Note: Just a quick shout-out to Nightbrainzz for giving me the idea for this chapter, let it never be said I don't read my reviews. -cough- hint -cough- Incidentally I re-wrote this three times to get it sounding like I wanted. poor Shianni.

Dark

Shianni was sat up in her bed, knees pulled up to her chest, wrapped in her woollen blankets, winter was still some months away that wasn't why she was cold, the cold came from inside her, a sense of darkness that had taken root inside her like a gnarled barbed root, gripping her heart, her insides, her very core. The nightmares haunted her sleep, ghosts of Vaughan and his friends holding her down, forcing themselves on her, the sound of her own screams and pleas only driving the monster on more than before, they laughed, laughed at her. Then Tali had come, like an avenging spirit, no not a spirit - a demon, a vengeful demon and slaughtered them all with savage abandon. Shianni should feel something over their deaths, joy, or remorse but instead she only felt a sense of detached apathy to the slaughter. It had been three weeks now and still she rarely got a full nights sleep, she would wake in the middle of the night in a pool of sweat and tears jumping at the shadows. Physically, the bruises had faded but the scars remained, mentally she would never be the same, Scar tissue is stronger than muscle tissue, realise that strength, that is what Tali would have said, she could picture her cousin there standing with her hands on her hips telling her to get her backside out of bed and stop moping. She smiled to herself at the image, Cyrion had been kind enough to give her Tali's room, the pillows still smelled of her lover, something she took comfort in and drew strength from, after the first few days, she didn't know how she would go on. She was thankful that Tali had saved her form that horror but she wondred if the price of losing her cousin, and her lover to the Grey Wardens was truly worth it.. She wished more than anything Tali was still here, Tali would know what to do, know how to hold her close until her fears went away with her flinching from her, know to whisper in her ear all the things she needed to to be told, putting herself between Shianni and the darkness, standing over her to scare away the monsters that hungered for her but now Tali was gone, she didn't even know if she would ever come back or be able to come back. Shianni wondered maybe it was better if she had died that day, a sword to the head might have been a better mercy that living like this

Tali's voice came to her again, it was their last meeting, she had come to the elders house, where she had withdrawn after her rescue, Shianni sat in one corner, Tali stood leaning against a wall; - I will always love you, nothing that monster did to you will ever change that. I will come back. Her words were soft as she sat down taking her hands in her own, It was the last time she had spoken to her, she had kissed her, deeply and Shianni had kissed her back like a woman dying of thirst in a desert, she smiled at the memory, then she was gone, Duncan had come for her and she had given the man a resolute nod and she was taken away to fight darkspawn, to walk the places others fear to go, to stand on the bridge and hold the line against the dark. Shianni smiled to herself as she thought of the woman she loved it helped to keep other thoughts away, thoughts about Vaughan and what he did to her, but she knew, knew that Tali would keep her word, if she could come home to her, she would.

The wooden door to her own space knocked three times in a deep thud.

"Come in", she said, trying not to sound like a fearful wallflower that she had become,. Soris came in, flashing he a smile; "Hey cousin!" he said, looking at her, he tried to force a smile but just looking at the dishevelled mess that had become of his cousin made his heart break, her clothes were at least a day old, she had her knees pulled up tight her hair was a raggedy mess of red with shadows in her eyes, gone was the vibrant young woman he had known just a few weeks ago, a broken mess in her wake.

Soris sitting down next to her on the bed, he silently wished Tali was here, she would know what to say, what to do to make this right, make this better, she always did, she was the strongest, not in stature but she had a resistance to her spirit which never flagged, they could kill her but they would never break her, he wished he had that right now, wished he could bottle it and give some to Shianni for she surely needed it. He remembered a time when he was just a lad, not much more than five summers when was cornered, surrounded by three bullies, their leader was older than him and built like a stone privy, they had wanted all the money he had, nothing more than a few bits and a silver he had saved for his lunch, even in the alienage, the strong prayed on the weak, he knew was going to be beaten to an inch of his life then out of nowhere there was Tali coming in swinging like a vengeful god possessed, beating the living daylights out of three boys twice her size sending them running and pulling his ass out of the fire, after that the two of them were inseparable, like partners in crime, what he wouldn't give right now to have her here. What would Tali do, he tried to think; he had seen Tali and Shianni become closer over the last few years, at times he felt like the outsider looking in but he put it down to them being both girls, it was a woman thing, girls were bound to get on together better, but the way they looked at each other sometimes when they thought he wasn't looking was crazy, but his dismissed any thoughts of them being lovers, in another life maybe but here they were family.

