The first thing the raven did was clean up his apartment. He picked up all the trash and the empty bottles, cleaning the dirty dishes, and throwing out the expired food. All the while desperately trying to keep the babies calm.
For the duration of Izaya's purge, the babies remained relatively calm. A few times, they became fussy, but Izaya easily managed to calm them down by picking them up and rocking them gently. But, as he just finished cleaning up, the bigger of the babies burst into tears.
The baby's face scrunched up, his fists clenching tightly, and shrill cries escaping from those tiny lungs. The cries instantly stirred the other child, who started to cry as well. Izaya instantly felt panic explode through him.
He picked up the bigger of the two, hushing in the most gentle tone he could. "Hey, hey… Please calm down!" He begged in exhaustion, trying to rock the child back to sleep. It only seemed to irritate the baby further, their sobs becoming much more shrill.
Izaya bit his lip nervously, before deciding to push aside his dignity. He brought the baby closer, and smelled for a dirty diaper. He quickly moved the newborn back down with a gag. "Okay, I understand now," He declared.
After finding a tattered towel, he placed it over the kitchen counter. He brought over the newborns and the heavy bag, digging around until he found diapers. Then, he took several deep breaths. "Alright, you can do this Izaya," He told himself. "You've found against supernatural entities who can spawn swords, a diaper is nothing."
Despite his attempts to be brave, Izaya felt as though he emerged from the valley of darkness once he finally finished. He threw the two dirty diapers into the trash bag, intending to take it outside as soon as possible.
First, however, he took the two sniffling newborns to his room. Thinking it would be safer to leave them on something soft, he placed them on his futon with pillows around the edges. Once he was sure they'd be safe, he went back to the tiny living room. He took the bags of trash down to the big dumpster that the landlord had left in the middle of the tiny parking lot.
As he walked, he recognized that it probably shouldn't have taken him changing their diapers to find out what their genders were. I'll look at their birth certificates later, but now I know that the smaller one is a boy and the bigger one is a girl.
As soon as he got near the building again, Izaya could hear the shrill crying once more. "Shit…" He cursed, quickly hurrying up the rickety stairs, and into his apartment once more. Looks like birth certificates will have to wait.
When he got back to the bedroom, both the babies were sobbing violently again. "What now?!" Izaya demanded, quickly shoving items from the bag back out onto the floor, one of which was a container of baby formula.
Oh, they're probably hungry… He realized, and moved to open up the formula. To his surprise, the plastic covering was still over the baby formula. In an instant, his frustration turned over to Munkata. Did she even feed them before she brought them here?!
He quickly undid the plastic, grabbing the bottle nearby and heading to his stove. He got the bottles all done, taking them to the babies. He picked up the baby boy, making sure to support his head as he began to feed him the bottle. Almost instantly, the baby relaxed again, sucking on the bottle desperately.
Once the baby finished drinking, Izaya remembered what his mother used to do. So… Now I should burp them, right? He thought, and then began to gently pat on the back while supporting the baby. Thankfully, the baby burped after a few moments.
He then moved onto the girl, going through the same exact routine, but of course it couldn't end well. He heard a gargally burp, and then there was something wet against his back. The raven instantly cringed, a pained groan escaping him.
He quickly placed the newborn back down, yanking the shirt off and tossing it into the laundry basket that had a broken handle. When the raven turned back around, he saw that both the babies had their eyes open, looking towards their father.
Izaya felt giddy all of a sudden, but he didn't understand why. So, he simply knelt down next to the futon-turned-crib and spoke. "See? That's wasn't so bad, was it?"
The babies, of course, didn't respond. Izaya gave a tiny smirk, before going back to the bag, and pulling their birth papers out once more. Instead of focusing on the Munkata's name, however, he looked for his children's' names.
Turning his red eyes to the boy, he declared,"Orihara Yuuto… And…." He turned his eyes towards the baby girl. "Orihara Kana."
