Disclaimer: I may own series one to three on DVD, but the characters? Not so much.
Spoilers: Series 3: The secrets and lies
Notes: Again, sincere thanks for the reviews; I appreciate them all and really loved receiving them. I hope, again, that this part will be equally as appreciated as the last. Reviews are gratefully received, as always.
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Truth is in things, and not in words.
Herman Melville
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Last night she finally let one of her sons know how much he has helped her over the preceding nine months. He didn't necessarily enjoy the occasion nor appreciate how much he had helped, but finally she had the words to tell him – and the rest of her support group – how she felt. Strangely, it was easier amongst the presence of her AA group to put her thoughts into words.
Ryan has been distracted recently, spending increasingly more time with Sadie. She doesn't have a problem with this – Sadie is good for him – but sometimes she needs time alone with her son.
That morning, she invites Ryan for a walk along the beach. It has been a while since they spent any real time together.
Ryan agrees, surprised, but happy. Happy seems to be Ryan's more default mood recently.
They walk in silence at first; Ryan deep in thought about whatever it is that teenage boys think about: Sadie, she presumes. She keeps her hands deep in her pockets, the fingers of her right hand fiddling with the angular object within, her mind occupied with thoughts of how to express herself through words.
Frowning, she wonders if it would have been easier to take Ryan along to an AA meeting in order to let him know how she feels; but realistically, she knows that it would not have been the right arena for either of them.
"So, how are things with Sadie?" she asks, fumbling for any words to break the silence and which might hopefully lead her to the right words.
He smiles – smiles – self-consciously but says nothing.
Kirsten smiles in response. "That good, eh?"
Ryan gives a half laugh that doesn't really tell her anything. She finds it more difficult to decipher his thoughts in his more permanently elated – for Ryan – state. It seems too uncharacteristic; Seth had even made mention last night of Ryan dancing, something which she can barely imagine.
"I'm glad you're happy," she says.
"Well, it makes a change," Ryan comments, amusedly. His words seem to echo her thoughts.
They walk in silence after this, until Kirsten finds a place to stop and motions to Ryan to sit down on the bench. They watch the ocean for a while; she still does not have the words, and Ryan seems content to be wrapped up in his thoughts.
"I took Seth to a meeting last night," she eventually says, quietly, more to the ocean than to Ryan. Ryan looks at her, but at the moment she avoids his eyes. "I've been sober for nine months and I wanted to let him know that he was the reason that I hadn't had a drink since I went to rehab." She finds the words difficult to say; it is oddly easier if she can pretend that she is talking to a stranger, or the AA group.
She pulls the chip out of her pocket, plays with it nervously for a minute.
Ryan looks at the item questioningly and she finally brings herself to look at him briefly, before her attention returns to the chip. "It's an award of sorts, for staying sober," she explains.
He nods, confused.
"I want you to have it," she says. I wanted to let you know that it was because of you, too, that I stayed sober. I wanted to let you know how much I love you and appreciate your support; he still reads her thoughts with relative ease. She laughs nervously, moves her hair away from her face, anxious, self-conscious. He can see her twisting her rings any moment. "It's silly," she comments, embarrassed, when he doesn't reply. "You don't have to have it."
"I'd like to have it," he eventually says, his words not coming anywhere close to expressing his true feelings. He is in awe of this woman, still, after all these years. Thank you, he thinks, along with a multitude of other thoughts.
She looks at him, reads the barely-concealed emotion from his expression, and smiles shyly in return. They communicate better when they don't use words, she thinks. She doesn't know whether this is a positive thing or not; especially after rehab and months of AA meetings, where sharing experiences and feelings through words is the more acceptable method. But, she decides, this way suits them better; he tells her more than a thousand words of thanks and gratitude that he cannot voice with his eyes; her expression mirrors his.
She hands him the chip and he takes it, his fingers briefly meeting with hers.
She puts her arm around him, a gesture of gratitude and love. In response, he hugs her briefly and it is equally as appreciated as her hug from Seth.
And then, they sit in comfortable silence again; Kirsten watching the waves and, out of the corner of her eye, Ryan. Ryan plays with the chip, a look of contentment on his features.
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End part three
