A/N: Thank you for all your great reviews-they really do make my day! Not sure how I feel about this one...not as good as I wanted it to be considering it covers the bomb episodes. Let me know what you like/don't like or anything you want to see going forward. I will pretty much be following cannon at least until post prom. Thanks to everyone reading x
Chapter 3
Addison smiled as she saw the page that O'Malley had sent her: Miranda was having her baby. She was so pleased for the woman and, having seen her with her interns, she had no doubt in her mind what an amazing mother she was going to make.
She had always wanted a baby herself, just had never found the right time with Derek. Both of them chose their careers over having a family, always insisting there was more time. Only she now wondered if there was any more time or whether her and Derek would never again reach a point where she felt they were stable enough to bring a child in.
She tried to push the thoughts to the side as she examined Bailey, instead smiling broadly and talking reassuringly to her. It was Miranda's day and she didn't want to ruin it with her own negative thoughts, whether they were spoken or not. She pulled her gloves off as she finished her exam, leaving the room with a squeeze to Miranda's shoulder and a promise to return soon.
She raised her eyebrow as she stepped out the room, walking straight into Richard, Derek and George. "Well…Hmm the gathering of men outside the delivery room. How mid-century of you." She teased easily, moving to Derek who gave her a kiss on the cheek.
"Say hi to Bailey for me." He smiled at her and she felt guilty for her earlier musings as he walked off. Things had been better between them recently, ever since their uneasy truce after her nights out with Alex. Though, she still felt like she was almost tempting fate saying that they were finally moving forward.
She walked to the nursing station, replacing the chart when she saw George and Richard approach her, eager looks on their faces.
"How's she doing?" Richard asked after a moment's pause.
"Taking it like a woman." She internally rolled her eyes as the pair of them exchange proud smiles. "6 centimetres dilated. 50% effaced and refusing all pain meds which I think is stupid but I'm not in labour so…"
She trailed off with a wry smile and a shrug before heading off, leaving the Chief and O'Malley to their overenthusiastic loitering. She made her way through rounds, listening to the interns almost on autopilot, ready to get back to Miranda. They were in the room of the last patient when her pager went off and she excused herself with a frown.
She hurried off to find her husband, approaching him where he stood talking to Preston. "Hey." He greeted.
"Hey." She responded absently. "You've got Dr Bailey's husband on the table?"
"Bailey's husband is going into surgery?" Burke asked, looking between them in shock.
Derek nodded and she felt her heart sink; she had been unwilling to believe it up until this point. "Got into a car accident trying to get to the hospital before the birth."
"Shit." She muttered, dragging a hand through her hair before straightening up. "What do we tell Bailey?"
"Nothing. Let's just wait until I get in there and see how bad the damage is. Have something concrete to tell her."
She let out a hard exhale, closing her eyes and briefly leaning into the hand Derek rested on her arm. "Yeah." She started, a wobble in her voice. Clearing her throat harshly, she shook her head as she tried to clear her thoughts. "No use upsetting her until we know. Okay, keep me posted." She went to leave, throwing a forced smile at Burke as she left. "Hey, Preston."
"Good seeing you Addison." He called after her.
She paused as she rounded the corner, tipping her head back against the wall as she took a deep breath, desperately trying to keep her emotions under check. Her own problems seemed almost trivial in comparison now. She was going to do her damn hardest to be strong for Miranda and, on the plus side, at least this day couldn't get anymore crappy.
Addison crouched on the floor next to Miranda, rubbing her back softly as she breathed through a contraction.
"Ok, ok, ok." Bailey let out a harsh breath and groan as it passes, leaning further into Addison's hand, as she fought an eye roll.
"8 minutes apart." O'Malley said as he entered, clutching a suitcase of Bailey's clothes.
Addison tried to keep her falsely positive smile on her face as she teased the other woman. "There's no shame in an epidural, Miranda."
"Epidural increases the possibility of a C-section." She recites automatically.
She didn't bother hiding her eye roll this time, resuming the circles she was rubbing on the younger woman's back as George moved to place the suitcase on the bed. "It also decreases pain." She let out a sympathetic sigh. "Miranda, this is a big baby. It's your first baby and I'm telling you it is not going to be a short or an easy labour."