He lowered the papers, softly declaring,"Well, at least she did one thing right. Those names are perfect."
Two teeny, tiny smiles crawled up the little faces next to him; and for some reason, they made everything worth it.
The peace didn't last long. In the darkness of the night, both the children broke out into frantic cries again. It jerked Izaya from his uncomfortable sleep, quickly moving to their side.
"Hey, Hey," He quickly whispered, placing his hands onto their faces, thumbs rubbing against their cheeks. "Hey, what's wrong?"
Of course, the newborns couldn't explain why they were crying, and simply continued to. Izaya cringed, moving to check their diapers. "What's the matter? Your diapers aren't dirty.. What's wrong? Are you hungry?"
Knowing it was better to be safe than sorry, Izaya quickly headed to the kitchen. He went through the same routine as earlier. Before he could bring the bottles to the children, however, he heard a loud pounding on his front door.
"Hey asshole!" The voice yelled,"Shut those damn kids up!"
Through the thin walls, his anger was easy to hear. It seemed to only make their cries even more shrill. In return, this made the man only pound louder on the door.
Izaya suddenly felt irritation rise up in him, as he got to his feet and went to his front door. He opened up the door, and was met with the face of one of his shaggy looking neighbors glaring at him furiously.
"I'm sorry!" Izaya exclaimed, quickly trying to defuse the situation so he could get back to his kids. "I'm trying to calm them down but-"
"How am I supposed to get any sleep with them crying all the time?!" The man yelled, slamming his hand against the wall.
The irritation flooded forward in full force. "They're babies! They cry!" Izaya angrily snapped,"What did you expect?!"
"Maybe some fucking peace and quiet?!" The man practically spat in return. "Listen, dipshit, either you calm them down, or I'll shut them up for you!"
Izaya quickly slammed the door shut, an angry yell coming outside the door once more. He ran to the bedroom, grabbing both children, the bottles, and then went back to the door.
He kicked it open, walking past the angry man and down the stairs of the apartment. He crossed the street over to the empty lot next door. There, he sat on the rotten old bench, beginning to feed the newborns.
Izaya kept an eye on his door, noticing that the man loitered by it for a few minutes before stalking back to his own apartment. You're lucky that I have two babies to hold, or I would smack that five o'clock shadow off your shaggy ass face.
A whimper caught his attention, causing him to turn back towards the scrunched face that belonged to Yuuto.
"Hey bud, it's alright," He quietly comforted, rocking both the children the best he could. "That mean man isn't going to hurt you, I'll make sure of it."
Yuuto's whimpers started to calm down, and Izaya felt a relieved smile climb up his face. He started feeding Kana, and continued,"You know, Yuuto, I think he's just jealous that he doesn't have anybody to take care of him, that he probably pushed away everyone close and ended up here."
The insult took a turn, and Izaya felt his heart twist. Just like me… He realized, and cringed at the thought.
"S-still! He yelled at babies! Who does that?!" He forced out,"I'll tell you who: Jerks do that."
Both the newborns had their eyes open, staring at their father with rapt attention. Izaya, suddenly feeling a need to, kept talking,"A-and I guess I was a jerk too… But sometimes you have to be a jerk when someone else is."
Like Shizuo was when you were ruining his life! The voice snapped again, making the guilt in his mind grow.
"Sometimes.. You find out that you were actually the jerk.. And you want to say sorry.. But it's too late," The raven softly continued,"And then other things come along.. And you can't say sorry."
Izaya's eyes burned, and he forced himself to take a deep breath. "I can't go back and see Shizu-chan, I have you two to look after. But, if I ever see him again, I'll tell him that I'm sorry. It's the least I can do…"
The raven stopped himself, his own red eyes widening. What did I just say? He wondered, turning his eyes back to the newborns. Kana stared at him a little longer, before closing her eyes and leaning closer against her father. Yuuto followed in suit, and the warm feeling within Izaya's chest exploded even bigger.
