A/N: Wanted to thank all of those who have read/ followed/ faved and reviewed...hope everyone enjoys this and Bioware owns all.
Sitting in the port observation room of the Normandy, Shepard stares out into the darkness of space while her mind wanders. There is such a vast amount of the galaxy that has yet to be discovered and it would be so easy for a small ship to get lost out there. Just a lone ship to bring her away from all of the stress and anguish that has been her life.
She has been living a life of lies since her parents died and she has forgotten who she actually is a long time ago. Shepard knows the title that has been bestowed upon her, but is tired of being the galaxy's hero, and does not deserve it. Yes she has saved numerous people throughout the galaxy, but she has been stealing their secrets as well. She feels torn since one side of her has made it possible for the galaxy to be brought to its knees and ruled by one group but the good she has done should be enough to clear her conscience; shouldn't it? Kerry has been pulled in so many different directions over the course of her short career she barely knows who she is anymore, she only wants a normal life.
Normal- What is a normal life? Her therapist always asks her. Is a normal life someone who sits behind a desk all day, doing the same thing over and over; is it someone who wins the Sky Ball championship and is looked upon as a roll model, or is it someone who saves the galaxy? It is such a simple word that has a different meaning to each person who says it. Instead he tells her to categorize each timeframe of her life and recently Shepard figured out that she has been dealt a life of sections.
The first was her childhood, before the tragedy, before her sisters death; all the good that was her life and everything that went along with it. Her parents who were loving, caring people who never seemed to get mad at her or each other no matter what happened, they were happy. Then there were her friends that would talk about how boring their lives were, and how they couldn't wait to be old enough to leave Mindoir. How incredible it would be to explore space and find different species to communicate with, learn from, as well as planets to search. The more she thinks about it the more she realizes that if her friends were alive than they would still be complaining but it would be about how the galaxy isn't as glamorous as they all thought. Shepard can only smile at how Ashley used to make a comment whenever they went on a mission and it went south.
'We used to dream of this...leaving our homes and finding new aliens so they can shoot at us...what the fuck were we thinking?'
Her next section would be in two parts, the death of her sister and then her parents. They were both horrific events that she had to deal with but that is what she did, eventually. Which brings Shepard to her next stage which was her recovery from those tragedies. She did it the best way she knew how, and that was to immerse herself in as much knowledge with regards to her studies as she could.
It helped in the beginning and once she met someone in college it seemed to get a little easier. For a time everything began to fall into place and during the start of her last year of schooling she felt her life was getting better, and she soon began to anticipate her graduation. Even though it was hard not having her family there for it, Anderson would be, and that was okay. She began to feel as if she was shedding the shell that was her past and becoming an adult, and be able to make her own decisions.
Right around the time when her schooling was coming to an end she began to receive numerous job offers from small companies. She continued to politely turn each of them down until one group began to pursue her at a frequent basis. This would be the time when a new section of her life began and things started to change for her. It was then that Shepard had been contacted by a private company and offered a high ranking position. They saw her potential and who she had the opportunity to become. They offered her the lead position in their research and development department and for a moment she was intrigued at the offer.
Even though she already had a position with the Alliance once she graduated, she initially contemplated joining them. They seemed to want to help people and had more resources then the Alliance but it only took one single search for her to realize who they were, a hate group. They had sent her numerous requests to join them, stating they had the ability to move and advance humanity even further than anyone else could dream of. They continued to tell her that she had the potential to do great things and that she'd be the sole reason for humanities evolvement in the future.
Soon the head of the group contacted her personally and told her that humans needed to advance, and that they were behind in every category, such as weaponry and ships. That they were new to the galactic front and treated by other races as such, with contempt, that they were expected to know their place and it wasn't right. He continued to try and tempt her by saying, with her help they had the opportunity to change it all and hold limitless power in the palm of their hands. And that the other alien races saw them as a threat and could one day rise up and try and take over and make humans their slaves, that she has the opportunity to stop that from ever happening, and humans should be the ones in control.
Shepard thought he was insane and ignored his messages since the group was only after galactic domination and not actually helping anyone else. She thought she was done dealing with them after she sent her last message with a polite refusal but it wasn't the case.
