Kurt had been quiet all day. He hadn't spoken all that much when Blaine was waiting for him in the morning, nor had he said a word when Blaine sat with him at lunch. He spent most of his time with his phone in his hand, rapidly texting someone: Blaine assumed it was Mercedes. Blaine asked Kurt what was wrong several times, only to be met with a 'nothing' and a forced smile. Blaine led Kurt to the Lima Bean for the usual after-school coffee date. Kurt was still unusually quiet and was rather reserved. Blaine asked him what was wrong once more and Kurt stood, avoiding his eyes, said "You wouldn't understand," and swiftly left the coffee shop, leaving Blaine in his seat, hurt and confused.
Dear Kurt,
I wish I could talk to you and make everything okay. I wish you knew how hard it is for me to see you upset the way you were today. It stings, and every time you avoid my eyes and say you're fine I know you're lying. And I'm not too sure what hurts most: seeing you hurt, or seeing you unable to talk to me about it.
It's not like I'm forcing you to say or do anything. I would never do that; I would never pressure you into something like that. I just wish you could find comfort in me the way I do in you.
Remember when you first met me? You let me into your life and told me everything about you, including all the crap Karofsky was putting you through. I felt your pain – I've been bullied before like that, I know all about it. And the way you described everything made me realise how lucky I was to escape and come to Dalton.
The minute you started describing your experiences with Karofsky, I had to stop myself from dragging you to the Headmaster's office and begging him to accept you to Dalton, just so you wouldn't have to face that at McKinley anymore.
That's not how a friend should react, right? Much less a stranger?
I'm still here. I haven't moved. I want nothing more than to take you in my arms and hold you tight. I'd listen to you talk for hours and hours on end if it meant you getting everything off your chest. If you went home feeling like everything was okay, I'd be happy.
The pain you're feeling is right there when I look into your eyes. The minute I see it, you look away – you avoid my gaze. It's as if you feel like you have to hide it away from me, and guard yourself.
Well, you don't have to. With me, you can let your guard down. Because I'm here. Always. I'm here for you, no matter what. Nothing you can say will ever turn me against you. I just want you to be happy.
I know I can't be the one to wipe the tears away and press a kiss to your forehead. I can't be the one bringing you flowers and chocolates and singing to you until you finally smile. It kills me to know I can't be that person. But if you're happy, I'm happy. That's all I'll ever want.
Your smile is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Your eyes light up and you just seem so happy when you smile. I didn't see you smile once today, and that killed me. Because I know that something is lurking underneath the surface and it's just waiting to come out, but for some reason, you can't just tell me.
Please, just tell me.
I'll be here with a grande non-fat mocha and the latest issue of Vogue, ready and waiting for you, when you're ready.
If you're ready.
Love always,
Blaine.