A smile rose on Izaya's face. "You two, even though you were crying so much.. You still somehow make me feel so much better."
Even though it had only been a single day, Izaya knew he would do anything for his little family.
A few weeks went by, and Izaya fell into a routine. Things got easier routine-wise, but it still remained just as difficult as before.
Every one to two hours the babies would need something. Food, diaper change, or just to be held, and then fall back asleep.
His neighbor continued to be an ass about the crying. He came over every single night to complain about the crying, and Izaya was getting more and more irritated with him as time went on. It was to the point that Izaya would simply pick up his children (along with whatever they needed) and go to the rotten bench anytime they started to cry at night.
The neighbor, of course, decided to make Izaya's life even more hellish. During the day, he would play loud music that sometimes even shook things in Izaya's apartment, and yell loudly. Then, he would have the audacity to yell at the babies for crying.
But, of course, as if that wasn't stressful enough, his resources began to dwindle. The only baby supplies he had was what Munkata left in the bag, and it was running out faster than he planned.
So, Izaya was forced to take a unplanned trip to the store. Since he didn't have a babysitter, and he sure as hell didn't trust his neighbor not to do anything, he took the babies with him.
He wandered through the large store, Kana asleep in the baby carrier attached to the trolley, while Yuuto clung to him. The raven was pretty sure it was quite the image to onlookers. A disheveled twenty four year old man with heavy bags under his eyes, wrinkled clothes, and two babies.
Izaya focused on the needs of the babies first, placing a box of diapers and baby formula into the trolley before heading over to get things for himself.
Unfortunately, Izaya was suddenly forced to face the realization of just how poor he was. Just before he got to the checkout line, he counted the cash he still had, and realized that he couldn't afford to buy everything.
A worried frown grew on his face, and he turned back down to the items in his cart. Instantly, he knew what he needed to do.
I can live without food for a few days, they can't. With a defeated sigh, the raven went back around the store, dropping off everything he couldn't afford. In the end, he was left with the baby supplies, and a few cups of instant noodles.
When Izaya arrived home, he packed away the meager supplies, and sighed. The raven felt ashamed that he wasn't able to provide better. He looked down at the newborns, on the sorry excuse of a cot, and held their tiny hands.
"I'm sorry…" He whispered,"Even when I'm trying to do something good, I can't do it right. I'm so sorry…"
His hand started to shake, eyes beginning to blur, but he quickly wiped them away. "I-I'll find a way to provide for us, I'll find a job that won't get in the way of taking care of you. We'll be okay, I'll make sure we're okay."
Somehow..
...
Well… There is… One thing..
With the babies resting in his room, Izaya started the the number in his contacts. One he hadn't touched in a long time. Shiki..
Taking a deep breath, Izaya pressed the green call button by his name, placing the phone to his ear. He listened to the long, torturous ringing that seemed to drag on for hours and hours…
Finally, there was a click. Someone picked up!
…
But they weren't talking.
It was complete and utter silence. It scared the raven, because Shiki was usually firm and feirce when it came to anything. The strange quiet responder finally gave Izaya enough fear. The raven slowly, hesitantly, called,"H-hello..?"
"Izaya"
It was the cool, calm voice of his ex-boss that responded. It was deep, and rough. Instantly, Izaya's heart stopped, eyes going wide, skin as pale as snow. That voice.. It wasn't Shiki's… It was… It was him.
It was Shizuo.
Izaya's vision began to fade in and out, hand trembling violent, heart pounding in fear. But the man on the other end was silent… Until he said one, final word.
"Goodbye."
Memories exploded in front of the raven's eyes. Shizuo slamming him through the window, their battle surrounded by all those Saika, the flash, his broken arms, the knife, the gun…
"Goodbye."
All because of him, his stupid obsession with humans, his stupid informant broking. Shizuo was right, he deserved it all. Izaya was the monster, and now he knew.. He was going to come, he was going to kill Izaya. He was going to die, and it was all his fault.
