tenaciously. He took a cautious step back. "Hey, don't take this out on me. Whatever it is that's wrong with you, you better get that ish fixed."

I can't believe he just said 'ish'. I can't believe he has built-in censors. That is insane. I wonder if that will happen to Serah after the kid. I wonder if I'll have to build censors into my daily speech too. Ugh. I turned back to face Serah as Sazh slipped into the kitchen and I could hear Dajh yelling commands at Snow from the sitting room. If only it was that easy…

"Claire," Serah cleared her throat. "I have something I want to tell you – b-but you can't tell anyone because I'm not really sure yet—"

"Oh my God." I gasped, my breath caught in my throat. I held up a hand to silence her. "I've heard enough. I can't even believe this. How… how did this happen?"

Serah clasped her hands together, and bit her tongue. "It's," She began tiredly. "It's just that – okay, don't tell Snow I told you, because he said I shouldn't mention it… b-because you talked to him yesterday about it."

So after I brought up the kids thing, he realized it was a perfect time to exploit my sister? Yeah. First and last child he's ever going to have. "Are you serious, Serah? That's so irresponsible of you!"

"I know!" She groaned, rubbing a hand down her face. "I know, but we stayed up all night after you went to bed—"

"Holy fuck and a half, Serah, I don't need to know how it happened!" I snapped. "Just – I mean," Ugh, what am I saying? "Do you… do you have a name for it?"

She blinked twice. "Excuse me?"

"Ugh, obviously not, this is a… a recent… event. Okay." I groaned. I've never had to do this, ever. This was definitely… I was not prepared for this. Okay. Here goes. "Listen, Serah," Hmm. … "I don't… I mean, I'm not… I'm your sister, but I'm still older… and this is technically my house. So. I mean, I don't set a lot of rules or anything. But just… and I mean, I know you're… getting married or whatever, but just – it's too soon. It's way too soon to be… doing that. I – oh God – um… well, you're still so young so I don't… I don't know." I don't. I really don't.

Serah stood blinking for awhile longer. Once, twice, thrice – I could tell she was trying to read me. I thought I was being pretty straightforward. I figured she would at least take something away from that. Goodness. I can't do this. I can never be a parent. I can barely lecture my own sister. This is so embarrassing. Serah quickly stepped forward and grabbed me by the shoulders, staring straight into my eyes. She said, "What in the actual hell are you talking about?"

Wait, what? "What do you mean?" I hissed, and cast a glance over my shoulder to make sure no one was listening. Snow was. He probably was, somewhere in the sitting room. He's like that. "You're the one who's having a baby!" I whispered the last part as quietly as I could. I knew if Sazh heard, he'd definitely freak out. He should be having this talk with Serah. He has a child; he should know how to phrase things in a relatively objective manner. I had no prior practice with this.

Serah gasped suddenly and grabbed her stomach. I bet she didn't expect me to find out this way. I felt kind of bad, but still, how could she? I agreed to a wedding, not babies. "I'm – no way, I'm not having a baby! That's insane. Who told you that?"

"You're not?" I did little to hide the happiness in my voice. I think I concealed my smile well, though. I didn't want her to think I was too happy, even though I was... so happy. "Oh my God… that's… joyful." Joyful?

"Claire, what…?"

"Okay, so if you weren't talking about babies, what exactly were you trying to say? The thing with Snow? And the… the shirt?"

"Oh God, sis," I think I heard a faint chuckle in her voice. At least she had a sense of humour, right? She crossed her arms, "You're so… I don't even know." Thanks. "The actual reason Snow stayed over – and I'm sorry, I know I should've asked you first, but it was late – well, yeah, it's because we were looking through venues… in Palumpolum." She looked as if she was bracing herself for an outburst. I literally had no comment. All I could do was shrug. How ridiculously random. "He said you mentioned it yesterday, saying that I would like it, but I know the real reason you brought it up is because you like Palumpolum… I remember you liked visiting." She smiled. "So, we were thinking, because even though it's not really about you, you've been so nice to me and so supportive… we were thinking about moving the wedding there instead, just so you could go. It'd be like when we were young. What do you say?"

