"There's no permanent damage."
Chris had never been really religious, but at the moment he heard those words he had the urge to drop down to his knees and thank God. Those words had afforded him an immeasurable amount of comfort.
"That's good right?" Vince said, "She'll be fine."
"Well, there's no permanent damage, but there is some swelling."
Chris's jubilation stopped abruptly and he looked up. This didn't sound too good. Why did the doctor have to start with the good news then go to the bad news? It wasn't fair that way, to get his hopes up to have them be dashed.
"Swelling?" Linda asked, confused, "What kind of swelling?"
"Well, there's some swelling around her brain where her head hit the steering wheel. It's nothing to be concerned about in the long run, but we'd like to keep an eye on her."
"Will she be waking up soon?" Vince asked the doctor.
"That we don't know. With situations like this it's really hard to tell when they will wake up, or if they will wake up."
"Are you saying she might not wake up?"
"There is that possibility."
Chris wanted to cry. He wanted to just let all the tears that he knew were in him go. This couldn't be a reality, it just couldn't. He was supposed to tell Stephanie that he loved her, and she was supposed to fall into his arms so they could live happily ever after. Just like in the fairy tales. Well, this fairy tale had taken a tailspin.
"But you said there wasn't damage," Kurt interjected.
"Yes, but the body can go into shock. We're keeping her here to make sure that doesn't happen. The chances of her waking up are high, we just can't determine when."
"And the longer she stays in a coma?" Linda said.
"Well, the longer she stays in a coma, the slimmer her chances get. The body is a strange thing. Sometimes it shuts down and there's not much we can do."
"So if she were to stay the way she is for months, or years, then what?"
"Then it would be in her best interest to be taken off the respirator she's currently on."
"So let her die?" Vince said.
"If you want to put it that way, then yes."
Chris stood up. He couldn't listen to this anymore. Stephanie didn't have any brain damage, but that still didn't mean that she was just going to wake up and suddenly be refreshed or anything. He wandered aimlessly around the hospital, and found himself at the chapel. He slowly walked inside and sat in one of the pews.
He looked up at the stain glass windows. It was dark outside but the moonlight shone through and cast an eerie rainbow of colors across the otherwise dark room. In the corner there were candles burning, some unlit, waiting for some poor soul at the end of his rope to light them. Chris just sat there alone.
"Please don't take her away from me," Chris whispered into the air.
He wasn't particularly religious, but sitting here in the calmness of the chapel, talking to God seemed the right thing to do.
"You don't know how much she means to me. Well, actually you do, but she doesn't. Please don't let her go before I can tell her how I feel. I just...I just need to tell her, so she knows. I've always just wanted her to know."
Chris's eyes began to water.
"I can't even remember when I fell in love with her. But I did. I didn't want to, she was a married woman. And one of the commandments is that you shouldn't want another man's wife isn't it? Well, I have to admit I was insanely jealous of Hunter. I wanted her, so badly, but I could never tell her. She would just sic her husband on me."
The tears began to fall as Chris looked up at the stained glass.
"But I still loved her. Through everything I loved her. Then when I finally get the courage to tell her, this happens. How can you be so cruel? All I ever wanted was her, and now that might be taken from me. I don't know what I'll do without her."
He wiped his eyes.
"Is that stupid of me? To think I wouldn't go on without her. I mean, she's not even mine to begin with, who am I to presume that I can feel this badly over her? I just want her to be ok. Not even for me, but for her and for her family. They don't deserve this. So please, I'm begging you, just let her be ok."
Chris remained silent then and just stared off into space. The tears were still falling silently down his face, but he was too wrapped up in his thoughts to properly notice them. He didn't know what it felt like to have your life crumble before your eyes, but he didn't think it was much worse than right now.
Kurt walked silently into the chapel. He had looked everywhere else for Chris. He saw Chris sitting in one of the pews crying. He really felt badly for his friend. He knew, probably more than anyone how much Chris actually loved Stephanie. This was probably tearing him up inside. He didn't know what else to do but be there for him.
Kurt walked over and sat next to Chris. Chris barely even noticed that he had come and sat down next to him. All he cared about right now was Stephanie's well-being. Kurt cleared his throat and Chris finally turned his head and acknowledged the other man.
"I'm sorry," Kurt told him.
"What are you sorry for Kurt?"
"About this whole mess with Stephanie."
"What's there to be sorry for?"
"For you. I know it must be hard on you."
"We aren't even together or anything Kurt. I probably don't even have the right to be this upset about it."
"Of course you do."
