How many ways are there to try and thank you're beta for being absolutely amazing? I don't know, but I sure as hell going to try and use every single opportunity I get to say how glad I'm with her help and encouraging. Your response to this chapter has made the hard times I had with writing it so worth it. So thank you befitandchase (tumblr)! Like I said, I really struggled with this chapter. Took me so long to write and I still kept re-writing one part about it over and over again. I have three drafts of that little piece. So please let me know what you think about it. Every bit of positive criticism, feedback and encouraging is very welcome.
This chapter is again rated M, for mentions of violence and suicide. I don't own anything about Arrow, unfortunately. Without further interruptions, enjoy your read.
Chapter three''The last time I checked, beyond saving wasn't a medical term.''
She stepped away from her spot by the window and walked towards Captain Bellick. If he thought that she would back down from this subject, than he was wrong. There needed to be something that she could do for him. Just standing here was not good enough.
''I want to know his diagnosis. I'm sure that the doctors had all those fancy reports to describe it. So what is it? Adjustment disorder, PTSD, bipolar condition or is it something completely else?''
Confused by her own words, she frowned. Where had that come from? It was true that she knew a few terms about mental conditions, but they mostly had to do with her amnesia. It seemed like some random knowledge that she had gained in the past was coming to the surface, but it wasn't something that she could quite grasp.
Apparently, she was the only one who was puzzled. The Captain's eyebrows had come down, making him frown in focus, while his eyes slightly squinted together. That, coupled with his pursed lips, made her realize it. She huffed silently. He looked at her like she was a victim, but she really wasn't. He had underestimated her and that was why he was now at a loss of words. Did he really think that she wouldn't ask any more questions?
''Look lady, information about the clients is protected by physician-patient confidentiality. I understand that you would like to know what it is that has him in its grip, but I simply can't tell you. It's against the law.''
With a little shake of her head she watched him. The answer was not good enough for her liking, and although it was true that there was something like doctor-patient confidentiality, he had forgotten one thing…
''The doctor-patient privilege that you're referring to exists, I'm aware of that. But you forgot one thing about it. The rule does not apply to information shared with physicians who are not medical providers. As far as I can see by your uniform, you're a guard. A Captain perhaps, but a guard nonetheless.'' Proud of herself, she looked up in to the eyes of the man, a smug smile on her lips. ''Unless off course, you're just wearing a Captains uniform, like, to hide that you are actually a doctor. But that would be strange, wouldn't it?'' Ah, there it was again, the babbling.
Bellick gave her a look that made her cringe. It wasn't hard to tell that he didn't find her ramblings endearing or amusing.
''Very funny Miss Smoak,'' he said sarcastic. ''Nonetheless, I'm not going to give you any information about Mr. Queen.''
Frustrated, she closed the distance between them. If she would step any closer, her chest would brush against his. He confused her and she was really starting to hate being confused. First, he told her bits and pieces about Oliver and his point of no return, only to back out of his statement now. If only he would just tell her. It would save them both a lot of trouble.
Her eyes left those of Bellick only to come to rest at Diggle's. A pleading look was visible in her blue depths. As a former friend, he would help her, wouldn't he?
A slight shift of his head told her all that she needed to know. She closed her eyes and forced her more confident self to reappear again. This other side of her, she needed it in order to deal with the things that had happened to her. As long as she could pretend that she was still functioning like any normal person, it would all be alright. At least, that was what she told herself.
Since the moment she had woken up in the hospital and remembered absolutely nothing, she had divided herself in to roles to make it easier to keep her head above the water. Without her masks, she would have given in to her desperation a long time ago. And while at first the masks had been a coping mechanism, they were just a matter of habit now. She knew exactly which front she needed to put on to get the best result out of any situations she was being put in. With the mask firmly in place, she turned her attention back to Captain Bellick.
''You know, when I requested this visit, I was asked for my name. So I told the receptionist that Felicity Smoak wanted to visit her old employer. And although that's true, it isn't the whole truth. My name is Felicity Queen- Smoak and I'm here to see my husband.''
The shock on the face of the Captain was evident. He clearly hadn't had an idea on who she really was. Not that she did know, but Google had helped her a bit. Still, she couldn't blame him. She had seen the pictures that the paparazzi had taken of Oliver and her and she had looked like a completely different person there. The pictures showed a young, pretty woman, smiling at the gorgeous man next to her. She wasn't that woman any more.
''I hope that you are aware of the fact that the Queens have a lot of influence in this city. So I will give you two choices. You are either going to tell me exactly what I want to know, or you are going to regret not telling me for the rest of your life.''
''Listen carefully young lady, if you think that –''
A polite clearing of a throat interrupted him in the middle of his sentence. Without looking, she knew the direction where it had come from. Silently, she thanked Diggle for his timing. Bellick clearly wasn't a man that was easily intimidated and his impatience with her made her feel uncomfortable.