"Are you...", he stopped himself, asked if she was okay was stupid, she was not okay, she would not be okay for a long, long time if ever. He remembered how Tali had calmed her that first night in Vaughan's estate, hugged her closely until she stopped shaking but when he put his hand on Shianni's shoulder she instinctively flinched away from his touch. Bad idea, he told himself, touching is bad. "Sorry", he apologised. It sounded lame even to him.

"its not your fault Soris", Shianni said, looking away; "I just...please don't" she asked, he could only nod and swallowed hard, He didn't know what to say, what could he say that didn't sound completely stupid or insane, Tali was so much better at this.

Cyrion Tabris entered; his long grey hair tied back into a pony tail, his eyes too were older, sadder, Shianni had never seen him cry, ever but it was clear he was struggling to hold himself together, news in the alienage was hard to come by than the rest of Denerim; - no one cared about the elves but as the steady stream of the dead and walking wounded had started to arrive from Ostagar along with the news of Cailan death, Valendrian was scrambling frantically to find out what had happened to the Wardens at Ostagar especially Tali before the new Arl, a man named Howe, Rendon Howe had lead a purge, Shianni remembered the riot, she Soris and her Uncle had stayed huddled in their home; she remember the screams and the smell of burning buildings, smoke and the rotting dead for the second time Shianni her world was falling apart, it felt like someone had kicked her in the gut, hard

Cyrion offered Shianni a mug, she took it gingerly and smelled the aroma, it was his special mix of honey mead, lemon and a hint of Antivan brandy, the brew was a family recipe which calmed the nerves, her nerves especially and the smell was something she loved and adored, Tali would often make it for her when she was feeling downbeat, she missed her,

"Better Shianni?" he asked, his voice was soft and gentle, over the years Shianni had come to be like a daughter to him as much as Tali, that the two of them were as close as sisters pleased him.

"Yes, Thank you", Shianni said sipping the brew, with a calming sigh.

"Do you feel like going out today?", he asked, there was no presure behind his words, Cyrion could be both a hard task master with a way of looking at you that could make your knees wobble but other times he could lift you up and there was no one you would rather have on your side.

"You think he will bring news today?", Shianni asked. Cyrion had not wanted to send his only daughter off to war, he had wanted her to have a better life married to a good man, a life outside the alienage, where she would bare him many grandchildren that he would bounce happily on his knee and spoil rotten, fate had other ideas however and now he didn't know if she lived or if she was with the maker, not knowing was the worst.

"So do you feel like coming out?", he asked again.

"I...", she paused, took a gulp of the brew to steady her nerves, then a deep breath; Stop being a baby, Tali's voice again in her ear; "I will come with you" she said with a small smile

"I will be happy for the company; and you Soris?", he asked.

"Of course", Soris agreed without any hesitation as the two went back out to let her get dressed and wash up, Shianni pushed the blankets off her; "Just one step" she said; great things from small steps that is what Tali would say as she stretched and dressed, "I will not fear, because you walk with me, my love", she repeated to steel her resolve. Dressing quickly in a brown and white ankle length dress, bunching up her hair, she stared at her reflection in the mirror, she wondered if Tali was thinking of her, and somehow, she knew she was. Stepping out of her room her legs wobbled slightly but she steadied herself on the wall and moved to the wooden door that separated her from the outside world, grasping the handle she hesitated closing her eyes. Its just a door Shianni, Tali's voice came to her again; if its in your way knock it down. she nodded firmly to herself and pulled the door open, squinting in the light; as her eyes adjusted from some weeks under just candlelight, she took a deep breath taking in the scent of the vhenadahl, she smiled, maybe this was a good idea after all. She looked over at Cyrion who was talking with Elder Valendrian, her uncles face was crestfallen, in all her years she had never seen the man cry but here now, he was clearly struggling to hold himself together, Shianni walked each step heavier than the last a pit of dread forming in her gut as she grew closer.

"What is it uncle?" she asked, she wanted to know, had to know. "is it about Tali?"

"Maker, Shianni, the...", he began but hesitated, Valendrian cut in; "it has been, difficult to pin down news about the battle, the regent has declared the wardens traitors according to Loghain all of the wardens were killed at Ostagar...", his eyes took on a sad distant look that must have mirrored her own.

"No", Shianni said taking a step back; "it can't be", she shook her head; "No", the feeling hit her like a punch in the stomach, "Please maker no", she shook her head tears falling on their own accord, she refused to believe it, she loved Tali, she felt like she would know if Tali was dead, she couldn't, wouldn't lose her like this.