Emma's mind was reeling. The last six hours had been some of the most confusing and wonderful in Emma's life. The dance, the kiss, and then what felt like Regina's entire history. The real story behind the complications between Regina and Fiona had her in a bit of a tailspin. She knew something had happened, and she had realized there had been strong feelings there, but to learn that they had slept together made her feel conflicted. However, none of those feelings were anger. She wasn't mad at Regina for keeping it from or, or Fiona for that matter. It was personal, and it was clear to Emma that this was something Regina had struggled with for years.
"How did you know?" Regina said. "I mean, how am I the girl?"
Emma smiled, and remembered that day. It was her birthday, and Mary Margaret was taking her out for ice cream after school, so Emma had walked over to the high school to meet her. It was a warm summer day, and Emma was impatient. Then she saw her, the most beautiful girl she had ever seen. Emma couldn't believe she hadn't seen her before. Emma saw Regina Mills, and she knew that she was gay.
"I knew. It took me a while to figure everything else out, but I knew. I tried dating guys," Emma said. "But after I saw you, I knew. Then I started high school and you were everywhere, and it became harder to fight. I tried, of course I tried. But I knew, I knew all along."
"Really?" Regina asked, and Emma could tell it was hard for her to understand.
"Look, the first foster family I actually liked was a lesbian couple. And they showed me that being gay was the same as being straight," Emma admitted. "Being gay was never something wrong in my mind. It was just a thing. Then I saw you and I realized that I wanted to kiss girls. I guess I realized I wanted to kiss you. I just needed to know if I also wanted to kiss guys. Turns out I didn't. I didn't fight being gay as much you did, but it took me sometime to be sure enough to come out."
Emma paused. "I'm not making sense. The thing is that being gay didn't scare me; being rejected did. I knew when I saw you, but I wasn't ready to know, if that makes sense?"
"I think it does," Regina said. "You've spent so much of your life being shuffled around, and you'd finally found somewhere you belonged."
"I wanted to just be me," Emma admitted. "I've always been the foster kid, or the new kid, or the new foster kid. Then I came here, and I was allowed to be Emma. Just Emma for the first time in my whole life. And if I came out, I would be that gay kid. I wasn't ready to be something other than just Emma."
"It funny," Regina said. "You just wanted to be Emma, and I spent so much time being something other than just Regina. I wanted to be Student Body President Regina, or 4.0 GPA Student Regina, or even Graham's Girlfriend Regina. I wanted to be anything but who I am."
Emma felt her heart hurt at the tone of Regina's voice, about how badly Regina wanted to escape herself. To escape what she was feeling inside. She had clearly spent so much time hiding who she was, while Emma had just tried to figure out how to be Emma. Emma spent her entire life looking for what she's found now, a family, great friends, and this thing with Regina.
"But you're willing to try now? Try to let go of it all, and just be Regina?" Emma asked. "Because I really like just Regina. She's fun, and sometimes carefree, and she loves with her whole heart."
"I really want be the girl you see. The girl who is brave enough to be with you," Regina said. "I want to give this a shot. I want to take you to dinner, and watch all the movies at the Box. I want to hold your hand in school, and I want to be able to kiss you goodbye," Regina said.
"We can take this one step at a time," Emma smiled. "Though the kissing part is something I also really want to do."
"I bet," Regina said, and smiled in that way that made Emma's heart melt. She looked at Regina and everything bad sort of melted away. That's probably why Regina's past didn't bother her as much as she'd thought it would. It was her past, and it didn't really matter anymore. Emma knew she had done things in the past that she regretted. Regina's past was hers, and if it led her to this moment – if it led her to Emma – she couldn't complain. She wouldn't want Regina to be anyone but who she was.
"No, but seriously. I want to be your girlfriend, and I can wait if you need that. But I want that to be the endgame," Emma said, and a part of her couldn't believe that she was having this conversation with Regina at all. She couldn't believe much of what had happened tonight. In many ways this entire semester seemed to be something out of a dream or a story. Everything she'd ever dreamed of. She had friends she trusted, and she had for a while at least had a girlfriend she adored. She was happy, truly happy, and that was something Emma had longed for. And now, everything that happened or might happen with Regina was there. Right in front of her. It seemed almost too good to be true, that she was going to wake up any minute and everything that happened since Mary Margaret's party was just a dream.
"I want to be your girlfriend too," Regina said. "But I want to go slow. You know? I need to figure out how to be just Regina, but I want to figure it out with you."
"You have no idea how long I've dreamed about you saying that," Emma admitted. "And we can take it whatever speed you need. But is there kissing involved in this slow speed?"
