A/N – Grab your tissues. You may need them.
And for CFH, I was going through my notes today and it turns out I've been sitting on these fic ideas since the week before Halloween when I went on holiday! o.O I just lost them in my 'ideas' folder on the black hole which is my evil satanic bluescreening laptop. And okay, I WILL do the AiGin crossdressing crack…. soon. And ya know, I STILL have to do that Aizen getting fired by Donald Trump crack fic… yeah I found that idea too. Buried among 1001 other fics. I'm so distractable! I was meant to have done that one months ago!
MS – on the promised smutty [censored pairing] fic: my beta has promised me it will be all done and beta'ed tomorrow. Soon! Hold off on the exploding just a little while longer kay? Then I will upload and hide from said fangirl explosion. I will hold her to her word and I will have it to go over and hopefully upload soon after I get it.
Chapter 2
"To get to heaven, first, we must go through hell."
-- Wolfy-chan
Gin couldn't even look at them. At any of them. It was just too painful. The truth, as many a philosopher pointed out, hurt. And how it did hurt. He had finally admitted it to another living soul.
"Yes. Yes, it's true…"
Gin sobbed, unable to stop all the hurt from pouring out of him. All of the shame that he felt for letting it happen, even though he was powerless to stop it. Completely breaking down into pieces.
"He… he…"
He was shaking. Trembling as he sat there in the chair, feeling so embarrassed and humiliated. He thought that he could keep it quiet, but it was inevitable that they would find out sooner or later. They would have to know at some point, but that didn't make it much better. That didn't make it any easier to admit that he had been used and abused. That he had been tortured and raped repeatedly and forced to abandon everything he held dear. Nothing could undo that. He looked up at them, his eyes and face stained with tears and he was hurting so much.
"Was it sexual?"
Gin sniffed again, his eyes looking at Unohana with such uncertainty that almost made her eyes water. Such uncertainty and hurt that all the healing power in the world couldn't heal. It was a look that said 'yes but I cannot bring myself to say it'. And the expression on Isane's face was one of those looks of pure horror that was reserved for only the most violent cases of violence and sexual assault such as this.
"Am I clean?"
Unohana just lost it at that point. She was really aching for Gin now, her own eyes starting to water as well. But she was also angry. Angry at Aizen for causing this much damage, for doing this to him. Angry like a mother was when one of her children were hurt.
"Of course you are."
"Re- really? E- even after I hurt Izuru-kun?"
She just smiled back at him. She knows how he must have been feeling. Angry, hurt, guilty and confused. She knew how abused people felt. But to have a case like this happen right under her nose without her even noticing it was something else entirely.
"Yes. Really."
She signalled for the one of the guards to come over.
"You, unbind him."
"Hai Unohana Taichou." The guard complied, quickly releasing Gin's ropes that held his arms behind him, allowing him to dry his eyes. It really must have been hard for him to admit what he'd been through. But she really did need to get this information over to the general commander, and the people overseeing Sousuke Aizen's interrogation.
"Come on Gin," she said softly, beckoning both him and Rangiku to follow her to the fourth company. "Let's get you cleaned up. Your body must be a mess."
Rangiku was holding her arms around Gin and kneeling next to him as he just nodded and complied, still tightly clutching Rangiku's hand as he followed her out of the room. Isane being ordered to relay this information directly to the commander general.
-
After Gin was cleaned up and healed to the extent that he could be healed, Unohana was summoned by the commander general to discuss their most recent lead into the Ichimaru investigation, with negative results.
"But Taichou!" Isane yelled out, forgetting her place in the hierarchy before Retsu interjected.
"Surely this is a viable explanation for his actions. Surely this justifies him in what he did.
"My decision is final. Ichimaru defected alongside Aizen and therefore I must condemn his actions."
"But the death penalty?!"
"I said no more excuses!" Yamamoto's voice boomed out, making the young shinigami nearly jump out of her skin. "Ichimaru Gin will be executed. End of discussion."
"Yes Taichou…" she then said meekly, not agreeing with him in his decision at all. But she knew her place at the end of the day, and she was in no place to try and argue.
"We better go tell Ichimaru then…"
-
"What?!" Rangiku screamed at the top of her lungs. "That's impossible!"
Gin was back in his cell again now, it was late at night now and he had been cleaned, healed and properly dressed again. Even though he was still collared. He had just been sentenced to death.
"It's okay." He said, his voice soft, mainly because he was just so tired of yelling and fighting now.
"No it isn't!"
"No, really Ran-chan, I'm okay with it."
Gin was standing in his cell now, facing away from Rangiku as she yelled and screamed. His face was assumed to be expressionless, even though she couldn't see it. Even though she was falling to pieces only just behind him.
"Gin don't be ridiculous! You're… you're not okay at all."
Gin paused, collecting himself. Breathing very slowly as he spoke, allowing his point to be made.
"I aint never been okay. I aint been okay in a long time Ran... I aint askin' ya to like it, I aint askin' ya to go do somethin' stupid to try an' help me. All I ask is that ye' respect my decision. I'm ready to die, I've been through so much shit in my life Ran, more shit that ya can possibly imagine. And… I just want it to end."
"Gin…"
She didn't want to see him go. She didn't really want him to die. But she did want for him to be happy. And if that meant him accepting his death then so be it. Gin was half crying when he said it, she knew his voice tones by now. But she knew when he was of sound mind.
She sighed, somehow mustering up all of the courage she needed to accept this, the loss of her best friend. Of a loved one. Of a family.
"Alright. If it's your choice, then I won't fight it."
Gin turned his head around to smile at her. "Thankyou, Ran."
"I'll see you in the morning then. At least you can leave me with saying goodbye this time." She smiled, looking at him as she lingered in the doorway as he smiled back at her.
