Chapter 3


"You are invited to the Mushroom Kingdom's greatest Mario Party."

(Many readers sighed at this line)

"BUT WAIT! This time, there are no shitty stars to boss us around! We make our own rules! And this party is totally unsupervised, 8 till very late! X-rated movies, popcorn and nuts, B.Y.O.B."

"P.S, Come in your finest outfits. - Sir Mario Mario & Princess Peach Toadstool."

Their attitudes were changed instantly at this sudden difference. Many of the readers didn't even thank the Post Paratroopa, they'd already ran back into their homes and began perfecting themselves.


Meanwhile, Peach and Mario had just made their finishing touches; and both were standing in front of the board that was currently being constructed.

"Hey, you useless fat fucker! That doesn't go there! It goes THERE!" Mario screamed at a Goomba who was struggling under the weight of a Happening Space.

"Mario! For goodness sake, leave the poor thing alone!" Peach yelled, feeling very sorry for the constrution workers, who hadn't recieved a single shred of slack from Mario's slave-driving.

Mario shook his head at Peach, he was getting irate; as the Goombas weren't following his orders at all.

A small Toad began pulling at Mario's tailcoat, whining in a high voice: "Mr. Mariooo…?"

Mario gritted his teeth, and tried to ignore him.Peach sighed impatiently. She turned to the Toad.

"Hi. What's wrong little guy?" She said sweetly, bending down to his level.

"Umm… We're out of paint for the last blue square Mr. Mario… What should we do…?" He whimpered.

"Never mind…" Peach began. "Just make it into a different square it won't matter."

"But Mr. Mario said-"

"We can change it if it wouldn't work, that's why we make plans." Peach said softly.

"But Mr. Mario said-"

"MR. MARIO SAYS PISS OFF! YOU LITTLE PRICK! AND FUCKIN' LEAVE US ALONE! WE'RE PISSED OFF ENOUGH WITH THESE FRIGGIN' GOOMBAS, WE DON'T NEED A TWAT LIKE YOU PISSING AROUND!" Mario screamed - right in the Toads' face.

Mario panted, his face red and sweating. The Toad's lip quivered, and his face crumpled as tears welled up in his eyes. He then burst into a flood of noisy tears and ran away as fast as he could.

Peach shook her head sympathetically at the Toad, who was now running towards the exit, his knees shaking with fear.

"What was the point in that!? You're such an asshole sometimes, Mario!"

Mario wasn't listening, he was contemplating the work of two hyper-active Goombas who were building up a machine at the side of the board to be used as a Happening Space event. It was just as well Mario didn't hear; with the amount of whiskey he'd drank in the staff lounge - the Goombas would have been scraping Peach's bloody remains up from the ground.

Mario looked at his watch; it was around half an hour before the guests were due to arrive. The board was almost complete, and a multitude of Toads and Koopas were laying out snack foods on a long table.

"I'm rather excited!" Peach exclaimed. "Have you designed new mini-games too?"

"Of course. Every element of the old, crappy Mario Party is OUT! The new Mario Party is in!"

At that moment, a Koopa dressed in a waiter's uniform came walking towards them from the storage room. He was followed by a team of Boo who were pulling a wagon filled with beer towards the 'giant beer cooler of goodness' that Mario had designed himself.

The Koopa announced that the first guests had arrived, and the others were due to arrive within the next half hour.

Mario nodded, and he and Peach left the board to greet the guests.