''Please excuse me Captain, but can I have a quick word with you?''
Felicity watched how the tension seeped out of the shoulders of the Captain when he exhaled. She could tell that he was displeased by the interruption. A moment of silence seemed to capture them all, until very slowly, Bellick turned around.
Before she knew it, she was once again alone in Oliver's observation room. A shaky breath left her lips, the confident mask slipping away. Would this technique really work? Could they really coerce him enough to give her what she asked? Or would she need to prove to him that she wasn't bluffing? That she really would do anything within her powers to know what was happening to Oliver. She hoped that Diggle would be able to give him the final push, because she was tired. She did her best to stay calm and keep everything in check, but in the last hour alone she had been swinging back and forth between desperation and relief. The emotional limbo she was going through was beginning to take its toll.
She stalked back towards the window, back to Oliver. Except from the pictures and some old articles, she hadn't found anything on Google about their relationship. It had made the headlines two years ago, playboy billionaire Oliver Queen marrying IT geek Felicity Smoak, but after the articles that covered the marriage, there was nothing. She had come across a small discussion on the internet, where some people had stated that the reporters were being paid, so that they would never write about ''Olicity''. Either way, she had learned nothing about her husband online. And yet, she felt herself drawn to him. It was almost as if her body remembered being close to him.
She found herself watching every breath he took. He didn't look distressed to her. No, if you asked her, the patient in cell twenty-one looked peacefully asleep, unaware of anything that was happening around him.
The moment the door closed behind them, Bellick turned towards him. The gaze of the man was impressive, but not if you were used to the ones that Oliver could give in his ''Hood'' years.
''Care to explain to me why you're interrupting your commanding officer while he in the middle of a conversation?''
Diggle couldn't blame Bellick for his words, nor for the harsh tone in which they were spoken. If it had been anybody else other than Felicity in that room, he would have done exactly the same. But, how strange and miraculous it all seemed, it was Felicity in there and that changed everything.
It was as if the rest of the staff wasn't aware of the amnesia she was suffering from. Whatever reason she had for not telling, he respected her and decided that it wasn't his place to inform his colleague of her condition. There were other ways to make sure that she got to hear about Oliver's mental condition. For this moment, he just hoped that Bellick would cooperate.
He really wanted her to know, because when he had closed her in his arms just moments ago, he had felt a spark of hope run through his body. She had saved Oliver once, who knew if maybe she would also be his salvation the second time around.
While the sobs had rocked her body, he had felt her desperation and confusion. Only then had he realized that he was the first person she met that knew her before the accident. In her eyes, he was the one that could tell her more about herself.
All he could do in that moment was hold her close like he thought he would never be able to do again. What mattered now was having her back. The thought that maybe she would never truly be back was pushed to the back of his mind.
''I just wanted to make sure that you know who you're dealing with Captain. As you know, I've been Mr. Queen's bodyguard for seven years, before I started working here. When he met Miss Smoak six and a half years ago and married her four years after that, I was there. It became my job to protect her as well. And in those years, I learned one thing. They always find their way back to each other. Heaven and earth will be moved if that's what it takes.''
''And what you're trying to say is..?''
''That right now, you're the person standing between them.''
It was the truth. He had always watched in amazement at the ways those two found each other. How they found solutions for the problems that stood in the way of their happiness. That was one of the reasons why he had been so shocked by the accident. Faith had brought them together so many times, only to literally rip them apart in the end. It hadn't seemed possible.
''The Queen family maybe have lost the huge influence they once had in the city, but they still have more money than all of the employees that work here put together. I'm telling you that she will not hesitate to bribe one of them. And whoever she chooses, that guard will be happy to tell her everything he knows. She will get her answers, one way or another.''
Her persistence was another thing he had always admired about her. When something triggered her interest, she was like a dog with a bone. She wouldn't let it go until she had gotten to the bottom of things.
The stereo was playing some jazz when he heard the knocking on his door. Already knowing who would stand behind it, he got up from his chair and walked over to the other side of the room.
He was home on doctors' orders. It was only a week after the destruction of the glades and the injuries to his shoulder and leg needed more time in order to heal. Apart from those two knife wounds, he had left the Glades with some cuts and bruises, but luckily nothing too serious.
When he opened the door, he found Felicity standing in the hallway, just as he had expected. It had only been a matter of time.
As soon as he stepped aside, she stalked into the apartment. With a firm flick of her hands, she closed the door behind them. Her bright blue eyes that were filled with worry roamed the room. When she saw nothing but him, she walked further into the room and then started speaking in hushed tones. It was almost as if she was scared to be overheard by others. It was either that, or she was trying to hold herself together.
''Do you know where he is? Because if you do, I deserve to know too.''
''Hello to you too Felicity. I'm fine, the wounds are healing, thanks for asking.''