"Mmm, I can handle a little pain. No problem." Addison helped pull Miranda up and settled next to her on the couch, not expecting anything less from the unbelievably stubborn woman.
"Woman all over the world do this at home." Addison hummed in agreement, tuning out slightly as she anticipated the rant she was going to get. "With nothing more than a pair of scissors and a bucket of hot water."
"Well women all over the world also die giving birth at home every single day."
Addison snapped back into focus at George's words, giving him an incredulous look over the top of Miranda's head. She had not worked with him often but she hoped to God that he was better at reassuring patients normally, otherwise she was definitely going to have words when she next worked with him.
"I did not just say that." He looked mortified and rightly so, as she shook her head in despair.
"You're supposed to be making yourself useful and finding my husband." Bailey snapped and Addison smiled briefly at the characteristic anger from her, before feeling her stomach sink as she registered her words.
Confusion crossed George's face. "What? I…"
Addison hastened to interrupt, stammering nervously. "He's, ah, not here."
She felt Miranda's gaze move and fix on her disbelievingly as George shrugged. "Oh, no, he should be here by now!"
"Okay!" She winced internally at how sharply it came out and urged herself to calm down. "Okay, we're…we're going to go find him. Right, Dr O'Malley?"
"Right." He echoed, not sounding anymore convincing than she did.
She felt relief as she was saved from the upcoming interrogation she was sure was coming from Bailey by the sound of her pager going off. The relief was short-lived, however, as she checked the screen and felt her stomach drop to her feet.
"What?" Miranda's voice cut through her haze and she tried to swallow down some of her internal panic, plastering an obviously fake smile on her face.
"Oh, nothing. I'll…I'll be right back."
She hurried out the room before Bailey could respond, heading for the nearest elevator desperate to find Richard and demand answers. She could curse herself for thinking that today couldn't get any worse and she felt the panic rising up in her. She was desperately hoping that this wasn't real, that this was just a really ill-timed drill. Because things like this didn't happen in real life, didn't happen to her. Then again, this was Seattle and, as she had repeatedly thought to herself, Seattle was cursed.
The doors to the elevator opened and O'Malley stepped on, moving immediately over to her. "I don't like having to lie to Dr Bailey."
Addison wanted to scream at him, tell him to stop talking and that was actually the smallest of their problems now. Instead, she took a deep breath and replied as evenly as she could. "Now's not the time, Dr O'Malley."
"She'd want to know about her husband." He continued stubbornly, pausing as his pager went off. "Code Black? What's a 'Code Black'?"
She had no idea how to respond to that, glad of the distraction of Izzie running towards the elevator to give her more time to formulate an answer.
"Dr. Shepherd. The other Dr. Shepherd wanted me to let you know that Tucker's bleed is more extensive than he originally thought. It's gonna be a few more hours before he has anything concrete to tell Dr. Bailey." Izzie recited as she spotted her.
Addison let out a heavy sigh, thinking how fucking typical that was. "Thanks, Stevens."
George grabbed Izzie's arm as she stopped talking. "What's a 'Code Black'?"
"A what?" They huddled around their pagers, frowning when Izzie's went off too.
"'Code Black'? Code Red, Code Blue, Code White. I've never had a 'Code Black' before." Izzie paused and Addison bit her lip as she realised the interns' attention was back on her. "Dr Shepherd?"
"Just…just go back to your locker room and wait for your resident to give you instructions." She finally responded, dragging her hand through her hair in an attempt to calm her nerves.
"We don't have a resident." The panic was invading Steven's voice now.
"What's going on?"
"Is it something bad?"
The interns were talking over each other as they fired questions at Addison, their voices rising with each one that went unanswered. The doors opened and any hope Addison was clinging onto that this was a drill was firmly out the window as she saw the floor filled with chaos. "Yeah." She breathed out. "It's something bad."
She hurried off to where the attending and residents were gathered, listening to Richard talk, barely aware of Izzie and George trailing after her. The words of Richard's speech floated over, barely penetrating the thoughts she had going through her head. So the Code Black was real: what about Miranda's husband, her husband, Alex? What about everyone and every thing she had fought through to create a life for herself in Seattle? What if it all falls apart?
