Good Lord this took a while
Over two years waiting for this garbage? You poor people
Now as promised the beginning of the filler, the point where crap gets good(ish but not really). When I drop the premise and carry on writing at the same low level you've all come to expect from me! Huzzah!
Now before ado is in any way furthered I present:
Chapter 3: And the horrible payoff to a long wait
Somewhere else in Jump City:
"Somebody help, he stole my purse." A random, stereotypical woman victim cried out. The purse thief ran through the streets, past all of the useless pedestrians, who moved out of the way rather than get involved. And they were filming it. Goddamn useless kids. The thief cut into an alleyway, hoping to dash into a building. Instead he dashed into a man. Falling hard on his ass, he looked up to see a man in his early forties peering down at him.
"Outta my way dumbass." He ordered. Sitting awkwardly on the floor. Completely unthreatening. The man rolled his eyes. "What you didn't hear me? I said move!" The man pulled out photo
"Have you seen this girl?" he asked
"No I haven't seen that bitch! Didn't you hear me? I said move!" The man reached into his coat and with a swift movement decapitated the thief with a swing of a blade.
"Stupid two dimensional crook making me resort to needless violence." He muttered as the blade retracted into its hilt
"And then Daddy was all like "I'm a T-Rex and y'all about to get T-Rekt" and we laughed and laughed and I smacked a dude with my tail and we laughed again. Good times." Beast Girl slumped back onto the couch.
"Yeah that was pretty sick." Beast Boy put his arm around his daughter as she rested her head on his shoulder.
"Right." Robin shook his head, "Where was I?"
"You were asking about our progress." Sunfire replied
"Yeah I have no idea how that story came up." Beast Girl shrugged, Cyborg opened his mouth
"I swear to God Cy if you say something Meta I'm going to hit you." Cyborg's mouth snapped shut
"Currently there's no scientific method for traveling back in time." Android said, bringing the conversation back on topic.
"We can't find a spell in any of our books." Raven shrugged
"The JL have no idea what to do." Sunfire said
"Typical." Beast Girl muttered
"What's your problem with the Justice League?" Animagus asked
"Oh they know." Beast Girl sprang up, smacking Beast Boy in the jaw. He let out a toddler like scream and grabbed his mouth. Cyborg let out a loud laugh
"Slapstick never gets old."
"Dammit Cyborg!" Robin shouted. Suddenly there was the sound of a doorbell
"I hate it when sudden sounds interrupt us." Nightstar put her head in her hands
"Does it happen often?" Starfire asked
"Almost hourly." Nightstar replied. Ding dong. "Who is it?"
"Oh shit." Android cussed, looking at the image on the small screen, "It's Moonfire."
"Oh shit." Sunfire looked worried
"Goddamn Moonfire." Android's eyes were wide
"She's the worst one." Animagus frowned
"I love Mooney!" Beast Girl shrieked with joy
"Wait!" Cyborg said, everyone stopped to look at him, "Who is Moonfire?"
"She's our cousin." Nightstar groaned
"I have a niece?" Starfire exclaimed joyously
"Two nieces, and a nephew." Sunfire corrected
"Actually Eve is more of a clone of Uncle Jack." Nightstar said
"That's true. Isn't it a little odd how our totally normal human lawyer uncle Jack has a clone of the opposite gender?"
"That sounds wonderful!" Starfire said. The ringing persisted
"Dammit Lunand'r!" Sunfire screamed
"If we don't let her in she'll just let herself in." Nightstar
"I'll get it!" Beast Girl jumped and rushed to the front door.
"Why do you hate your cousin so much?" Robin asked
"She's irresponsible, a delinquent and an all round dick." Sunfire rolled his eyes
"So why does Marie like her so much?" Raven raised an eyebrow, concerned for her maybe future maybe alternate universe daughter's taste in friends. At that moment Beast Girl rushed into the room, arm in arm with the aforementioned Moonfire.
"Mom, Dad, others. This is my best friend Moonfire!" She said excitedly
"I thought I was your best friend." Android looked hurt. Nobody acknowledged him
"Hey." Moonfire said. Her voice had a seductive quality to it.
"Oh my God I see the resemblance." Robin assumed a ready stance, "How could you let Blackfire's daughter in here?"
"Aunty Komand'r and Mom made peace after Uncle Ryand'r dethroned them both during the Great Tameranian Civil Scuffle of Eighteen Years Ago." Nightstar said
"How old are you?" Robin asked
"Seventeen."
"We didn't waste much time did we?" Robin nudged Starfire.
