Welcome to Pokefail. Sadly, this chapter has been cancelled and been replaced by the Dr. Phil show. We're so sorry. Just kidding. We did this on purpose.

Dr. Phil sat back in his chair, facing the audience "Hello everybody, today we will be talking to a ten year old boy from Japan named Ash Ketchum."

An attendant came to Dr, Phil and whispered something in his ear and then Dr. Phil addressed the crowd "Ash Ketchup, sorry" A small boy rushed onto the stage.

"Hi everyone! Sorry I'm late; my shoe-tying class ran a little long."

Dr. Phil looked at Ash Great, another imbecile; I'm not getting paid enough for this job. he thought.

Ash sat down and started to talk "No one likes my girlfriend; I don't even think she likes me."

Ash's mom stood up "Have you seen her? She dresses so you can see her belly, that's gross!"

Ash's dad stood up next "Hi, you're not supposed to know who I am, but I can tell you I do NOT lead Team Rocket, and I do NOT leave my Gym for long periods of time, and I do NOT own a Nidok-

"Just get to the point already, Giovanni"

"Okay, fine. Anyway, I disagree with my wife. That chick is smokin' and if this doesn't work out I'll ask her to become one of my fangirls!"

Dr. Phil sighed "Yeah right, you have about as many fangirls as Andrew Ryan."

"Who?"

"Exactly. Now sit down." Dr. Phil replied. He grabbed a list of female characters in Pokemon and scanned it. Misty looked like the one they were talking about. Dr. Phil sighed "Okay, send your girlfriend on stage." he said.

Ash smiled "Yay!"

The next thing Dr. Phil knew he was flying head over heels, his chair following. He heard the voice of his attacker:

"Oopsie! Sorry, Philsey-kins!" the high-pitched voice let out a squeal "Ashie-pie! I've missed you!" Dr. Phil stood up, seeing a purple haired girly- looking boy kissing Ash on the cheek. Dr. Phil rubbed his head and said:

"Oh, that's why you were let on the show. I didn't know you were in that kind of relationship. When did you both come out of the closet?"

The purple haired guy replied "Oh, as soon as I could talk, I tried to send my parents signs before hand, like when I had a butcher knife and tried to do a surgery myself but… they didn't ever seem to understand…"

Ash frowned "Well, Brock stuffed me in the closet at home once and I walked back out, but I can't remember when."

Dr. Phil rolled his eyes "No, I meant when did you come out of the closet"

Ash just looked confused.

"Look, when did you admit you're gay?"

Ash frowned "I'm not gay, Harley's a girl!"

Harley looked really confused "Ummm, Ashie- tootles…. I'm a guy."

Ash opened his mouth "Huh?" Ash grabbed a gun "I didn't think it would come to this Harley, but I can't have you ruining my good name!"

Now time for a brief commercial break!

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Now back to PokePhil

Another Purple haired-boy walked onto the stage, this one looking much more like a boy. "Why is Ash leaving in a body bag?" he asked "Did he point a gun at Harley again?"

Dr. Phil sighed "Never mind that, let's just start this part of the show." He turned to address the crowd. "Paul here is a recent victim of child abuse, his mother spanked him whenever he talked and drove him into emoness."

Paul looked at Dr. Phil "What? I don't know what you are talking about?"

Dr. Phil frowned "Then why are you so emo? Were genetic experiments performed on you as a child? Bitten by a radioactive black widow? Eaten alive?"

Paul started to twitch "I'm not emo, nor am I depressed, I'm just not a hyper person, that's all, and-"

"And what?"

Paul started to shake "Well, my dad was always mean to me as a kid, no matter how hard I tried to train he always told me Ash was better than me"

He started to sob "he-he-h-h hated me and I couldn't be his best friend ever and-and-and…."

Dr. Phil urged Paul to finish

Paul nodded and screamed "I TOOK AN IQ TEST AND CAME OUT LOWER THAN ASH!!!!!"

Everyone gasped. Paul was in a fetal position on the floor, sucking his thumb. Suddenly, Harley came back onto the stage "Hi Paulsy-poo! You look sad… do you need a massage?

Commercials galore!

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Back!

Gary walked onto the stage and immediately asked "Hey, does anyone notice that Paul is exiting in a body bag?"

Dr. Phil shifted in his seat "Um, no, you're just seeing things. Come, take a seat!"

Gary frowned and took a seat "I've had some fangirl troubles. They don't realize I have a girlfriend."

Dr. Phil smiled sadly "Um, I thought you already knew this, but, an unknown assassin came in the middle of the night and killed Giselle, and carved the name Jack into her hair, somehow, anyway, we're assuming that is the killers nickname, we just need to know who the killer is."

Gary shrugged "I never really liked her anyway. I love my Pokemon, but not my fangirls, I hate them." A bullet whizzed over Gary's head and he shouted "One of my fangirls has a ticket to see Miley Cyrus!"

Everyone in the audience started to attack each other.

Gary smiled "Works every time." he said.

Dr. Phil smiled at the chaos until it settled down "Today, as a treat to all you fangirls who think Gary's head is too big, we're going to trepan him in front of the entire audience!"

Gary frowned "What does that mean?"

Dr. Phil smirked "It means we're going to drill a hole in your head, genius." Then metal cuffs slid out of the chair and chained Gary's arms and legs to it.

Gary screamed like a little girl as Dr. Phil approached with a drill. An attendant heard muffled screams in the closet and opened it. Dr. Phil came out, bound in Bendaroos. The Phil next to Gary took off his mask to reveal he was Harley, with a drill, which is a sharp object, pointed at Gary's head.

Gary screamed again "The person who killed Giselle, HELP ME!!!!"

The person who killed Giselle walked up to the front row, grabbed a bag of popcorn, and started to eat.