Genuine Treasure

Author's Notes: This chapter is where things get a little more odd than usual. If you stop liking what you see, then hit the back button.

In addition, I'd like to take now to mention my personal policy on Japanese terms. I don't use the honorific suffixes such as -chan, -kun, or -san, simply because I'm writing in English. (The one exception will be Nami-swan, because Sanji's cool like that.) I also resist slipping in random Japanese terms such as "mugiwara" or "nakama," because, again, I'm writing in English. I will use Japanese terms for names, but that's just about it.

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Requirements for reading: Appreciation for slash/mpreg, brain.

Disclaimer: I still own nothing and nobody, except what I make up as I go along.

Chapter 3: Hell To Pay

When the Going Merry made landfall on a new island, Nami quickly wrote down its name and longitudinal/latitudinal coordinates, and started getting information about it from the locals. Usopp and Chopper went shopping for supplies, Sanji went shopping for food and drink, and Zoro and Robin took Luffy to a proper doctor. Chopper hadn't wanted to go, too ashamed to tell a "real" doctor that he, a blue-nosed reindeer, was a doctor too. Robin went because she would be able to communicate everything the doctor said, so that Chopper could take care of Luffy back on the seas. Zoro went to the office, but got cold feet before entering.

"I'll just wait out here," Zoro decided, leaning against the wall. "Robin, be sure he cooperates."

"I'm fine, Zoro! Don't worry about me one bit!" Luffy chirped, as Robin ushered him in. The door closed behind them, and Luffy took a seat in the waiting room while Robin spoke to the receptionist. It was, thankfully, empty, so Robin was told they'd be seen in just a few minutes. Robin sighed, and took a seat by Luffy.

"So, I first discovered that you and the swordsman were making love throughout the ship about a month ago. For my records, is that about the right time frame?" Robin said frankly. Luffy thought a minute, looking at her. She smiled. "As an archaeologist and historian, I record everything that happens on our ship. History as it happens. Is it just a month, or has it been longer?"

Luffy stared at her, his face very serious, before grinning. "You're falling behind. We've been doing it for more than two months." Robin nodded, a wry smile twisting her lips.

"I'd figured, but I needed confirmation. Well, since you shared information with me, I'll share some with you." Robin looked at him in the face, as he scratched the back of his head. "Luffy, the Devil's Fruit can have some very, very odd effects on those who consume them. Your body, as well as mine, is cursed way out of its natural form, and it'll adapt, in ways, to how it's being used. I've got a bad feeling that whatever's got you ill has something to do with both that and the way the swordsman's been using your body."

"Zoro would never hurt me," Luffy replied, pulling his knees up to his chest.

"Not saying he did. Not intentionally, at least. I just thought you'd like that information," Robin said, looking away from Luffy. Luffy pressed his chin into his knees, wondering what could have happened. The secretary called his name, and he shuffled to the examination room. Robin followed, as Luffy brooded over his lot.

"Luffy, you can call me Doctor Ohana," the doctor said by way of introduction, and he patted a padded table. Luffy hopped onto it and sat with his legs swinging, and Robin took a seat in a chair by the door. "So, can you describe your reason for visiting?"

"My crew made me," Luffy chirped, grinning, but Robin grabbed his cheek and stretched it out. She gave him a mothering look, trying to drive into him the seriousness of the situation.

"Anal bleeding, exhaustion… Luffy, name your other symptoms," Robin urged him. He rolled his eyes a bit.

"Well, I was a little nauseous right after it happened, but yeah, tired and bleeding-butt really covers it."

"I see. And… what were you doing right before you started experiencing the bleeding?" Doctor Ohana's eyebrows seemed to be three inches above his head.

"Having sex," Luffy replied with a blunt grin.

"Oh, I see." Doctor Ohana turned to Robin. "You're his girlfriend?"

"No. His boyfriend waited outside," Robin informed the doctor, pink with embarrassment. Luffy grinned eagerly at the doctor's obvious discomfort, as well as the word Robin had used. He'd never thought of Zoro as his boyfriend!

"Luffy, are you… the man on top, or-"

"I'm the man taking it up the butt," Luffy chirped, without even a hint of a blush.

"I see. And your boyfriend… is he…"

"Absolutely huge in his pants," Luffy finished the sentence with an even bigger grin. Robin was giggling and blushing as the doctor turned deeper and deeper shades of beet red.

"Well, okay, I think I've got a pretty good idea of what your problem is. You've probably got some small ruptures in your intestines and other lower abdominal organs, but since you don't seem to be pouring blood, it's nothing a bit of rest won't cure," Doctor Ohana said, fanning his face with his hands. "But to be safe, I'm going to perform an ultrasound examination on your abdomen to see if there's any major damage."