"Jesus Dad." Nightstar looked ill
"Yeah so chill out man." Moonfire shook her head
"Oh Mooney these are our time displaced parents." Beast Girl made a general hand movement towards the Teen Parents
"Or alternate universe." Android spoke up
"That theory is stupid Andy!"
"You just watch it come true!"
"It's never going to happen!" Beast Girl took a breath to regain her composure, "Oh Mooney tell them what you told me."
"I need a place to cra-" Moonfire began
"She needs a place to crash." Beast Girl could hardly contain herself; Moonfire gave her a look, but continued undaunted
"Because there's this-"
"There's this guy after her!" Beast Girl sniggered, "Sorry sorry you go on."
"There's this Ninja Guy after me." Suddenly the reader thought "hang on, wasn't there a guy with a sword earlier on?". Yes there was. Don't interrupt me.
"That's terrible." Sunfire said
"You're smiling." Moonfire said
"Am I?"
"So anyway Mooney's going to stay here. Indefinitely!" Beast Girl jumped with joy. Like she literally jumped. Her generation of Titians groaned
"This is worse than the Incursion with Earth 16." Nighstar grumbled.
"Now that was an adventure." Animagus said
"Oh joy." Starfire said, rushing to her niece. Cyborg shook his head and mumbled
"Typical character derailment."
"I heard that." Robin pulled out his bõ staff, "I warned you!"
"Stay away from me!"
"Get over here you meta bastard!"
The Ninja Guy made his way through the streets of Jump. There was only one place Moonfire would be hiding. He looked over at the Titans Tower, standing majestically on its island.
"Only a matter of time." He said
"Till what?" A random stranger asked
"Till I find….who the hell are you?"
"Who the hell are you?"
"I'm talking to myself. Back off!"
"Okay fine! Jeez just tryna make conversation."
"Screw you too." The Ninja Guy flipped the Random Man off, "What an asshole." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "What was I saying? Oh yeah." Resuming his previous composure, "It's only a matter of time Lunand'r. God that's foreboding."
…..
"Stop fighting!" Nightstar held her father back, his bõ staff still swinging
"He's not worth it!" Android and Animagus restrained Cyborg
"Are you saying my father is worthless?" Sunfire looked offended
"Are you trying to make things worse?" Animagus snapped
"Dad, stop it!" Nightstar ordered
"But he started it!" Robin whined
"I don't care who started it! Now say you're sorry."
"Sorry." Robin mumbled
"I can't hear you."
"I said I'm sorry."
"Now you too." Android told Cyborg
"I'm sorr….wait you're my kid." Cyborg squinted at Android, "I don't have to listen to you."
"Moonfire!" A random voice interrupted
"For the love of God," Animagus gnashed his teeth, "I hate these random interruptions."
"Nightstar is right, almost hourly." Robin noted. Everyone present looked out the window. The Ninja Guy was floating outside
"Is this the man that is after you?" Starfire asked, Moonfire nodded
"You never said it was Malak!" Sunfire's eyes were wide
"I figured you guys could handle him." Moonfire shrugged
"Malak?" Raven raised her eyebrow
"He's the world's deadliest assassin. Currently." Sunfire said
"Well at least he's outside." Cyborg said. Malak floated slowly towards the Tower. And passed right through the windows.
"He can change his density. He's like Martian Manhunter that way." Android noted
"Warning would have been nice." Cyborg shook his head. Malak reached into his coat and pulled out two hilts. With a flick of his wrists a blade extended from each.
"Holy crap that's cool." Beast Boy was in awe
"Moonfire you are coming with me." Malak said
"Take her."Android offered
"Over my dead body!" Beast Girl transformed into a tiger and lunged at him. He stood motionless as she went right through him, crashing right through the window
"Dammit that doubled as our TV." Android groaned
"Hey that was my daughter." Beast Boy transformed into a rhino and charged. He also went right through Malak, destroying what was left of the window.
"Seriously?" Malak peered through the hole
"Enough!" Robin charged bõ staff ready. Malak blocked with one blade, and kicked Robin in the chest, sending him crashing into the couch.
"Now now there's no need to fight. I don't want to harm the little princess and let's be honest I could probably just go through you all anyway to get her."
"My friends and their parents would die before giving you me." Moonfire shouted defiantly
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves." Sunfire protested
"Sneak attack!" Beast Girl shouted, she and Beast Boy morphed from birds to gorillas and tried to tackle Malak. They fell right through him and crashed onto the floor. He floated up until he was hovering over the group
"Not to be a cliché but we can do this the easy way or the hard way."
"Run Mooney!" Beast Girl shouted. Moonfire dashed into the corridors
"The hard way then." Malak flew after her.