"Definitely," Regina answered and leaned over the table to kiss Emma. The kiss was soft and warm, and Emma felt the butterflies in her stomach. She wondered if it would always feel like this to kiss Regina. She really hoped it would.
"So girlfriends then?" Emma asked when they broke apart. Maybe it was stupid to put that label on their relationship at this point, maybe they should date first, test the waters. But Emma didn't want to date anyone else, she just wanted Regina. She had always only wanted Regina. She'd tried to forget her, but had been unsuccessful in doing so. She had romantic feelings for her, and Emma saw no reason in pretending otherwise. She was all-in in this, and she hoped Regina was too.
"Girlfriends," Regina said, and swallowed a yawn. She took up her phone and looked at the time. "It's four AM."
"Wow, this really did take all night," Emma said. "Am I going to get so see you before you leave for New York?"
"How did you know I'm going to New York?" Regina asked.
"Graham told me. I asked him what plans he had for Christmas and he told me that he usually spends it with you but you were going to New York."
"I'm leaving in two days, or tomorrow I guess is more accurate according to the time. But I really want to see you before I leave."
"Good," Emma smiled. "Because I have to give you your present."
"I have yours too," Regina said. "I actually bought it months ago."
"Really?" Emma asked, intrigued.
"Yeah, it caught my eye and I thought of you," Regina said, and she looked younger than Emma had ever seen her. For the first time Regina actually looked like a teenager, not a young woman with the weight of the world on her shoulders. Just a girl, who bought a friend a gift.
"I'm sure I'll love it," Emma said, and she knew she would. Anything that Regina gave her Emma would love. It didn't matter what it was, Emma was sure that Regina could give her socks and Emma would feel like it was the most wonderful gift she'd ever got, because it was from Regina.
The girls eventually managed to end their conversation, and when Emma looked at the watch it was nearly five am. She would just crash for a few hours before going home. This night had been everything to her; the way Regina had opened up to her, the way she felt kissing her, the way she seemed to trust her with parts of herself no one had ever seen was just blowing Emma away.
"I'll see you tomorrow right?" Emma asked as they rose from the table, knowing that this night had to end, but the idea that she would be without Regina for the entirety of Christmas break seemed unbearable. It was like she'd just got her, only to have her taken away again.
"Of course. I'll come by before I leave. You'll be the last stop before New York," Regina said.
"I wish you weren't going," Emma admitted. "I mean, all this just happened and I want to have you here."
"Maybe the distance will be good?" Regina said. "And I will come back."
"You're probably right," Emma said, and she knew that Regina was right. The way it was going – the roller coaster in Emma's heart – the chance that she would move too fast was very real. Maybe a week apart would help her sort out her feelings. She knew she wanted this, and she knew that wouldn't change. But some perspective and some time off would be good. Everything that had happened had had happened so fast. Three days ago she was still dating Fiona, thinking everything was fine, and now she was here with Regina.
"Oh, Miss Swan-Blanchard, I'm always right."
"Of course, my mistake, Madame President," Emma said, and both girls burst out laughing. It was nice to know that this part of their relationship remained unchanged despite the kissing.
"So, goodbye," Regina said, and moved towards the door. Emma grabbed her hand and pulled her back, kissing her hard.
"Goodbye," Emma said as they broke apart. "And I'll see you tomorrow." Regina left the diner and Emma payed Gus before going upstairs. She also made sure to leave a decent tip, he deserved it.
–
Emma had woken five hours later, last night still spinning in her mind. She knew that Ruby would be wanting every detail, but she also wanted to talk to her sister first. Mary Margaret had left before everything went down last night, and she didn't even know that Regina had kissed her. Emma had to admit she was also rather curious about what had happened between Graham and her sister after they left. She was pretty sure nothing had happened, because Graham is too much of a gentleman to make a move right after everything that went down. Unlike Regina apparently. But then again, Emma hadn't been in love with Fiona. Something had held her back, and she had known what it was. But she had tried to ignore it, because she thought she would never have Regina, so it didn't matter.
Emma looked at her clothes from the night before, and the idea of putting the dress back on was less then tempting. She knew she had a change of clothes lying in the apartment, and decided that maybe she would tackle Ruby first after all. Maybe Ruby would stop guilt-tripping her with the fact that she came out to Mary Margaret before her if she got the first scoop on her night with Regina. She typed out a quick text to Ruby, and told her to bring her clothes and to meet her in the room. It took barely five minutes before she heard the knock on her door. Emma was almost surprised Ruby bothered with knocking instead of using the main key.
"Hi, Red," Emma said as she opened the door to her best friend.
