Come on skinny love, what happened here?
Chapter 3: Skinny Love
Sometimes, when things got really bad and really hard, Selena almost believed that Demi hurt her on purpose. Maybe she got some sort of twisted joy from Selena's pain.
She continuously did things to push her limits, whether it be slyly hooking up with some girl or boy at a club, coming to Selena's house in the middle of the night wasted, or outright denying feelings for Selena altogether. It wasn't Demi. It was some demented version that Selena didn't understand, didn't know.
Then there were days when she was completely present, when she surprised Selena with flowers and kisses, took her to beautiful dinners, and found new and completely romantic ways of telling her just how much she loved her. She was the same girl that Selena met all those years ago and became completely mesmerized by her talent and beautiful soul. Those days were why Selena chose to stay.
Today was a good day.
Their schedules allowed both of them to be in Los Angeles for almost two months. Time apart was hard, especially for Demi. She didn't have someone fighting for her health and sanity when Selena was gone.
"I love being with you," she whispered into Selena's hair after pressing a kiss there. They were cuddled up on the hammock in Selena's back yard. The radio played softly in the background, but all Selena could hear was Demi's heartbeat speed up when she brought her hands around her waist tightly. Her ear was pressed to Demi's chest, listening.
She blushes softly, and Demi is amazed that after knowing each other for so long, she can still make her blush. Selena giggles lightly and turns to face Demi, her chin resting on her hands as she gazes up into her brown eyes.
"It's not so bad being with you either, dork."
They stay like that for the rest of the day, chatting aimlessly about nothing and everything at the same time. Demi's hands find their way into Selena's hair, and she starts humming the melody to a Beatles song. Selena almost falls asleep to the quiet comfort of it all. It's simple and easy, like this. But there's also a nagging voice in the back of her head, telling her a million things over and over that she doesn't want to think about or accept.
One, that she's leaving to film another movie too soon, and the thought of Demi being here alone to fall into all of these Hollywood traps scares the living hell out of her. Demi gets into the wrong crowds, and she thinks these people are her friends. They suck you into this false feeling of comfort and trust. When Demi is with them, she becomes the worst version of herself.
The other thought that constantly haunts Selena is the constant feeling of doubt. She and Demi never labeled their relationship. They never felt the need to, they just were. But Selena began feeling unsure of their dynamic after she got that call from Miley in Canada.
What right did she have to be angry? Demi wasn't her girlfriend. Even though more than anything in the world, Selena wished she would be.
She was so terrified that one day she'd come back and this, what they're doing right now, would all be gone.
"Demi?" She started slowly.
"Hm?"
Once again, Selena turned on her stomach to face her. "What are we doing?"
Demi looked at her like she was crazy for a second, "We're uh.. laying on a hammock?"
"No," Selena shakes her head. "I mean, this. Us. What are we?" She feels so juvenile, asking her best friend to explain their relationship.
Demi sighs with annoyance. "Do we have to define it, Selena? I mean, I love you. You're the best person in my life. It's that simple."
Selena just sighs in response sadly.
"I thought we were on the same page with this." Demi asks.
Selena shakes her head, dismissing the subject. "Yeah, we are. I was just asking."
"I don't fucking care! I'm not hungry and I'm not fucking eating it!" Demi's scream echoes throughout her house.
Today was a bad day.
Selena came over with takeout after she left the studio. Demi was not impressed.
"What have you eaten today?" Selena angrily barks back at her.
Demi rolls her eyes. "None of your damn business! You aren't my mother!"
"Yeah, obviously. She doesn't give a damn if you're starving yourself." Selena regretted it as soon as it came out. She covered her mouth, her eyes wide in shock of her admission. Demi's mom cared, she did. Just not in the right ways. She was more concerned with Demi being on time for rehearsals and filming than she was with whether or not Demi ate breakfast that morning. Demi's family problems were always such a sensitive spot for her, and honestly, the root of her issues. Selena knew that.
Sometimes, Demi did things just to get her mother's attention. The cutting was a cry for help at the beginning, but when her mom didn't so much as bat an eye- until it was attracting bad publicity- Demi did it for herself. She really was in so much pain, and didn't know how to get it out.
"Get out," Demi calmly commanded her.
"Demi, I didn't mean-"
"Get out!" She screamed, pointing at the door. Selena scurried out the door, mumbling apologies under her breath.
Yeah, today was definitely one of the bad days.