That is… that is so sweet. I really didn't know what to say. The fact that she was thinking of me when she really shouldn't have been was admirable. But I… Palumpolum or Bodhum or Nautilus – it didn't matter; I didn't want her to go through with the wedding. What could I say? No matter where they hold it, I will still be a bitter, bitter child. But look – now's the perfect time to tell her how you feel. She's waiting for a response, there's no Snow, there's no Sazh – but wait, didn't I say I would ask Sazh his opinion first? He doesn't seem to be catching any of the vibes, though. I can't believe he seriously thinks I'm happy with this. But maybe it's just an assumption. It would be safe to assume that, yes, an older sister would be happy that her younger sister is getting married. Or, even, her younger sister is happy. But I don't know. I just can't… ugh, what's wrong with me? Even after she was thinking of moving the venue for me? I'm such a… I don't even know. This is so difficult. She's staring at me. What am I supposed to say?

Where's Sazh?

"I'll be… right back." I said quickly, and rushed into the kitchen. I know; that was a bitch move. I apologize. I'll apologize to her later as well. But I wasn't really thinking today. I had my mind set so much on one thing that it was like everything else was subordinated. I just needed someone to tell me that I was right. "Sazh? Sazh?" I stalked my way to where he was seated at the table with a bowl of steamed vegetables, rice, and breadsticks… steamed vegetables? … Snow can cook? "Uh… Sazh?" I lost my train of thought completely.

"This is good." He said, jutting a finger to just about everything in front of him. "Have you tried this?"

I pulled up a chair beside him, casting sketchy glances over my shoulder every now and then. "It's… yeah, it looks great. Listen. I need to ask you a favour."

"Anything." He answered, chomping on breadsticks. I didn't speak right away but it's only because I really couldn't phrase anything right today. He seemed to sense my anxiety and almost in an instant, he put down his fork, he put down his breadstick, and he pointed an accusatory finger at me. "No." He said.

"N-no what?" I stuttered. "I don't… understand."

"Just no." He repeated, narrowing his eyes at me. "Listen, I'm not going to let you go through with this. You can't – you cannot – bring me into this. I refuse."

Okay, now I was lost. "What are you talking about, Sazh?"

"No, what are you talking about?"

This is irritating.

"I've seen it too many times before – a bride-to-be's older, sometimes younger, sister hooks up with her sister's fiancée—" WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. "—and I can't be a part of this. I'm not going to let you ruin this for them, okay? So whatever's going on, whatever it is, it needs to stop."

How offensive. "What?" I cringed. "That is disgusting. There is nothing going on between me and Snow. You – this – horrible misunderstanding. That's not at all what I was going to say. But now, sad to say, you've… made me so incomprehensibly nauseous that I have to leave. I need to go." I stood up. "What's with everyone thinking I have a thing for Snow, by the way? It seems to be becoming routine."

Sazh simply shook his head, "I don't know. I don't know."

I sighed, "I think I've made up my mind, though." I looked at him, square in the eyes. "I'm going to tell her. I'm just going to say it."

"Say what?" He asked.

"Say what?" She asked.

Wait.

I whipped around quickly to see Serah standing in the doorway, hands poised on the door frame, eyes unwavering. I felt horrible. Did she hear anything? Did she know what we were talking about? I really hope not. This was… this was just not going well. She cautiously approached, and I could see nothing but fear in her eyes. Great. This was great.

"I…" Okay, no, wait. Am I really going to say it? I've had this conversation too many times before. But at the same time, I felt even worse pretending to be supportive when I really wasn't. Look at her. She's done nothing to deserve this from me. I shouldn't lie to her anymore. I should tell her the truth. "Serah," I began, shakily. No, no, composure! Don't be such a bitch. Say it properly.

"Y-yes?" She seemed startled – so I grabbed her hands because, obviously, this would take away the awkwardness. Well. It didn't. I could feel her wanting to edge away from me, but I held tight. I could hear Sazh chewing behind me. It was actually quite calming. "What's wrong?" She asked timidly.

I shook my head. "Serah," Steady breaths… "I don't want you to go through with this."

And almost at once, I could hear her heart breaking. Or perhaps that was Dajh pushing over my crystal ornaments in the other room. Either way, the shatter was omnipresent.

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Chyeeeeah. :)