It dawned on her that the Chief had finished talking and she chased after him. "Richard, it's a Code Black? Really?"
"Yes, I've shut down the ORs." She tried to ignore the fact the stress of the situation made Richard look 10 years older than he was. She wondered how many more situations like this he had left in him.
"To trauma?"
He replied gravely. "To everything."
"Wait a minute…to everything, everything?"
The Chief stopped walking, turning to her and she almost ran into the back of him. "As of ten minutes ago all the operating rooms at Seattle Grace were completely evacuated with the exception of Dr Burke's team."
"And Dr Shepherd's team."
Addison felt her heart lurch nervously in her chest and she strived to keep her breathing under control. Izzie must be wrong, must be mistaken. Her husband could not be in a room next to a bomb, that sort of thing did not happen to normal people like them.
"What?" Richard spun around and approached Stevens. "What do you mean Dr Shepherd's team?"
"They are still in OR 2." She said tentatively.
Addison reached out and gripped the nearby nurse's station, swallowing the lump forming in her throat, the chaos of the floor barely entering her consciousness. Apparently this was exactly the sort of thing that happened to them.
Addison leant against the doorway to the doctor's lounge, watching Alex making a cup of coffee. Her heart rate was yet to return to normal and she was trying to regain some semblance of control over herself before she headed off to check back on Miranda.
"Hey." She muttered, smiling apologetically as he jumped slightly. She didn't blame him for his nerves being on edge slightly; hers certainly were. "Hear you saved the day."
"I just spoke to the patient's wife, doc." He shrugged, holding out the coffee he had made to her which she accepted gratefully.
"Still." She gave a small smile, as much as she could muster up given the circumstances. "You did good, Karev."
He tilted his head to the side, gaze travelling over her as she shifted uncomfortably under his scrutiny. He frowned, pausing the coffee he was making to turn his full attention to her. "Are you okay?"
"Fine." She lied automatically, not even thinking before she answered.
He scoffed disbelievingly. "You're-"
"Full of crap, I know." She interrupted, causing him to let out a chuckle. The smile dropped off her face and she took a sip of coffee, wincing as it scolded her mouth. "I don't think I'm okay." She admitted quietly.
"Anything I can do?"
She blew gently on her coffee as she studied his expression, softening at the genuine desire to help she saw there. "I…um." She avoided his gaze, looking down at the contents of her mug as a distraction. "Remember when I said that I'm the type of person who hugs?" She asked tentatively.
She looked up as she felt him prise the coffee cup from her hands, watching him place it on the table. She raised an eyebrow questioningly and he sighed, holding his arms open slightly to her. "Come here then."
She studied him for a beat more before almost throwing herself into his embrace. He tightened his arms around her, hushing her gently as she pressed her face against his shoulder, fighting the tears that were trying to make their way to the surface. A part of her knew that if she let them out now, she'd never be able to stop and then she'd be no use to anyone.
"It'll be okay, doc." He murmured into her hair.
She let out a strangled noise of disbelief. "You can't know that."
"No, I can't." He admitted. "It's what you say though."
"Yeah." She agreed half-heartedly. "Promise me you'll stay away from the bomb. Unlike my ass of a husband."
He snorted at that, before pressing a kiss to her head. "I promise, doc. Based of your choice of words, I'm guessing I don't need to worry about you going near it?"
"Not so much." She agreed easily.
"Alex." They broke apart as they heard Izzie's voice fill the room. She looked between them uncomfortably. "Am I interrupting something?"
"I was just leaving, Stevens." Addison said, straightening her scrub top. "I need to go check on Dr Bailey."
She started to make her way out the room before turning and glancing back at where Alex had resumed making his cup of coffee. "Hey Karev?" He hummed in acknowledgement, glancing back at her. "Thanks. For the coffee."
"No worries, doc." He gave her a small smile. "Hope your husband's okay."
She nodded slightly. "Hope your friends are okay."
With his returning nod, she left the room and Izzie's curious gaze to go back to Miranda's room. She wasn't sure she felt any better from the interaction but there was definitely something to say about knowing you were not alone. She was dreading the difficult conversation she was about to have with Bailey; she was having a hard enough time dealing with it and her husband was not having brain surgery and she was not in labour. Yeah, it was not going to be fun.