"It's all my fault.. It's all my fault.."
" GOODBYE."
"NO!"
A bloodcurdling scream ripped through Izaya's chest, his phone being thrown straight across the tiny room. His hands then clutched at his chest, heaving frantic breaths. It burned as the tears fell from his eyes, desperately trying to stop himself from falling into the depths of unconciousness.
"I-I c-can't! I can't!" He sobbed, grabbing at his hair this time. "Never again! Never again! I'm not a monster! I'm not! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
Izaya cumbled to the ground, completely defeated. It felt as if all his life force had been completely diminished. Those memories were still fresh in his mind, stabbing at his brittle heart, breaking it even more than it already was.
"Hello? Hello?"
The raven lurched back into a sitting position, red rimmed eyes snapping towards the phone still alight on the ground. It was Shiki… It was his voice, but all it filled the raven with was disgust and hatred.
No, he didn't want to go back. He couldn't go back to his old, disgusting ways. If the raven went back, he found turn into a monster all over again. He couldn't let that happen, not when he was still learning what love is, not when he had his little ones. They needed him, they were the only ones he had, they were all that mattered.
A resolve suddenly grabbed Izaya's muscles, helping him back to his feet and over to the now-cracked screen of his mobile device.
"Is this some kind of prank?!" Shiki's annoyed voice demanded. The raven didn't even bother trying to respond, he had nothing to say.
Without hesitation, he pressed the red button, blocking, and deleting his ex-boss' number, cutting off his last contact to Ikebukuro. To his old life.
Never again.
About two weeks later, Izaya was no closer to success. He'd been searching all over as best he could with his crappy phone and two newborns, but he couldn't seem to find a job that would work. They didn't provide daycare, or demanded hours that wouldn't work at all for the raven.
Izaya had been sitting on his couch, flicking through several jobs while trying to find one that worked for single parents (and not finding any good results) when the screaming started.
He jumped, turning towards where he heard the noise coming from. The yelling continued, along with the sound of shattering glass.
The raven groaned, rubbing at his face. Of course.. Why do they have to argue now!? I just put Yuuto and Kana down for-
As if they knew their father was thinking of them, the tiny cries reached his ears. Panic jolted through Izaya. If they stop arguing and he hears them crying, it's not going to be pretty.
He quickly grabbed a blanket, two pacifiers, and went to his bedroom. Picking up the sobbing children, he hurried away from the apartment building as fast as he could.
Of course, the raven was unable to hide his curiosity for long. He turned back towards the building just in time to hear someone screech "Don't you fucking dare!" and see a chair go flying out of their apartment door.
Izaya rolled his eyes, turning them back down to the sniffling babies. "You see? That's what happens when you have no anger management, and when you hang out with the wrong people." He taught the one month olds.
The teary eyes stared at him intently, and the small family jumped once more as the screeching continued.
"Well, it doesn't sound like they're going to stop for a while…" He gently declared,"So, we're gonna go to the park! A nice outing, lots of fresh air!"
Ignoring the shattering of innocent furniture behind him, Izaya quickly trekked further into the city of Osaka; towards Nagai park.
The trees were in full bloom, cherry blossoms floating through the air like pink confetti. There were many people around, enjoying their day near the nature they were proud to have.
Izaya found himself unable to stop the smile from climbing up his face as he watched the two infants stared up at the cherry blossoms. "Beautiful, aren't they?" He softly questioned.
His little ones continued to stare at the trees in awe. Once he found an empty spot in the grass, he placed the blanket down and settled down with the twins.
The raven placed them down on their backs, letting them stare up at the cherry trees with wonder. Such a sight filled him with sadness once more. Kana and Yuuto would probably love having a mobile over their crib… Or a crib.. But I can't afford any of that.