"Yeah. See ya."
-
She left Gin there with his thoughts. So, he was given the death penalty. But that suited him just fine. For he had a lot of sins to atone for. And some sins were greater than others, but the one that hurt the most was killing Izuru. And the fact that he had taken out all of his hatred and anger on him. Done the same things to Izuru that Aizen had done to him. That was his biggest regret.
But why, now, were all the memories that were flooding back to him all good ones? All the positive images he had of Izuru?
He wanted to cry. He wanted to cry and take it all back. He wanted to cry and scream and say sorry and to make it better again, but he couldn't. It was impossible. He'd killed Izuru, broken him. Broken and killed him long before Shinsou went through him. He still remembered Izuru, the good and kind Izuru. The albeit slightly nervous Izuru, but still the young, innocent and stupidly naïve Izuru that once graced Gin's life with his presence. He never meant to hurt him but things just slipped out of his control. He had taken to drinking to numb the pain and it just made things worse. He ended up hurting Kira all because he was stupid and weak and couldn't ask for help.
He had a strange dream that night. He was in an empty place, a white place. Not a sterile white, nor a dirty white like in Las Noches. In fact, he was very sure that he wasn't in Las Noches. He was somewhere different, somewhere that he hadn't ever been before. It was like he was standing in a heavy fog, but the air wasn't cold. And there was light, lots of light. It was a light much like the sun, so very ethereal after being in so much darkness. And he hears a voice, a voice calling out to him.
"Ichimaru…"
A voice. Does he know this voice? Yes, yes he does. He looks around, yet he doesn't see anyone. There is just him there in this strange place.
"Izuru?"
He takes a few steps through the fog, and the light brightens a little. He sees Izuru standing there before him, smiling warmly at him. The light illuminating him from behind. There is just this relaxed atmosphere here.
"Take my hand…"
Gin reaches his hand out, complying with the order. Everything whiting out again as he is brought suddenly back into the waking world, and the interior of his jail cell by the harsh shouting voice of one of the guards.
"Hey! Get up you lousy traitor!"
Gin groaned and got up slowly, his eyes still full of sleep.
"It's judgement day."
"Ha, wow really? Tha' were quick."
"Just get your arse moving."
"Hai..."
Gin didn't ay anything else after that; he just did as he was told. But his thoughts kept drifting back to that dream he had.
"What does it mean, Izuru-kun?"
He had seen Izuru again. Smiling and he should have been when he was alive.
"Does it mean that you're okay? Will you be waiting for me? Will I be going to a better place?"
Rangiku was waiting for him as he was led outside. She was loitering in one of the corridors waiting for him so that they could walk down together. Aizen was executed first. And they watched it. Gin watched everything. He wanted closure. Aizen was finally going to disappear, but that wouldn't undo the damage done. It never would. He clutched Rangiku's hand and watched as they raised him. He saw the fiery bird. He watched his abusers body disintegrate. There, gone. Gone forever. But not forgotten. Never forgotten. What he did could never be forgotten. Never be undone. Never be erased from history.
"Well, looks like this's it Ran…"
"Goodbye Gin."
"Byebye Ran-chan. I'll say hi to Izuru-kun for ya."
He took one last look before he walked up to the stand, still bound for precautionary measures. He still smiled. Because this was the end of his suffering. This would be payment for his sins. For the hurt he inflicted, for the life he destroyed. He'd said his last words and now he was ready to die. Now taking one last look at the world he abandoned before as the blocks raised him. The world he was now going to abandon again.
"This is it for me. No more pain. No more hurt. I can atone for my sins. I can pay back for what I did to Izuru…"
He looked at the flaming bird now materialising right before his eyes, feeling the immense heat from it on his skin. Feeling his tears warming on his face as the flames intensified. Looking at the bird for just a few seconds as he readied himself mentally for it. For dying. For letting go of everything, the hurt, the pain, the guilt. The heartache. Not being able to atone for Kira's death.
"I can finally die."
He smiled as he closed his eyes for the last time, waiting for the impact. Waiting for the phoenix to pierce his broken and bruised body and for darkness to claim him. He waited for death to come to him, bracing himself for whatever pain would come. Only there wasn't any. There was just blackness and everything went dark.
-
When he woke up again and regained some sense of where he was, he found himself to be in the white place again. He looked around, seeing that ethreal light again. But he was calm this time, he wasn't unsure of anything. He didn't feel any pain any more, not even in his soul. His limbs and joints weren't stiff and painful either. It was like waking up how he'd wanted to wake up for so long. No more hurt, no more pain. This was the dream he'd had from before…
"Taichou?"
That voice again. The one from the dream. It was calling out to him again. Gin turned around to see who it was but got caught up into an embrace from behind him. Arms wrapped around his chest and hugged him tightly, like they never wanted to let him go.
"Taichou…"
"I- Izuru?"
He was shocked. But Izuru just held him tighter, pulling him into his warm and forgiving embrace, happy that Gin was here again. And that neither of them were in any pain.
"I waited for you."
A/N – *knocks out SadistAizen with her baseball bat* And thus they lived/loved happily ever after in the after-afterlife *laughs* okay maybe not so much the 'loved' part… lets not make this a crack now.
I'm sorry that Ol' Yama was a bit heartless. But alas it needed to move the plot forwards. Apologies if he was a little OOC. Also I think Rangiku kinda took over a lil bit. Also my anonamous guard characters were a little sloppy in my opinion. Just my opinion though. But dammit, I don't care! I like this. They get reunited in heaven. There! *is happy* Izuru is just that loving okay! And I like the concept of the after-afterlife.
Well I hope ya liked le very difficult to write happy ending! Even if it is a little OOC… this is just me having a whack at 'happy' for once.
Well take care till the next fic,
- Wolfy-chan