She sighed and started pacing the room. Her hands made small gestures while she kept quiet, trying to deal with his response. Eventually she stood still and turned towards him, her hand pushing her spectacles higher up her nose.
''I'm sorry John. You know that you matter to me. That I care.'' The pacing was back again. ''It's just... I really need to know where he is, so that I can speak to him with my very loud voice. How could he be so stupid?''
Confused by her words, he shot her a look and pointed towards the couch. She seemed too pent up with energy to even notice his polite gesture. Whatever it was that she held against Oliver, it was something that she wouldn't let him get away with. The ways she held her body, spoke the words, it told him that much.
''I mean, have you checked your bank account recently? Because you wouldn't believe what I found when I looked at mine this morning. One million dollars, that's what I found. He gave me one million dollars. And while I'm sorry for invading your privacy, I took the liberty to look at yours after that. I hoped that he hadn't been so foolish to do what I suspected him to do, but he did. You've received exactly the same amount of money. So that's two million dollars from Oliver Queen's account to his bodyguard and some IT specialist. It's hard enough that he left us to deal with the aftershocks of this manmade earthquake, but didn't he realize that giving us money would create suspicion? Put us in danger? I'm already on the police radar for aiding the vigilante, and now I have to explain why Oliver Queen decided to give me a million dollars. While honestly I don't even know why he gave it to me.''
The tension in her body seemed to seep out with every word that she said, until she seemed almost deflated. It was then that she finally made her way towards the couch and sat on it.
''Luckily for him, I've been able to erase every digital footprint that he made while making the deposits. If anybody takes a closer look, they will see that the money has gone to funds that help to restore the city. What they don't know is that it's actually Malcolm Merlyn's money that is transferred to those accounts, while our money is safely tucked in offshore bank accounts, collecting rent.''
With a sad smile, she handed him a thick, carton card with a number one it. He flipped it over, but there was nothing else on it. He looked at her, amazed by what she had done in order to keep their secrets safe. When he told her that, she just shrugged her shoulders.
'' Just let me know when you want to make a withdrawal from it, so that I can hide it. Besides, there is already one person ''de-hooded'', no need to let them get to the others as well. But Oliver needs to understand that I can help him if he keeps doing things like this. What if I hadn't noticed it in time and somebody else did? Why give it to us at all?''
In seconds, she was back on her feet, the anger resurfacing on her face. Oliver had told him about the money, just moments before he left, but just like Oliver, he hadn't realized the problems it could cause them. She had. Once again, they had underestimated the clever and bright Felicity Smoak. Apologizing for it would be futile though, because it wasn't his place to say those words. Still, he felt for her.
''You know, at first, I tried to put the money back to his account. Getting it has made me feel cheap, like I can be bought, bribed or paid off. He used something that has worked for him before; giving money to ease his mind, thinking that we would be grateful for it. But I'm not. He tried to buy something that I willingly gave to him. It has always been my choice to make, but now, with the money, it feels like he has always controlled my decisions. And I know that it doesn't make sense, because it's just money right? No need to search for a meaning behind it. But you're wrong. It isn't just money. Not for me.''
He understood what she was trying to say. That she felt pushed aside, thrown away. If Oliver hadn't transferred the money, she would still be upset about the fact that he left, but she wouldn't have been mad about it. Felicity wasn't a person to hold a grudge against anybody, unless they really upset her. It looked like Oliver had managed to do just that.
''The thing is, John, that he didn't even bother to let me know he would leave. I had to find out from the fact that I lost his tracker signal. Did he really think that I wouldn't notice? If so, then he is even more stupid then I held him accounted for.''
His hand landed on her shoulder. He gave her a firm squeeze before turning completely to her. She had him worried about what she might do. Felicity was a warm, understanding and kind person, but the moment somebody crossed her… Let's just say that those people wouldn't forget it quickly. She was not somebody that you could mess with.
''You'll let me know when you're planning to do something as equally stupid as him, right?''
She looked at him with a hint of mischief in her eyes. A lopsided smile started to play on her lips.
''Don't worry, Dig. For now, I'll just make it my goal to find him again. No way will Oliver Queen beat me with this one. He should have known better than to try and outsmart me. I don't need a tracking device to find anybody. And when I do find him… Let's just say that he has some serious explaining to do.''
A small smile played at his lips. She had found Oliver in the end, using her own kind of super powers to track every lead she got on him. Felicity and her computers. It was almost scary what she could do with them. Or used to be able to do with them. Had she lost the ability to hack her way into any mainframe along with her memory? It was an interesting question. Were all the skills she had acquired in the years that they had been a team gone, now that she didn't remember acquiring them? Or would she use them without even knowing it?
His attention gazed back to Bellick, who was clearly letting himself get worked up by the intimidation that was going on.