They continued to harass her and send messages to even include images of her and the Anderson family on private outings. There was even an image of her and David in a meeting in a secured room at the Alliance base in Vancouver. Even more pics of her at her apartment feeding her fish or in the library studying. She couldn't fathom how some of these images had been taken since some weren't in public places and the others that were, had been times that she was alone, or so she thought. It began to make her paranoid and she was about to tell David when she received another message. It stated that if she ever told anyone in the Alliance that they had contacted her, then Anderson and his family would be in danger.
She couldn't figure out who these people were and why they were doing this. After a while Shepard chose to confide in her college friends, Diana Allers and James Vega. She dragged them to a place she hoped no one could find them. A place she had never been before so she could tell the two people she thought she could trust what was happening. They had been the only ones outside of the Anderson family that already knew about her past and even though she didn't want anyone to get hurt she needed help.
It wasn't a secret from the galaxy that the attack on Mindoir had happened but what was withheld from the media and public was whether or not anyone survived. Anderson made it a point to keep Shepard's name off of any lists that mentioned the attack. He didn't want her to relive the tragedy that she went through as it would be picked apart and analyzed by the media so in the end the report stated that no one survived. Shepard's past was erased and a new story put in its place, that her parents died in an accident when she was a baby and up until Anderson adopted her she was in foster care.
Even though Shepard had never told anyone, Diana knew there was something more to Kerry's life story after her first week of school. She was Shepard's roommate and witnessed her waking up screaming nearly every night. Allers had seen the scars on her back and neck after she accidently walked into the bathroom but never said anything. Diana had been there for her from the beginning even though they were complete strangers, so Shepard felt it necessary to tell Allers about her past, her real past. Allers never judged her about it and was in fact supportive and protective, especially when it came to Shepard's relationships.
During her second year of school is when she met James and they quickly hit it off. Diana wasn't thrilled since he looked like a typical bonehead jock and thought he was only out for one thing. That all changed when Kerry had a bad flashback when a Batarian came to their school to visit a friend and Shepard attacked him. After pulling her off, Vega sat with Kerry the rest of the day and even held her into the night, being completely understanding of her actions, especially after hearing about her past. He went as far as apologizing to the Batarian and helping her come up with something to say to the Dean about what happened so she knew she could count on both of her friends to help with this group that was harassing her.
Instead, what she received was judgment and ridicule. They asked her how she could go against this human advancement group and what it stood for? Why would she want to help the other races, when it was the aliens who took her family away, took her life away? Neither of her friends really knew what her actual career goal was, only that she was going to be a geneticist in the Alliance Navy. So when Shepard tried to explain that her studies in genetics were not limited to humans alone and this group of xenophobes were not what she wanted to associate herself with, her friends lashed out. They called her a traitor to humanity and if she were to continue on and help the alien races then she'd do it on her own; they wanted nothing to do with an alien sympathizer. Kerry couldn't understand where all of the hostility had come from but the worst was when James walked up to her and spoke to her for the last time. He said that all she was good for was to be used by aliens and thrown away like the scarred up piece of meat she was.
It still hurts to think about everything that was said to her that day and she is grateful that she never saw either of them again, as they both supposedly transferred out of the school. As she currently sits in the Normandy observation room she closes her eyes, squeezing them shut trying to stop the last words spoken to her by the man she thought she loved, from replaying to no avail.
'If I knew that you were an alien loving whore than I never would have touched you!'
The devastation she felt after he said those words to her, and how it would affect her. The future geneticist nearly lost everything, becoming depressed, turning to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain she felt. Kerry hoped that if she drank enough and took whatever pill she could that her friends words would leave her mind. She nearly lost her life from her self-destructive behavior and it took Anderson to rescue her, again. He found her in her room alone, lying on the floor after she had overdosed. He brought her to the hospital and once again took care of her but never asked what happened. He figured her relationship had ended and she took it hard but never asked, hoping she'd confide in him when she was ready. She never said anything and continued on and moved past that part of her life the best she could, thankful to the man who raised her.
Shepard continues to think about that time and how grateful she is that he didn't ask anything, he just continued to support her. She wanted to tell him all about this group of alien haters that had been harassing her. She needed to keep him safe and chose to keep quiet about it all and handle it herself. Shepard contacted the head of the human extremist group and sent her own message. In it, the alliance doctor informed him that if he or anyone ever contacted her again or threatened her family then she would come after them with every resource she could. For a while there wasn't a reply and she was able to focus on the rest of her schooling and eventually graduate.