"Don't just 'Hi, Red' me! Tell me what happened!" Ruby said and threw Emma her bag of clothes.
"Just let me get changed first," Emma said, and headed into the bathroom.
"Oh come on, Em! I've been waiting for you to wake up for hours!" Ruby whined.
"I didn't get to bed until after five," Emma said through the bathroom door. It wasn't unusual for the two of them to continue having their conversation through bathroom doors. "Cut me some slack."
"Five?" Ruby exclaimed "Holy shit, Em. I figured it was late since you decided to crash in a room, and not upstairs, but five?"
"Nothing happened though. I mean, we kissed some more, but mostly we just talked. Or she talked and I listened," Emma said, walking out of the bathroom and pulling the sweater over her head.
"But there was kissing?" Ruby asked.
"Yes, and I'm pretty sure there will be more kissing in the future," Emma said with a smirk. "I mean that's what girlfriends do right?"
The squeal that came out from Ruby's mouth was unlike anything that Emma had ever heard from her best friend before. The jumping up and down was expected, but nice to see anyway.
"Girlfriends? As in Regina Mills is your girlfriend?" Ruby asked when she had finally calmed down enough to make cohesive sentences. Emma was almost touched by her best friend's enthusiasm about this subject. It didn't feel like it was that long ago that she didn't even have something to be happy about, let alone someone to share it with. And now she had all of these people in her life, all of these people who cared about her and what happened to her. And sometimes that scared her. When you spend most of your life kicked around, never finding home, you always expect the other shoe to fall, and everything to fall apart. But Emma felt optimistic. All the pieces were falling into place and this was it, the moment she used to dream about when she was alone and scared, this moment were she had people who loved her.
"Yes, as in Regina Mills is my girlfriend," Emma said, and she felt the giddiness in her voice. Emma Swan-Blanchard didn't do giddy, but this was a special occasion. It even felt more real today than it had last night. Emotions were flying high and everything was wonderful. Emma heard her phone ping. She looked at the screen and smiled. It was a text from Regina thanking her for last night, and saying that she couldn't wait for tomorrow.
"Regina, I presume?" Ruby asked.
"Yes, she just wanted to say thank you for yesterday," Emma said. "It was incredible. I mean it, Rubs. It was like..."
"So, I guess she told you everything?" Ruby said. "It seemed like you had a lot to talk about."
"Yeah. And I get her now. I get both of them," Emma said. "I mean, Regina and Fiona," she added when she saw the confused look on Ruby's face.
"So you finally found out what happened between them?"
"Yeah. She told me everything," Emma said. "And before you ask, I'm not going to tell you. It's personal and Regina trusted me enough to open up to me. I can't break that trust."
"I wouldn't ask you too," Ruby said. "You are allowed to have secrets with her. As long as you don't keep anything that happened to you from me. Regina's past is her own, and I don't need to know it. I just need you to be happy."
"I am," Emma said. "I'm so happy."
Ruby threw her arms around Emma, and Emma melted into her the embrace of her best friend.
–
It took Emma almost another five hours before she finally found her way home that day. Ruby had insisted on celebratory pancakes, then celebratory frozen yogurts, and then she dragged Emma to the mall for the last of the Christmas shopping. She was exhausted by the time she finally got to lie down on her own couch. It felt like the first piece of solid ground she'd had in days; like she could finally relax after the whirlwind of everything that happened.
Emma had barely laid her head down on the couch with the remote in her hand before she heard her sister come down the stairs. So much for relaxation. She didn't mind it though. She knew she needed to talk to her, and she had a feeling that her sister wanted to talk to her as well.
"So what happened last night?" Mary Margaret asked. "And before you say nothing, just know that I ran into Peter at the park this morning, and he asked me if I had talked to you yet. When I said no, he got very quiet and left."
Dammit, she should have known that her sister would run into Peter in the park that morning. Her sister was insane about doing her work out; even in the bloody snow she was still running around in that park like it was May, and Peter was just as bad. It wasn't like she was planning to keep her sister in the dark, but she didn't want her to feel like she had either.
"I was planning on telling you this morning, but Ruby had other plans," Emma said, honestly. "I stayed over there last night."
Mary Margaret gestured for Emma to move her legs so that she could sit down on the couch next to her. Emma placed her legs in her sister's lap after Mary Margaret sat down. "I know, you texted me remember? But I felt like there was something you weren't telling me."
"You're right. I stayed at Granny's last night, but not in the apartment," Emma said.
"You stayed in a room? Are you okay? Do we need to call Dr. Hopper?" Mary Margaret said, and Emma immediately regretted not telling her sister everything last night. But she hadn't wanted to do it over the phone.