"Doctor, I thought there was some procedure where you could insert a small camera in the-"

"There is! But we don't have that technology here!" Doctor Ohana, whose head had taken on the hue of a tomato, cut Robin off before she could make any mention of where the camera went. "If you wouldn't mind pulling your shirt up and rolling down the top of your pants, Luffy, we can do this easily." Luffy half-stripped, exposing his flat, smooth torso, and laid himself out on the table so his lower belly was nearest to the doctor. The doctor turned on the ultrasound machine, and spread the cold gel onto Luffy's gut. Robin smiled wryly, nearing the screen.

"This, I must see. Maybe we'll find out where you put all that food." Luffy grinned, sticking his middle out.

"I've always wondered what I looked like inside!" Luffy said cheerfully, and Doctor Ohana chuckled as he pressed the wand to Luffy's abdomen. Luffy and Robin both gawked at the pulsing, shifting masses in Luffy's gut.

"Lower intestines look mostly good, no kinks or major tears visible," Doctor Ohana told Luffy in a reassuring voice. "Kidneys," he announced, as he shifted the wand, first to one side, then the other, to show both organs. "Look normal. Let's see…" Doctor Ohana moved the wand back down towards the pubic bone, but stopped just above it, frowning at the image on the screen. "What's this here?"

"If you don't know what it is, we're all in trouble," Robin sighed.

"No, I know what this is, but I've only ever seen it in female patients. That looks like a uterus," he murmured, voice quaking as he pointed to the shape on the screen, "And that shape inside of it… That looks remarkably like a zygote." Doctor Ohana's blush had turned into a deathly pallor, and Robin's jaw hung open, but Luffy was confused.

"Eh, doc, what's a zygote?"

"That's what they call a fetus before eight weeks of pregnancy, Luffy," Robin whispered, her voice strained with the shock. "See what I told you? You ate the Devil's Fruit, and now you've got hell to pay!"

"Devil's Fruit. That explains it. Those cursed bodies can do anything, no wonder you've gotten yourself pregnant!" Doctor Ohana groaned. "No, no, let's not jump to conclusions." He turned the machine off. "I… I could be seeing it wrong! Here, I need you to urinate in this cup, and I'll need to take blood!" He pushed a plastic cup into Luffy's hand, and got out a syringe and ten small boxes from a cabinet. Luffy swallowed hard, mildly confused at the doctor's sudden panic.

Ten minutes and ten positive urine tests later, Doctor Ohana was tapping his foot impatiently waiting for the blood sample to return. Luffy was grinning like an idiot, one hand on his middle.

"So, doc, how pregnant do you think I am?"

"Not very, not very much at all. The… thing…" It was very obvious he didn't want to call it a baby. "Didn't look much bigger than a blueberry, you can't be more than six or seven weeks along. Listen, if this blood test is positive, I'm going to strongly recommend terminating. I've heard of this sort of thing happening before, and very rarely has it ended well for mother- er, father- and child. In fact, in every single case I've heard of, it ends in a miscarriage by some means, and unless you operate to remove the dead fetus, your body could get infected against itself, because there's no really natural way for it to remove the thing. You could die too."

"Well, I dunno. I'm pretty tough, and any kid of mine's gotta be just as tough as me. We've got a doctor on the ship, and even if he doesn't have all the fancy equipment, he'll be able to take care of me real good," Luffy piped, sounding extraordinarily cheery considering his situation.

"Luffy, don't kid yourself, you're not going to be able to keep a baby alive inside your body, not with all the abuse you put it through!" Robin cried, hands on the back of her head in distress. "God, we're only here because you were bleeding out of something you sure as hell shouldn't be bleeding out of!"

"Actually, that may have been a side effect of the pregnancy," Doctor Ohana mused, as the nurse re-entered with a folder. She eyed Luffy suspiciously, and quickly left. Doctor Ohana read the results, and sighed.

"The blood test is fail proof. You're pregnant. Six weeks. When do you want to terminate? Would you like to let your boyfriend know first, or should I go prepare an operating room right now?"

The discussion spiraled down from there, and Luffy left the doctor's office with a big grin on his face, as Robin rubbed her forehead in exasperation. "I'm glad you let me pay the man, but Luffy, I really think you're making a bad decision here."

"What sort of bad decision?" Zoro emerged from the shade of the alley, taking Luffy by the shoulders and looking the smaller man in the face. "Luffy, are you okay? What happened? What did he say?"

"You're not gonna believe it, Zoro!" Luffy giggled, grinning from ear to ear.

"I'll give you two a moment alone," Robin sighed softly, throwing her hands up in a sort of surrender and walking away. Zoro looked between Luffy and Robin, eyes narrowing.