The guilt the overflowed him was enough do drown a city. I can't afford it because of my stupid choices. I can't give them anything they should have..
Izaya felt his eyes burning, and quickly went to wipe the tears away. He didn't want to cry when he was trying to make his kids feel better, the little ones always seemed to know if he was upset.
Just as he calmed himself down, another small sniffling caught his ears. His red eyes looked towards his two infants, but they still were as calm as can be still, staring at the pink trees.
The raven looked back up, his curiosity sending the inquisitive eyes to search the crowds. Through all the talking groups, he was able to see a small child roaming through the groups.
The child's eyes were covered in unshed tears as he scurried past people, frantically looking for something.. Or someone.
Izaya had observed humans long enough to know what was going through the child's head. Lost, confused, scared.
The raven didn't really understand what pushed him to do what he did next. He stood, holding his own little ones, and went over to the small child. His teary brown eyes turned up to the raven, sniffling a small bit.
Izaya gave a reassuring smile, kneeling down to the child's height. "Are you alright?" He asked, ignoring the voice in his head yelling at him for letting his facade down. It had been gone for a long time.
The brown haired child sniffled again, eyes growing moist once more as he, shook his head. "M'lost… I can't.. M'lost!" He frantically exclaimed, tears falling like waterfalls.
The raven quickly switched to the voice he used when his own infants were crying. "Hey, hey," He softly whispered,"It's gonna be alright. I'll help you."
"Y-you will?" The child asked in shock.
"Yes I am," Izaya answered,"But I'll need you to help me too. Can you tell me where we need to go?"
The child quickly nodded. "L-little Ducklings Daycare!" He exclaimed,"We were on a trip! I got lost!"
"Well, then that's where we'll go!" Izaya replied cheerfully,"I'm sure they're looking for you as we speak! So, let's go sit at my blanket, I'll call them to let them know."
The child's brown eyes sparkled with hope, nodding feverishly. The quartet went back to Izaya's spot and he set the babies down, pulling his phone out to search for the daycare the child mentioned.
As he typed, the much calmer little boy hummed a bit, and turned towards him. "My name's Suzuki Kaito," He mentioned.
Izaya turned his red eyes towards him for a moment, softly replying,"My name is Orihara Izaya."
Kaito's face scrunched up. "That's a weird name," He innocently returned, making the raven arch his eyebrow towards him.
"Well, I don't know about weird. I'd say that it's… Eccentric!" Izaya cheerfully replied, causing Kaito to give him a confused look, muttering the word 'eccentric' to himself.
Izaya released a happy noise, finding the number for the daycare. He called it, making sure to put on speaker for the child. Almost instantly, it went to voicemail. Kaito whimpered worriedly, turning his brown eyes back up to the raven.
"What we gonna do?" He questioned.
Izaya tried to give a reassuring smile, but he wasn't used to giving or getting those. Although that probably didn't help the child, Izaya knew what might. "Well, if they won't come to us. We'll go to them!" He declared.
He went back to the search page, typing in the daycare's address and putting on his directions. The voice on his phone quickly answered,"Starting route to Little Ducklings Daycare."
Kaito's eyes widened, and Izaya held out the phone. "I have to hold my babies, so I need you to be super duper brave and take the lead, okay?" He asked.
"Okay! I'm the leader!" The child exclaimed excitedly, grabbing the raven's phone and stomping forward proudly. Izaya, knowledgeable of the dangerous people that lurked in Osaka, was quick to follow.
The first few times the phone would order them to go left or right, Kaito turned to him in confusion. Izaya would then direct him where to go, and the child would take off once more. It took about twenty minutes, but they made it.
The daycare was rainbow colored, with pictures of ducklings on the sign. Kaito squealed in excitement, dashing over to the door. He knocked on it frantically.
"We're closed!" A short, angry voice yelled.