Eventually one last message was recieved. It was on her last day of school and it only contained one image. It was a recent image that she'd never seen before but knew who the person was quite well. It would be an image that would change her life from that day forward. It's an image that caused her to question everything that had ever been told to her by some of the people she trusted the most. It became the reason she has been doing what she is doing. It's an image that she can't stop thinking about. It was an image of her...
"Five minutes until decontamination process begins..."
The Normandy pilot's voice startles Shepard back to reality. Consumed by her own thoughts, Shepard hadn't realized they had even landed at the Armali spaceport. Standing, she grabs her duffle bag and heads towards the airlock hoping she would not run into Kaiden again. She hadn't seen him since the incident on the docks on the Citadel, and was grateful. She is hoping that the human Spectre isn't planning on staying and being her protection detail and take over for Ashley. He would already be reminded of his dead fiancé each time he looks at Shepard, and she doens't need the distraction. She told Anderson that Alenko wasn't needed since there would be Asari commandos on the compound as well as not needig an assistant, but David wasn't convinced. He told her that she needed the protection and Alenko was Udina's choice.
Shepard rolls her eyes at the thought of the Human ambassador while she walks towards the airlock. Most of the people she passes politely nod, don't recognize her, look at her suspiciously, or are too busy with their responsibilities to notice her, either way she is happy to be leaving. The only person she had met up with was the ships doctor, Karin Chakwas.
Chakwas had been on the Citadel as the head of the triage department in Huerta memorial hospital for the last six months before being called to run the Normandy's medical bay. Being on ships for most of her career she never found time for a family so Shepard is the closest thing Karin has to a daughter. Chakwas became one of the most well known doctors in the Alliance early on in her career so there was never any question when she found herself on Admiral Hackett's ship. Chakwas was there when the Admiral responded to the distress beacon on Mindoir and was the reason that Shepard is even alive. It's the reason why she is so close to Shepard as well as Captain Anderson.
Karin was one of the first to treat Shepard when they found her left for dead on Mindoir. Even though she isn't a psychiatrist Chakwas made it a point to check up on the girl over the first few years after the attack to see how she was coping with it all. A bond was formed between the two, but school and missions caused them to lose touch until Shepard's last assignment on Tuchanka. Shepard had been injured in the blast that killed Mordin Solus and needed medical attention quickly since she sustained head injuries. The Citadel wasn't the closest but had the best doctors and Chakwas made it a point to put herself in charge of Kerry's overall well being. Chakwas knew even though Shepard had made a name for herself and been successful she needed help since there was a loneliness when Chakwas looked at her.
Karin had heard all about the rumors that concerned the young woman doctor. How those that would work with her had a low success rate of surviving the mission. Chakwas began to read each report of every mission Shepard went on, confirming the rumors and she could not fathom how one person could go through so much anguish. Karin wasn't surprised in the least when Shepard had a mental breakdown after her last detail. Chakwas made sure no one outside of Anderson, Hackett and Udina knew about it and Kerry had always been appreciative.
Having already said her goodbyes Shepard makes her way to the airlock. She wants to speak to Karin one last time but the fact that the good doctor had polished off a bottle of her favorite Brandy has caused her to sleep it off. Confiding in the ships doctor about what she is about to do had been a last ditch effort to ask for help but it never happened. Keeping everyone she loves safe is the most important thing so the less that know the better.
Standing at the airlock door waiting for it to open she can sense someone come up behind her and knows its Kaiden. He is staring at her, and she can almost feel the back of her head burning. Shepard is about to turn around and say something when the outer door to the Normandy opens, revealing six heavily armed Asari Commandos and Councilor Tevos.
"Councilor, I am surprised to see you here." Shepard says smiling at the Asari leader as they both perform the customary greeting.
Tevos has always been a supporter of the human doctor, and has always listened to what she had to say. Unfortunately for Shepard the Asari councilors hands were tied with the majority of the requests she submitted but Teovs did push for an investigation team be sent out to Eden Prime to look into the Prothean beacon when no one else listened. Nothing was found since the beacon was damaged and the doubt about Shepard's speeches of a fatal disease continued on. It only solidified what the other two councilors believed and they scoffed at the notion that there could be something out there that could end all life in the galaxy. Still, Tevos believed in her and that's all that mattered to the Commander.
