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Author's note: Pretty, pretty please leave me a review! It really encourages me to write the next chapter sooner lol And it makes me smile! :)
I sat in the black vinyl chair staring up at the ceiling, bracing myself for impact. I had eight piercings at the moment, incuding my industial bar which I guess counted as two. In that case, this would be the tenth artificial hole in my body. I liked the way my peircings looked, liked the feeling I got whenever I got a new one. When the needle slid through the flesh of my right nostril, I barely even flinched.
I sat up and Tanya handed me a mirror. Tanya had done all of my body piercings since I had gotten my belly button done when I was thirteen. After that, she'd done my industrial, one failed forward helix and now my nose. The three studs that lined my earlobes I had done myself in my bathroom with safety pins. It had started with one and moved it's way up. Tanya said I shouldn't self-impale, but I had never been a very good listener.
The black ring in my nose made me smile.
"I love it." I told her.
"Good. I'm glad." Getting up, I followed her out to the front counter, wiping the few tears that had fallen from my eyes. The watering was worse than I had thought it would be. "The question is, when am I gonna get you in the tattoo chair?"
I shrugged.
I had told Tanya a while ago that I wanted to get one. She and her husband owned this shop and they both did really beautiful work. A few of my friends had gotten tattoos done here (by my recommendation, of course) and were all very happy with the final product. Rose was always telling me that tattoos didn't have to have any deep meaning but I couldn't help feeling that mine would. I wanted one; I just had no idea what I would want to get done.
"You think about it more." Tanya smiled. "We'll still be here when you make up your mind."
I paid and told her I would call her if I had any problems, then stepped out into the cool late January air. The wind blew hard, sending stray hairs falling over my face. I pulled my coat tighter around my body and tucked the few wild locks behind my ears. I was only about three blocks from home but that felt like a long wallk in this weather.
A few years ago, I might have called my mom and asked her for a ride. Renee was the kind of person that wanted to help everyone with anything she could. But, these days, she spent more time in her bed than she did out of it. My mom had been diagnosed with kidney failure three-and-a-half years before and, from there, it had been a long ride down. The doctors kept saying she would be started on dialysis soon, that she would be feeling better, but that seemed like a far off dream. An even farther off dream was an organ trasplant. My mother had a rare blood type and odds were slim, or so we had been told.
My dad had passed away when Bree was just a baby. He got shot in a traffic stop gone wrong. I'd never really gotten to know him that well. I had been just a little girl at the time and he worked late hours. Which mean that, for almost as long as I could remember, it had been just Renee, Bree and me. Now, I worried that my sister would be the only person I had left. I worried that my mom would get too sick. I worried that she would suffer. I worried she would die before we got the chance to make it all better.
Feeling the panic creeping up on me, I shoved these thoughts down and walked just a little bit faster. It was cold and I wanted to go inside but I wasn't sure I wanted to go home. Renee was probably in her bedroom, coughing and moaning. Bree had gone to stay at a friends' (on a Thursday for some reason) and was riding the bus in the morning, so she wouldn't be home till late the next afternoon.
When I got home, no one was there. I found a note on the counter from Renee saying that she had gone to visit my grandma in Geist and that she planned to sleep there since Bree was gone and it was such a long drive for her to make late at night. I sighed. The thought of being alone in my mother's apartment with nothing but potato chips and Netflix to keep me company made me feel more than a little flustered. I was filled with dread. Riffling through my bag, I popped a few pills in my mouth and swallowed them dry. Most people would like having the house to themselves. I just wasn't one of them.
I had a full tank of gas and nowhere to be until the morning. I decided to get away.
I packed a bag for myself. I didn't really know where I planned to go, but I knew I needed to. An oversized blue sweater, a pair of jeans and few toiletries was all I needed for my quick, twenty-four hour excursion. I locked up and pulled out of our reserved parking spot out front, onto main street and towards the expressway entrance ramp.