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos." Animagus reached out with his magic, catching Malak and throwing him to the floor. Animagus then pounced in the form of a werewolf. Malak kicked him in the jaw, but Animagus caught his leg and spun him around. Letting go, Animagus sent Malak to Raven. She made a force field that Malak bounced off of, landing on the floor in a heap.
"He doesn't seem so deadly." Robin said
"You did literally nothing." Raven frowned
"I weakened him for you." Malak got to his knees
"Ready for more?" Animagus growled. Malak chuckled.
"Are you?" Malak disappeared through the floor.
"Yeah you better run!" Beast Boy said weakly
"I don't think he's running." Animagus looked around. Malak came up through the ground and delivered an uppercut straight to his jaw. Sebastian went straight into the roof. Malak turned and charged at Raven. She threw up a force field; Malak dived underneath it, through the floor and came up below her. Raven dodged to the side and threw Malak at Sunfire. Sunfire caught him mid air and pinned him to the floor
"Look you can take her man." Sunfire said, "I don't want her here."
"She's your cousin."
"She's my least favourite cousin."
"That's cold." Malak phased through Sunfire and kicked him in the head, "And I'm an assassin." Robin lunged at Malak and kicked him. The kick bounced off and Robin hit the floor.
"You don't learn do you?"
"My teacher told me I had a disability!" Robin smirked
"Wait what?"
"Quick let's get involved." Cyborg said, cannon ready. He and Android aimed their weapons at Malak.
They both launched min missiles. They harmlessly bounced off of Malak's chest
"I did mention density control, right?"
"Oh my God he's such a Mary Sue!" Cyborg shook his head. Malak disapperd through the floor again.
"Oh no you don't." Android said. He scanned for Malak, cannon ready, "Nightstar on you!" Nightstar flew up as Malak came up through the floor. She brought her fist down and punched him in the face. Malak hit the floor hard. Nightstar put her knee against his chin
"Why didn't you just go through the floor to where Moonfire is hiding?"
"Honestly," Malak groaned, "I didn't think of doing that."
"Are you not the World's Deadliest Assassin?" Starfire inquired
"It was a momentary lapse of judgment. But thanks for the advice." Malak said. He phased through the floor again
"He's headed for Moonfire!" Android said.
"Titans Go!" Robin ordered, barely managing to stand. The two teams rushed into the corridor
"He's checking every room!" Android was busy scanning, "Moonfire is in Marie's." Malak's head popped up
"Thanks."
"Dammit Andy!" Beast Girl screamed. They turned the corner and Beast Girl dramatically kicked the door down. Malak was in the room, peering down at Moonfire
"No!" she whined, "I don't want to!"
"It's not about want, Young Lady! You are coming home with me now!"
"But Daddy…"
"Wait what?" Robin looked shocked
"Uncle Jack?" Sunfire looked likewise. Malak had his mask in his hand. He was indeed this person whom Sunfire said he is.
"No buts. In fact when we get home you are grounded!"
"Oh my God you are so unfair!"
"Don't you dare take that tone with me!" Malak ordered
"You are so embarrassing I hate you!" Moonfire stormed out
"Hey you are the one who disobeyed us! We explicitly told you not to leave your room until you finished your homework!" Malak followed after her
"But Daddy I love him!"
"I don't care!"
"Did you know Malak was her father?" Animagus asked once the arguing started to fade away. Beast Girl shrugged
"Wait who does she love? I wanna know!" Beast Boy whined as Raven was starting to get a headache at the prospect of having his kids
"This explains so much about Uncle Jack." Nightstar rubbed her eyes
"What the fuck?" Robin was still wide eyed. Malak popped his head around the door
"Good to see you again Marie."
"You too Mister M."
"You should come to dinner some time."
"Only if you make cheesecake for dessert."
"Of course." Malak left again
"Again. What the fuck?"
"Moonfire got no development." Cyborg noted
The Warehouse from chapter one:
Warp sat up and rubbed his head. Standing on shaky knees he took in his surroundings. He had been thrown across from where the portal had been and crashed behind some crates. The Titans weren't anywhere in sight so Warp hesitantly made his way to the exit. Stepping out he saw that he was in some sort of future.
"It worked!" He happily exclaimed, "And also backfired I guess." Warp stroked his chin, "Oh well back to the past." He began fiddling with a watch. Someone came up behind him
"Fancy seeing you here." Warp turned slowly
"Oh shit."
Again my friends/good acquaintances, please read, review, suggest this to a friend and TV Tropes *wink wink nudge nudge*
But please don't this is fucking horrendous
Two bloody years.