Kaito frowned, knocking again. This time, they weren't even graced with a response. The child looked towards Izaya desperately, so the raven moved closer to the door. "Excuse me? I have-"
The door was suddenly thrown open, and the raven was met with the sight of a short, angry old woman. "I SAID WE'RE-" She then froze, steel grey eyes turning to the small child in front of her. "KAITO!"
She knelt down, scooping up the child and hugging him tight. "Oh, darling! I was so worried! We've been looking everywhere for you! Where did you go?!"
"M'sorry!" Kaito cried,"I got lost! W-when I turned around, sensei was gone! But then Mr. Izaya helped me get here! I was the leader!"
The woman's eyes widened behind her glasses, turning to look over at the raven. Her eyes seemed to scan him up and down, landing on Yuuto and Kana momentarily. "You helped him get back here?" She questioned,"Even when you had those two to worry about?"
Izaya tried his best to shrug without dropping the infants. "I know what it's like to worry about my kids, it was the least I could do," He responded.
Her eyes softened, staring at Izaya with what seemed like pity. Izaya couldn't blame her, it was obvious how stressed out he was. The woman turned, putting Kaito down. "Head on inside, Kaito, have one of the teachers call your mother, alright?"
"Okay!" The child chirped, quickly shoving Izaya's phone back in the raven's hand. "Bye Mr. Izaya!"
"Bye Kaito," The raven calmly replied.
Once the door had shut, the old woman turned back to Izaya. "Thank you so much, young man," She graciously declared,"I don't know what we would have done if you hadn't found him. This city is so big, we were just about to call the police!"
"I'm just doing what any parent would have done," Izaya replied smoothly.
"Even so, to take the time even when you have your own little ones… How selfless of you!" She praised, causing Izaya to halt in surprise as red crawled up his cheeks. He'd never been called that word.
The children in his arms suddenly began to move around, angry whimpers coming from their mouths. Izaya quickly turned to her and softly answered,"W-well.. Um. I should go now. They're getting fussy."
Just as he turned around, the woman softly said,"You know… We're hiring. We offer childcare too, since we're a daycare. After the service you just did for me, I think your interview might be very easy."
By the time the raven looked back to where she had been, the door was swinging shut. Part of him was insulted that she was able to so easily guess that he was unemployed, while another part of him was shocked that she so readily offered him a job.
A small glimmer of hope appeared in Izaya's mind. Maybe he would be able to pay rent and buy food, maybe he would be able to get his children the things they deserved. Maybe…
Maybe everything was going to be okay.
I'm not so sure about this anymore…
It took less than a week for him to get the job, but he suspected that the old woman, Kamizuka Ahiru, had a lot to do with that. Now, Izaya was standing next to Ahiru, clad in a blue apron, staring at the group of rambunctious children.
He felt a little overwhelmed, especially since his own little ones had been taken to the infant room. It was the first time they had been apart since Mukata brought them. I hope they're doing okay without me.
Ahiru suddenly clapped her hands together, getting the attention of the little ones. "Alright everybody! We have a new helper joining us! His name is Orihara Izaya, I hope you all behave for him!" She explained.
The children stared at Izaya silently, and the raven felt extremely nervous. What if they don't like me? What if I end up getting fired? I can't afford to lose this job-
A small hand suddenly made contact with his own. He turned his eyes down, catching sight of a messy blonde haired girl. She smiled excitedly, and began to tug on his hand even more. "Come paint with me Izaya-kun!" She exclaimed.
As soon as the one brave child spoke to him, the chatter returned. Izaya gave a relieved smile, nodding happily. "I'd love to," He answered softly.
The child's face lit up even more, and she quickly dragged Izaya away. He looked back at Ahiru, who gave the raven a gentle nod, and moved to help another worker.
Izaya turned back to the child, who was now excitedly plastering paint all over a canvas while chatting excitedly to him. A few others soon joined them, and the raven found himself releasing a big sigh, relaxing for the first time in months.
For the first time in a while, Izaya knew that they were going to be okay.