I didn't have any particular destination in mind. I just drove. I got off at the Shadeland Ave. exit and found myself wandering around, drifting closer and closer to the center of downtown. It was dark before long but I didn't stop driving. It was cathardic. I listened to the radio, rolled down my windows and sang along. No one was watching me. No one expected anything from me. For once, I was totally free.
When I found myself on campus, I decided to make use of my student parking pass and pulled into a lot near the campus center and lecture hall. I killed the engine and listened to the sound of sirens in the distance. I closed my eyes. What was I doing? I decided not to think about it.
I unbuckled my seat belt and threw the car door open. It was even colder than it had been a few hours ago. I walked around the lot, thinking and trying to decide where I wanted to go. The library was a safe bet: a public neutral space. There were never many people there this time of the evening and they stayed open until one o'clock on week days.
Teeth still chattering from the moderately long walk, I made my way up the four (more like eight) very ambitious flights of stairs to the fourth floor lounge area. When I finally made it up the last step, breathing hard, the couches were empty as I had anticipated. But instead of putting my things down on the long green sofa, I headed towards the back, my bag dragging on the ground behind me. I was deep in the stacks now, by the old copied of German literature and, for some strange reason, Mario Puzzo novels which I hadn't realized were so numerous. A small cluster of chairs in the corner near the copy room called to me.
I sat down there and stared straight ahead. I was alone, just like I would have been at home, but somehow this seemed better. I could breathe here. That was all that mattered. I closed my eyes again and leaned my head back.
I couldn't remember the very first time I'd ever had a panic attack. I could remember a few times when I was little when I'd thought strange things or had strange feelings but how was anyone supposed to differentiate between childish fits and a panic attack. I had no idea. Though, when I was about fifteen or sixteen, I had started having a hard time. I had some nerves here, one panic attack there and suddenly I was panicky all the time. I was so nervous I felt as though all of the distress would give me a heart attack. I had started seeing Simon, my therapist, when my mother was diagnosed as part of a ploy to help me "cope with my greif." He had referred me to the Good Doctor, Carslisle, who had prescribed my Valium. I still attended therapy but, for the most part, I pill-popped.
"It's kinda late isn't it?"
The voice to my left took me by surprised and my eyes shot open, my spine going ramrod straight. Everything was a little bleary for a moment before I had a chance to focus in on the face patiently awating a response less than two feet away from me.
It was Edward.
"Um, yeah, I guess it is." I conceded.
"What you up to?" he asked.
I had no reasonable reply to that. "I don't know." I told him honestly.
His brown furrowed. "You mind if I sit with you for a bit?"
I shrugged. "No. Go ahead."
I leaned back again and waited for him to say something. He looked like it (whatever it was that he wanted to say) was on the tip of his tongue. His forehead stayed wrinkled. He looked confused. I couldn't blame.
"You live on campus?" he questioned.
I shook my head.
"What classes did you have today?"
"None." I told him, folding my hands and twiddling my thumbs. I was getting kind of tired and Edward wasn't helping me to stay awake.
"You know, you're kind of a mystery."
I smiled. I liked the idea of mystery. I liked mysteries. It would be wonderful to become one.
He smiled back at me, then resumed his questioning. I got the feeling this was how our relationship was going to go.
Relationship? Did we have a relationship? I wasn't even sure if we were friends.
"What's your full name, Bella?"
I raised a brow at him. Seriously? "Isabella. That's not too mysterious."
"No. Your full name."
I sighed and rolled my eyes at him playfully. "Isabella Marie Dwyer-Swan."
"Dwyer-Swan?" Edward responded, now raising his brow. I liked the way he smirked at me-half cocky, half attentive.
"My mom, Rennee...she was one of those progressive mothers. Dwyer was her maiden name. She hyphenated mine. I guess she gave up on that whole idea by the time she had my sister because she's just a Swan." I huffed. "Anyway, it's really complicated when I try to fill out any sort of official documents. They either mess up my name or they file it someplace no one can find it. Also, people ask me about it alot. So, usually, I just go with Swan."