"Commander Shepard, it is so good to see you again. It's been too long." No matter what anyone else thought of her, Shepard had saved the Councilors life, and Tevos is forever grateful. That this human would be so selfless and help others without question is nearly unheard of in any race. Now Shepard is on Thessia to help her people so quickly after her last assignment and it is a testament to the human woman, and Tevos has the utmost respect for the Commander. Shepard knows all of this but is still a little surprised when the Councilor turns to face Kaiden and all but dismisses the human Spectre.
"Lieutenant Commander Alenko, your services are not required." Before he can protest she continues, putting an end to anything else he might have to say. "Please give my regards to Captain Anderson and tell him that I will be seeing to Commander Shepard's security detail personally." Turning back to face Shepard, Tevos smiles and motions to escort the raven haired woman to the T'Soni estate.
As they walk away, surrounded by the Commandos, Shepard can hear Alenko grumbling something about him being better off, but Kerry doesn't care. The sight before her is mesmerizing. She has never been to a planet this beautiful before and all she wants to do is stop for a moment and take it all in. This is what she has envisioned with regards to where she wants to disappear to and the closest thing she can compare it to is Mindoir.
"Domi adsum." Shepard unknowingly says, causing everyone to pause for a moment.
"Commander, I didn't know you spoke the old Asari language...Where did you hear that phrase before?"
Not realizing she had spoken out loud, Kerry can feel her cheeks begin to flush. Realizing she is being stared at she has to take a deep breath and runs her hands through her hair. She quickly looks at the Councilor, hoping she hadn't insulted anyone by saying the phrase incorrectly and begins to panic and speak quickly, not thinking.
"I apologize councilor; I didn't mean to insult any of you. I heard it once when I was younger, from an Asari who saved...who I met, but my translator was broken and this was the one phrase she kept saying as she pointed to her home...I." Tevos knows about her past but not everyone else needs to hear it. The councilor never brought up the discussion that they had during that time so Shepard stops herself and lowers her gaze to the ground, hoping no one else brings it up.
"Commander there is no need for apologies I assure you. It's just... I only ever heard one other person speak in our old language and she would say that every time she'd come home..." Pausing, as she remembers her good friend and how hard it is all these years later to think about her Amici mei's, or good friends death. When Shepard told her about her families death she wanted to tell the Human who the Asari was that protected Shepard but didn't. Tevos felt that if she did inform Shepard then the alliance doctor may look into it more and it may cuse a rift. It may not have been the correct thing to do but there is no changing it now. The fact that this same person who had been with Aethyta and is now going to be working with her daughter is worrysome. Tevos is the only one who is aware of who they are to one another, but as long as everyone remains in the dark it'll be fine, right?
Pushing down the sad thoughts Tevos notices Shepard still looking apologetic and smiles at the Alliance officer to try and reasure her.
"It is quite alright doctor... in fact you said it perfectly." Tevos can see that Shepard is still nervous, and is about to reasure her again when one of the commandos motions for them all to get in the sky car.
"Shall we?"
The rest of the trip is laced in silence and Shepard knew she hit a nerve but instead of pressing the issue further she is content with watching the Thessian sunset. With the planet being mainly covered in water and as the T'Soni estate comes into view, she can see it too borders one of the planets many oceans, and Kerry begins to feel as if she were home.
Her parents home, which had been built by her father faced the ocean on Mindoir and she can still remember it all. The wind she felt on her face as well as the mist of water that would splash up as it hit the rocks on the beach. The sight of the disappearing sun as it seemed to set into the water, signifying the end of another day. Even the distinctive smell she can remember vividly as she would walk out of her house, is all coming back to her since being on the Asari planet. For the first time in a long time she actually feels comfortable as she watches the scenery pass by that is filled with sights she has never witnessed before, but still seem familiar.
Being brought out of her trans only when the sky car touches down, she gets out, looks around, and quickly begins to feel like she has been here before. Shepard can't help but notice that she recognizes nearly everything about the front of the T'Soni home. The walkway that is filled with flowers of every color, each more beautiful then the next. The door that is nearly twice her size and the fact that the entire house looks like a castle out of medieval times begins to make her realize she's seen this all before.
She starts to panic, her breathing has become labored and her high collared clothing has become restricting. She can see the concern on the Asari councilors face, hear it in her voice as her vision begins to fade and everything becomes dark.