"Whatever," Chris shrugged.
"Chris, do you love her?"
Chris looked at him as if he were insane, "Of course I do. I love her more than...well, than anything."
"Then you have the right. Just because she isn't yours doesn't mean you can't be upset over it. I'm upset and she's just my friend."
"If I had just told her sooner."
"What Chris, maybe she would've been with you. Don't try to analyze the what-if's, it's just futile."
"But she would--"
Kurt silenced him, "Chris, don't. What happened happened, and that's all there is to it."
"I just wish I could've told her."
"You can tell her when she gets better."
"And if she doesn't?" Chris asked.
"Don't think like that. You heard the doctor, no damage."
"But that doesn't mean she's necessarily going to wake up. You heard that too."
"Think positive. That's what she needs right now, positive thinking. And you're not helping one bit with all your death talk."
"But Kurt," Chris said brokenly, "What if she doesn't wake up?"
"Then," Kurt didn't know exactly what to say, "Then we should be happy that's she going somewhere where she won't suffer."
"But how will I go on?"
"You'll just have to."
"That doesn't help," Chris said, laughing shortly.
"Made you laugh didn't I?" Kurt said, chuckling to himself.
"I guess so."
"Look, Stephanie is going to need you, need me, need a lot of people. She'll be fine, I have a feeling about this."
"So I'm going to trust a feeling?"
"When it's my feeling, then yes."
Chris shook his head. Trust Kurt to make him feel better about the whole situation. Hopefully Stephanie would wake up soon, better than ever. Then he could tell her all about his feelings. And maybe, just maybe she'd reciprocate them.
"I think I'm going to go see her."
"Ok, don't say anything to upset her," Kurt joked.
"I don't think I will Kurt."
"Just think of her as sleeping, it makes it a whole lot easier."
Chris nodded, "I'll keep that in mind."
Chris walked slowly back to the ICU. He was dreading seeing her. It broke his heart to see her in his current state. He eventually got there and stood in her doorway. He took a deep breath and stared at her.
He had to be strong for her, and that's just what he was going to do. He was going to be with her every step of her hopeful recovery. He wasn't going to abandon her. He loved her much too much to even do that. If that meant having to watch her waste away, he had to prepare himself.
He wasn't leaving her. And he hoped she didn't leave him.
Chris had never been really religious, but at the moment he heard those words he had the urge to drop down to his knees and thank God. Those words had afforded him an immeasurable amount of comfort.
"That's good right?" Vince said, "She'll be fine."
"Well, there's no permanent damage, but there is some swelling."
Chris's jubilation stopped abruptly and he looked up. This didn't sound too good. Why did the doctor have to start with the good news then go to the bad news? It wasn't fair that way, to get his hopes up to have them be dashed.
"Swelling?" Linda asked, confused, "What kind of swelling?"
"Well, there's some swelling around her brain where her head hit the steering wheel. It's nothing to be concerned about in the long run, but we'd like to keep an eye on her."
"Will she be waking up soon?" Vince asked the doctor.
"That we don't know. With situations like this it's really hard to tell when they will wake up, or if they will wake up."
"Are you saying she might not wake up?"
"There is that possibility."
Chris wanted to cry. He wanted to just let all the tears that he knew were in him go. This couldn't be a reality, it just couldn't. He was supposed to tell Stephanie that he loved her, and she was supposed to fall into his arms so they could live happily ever after. Just like in the fairy tales. Well, this fairy tale had taken a tailspin.
"But you said there wasn't damage," Kurt interjected.
"Yes, but the body can go into shock. We're keeping her here to make sure that doesn't happen. The chances of her waking up are high, we just can't determine when."
"And the longer she stays in a coma?" Linda said.
"Well, the longer she stays in a coma, the slimmer her chances get. The body is a strange thing. Sometimes it shuts down and there's not much we can do."
"So if she were to stay the way she is for months, or years, then what?"
"Then it would be in her best interest to be taken off the respirator she's currently on."
"So let her die?" Vince said.
"If you want to put it that way, then yes."
Chris stood up. He couldn't listen to this anymore. Stephanie didn't have any brain damage, but that still didn't mean that she was just going to wake up and suddenly be refreshed or anything. He wandered aimlessly around the hospital, and found himself at the chapel. He slowly walked inside and sat in one of the pews.
He looked up at the stain glass windows. It was dark outside but the moonlight shone through and cast an eerie rainbow of colors across the otherwise dark room. In the corner there were candles burning, some unlit, waiting for some poor soul at the end of his rope to light them. Chris just sat there alone.