Edward nodded. "Isabella Marie Swan, then." He paused, thinking. I liked the little crease that formed between his eyes, the way they fixed on me. Not that that mattered. I barely even knew him. "I like it."
We talked for a long time. It wasn't until a librarian came over the intercom and announced that the library was closing that I realized how late it was.
"Um...I guess I gotta go then." I said, standing and throwing my bag over my shoulder.
Edward shook his head in affirmation. "Are you driving home this late?"
"Yep." I responded quickly, popping the 'p.' I yawned against my will, making Edward tilt his head to the side for a moment before inhaling slowly. He looked tense.
"Look, I'm not trying to proposition you or anything, I swear to God, but I have an apartment on the Canal and a very available spot on my sofa. You could stay there if you want. There's no sense in you driving all the way home just to come back in a few hours."
I didn't know what to say. I felt frozen. Was he inviting me to stay the night? Yes, he clearly was. I couldn't do that. I barely knew him. What if he was a creep? But something inside me kept telling me to ignore all of that logic. If I was being honest, I thought he was adorable. I loved the way his messy hair fell in his eyes, the line of his jaw, the way he carried himself. He made me feel...I didn't know. Excited. But I couldn't take him up on his offer. That would be insane.
"I don't think I should." I told him, starting towards the staircase.
I scurried down but he was hot on my heals.
"Can I at least walk you to your car? It's really late. You shouldn't be walking around alone this late on campus."
I shrugged (my go-to form of non-verbal communication) and allowed him to follow me. I really was very tired. I didn't think I could make it back to my mother's apartment but there was no way I was staying the night with Edward.
We walked side by side in the darkness and I wondered why he was being so nice to me. I decided the only reasonable explanation was that he wanted to sleep with me. That made the most sense. He'd come up to talk to me, chose me as his lab partner and now had invited me to sleep over at his apartment. He had told me that he wasn't propositioning me, but I wasn't so sure about that. I didn't really believe that anyone did anything withut having some ulterior motive. I was sure Edward was no exception to this rule.
When we got back to my car, I told him thank you and that I would see him later-if not the next morning, on Monday in lab. He said 'alright' and I told him goodbye.
"It was great talking to you." he said, smiling that crooked smile that made my stomach flip.
"Ditto." I grinned.
I got in my car and started the engine. Edward walked back the way we had come. I waited until he was out of sight before turning the key in the ignition, locking my doors and climbing in the back seat to sleep.
I changed my clothes in my car the next morning and walked across the street to class. I sat near the back and to left side of the auditorium this time, giving up all hope of making it through the semester in the front row. I watched a group of three guys I recognized from lab take up our old seats. The lecture hall filled up promptly at 8:45 as it always did and Rose and Alice shuffled in at five minutes past nine. I couldn't help looking for Edward. I thought he might sit with me again, but there was no sign of him anywhere. I couldn't keep my eyes on the power point slides. I could have sworn I could feel him in the room somewhere, but he hadn't come over to talk to me.
I told myself I was being ridiculous. Why was I letting a boy get to me like this. I glued my eyes to the board in front of me.
Alice and Rose kept whispering beside me, talking about some guy who had asked Rose to homecoming. Apparently he was tall, dark and hunky and she planned to go back to his dorm with him on Saturday, and I quote "roomates be damned." Alice told her they should get an apartment near campus for just such purposes. Meeting new people would be easier if they were closer to the action,
I kept thinking about Edward. I wondered what he had meant by asking me to stay at his place. What had his actual intentions? I knew it was ridiculously childish to entertain any notion of him doing such a thing out of the goodness of his heart. He must have thought he was getting something out of it. I thought too hard and my brain started to hurt. Maybe I wouldn't have minded his ulterior motives, but the idea that he was only talking to me in the hopes of taking me for "a roll in the hay" made me bizarrely sad.
I couldn't take notes but I couldn't sketch either. I couldn't do anything but think about last night and what he might have meant. What the hell has Edward Cullen done to me?