Addison was right; that was potentially the hardest conversation she'd ever had. She felt broken when thinking about Miranda's reaction, her refusal to push and her adamance that she was going home. She had pulled every trick she knew out of her sleeve, tried every tactic she usually did on nervous moms.
The only problem was that this was a little more than pre-birth jitters. This was huge and unimaginable. And she was hardly in the right state of mind to be encouraging and calming either. She was barely keeping it together, barely keeping a hold on all the strands of her emotions to stop herself falling apart; she didn't have the energy required to stop Miranda falling apart as well.
She stood in front of Richard, half listening to him as he spun into full blown panic at her update on the situation. She didn't have the energy to stop him from falling apart either.
"Calm down." She sighed as they paused at the nurse's station.
"Calm down?" He spat out, upset. "I have an evacuated O.R. A bomb in a body cavy. A missing paramedic! An intern with her hand on the explosive! Two world class surgeons in harm's way!" Addison ran a hand through her hair in exasperation as she saw O'Malley approach as well. "A man on a table who may bleed out at any moment unless we move the bomb from his chest! And my favourite resident in labor who you're now telling me refuses to push! Really, calm down? You really want to say to me calm down?"
"Okay, don't calm down!" She countered, throwing her hands up in exasperation.
"Dr Bailey is scared, sir." George interrupted. "It's a day to be scared."
Addison felt the truth of his statement as she sighed, trying to continue as calmly as possible. "She won't let me examine her but from what I can tell her contractions are 40 seconds apart and she's refusing to push. The baby could go into distress and if she doesn't come out of this and soon, then I'm going to need an OR to do an emergency c-section."
Richard stopped just short of an eye-roll at her comment and she could feel her frustration rising. "I can't give you an OR Addie! I don't have an OR to give. Can't you convince her to push?"
She felt any semblance of calm fly completely out of the window, her voice rising alarmingly. "She's not Bailey right now! She's a woman in labour whose husband is in a surgery next to a bomb."
"So is yours."
She glared at him, letting out a harsh breath. "This is about Bailey. I need an OR."
"I don't know what to tell you." The Chief said and she could see he was already moving on.
Addison tried to internalise her scream of frustration. "Look Richard, we have about an hour to change Bailey's mind and then I'm going to need you to get me an OR. Build me an OR. Find me a helicopter to fly me to any OR in the city. Otherwise, instead of having a baby, she'll be losing one."
She spun on her heel and stormed off, with no real destination in mind. She was so done with this day.
Addison found herself on the same empty gurney in the abandoned corridor that she was sat on the other week. Only the last time she was worried about her husband being in love with someone else, now she was worried about him staying alive. She wished she could go back. She tipped her head back against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest.
"Dr Montgomery-Shepherd." She groaned internally as she heard O'Malley's voice. She just needed a moment to herself and she felt like everywhere she turned he was there. "What are we gonna do? I mean about Dr Bailey. Can…can we drug her?"
She turned her head to stare at him disbelief. "Against her will?"
"No. Well…yes." He at least looked ashamed against at his comment, but he continued regardless. "Can't we force to her to push? If we, ah, declare her temporarily insane."
Addison let out a noise of frustration, dragging her hand through her hair. "You want me to declare Miranda Bailey, Miranda Bailey incompetent? Do you think that will help? Do you think that will make her more inclined…more comfortable giving birth?"
He shifted uncomfortably. "I don't know that's why…"
She interrupted, not finished with her rant, glad to finally get some feelings off her chest. "Do you think I'm to doing everything I can do to help her? I mean, do you think I'm just out here because, I don't know, feel a little lazy, just need a little me time?!"
"I'm just asking." He mumbled.
"Stop asking!" She was yelling at this point, and a small part of her felt bad for unloading on George, the alarmed look on his face almost comical to look at. "Because no matter what you ask the answer is I don't know. I'm doing everything thing I can! Everything I can! Miranda Bailey's husband is in mortal danger. Actual mortal danger! And there's not a lot I can say to comfort her right now because there's not a lot that anybody can say to comfort me! I'm doing my best! Dr. Bailey is doing her best! And I need you to do your best! And I need it to better than standing here asking me the world's most stupidest question! I don't know O'Malley!"
