Chapter 3: Wobbly-Headed Bob

A/N: Well here is my attempt at an in between chapter, you know, like the Meanwhile's or HNB, this probably won't end well, anyway – ONWARD!

"OOOOOGH!" The demonic-looking pig-thing gleefully announced its name as it jumped up and down on some squishy meaty-thing. "Oogh, Stop!" the chieftain called as he hopped down from his throne, looking saddened the warrior made way for his chief.

Upon reaching the gelatinous mass the smaller pig-thing poked and nudged it a few times with a staff. However the only response was a few twitches from what may have passed as limbs at one point. "Mr. Wobble the Dis-Respector is dead!" the leader held up his staff as he was greeted by cheers from the rest of the village. "Now, we feast!" he announced as he lead the others towards a large hut, everyone piling in like some sort of primitive, wheel-less clown car.

What felt like a few moments later Bob awoke on what felt like clouds but stank like shit. "Huh? Whaa…where am I?" he asked to no one in particular as he looked around. "Well, isn't it obvious?" a voice from behind caused Bob to turn, he sighted a tall being behind a desk.

Reading the sign above him, Bob was surprised "Heaven? But I can't be dead! I must continue my mission of bringing the truth to weaker minds!" the large-headed animal-thing exclaimed. "You don't have to worry about that, you're only having a near-death experience" the angel explained. "Besides you don't belong here" he added, "But I've done nothing but help people see the light!" Bob responded

"Yes, well, that's not what I meant" he stated before pointing in another direction. "Your world's heaven is over there"

"oh, I see" was all that Bob said before heading in the indicated direction. After a while he arrived at a shorter desk, "Oh, it's YOU" the being at the gate moaned. "What about me?" Bob inquired, "Weellllll a while ago we added "Death by Wobbly-Headed Bob" to the list of deaths that would not prevent entrance into heaven" the angel explain while rubbing the back of his head.

"Ummm, okay" Bob was wondering why being enlightened by himself did not already guarantee entrance into heaven. "Any way, don't cause any trouble while your hear" the gate keeper warned while pressing the button that opened the gates. "A tour-guide will be with you shortly" he called after the egomaniac.

While awaiting his guide Bob noticed the clouds back hear were slightly cleaner than the ones out front. "Hiya! Mishtah Bob" Bob turned to find a dog like animal behind him, "Im gonna be ur guide while ur here"

"Perhaps you could use this opportunity to learn proper grammar" Bob suggested to the guide who was now pulling him towards another gate. "I-is this purgatory or something?" Bob asked while trying to find an end to the fields of apparently catatonic anthropomorphic animals he was currently observing. "Naw dis Hay-ven, people jus wanna be happy dey hole lives dey find happiness by sittin' round here all da time" the dog-thing explaind.

"What! They want happiness!" Bob was getting kind of mad now, "I'm the one with all these unpleasant truths in my head, everyone else is always BLISSFULLY ignorant when THEY are ALIVE!" Bob began screaming.

"P-puhlease, don git angry, I hear stories, 'bout knee's" was the only thing Bobs guide could utter before bursting into flames. "uhhhh" Bob stood staring in confusion as the dog tried desperately to put himself out.

"Hey! Why'd ya' haf' ta do that?" a pig-being shouted from his chair. "I was only wondering why he thoug-" The pig cut Bob off. "ONLY wondering!" piggy shouted, "Do you even realize the pain you cause? I mean look at what you did to him" he said pointing to the chard creature. "And at least that damage can reverse itself, when you're in the world of the living your victims just die!"

"Victims? No, you are mistaken I am only helping them to see the truth, the "light" if you will." At the word "light" the pig also bursts into flames. Backing away from the conflagrating swine Bob soon found himself bumping into someone, it was an angel.

"Hello Mr. Wobbly, I have good news!" the angel said with an unnatural smile. "Really? What is it?" Bob said turning to face the being. "welp the management has decided to skip the Hell part of your tour and just send you back right away!" the happy creature stated. "Oh, well that is good-"

FOOF!

"Glad we stopped him before he really made some trouble" the angel mumbled as he helped put out Bobs two victims.

"Uuughhhgnnn" Bob moaned silently to himself as He returned to his body. Gathering strength he slowly opened his eyes, only for them to shoot open as he sat up in shock. "How did I get here?" he wondered out loud. Never noticing the crude canoe rowing away from the island at a break-neck pace.

A/N: WOW! Shortest chapter yet! Never again shall I attempt to write about Bob