"Please don't take her away from me," Chris whispered into the air.
He wasn't particularly religious, but sitting here in the calmness of the chapel, talking to God seemed the right thing to do.
"You don't know how much she means to me. Well, actually you do, but she doesn't. Please don't let her go before I can tell her how I feel. I just...I just need to tell her, so she knows. I've always just wanted her to know."
Chris's eyes began to water.
"I can't even remember when I fell in love with her. But I did. I didn't want to, she was a married woman. And one of the commandments is that you shouldn't want another man's wife isn't it? Well, I have to admit I was insanely jealous of Hunter. I wanted her, so badly, but I could never tell her. She would just sic her husband on me."
The tears began to fall as Chris looked up at the stained glass.
"But I still loved her. Through everything I loved her. Then when I finally get the courage to tell her, this happens. How can you be so cruel? All I ever wanted was her, and now that might be taken from me. I don't know what I'll do without her."
He wiped his eyes.
"Is that stupid of me? To think I wouldn't go on without her. I mean, she's not even mine to begin with, who am I to presume that I can feel this badly over her? I just want her to be ok. Not even for me, but for her and for her family. They don't deserve this. So please, I'm begging you, just let her be ok."
Chris remained silent then and just stared off into space. The tears were still falling silently down his face, but he was too wrapped up in his thoughts to properly notice them. He didn't know what it felt like to have your life crumble before your eyes, but he didn't think it was much worse than right now.
Kurt walked silently into the chapel. He had looked everywhere else for Chris. He saw Chris sitting in one of the pews crying. He really felt badly for his friend. He knew, probably more than anyone how much Chris actually loved Stephanie. This was probably tearing him up inside. He didn't know what else to do but be there for him.
Kurt walked over and sat next to Chris. Chris barely even noticed that he had come and sat down next to him. All he cared about right now was Stephanie's well-being. Kurt cleared his throat and Chris finally turned his head and acknowledged the other man.
"I'm sorry," Kurt told him.
"What are you sorry for Kurt?"
"About this whole mess with Stephanie."
"What's there to be sorry for?"
"For you. I know it must be hard on you."
"We aren't even together or anything Kurt. I probably don't even have the right to be this upset about it."
"Of course you do."
"Whatever," Chris shrugged.
"Chris, do you love her?"
Chris looked at him as if he were insane, "Of course I do. I love her more than...well, than anything."
"Then you have the right. Just because she isn't yours doesn't mean you can't be upset over it. I'm upset and she's just my friend."
"If I had just told her sooner."
"What Chris, maybe she would've been with you. Don't try to analyze the what-if's, it's just futile."
"But she would--"
Kurt silenced him, "Chris, don't. What happened happened, and that's all there is to it."
"I just wish I could've told her."
"You can tell her when she gets better."
"And if she doesn't?" Chris asked.
"Don't think like that. You heard the doctor, no damage."
"But that doesn't mean she's necessarily going to wake up. You heard that too."
"Think positive. That's what she needs right now, positive thinking. And you're not helping one bit with all your death talk."
"But Kurt," Chris said brokenly, "What if she doesn't wake up?"
"Then," Kurt didn't know exactly what to say, "Then we should be happy that's she going somewhere where she won't suffer."
"But how will I go on?"
"You'll just have to."
"That doesn't help," Chris said, laughing shortly.
"Made you laugh didn't I?" Kurt said, chuckling to himself.
"I guess so."
"Look, Stephanie is going to need you, need me, need a lot of people. She'll be fine, I have a feeling about this."
"So I'm going to trust a feeling?"
"When it's my feeling, then yes."
Chris shook his head. Trust Kurt to make him feel better about the whole situation. Hopefully Stephanie would wake up soon, better than ever. Then he could tell her all about his feelings. And maybe, just maybe she'd reciprocate them.
"I think I'm going to go see her."
"Ok, don't say anything to upset her," Kurt joked.
"I don't think I will Kurt."
"Just think of her as sleeping, it makes it a whole lot easier."
Chris nodded, "I'll keep that in mind."
Chris walked slowly back to the ICU. He was dreading seeing her. It broke his heart to see her in his current state. He eventually got there and stood in her doorway. He took a deep breath and stared at her.
He had to be strong for her, and that's just what he was going to do. He was going to be with her every step of her hopeful recovery. He wasn't going to abandon her. He loved her much too much to even do that. If that meant having to watch her waste away, he had to prepare himself.
He wasn't leaving her. And he hoped she didn't leave him.