He nodded slightly and hastily retreated and she let out a little scream, tipping her head back against the wall hard, ignoring the dull ache which spread through her skull. She didn't feel better for her outburst like she thought she would; she felt worse. So much worse.
She shakily brought her hands up to her eyes, pressing them against the flow of tears that were beginning to fall hot and heavy. She had no idea how long she sat there, shoulders shaking as she sobbed noisily into her hands; it felt like hours but she knew it must only be minutes. She was exhausted; it seemed unbelievable that she had only been at work for 6 hours. Every bone in her body ached and there was a lingering headache throbbing at the front of her skull.
She jumped as she felt a hand fall on her shoulder, looking up to see Alex stood there. "What?" She asked wearily.
"I bumped into O'Malley. He seemed worried about you." Alex shrugged as he climbed onto the gurney next to her, moving so his arm was pressed against hers. "Actually, he seemed terrified of you."
She let out a derisive snort. "Oh, I bet he told everyone about the attending who lost the plot. What a good story: the poor grieving surgeon who is too busy crying over a husband who isn't in love with her and yelling at interns to actually do her job."
He tensed next to her as she angrily spat the words out. "Stop that."
"What?" She yelled, moving to put some space between them. She was aware she was being unreasonable, taking her anger out on the nearest person again, but she couldn't bring herself to care.
"This whole angry pity party thing you have going on." His voice was cutting, and she remembered how he wasn't the type of person who would sit there and take someone yelling at him. That was part of the reason she was lashing out at him; she wanted someone to fight back. "It's not like you."
"You don't know me." She brushed the hand away that he reached out towards her. "There's a reason you call me Satan after all."
"What are you saying? Maybe I was right to start with? Maybe you really are Satan's Whore and I made a huge mistake being friends with you?" He finally snapped and she winced at the harsh words. He let out a heavy sigh and rubbed his hand over his face. "O'Malley told me because he said you looked like you needed a friend. And here I am. Now, we don't have to sit here and talk about our feelings or whatever but you do have to know I'm here, alright?"
She nodded slightly, feeling her anger fade away and begin to make away for more tears. She felt foolish now; stupid for yelling at the one person she had in Seattle other than Derek. She shifted back next to him, hesitating before resting her head on his shoulder as a peace offering. "Alright." She whispered.
He moved his arm and slung it around her shoulders holding her tightly to his side. "It's okay not to be okay, doc."
"I feel selfish." She admitted quietly. "All I've done over the last few weeks is resent him for not giving me enough attention." She scoffed slightly. "Now he could die."
"You're not selfish. You're human."
She let out a watery chuckle. "How philosophical." He let out a small laugh at her comments. "What will I do if he dies?"
"If he dies, then it will suck. But you are strong and you'll get through it. I promise." He pulled back and wiped the tears off her cheeks. "No one is dying right now though."
"Okay." She breathed out shakily, steadying her nerves. "What do I do right now?"
"You get up and you kick ass." He grinned at her at that and she did her best to return it. "The situation could use a little Satan."
He stood and held his hand out to her pulling her to her feet. "I must look a state."
"Nah, just as hot as usual." He winked and she rolled her eyes at him, pleased they were back on familiar ground.
"Definitely unwanted workplace attention, Karev."
"Oh please, you love it." He pulled her in for another brief hug. "Go and kick ass."
She went to leave before turning back, squeezing his hand gently. "Have you heard anything about Meredith?" He shook his head. "You must be worried."
"Yeah." He admitted quietly. "Now go on. And…if you need another kick up the ass, you know where to find me. Satan."
She chuckled at him, a small but genuine smile on her face. "Noted, Karev."
Addison realised that someone telling you to toughen up and kick ass was all well and good but trying to actually implement it was a Hell of a lot harder. She tried to push her personal problems aside, knowing that people were counting on her, Miranda was counting on her. She was desperately trying to get the poor woman to move.
"Okay, Dr Bailey. Let's go." She tried to sit her up but Miranda just continued to push her sobbing. "Dr Bailey, I need you to turn on your back. I need you to push."
