A/N: Ok, ok, I know. I have no excuse for the delay. And I didn't even get to do the Christmas fic I wanted to do… Would anyone be interested in a late one or should I just discard it for the rest of the year?

So back to the story: This is more cuteness than actual drama. For some reason though Artemis acts more like a kid here than in the previous chapter. And just how did that happen? But d'aaaw, he's cute. In my head anyway. To be honest, this chapter didn't start out that way, but because a month passed I kind of… forgot what I wanted to do with it and played it by ear.

Hope you like it!

Disclaimer: If I really was Eoin Colfer, I'd write another freaking book!


Chapter 3: What is this Friendship you speak of?

Three years later, young Artemis was about to start going to school. It was probably long overdue, considering how intelligent the kid was. I was actually surprised his parents had decided that in the first place. Especially Mr. Fowl who expected his son to be… heck, I didn't even know what exactly it was this man was expecting of the boy.

Anyway, after an argument between the two, Mrs. Fowl won and enrolled Artemis in a school. Something about socializing. To be honest, I was paying as much attention to them as I was to the boy rolling his eyes at the way they talked about him like he wasn't there. Clearly, his say in his education was unimportant if not nonexistent.

One way or another, Artemis' first day at school soon came and the only one more nervous than his parents was me. Sometimes it seemed to me that they were all trying to make my job harder. Putting Artemis all alone in a school I wasn't allowed into. What was I supposed to do all the while? Relax? Catch a movie? Bash the principal's head on the desk until he agreed to let me in the school? Needless to say, Artemis was the only six-year-old with a cell phone always on in his pocket.

The morning started out normally, the family eating breakfast together in the kitchen. Well, the family meaning Mrs. Fowl and my young charge, as Mr. Fowl had already left. Thinking about it, I wasn't sure he had come back at all. The boy was eerily quiet and discouraged all of his mother's attempts to engage in conversation. This lack of communication worried her and soon she was looking at me for help. And if I found the mother asking the bodyguard for help with her son weird, I didn't say anything.

"So, Artemis, are you ready to go?" I offered lamely. Mrs. Fowl had already tried the are you excited? Are you nervous? We can always postpone this questions. Clearly he was bothered by something but he wasn't going to tell us.

He looked up to me with eyes distant, his brilliant mind preoccupied with something else. "Excuse me?"

I narrowed mine. "I asked if you're ready. Are you feeling alright?"

"Of course, let's go." He shrugged and pushed himself off the chair. He was heading straight for the door, not bothering to wait for me, when his mother stopped him.

"Arty, sweetheart, hang on a second," she laughed somewhat awkwardly. "Come here."

Artemis let himself be hugged by her, his face buried in her stomach, more out of habit than actual affection. Mrs. Fowl frowned at the stiffness her son was displaying. Once more she turned to me and I mouthed that I'd try to figure it out when we'll get in the car.

Nevertheless she decided to make one last attempt at talking to him. Surely, you can guess how successful that was, can't you?

"Well, this should be fun, eh Arty? You finally get to make some friends!" Her smile was a tad too cheery, the kind that usually annoyed the boy, but to my surprise he barely seemed to notice. Another thought was running through his mind. For possibly the first time in his young life, Artemis Fowl was… confused.

"Friends?" Icy blue eyes, wide with wonder stared up at her. The look was making her uncomfortable.

"Yes, honey, friends. You know, kids your age you can have fun with," she tried to explain.

My charge shook his head slowly. "I don't understand." Mrs. Fowl's eyes widened comically at the statement.

No, no, don't laugh now. I felt sorry for the kid. He seemed so puzzled. Not to mention disappointed by the fact that he was confused in the first place. Don't look at me like that. Ok, I found a little funny. A little. I said a little. Don't piss me off. Yeah, you're right, he still doesn't quite grasp the deeper meaning of it. But it's not as bad as it was back then. Anyway, let's not get carried away.

Mrs. Fowl decided to give it another shot. "What don't you understand? Friendship?" I tried to suppress a laugh at the boy's nod. "Well, a friend is a… a person who… umm… cares about you, likes you, trusts you and spends time with you, but just isn't related to you… Making it any clearer, sweetheart?"

Artemis frowned, thinking through what he just heard. He bit his lip, deep in thought. The poor thing was working so hard on it. "Are the feelings mutual?"

"Of course," she smiled sweetly at him.

He spent another moment pondering on it, before he said something that will be forever carved into my memory, whether he actually meant it or not.

"Like Butler then?"

My mind froze. At the definition of a friend, Artemis' first thought was none other than me. True, the boy didn't know many people, that wasn't what shocked me so much. To this 6-year-old I was more than just a bodyguard, I was a friend. His mother didn't seem to be on my side, though.

"No, no, Arty, not like Butler."

"Why not?" Another frown. He turned to me. "Butler, you do care for me, don't you?"

I nodded, still a little speechless from the whole situation.

"And you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Well, do you like me, Butler?"

"Of course, Artemis."

With a soft nod, he turned back to his mother. "See? And we spent all of our time together. Why isn't he my friend?"

"Umm… honey, Butler's getting paid," she replied awkwardly.

"To protect me, not to trust me or even like me, Mother. Isn't that friendship?"

"Artemis-"

"Butler, are you my friend?"

Those big blue eyes stared at me, back when there was still some innocence in them even if it was less than it should have been. As I looked back at him, I found the answer plain and loud in my head, as if there shouldn't have been a question in the first place.

"For as long as you'll have me, Artemis."


Later that day, when I picked my young charge up from school, the mood surrounding friendship was… slightly different than before.

Artemis was on the backseat of the car, looking absentmindedly out of the window. Looking at him from the rearview mirror, I decided to ask about his day while we were alone, in case there were things he didn't fancy sharing with his mother. Believe it or not, this happened a lot, despite his age.

"So, did you make any friends after all, Artemis?" I asked.

"No." He shrugged.

"Why not?"

Another shrug. "The other kids didn't like me much." He paused to think about it. "Actually probably not at all."

I gave him a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, it's still early. I'm sure they'll like you eventually. You'll find some friends."

"Oh no, that's ok. I don't mind."

"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow at him. "Why is that?"

He chuckled a bit.

"Because I didn't like a single one of them, either."


A/N: So, that's it. Umm… hope it wasn't too OOC. Please leave a review and tell me what you think! It's my only way of payment! And the only way you can tell me not to leave this project to rot…