"Luffy, what's going on?"

"It's a baby, Zoro!" Luffy chirped, pressing both hands on his middle. Zoro stared at the smaller man, stone-faced. "See, my body changed because of the Devil's Fruit, so now it does whatever it wants to do, and because we had lots and lots of sex, I got a baby in me! Why aren't you smiling?" Luffy suddenly stared at the swordsman in confusion. People were usually happy when babies were made, weren't they?

"I'm… I'm glad you told me, Luffy." Zoro sighed heavily and placed his hands on Luffy's shoulders. "Do you want me to be there for support when they take it out?"

"Who said anything about taking it out? The doctor said that too. I don't want to take it out. I'm gonna have a baby!" Luffy patted his middle proudly, beaming as though he'd just found treasure. Zoro didn't look remotely amused.

"Luffy, don't be stupid. We are the last two people on the face of this planet who should be parents."

"But Zoro, you like kids!" Luffy whined, putting his hands on his hips.

"Who ever said I did?! And even if I did, that doesn't mean I want to be a parent!" Zoro snapped, raising his shoulders in tension. "Besides that, how are you going to carry a baby? You're a man! You don't have the body shape!"

"I'm made of rubber, silly. My body will fix itself." Luffy demonstrated by wiggling his hips around.

"That doesn't change the fact that we're not parenting material! You want to be the world's greatest pirate, I want to be the world's greatest swordsman. Those titles essentially cancel out the 'decent parent' title! Luffy, when I joined you, I told you that the second you got in my way of being a swordsman, I would leave." Zoro scowled, and Luffy drew himself up to his full height.

"Are you saying I'm in your way?"

"Luffy, I love you like a madman, but I am not gonna be responsible for a thumb-sucking, milk-barfing, diaper-shitting brat!" Zoro snarled. Luffy gritted his teeth, clenching his fists. He wasn't at all used to Zoro distrusting him or defying him, and he didn't like the words coming out of Zoro's mouth.

"Fine then! Go! I've made my decision, and you've made yours! Get away from me!" Luffy threw a punch at Zoro, who dodged back. Zoro stared at Luffy in angry disbelief, then threw his hands up and walked away.

He would never hit a pregnant woman, there was no way he'd hit a pregnant man, especially one he cared about. He'd give Luffy a few hours to cool off, and then try to talk to him again. For his own sake, he needed to convince him to do the right thing. He swung into the nearest pub and ordered a shot of rum. Maybe he needed to cool off too.

Luffy stormed back towards the docks, where the rest of the crew waited on the ship. Cooling off was not an option.

"Hey, Luffy! Where's Robin and the shitty swordsman?" Sanji called from the deck.

"I don't know about Robin, but the shitty swordsman isn't coming back! Usopp, you're first mate now. We're shoving off without him!" Nami, Sanji, and Usopp looked at one another, and began to whisper between themselves. Luffy took his usual seat on the figurehead, scowling squarely ahead.

"Whatever his health problem is, it's Zoro's fault," Nami declared.

"Maybe he was trying to poison Luffy. Oh man! No wonder he was so broody and hanging over him so much! He wanted to see if it was taking effect!" Usopp gasped.

"That shitty good-for-nothing swordsman. He's been with Luffy for this long, and this is what Luffy gets!" Sanji hissed. "I never trusted the bastard, not for a minute." In their gossip, the crew barely noticed Robin's approach.

"Where's Mr. Swordsman?" Robin asked, as she climbed the ramp to the ship. Luffy shot her a dirty look, and Nami shook her head.

"He's not coming back."

"We're leaving the second we're ready, I don't want him to think for a second he's welcome on this ship anymore!" Luffy folded his arms like a stubborn child, wearing a scowl that could freeze fire. Robin gasped softly, as though she knew what had happened. She rushed to Luffy's side.

"Luffy, did he-"

"He doesn't want me or the baby. He says I'm in his way. I'm not going to be in his way anymore." Now that she was close, Robin could see the tears gathering in his eyes and hear the soul-shredding despair in his soft voice. She patted his back gently.

"I understand, Luffy. Talk to me sometime." She walked away, leaving him alone to sort his feelings out.

An hour later, drunk enough to think straight, Zoro wandered across the island toward the docks. He didn't know what he was going to do, but he knew that, at the very least, he had to talk to Luffy. He looked around for the boat when he reached the docks, scanning for the familiar ram's head mast, but it was gone. Zoro's heart dropped out of his chest, as he realized that Luffy was gone and he was stranded.

He'd made the wrong choice, and he had to live with the hell he had to pay.

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End Notes: As some of you might have guessed, I am a whore for reviews. I live off of feedback, positive or negative, and I love the comments I've been getting so far, so…

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