"Leave me alone." The younger woman choked out and Addison ran her hand through her hair in frustration, fingers catching painfully on the tangles.
"Miranda." Her voice was desperately close to pleading as she turned to a nearby nurse. "I can't let her go any longer. I'm going to go tell Richard that he has to get us an OR, okay?"
She headed to the door, waving at George to move out the way. She froze when she heard him start to talk. "Dr Bailey, I'm surprised at you. I really thought...this is not how I thought you would do this."
She frowned at his tactics, opening her mouth to protest. She honestly couldn't see the route he was going helping anyone. "Dr O'Malley, I don't think that…"
He interrupted and continued regardless and if it was any other day she would be yelling at him by now for insubordination. But it wasn't any other day and she was desperate. "You're Dr. Bailey." She let out a little whimper as her eyes met his. "You don't hide from a fight. You don't give up. You strive for greatness. You Dr. Bailey, you are a doer. And...I know your husband is not here and I know that there are a lot of things going on here that we have no control over. But this…" He moved his hand to lift her chin gently. "This ... we can do. Ok?" Bailey half nods, crying. "Ok."
Addison moved to get everything ready as George helped Bailey to sit up. Honestly at that moment in time, she could kiss the boy, marriage vows be damned. As soon as the thought entered her head she screwed up her face slightly, finding the image vaguely disturbing. If she told Alex that, he'd be laughing his ass off at her.
Maybe she'd tell him after she delivered the baby. God knows, they could use a laugh after the day they'd had.
Addison headed out of the room she was in with Bailey, pleased to have delivered her a healthy baby boy. Something good to come out of this mess of a day. He was so beautiful, and she almost wanted to cry when she saw him. He was so innocent and untarnished by all the problems the world had yet to throw at him. She wasn't sure if she was more jealous of Miranda for getting to take him home or the baby for being so new.
Her pager went and when she checked the message, she felt her heart leap up in her chest. He was safe. Her husband was going to be okay. She ran off in the direction of the lobby, seeing the crowd gathered there. Her eyes scanned the people around, before they landed on Derek and her breath caught in her throat.
He looked fine: worried, exhausted but in one piece. She saw him looking frantically around, and her eyes caught Richard's, seeing him say something to Derek. She saw the marginal relief in his shoulders before he turned round and her heart warmed. He was looking for her.
She hurried towards him and threw her arms round his neck, holding him close. "Derek. You're okay." She let out a harsh breath, tightening her arms. "Oh, you're okay."
It took her a moment to realise that he wasn't hugging her back. He was just stood, tense, alert and still as her arms were tight around him. It dawned on her then: it wasn't her he was looking for.
He was looking for Meredith, he almost died and the only person he wanted to see was Meredith. Addison swallowed the sob she felt rising up. It was okay, she decided. He was alive, he was still here. So what if in the heat of a moment he was thinking of another woman, he was still breathing so he could think about another woman. It seemed trivial to think otherwise.
So she let him go with a watery smile, allowing him to head off somewhere with some flimsy excuse, no doubt going to find Meredith. And, when Alex laid a hand tentatively on her shoulder, she turned from where she was frozen in the spot and curled into him, clinging onto his scrub top as she cried. She ignored the worried glances from Richard and Adele she saw over Alex's shoulder, as well as the alarmed looks from the rest of the occupants on the floor.
"Come on, doc. Let's get out of here." Alex muttered into her ear and she nodded slightly, allowing him to lead her out the room.
He guided her down onto a seat, frowning as he shifted uncomfortably. "It's over, you know that?"
"Yeah." She breathed through her tears. "I don't want to go home yet. I'm not ready to be alone."
"Shepherd..?" He started before noticing the look on her face. "Right. Well, how about we grab a late dinner?" He checked his watch. "Or early breakfast?"
Addison reached up and wiped the tears from her face, giving him a weak smile. "I could do with some waffles."
He winked at her. "Well, you're the boss."
"Damn straight." She countered, trying but falling short of her usual confidence.
Tomorrow, she decided, tomorrow she would deal with Derek and the stress of the day. Today...today she was just going to get waffles.