''I really hope we don't get mixed up in a conflict of interest Mr. Diggle. I know you only came to work here because of Mr. Queen, but your priority should lay with the institution now. You're a good guard, kind with the inmates and comforting with their visitors… I would rather not fire you.''
The anger that Bellick showed was a weak attempt to hide his true feelings. It was actually quite easy to read him. Worried about the threat that Felicity posed, he made his own counter threat of firing Diggle. It would be a problem if that would happen, because he needed to be the one that was close to Oliver. In the moments that his friend lost his mind, he was the only one that could get close enough to even try and help him. Getting fired from the job meant even more trouble and injuries for Oliver.
'' See this as a warning. If you interrupt me one more time while I'm dealing with visitors, you can forget about your job and don't even start on trying to visit. Am I clear?''
''Crystal,'' he stated. He didn't know if the coercion had worked, but at least he had tried to get Felicity closer to the answers that she was so desperately seeking. If Bellick still wouldn't tell her anything, he could always choose to tell her. As long as she was able to keep the intel she acquired to herself, his job wouldn't be in danger.
Back in the room, Felicity was still watching Oliver. She was fascinated by the way he lay there, silently sleeping like he wasn't chained up at all. Maybe it was the fact that he was crazy that contributed to that. After all, they said that people who lost their mind didn't have a moral guide. That could be the reason why he was asleep, instead of worrying about the accusations that were being laid on him.
There were a few things that she had learned about Oliver through the help of the internet and some magazines that her psychologist had given to her. First and most importantly of all, she was married to him. Second, he was still a billionaire. And last but not least, he had survived five years on an Island in the south Chinese Sea. Those where the three parts the tabloids all had agreed on. The rest was inconclusive. Did he marry her out of love, or was there another reason why they tied the knot? Was he still a playboy, even if he now wore a ring? And her biggest concern: were the police right and did he arrange the accident so that he could get rid of her and the settlement arrangement?
She was brought out of her thoughts when she noticed a shift of his body. It was nothing more but a slight tremor running its course and yet it had gotten her attention. Her eyes kept roaming his body, looking for a signal that he was waking up and that was when she saw it. His lips were moving. Apparently, she hadn't mastered the skill to lip-read in her previous life, because she couldn't make out a word of what he said. That kept continuing, until he started screaming out her name.
''Felicity!''
The desperation of his tone made her shiver. She wrapped her arms around her chest in an attempt to keep herself from falling apart. Worry gripped her by her throat. Whatever he was reliving in his nightmare, it seemed to be hell itself.
''Don't say that Felicity!''
Rattling shackles filled the silence that stretched forth after his outburst. She watched as he squirmed against the hold of his restraints. It was like he was trying to get his freedom back, but there was no way that he could escape them.
''Stay with me!''
She gasped at his words, tears threatening to spill. She held her arms even closer to her chest. His cries made her want to curl into a ball and protect herself from the pain. Because every single thing about Oliver screamed at her that he was badly hurt. It was something that she couldn't deal with.
A tear became visible on his straight jacket and she instantly knew that he had just accomplished that. After that first tear came another and then she could she how his arms came free from behind his back. She didn't know how he did it, but in a matter of seconds, the chains that had kept him immobilized lay on the floor, padlock still in place. With eyes still closed, Oliver just lay there for a moment.
''It will be over soon… I... I promise.''
She woke up out of her state of shock and bewilderment as soon as she saw that he was not getting up, but instead reached for the chains. Finally she understood where the red, swollen line in his neck came from. He had tried to choke himself. And if she could trust her instincts, he would do try to do it again.
In an instant she was at the door, throwing it open. She rushed through it, ignoring Captain Bellick and Diggle and ran straight to the next door. Her hand grabbed the handle and yanked it down, but the damn thing wouldn't open. Frustrated, she pulled it a few more times, but to no avail. A big hand pushed her out of the way and held out an access card to a reader. With a little bleep, the access was granted.
Sick with worry about maybe being too late, she tried to slip in, only to be pushed aside by Diggle. Instinct kicked in and without thinking, she stepped back and came in from the right, blocking his next push and stepping around him.
Finally standing in Oliver's cell, her eyes darted back and forth until she spotted him, lying curled up in the corner, shackles wrapped around his neck.
''Oliver!'' she cried out, the fear of him dying consuming her.
He opened his eyes at the sound of her voice, blue eyes staring at her. Chills ran through her body when she looked in them. There was no life left. He was not damaged, he was shattered.
''Felicity,'' he said with a soft voice.
It was tender, filled with sorrow and grief. His voice alone felt like a ministration to her. She kneeled beside him, careful not to scare him away. She reached for his face, craving to touch him. He jerked back, head hitting the padded wall.
''No,'' he breathed, eyes big and pupils blown wide. ''It can't be. I killed you.''
Notes: I know, evil cliffhanger. Please don't kill me for it.
I hope to update within a week.