"No, I'm fine. I promise," Emma said. "It's nothing like that," She understood why her sister was worried. Most of the times when Emma needed a room at Granny's it was because the world was too much for her and she wanted to run. It was an instinct she needed to fight, which was why they made the arrangement for her to stay at Granny's in the first place. It gave her the opportunity to be alone, but still be somewhere safe. It helped calm her, and sometimes she needed to talk to Archie afterwards. She'd been seeing Archie since she moved to town, her father insisting on therapy knowing how hard it could be on foster kids trying to find their place – Emma being a high risk kid in particular. Emma liked Archie. It never felt like he judged her or wanted to change her. He mostly listened and made Emma feel better about herself when she felt herself disappearing into a dark place.
"You sure?" Mary Margret asked. "I won't even tell dad if you don't want me to."
"I'm sure. Actually I'm better than I've been in a very long time," Emma said, and she smiled her best smile at her sister to make sure she understood that Emma was telling the truth.
"So then what happened? Why did you stay in a room?"
"So, the thing is..." Emma started. "Regina kinda kissed me at the dance. After you guys left."
"Regina kissed you?" Mary Margaret asked, the surprise evident in her tone, "We're talking Regina Mills here right? Student body president, Graham's ex-girlfriend, the Regina you've had a crush on forever?"
"Yes," Emma said. "Let's just say that she got a push in the right direction and decided to jump in."
"What does this mean?" Mary Margaret asked. "Is Regina gay or bisexual or?"
"That's really not for me to say. Nor really something anyone should ask at all." Emma said.
"You're right. It's none of my business." Mary Margaret said, "But what does this mean for you two? Are you..?"
"Dating," Emma said. "Actually, she's my 't tell Graham yet though. I think that's a conversation the two of them need to have together."
"Wow," Mary Margaret said. "Isn't that a little fast?"
"You know what they say about lesbians," Emma joked. "No, but seriously. Sure we could wait, go on a date or two, but I already know I don't want to date anyone else. I just want her. And it seems like she feels the same way. It's not like we're strangers. If I'm being honest with myself, I've been falling in love with her for a while."
"In love?"
"I'm not saying that I'm in love with her. I'm not saying I'm not either, but I'm getting there. I like her, so much," Emma admitted. "It feels like the world is changing around me. I thought coming out was changing myself, but kissing Regina? Every single time it feels like another piece of myself finally falls into place."
"Okay," Mary Margaret said. "As long as you're happy."
"Happier than I've been in a while," Emma said. "And speaking of new love interests, what happened after you and Graham left?"
"Nothing," Mary Margaret said, a little too quickly. "I mean, nothing happened really. But we talked, like properly, and he confessed that he was interested in me."
"You knew that right?" Emma asked. "He's been into you for months."
"I think I knew," Mary Margaret admitted. "I think I chose not to think about it, because I was with James and I really enjoyed having Graham as a friend…"
"And now?"
"Everything is so raw," Mary Margaret said. "Everything that happened last night hurt me so bad. I know you warned me, but I didn't care. I fell in love with him, and I'm not ready to jump into something right away."
"I'm pretty sure Graham isn't expecting you too," Emma said. "And I'm truly sorry about James. I know I made my feelings about him clear, but I didn't want to be right. I really didn't."
"I know you didn't," Mary Margaret said, and reached over to squeeze Emma's hand. "And I'm going to be fine." Mary Margret answered the question before Emma could even ask it.
"You sure?" Emma asked. "I mean you were in love with him and he cheated on you."
"I know, and it sucks," Mary Margaret said. "But this isn't the first time my heart's been broken, and I have a feeling it won't be the last. Last night everything felt like the end. I was so messed up, but Graham took me on a walk. We walked all the way through the city and we talked. He talked about Regina, and how it felt. He talked about how he feels now, about Regina and about me. He helped. More than I think he knows."
"He has a tendency to do that," Emma said and remembered the day she met him. The way her life changed that night, the kiss with the Regina and the friendship she grew with Graham. The way he had just talked to her and made her feel better. And he hadn't even known her, he'd just been there and let Emma be. "And he will wait for you, you know? To be ready."
"I know," Mary Margaret said. "He's quite the Prince Charming, isn't he?"
"I knew that from the start," Emma said. "Had I been straight, I would probably have snagged him up months ago."
"Jealous?" Mary Margaret joked, both of them knowing that Emma had no interest in Graham, no matter how wonderful he was.
"You can have the Prince," Emma said. "I'm quite happy with the Queen."
AN2: So hoped you all enjoyed this, next chapter will be Christmas. As usual thank you to my beta, Jenny and I'll see you all on the 13th.
