**THIS IS A SLASH STORY**

JASPER & EDWARD, SO IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT...SIMPLE, PLEASE DON'T READ.


~*Chapter Three*~


I wasn't sure how much time had passed but a good third of the bottle was gone when I heard the hinges from the gate to the backyard squeak as someone opened it. My head was between my legs, and I didn't look up knowing exactly who it was. I felt him sit beside me, and he reached for the bottle taking a swig, choking a little as it went down.

I couldn't help myself, but I had to laugh a little, and mumbled, "Pussy," just as he had done the same with me earlier. We sat in silence for a little while longer, neither of us knowing what to say. It was one of the strangest days and I really didn't want our four years to end like this. So instead of talking and messing it up even further, we both just sat in the dark listening to the music from the party playing in the background and the muffled laughs and shouts of our friends crying out in the night.

I had no fucking clue how the night was supposed to play out, but I never would have guessed that I would let some gymnast, or whatever the fuck she was, get me off while Jasper watched. But the worst part of it was, I never would have guessed I would have enjoyed Jasper watching me as much as I had. I think that was what was so hard to take. He was the closest thing I had in this world, but that didn't mean I wanted to go there. I couldn't figure out how this night had taken this turn, and maybe I wasn't supposed to. It happened. Big fucking deal. I could be a dick about it, and sit here for the rest of the night feeling sorry for myself, or I could shake it off and enjoy the rest of the night.

"I raised my head, looking at him while I took the tequila bottle back. He was leaning his head back up against the fence, and his look was hard as if he was concentrating on something that involved a lot of deep thought. What I wouldn't give to be able to read his mind, I just hoped he wasn't weirded out by the fact that I had seemed to enjoy what had happened. I drank from the bottle and the sound of the tequila hitting the edge of the bottle caused him to raise his head to look at me. He was sad again, and the only thing that I wanted to do was ease his suffering, so I forgot my insecurities, and did the only thing I could think of. I laughed.

I couldn't help myself, because so far the evening had been completely absurd, and it was all I could do to not go insane with worry and thought. My laughter continued as I told him about the $300 I had won earlier, and then, reluctantly, he joined me in laughing our troubles away just like we usually did. The tequila had worked its magic, yet again, and we were feeling no pain, the events of the night easily forgotten…at least temporarily. I had no idea what his thoughts of the night were, and I was a little terrified to find out, so I tried my best to push it from my head.

"You fucker," I said, a little more serious, and his face dropped at my words. There was so much behind it, and I didn't really mean to say it out loud, but it just kind of slipped out, so I quickly added, "Are we going to the bar or not?"

He took a deep breath, letting out a huge sigh and smiled half-heartedly and, again, I saw a trace of sadness there, but before I could say anything more, he was up on his feet mocking my inability to hold my liquor and goading me to try and catch up to him.

We eventually left the barbeque to head to the bar, both of us feeling the need to vacate the party before we managed to run into the skank twins again. Having left the guys at the party, I had $300 burning a hole in my pocket which meant a lot of shots for the two of us and whatever "friends" we picked up along the way. The bar was pretty uneventful, probably because both of us were too shitfaced to even see straight. We talked of the past, reminiscing about our stupiderdays, but that's how it was with Jasper and me, we could make the best of things no matter where we were. It was easy with us, nothing was ever forced.

I could tell we both were completely avoiding the subject of what had happened earlier, but neither of us was ready to bring it up and before we knew it, last call was announced and the lights came on as the friendly neighborhood bouncers tried to kick everyone out.

It was late and we continued to reminisce about the last four years as we made our way back from the bar. I could barely keep upright, and neither could Jasper. We both had an arm around each other trying to support one another while we stumbled along the back alleys toward our apartment. Both of us slurring, and laughing as we swapped stories about ridiculous things.

"Do you…remember when you brought that chick home sophomore year who screamed, 'Fucker, fucker, fucker' at the top of her lungs when you went down on her?" Jasper asked me, slurring his words as he stopped walking, placing his other hand on my chest. "That ch-chick," he slapped his hand on my chest at each word that came out of his mouth, "was in-sane!"

I snorted remembering her and shook my head in disbelief.

"She was crazy...I have no idea what I was thinking?"

"She was a red-head! I bet you, you couldn't get a red-head that night!" he exclaimed. "Don't you remember?"

He was surprised I hadn't remembered, but I had. I also remembered that it was one of the worst nights of my life. I didn't want to take her home, she was kind of a bitch, and when I fucked her she scratched the shit out of my back and tore apart my bed along with screaming obscenities at the top of her lungs. There was no way I could ever have forgotten that. That was another weird night, that one. Jasper had goaded me into picking her up, and of course the other guys went along with him, and I'd like to say I had a choice, but I wasn't so sure. It had been awhile since I had fucked someone, and they said they were doing me a favor. Needless to say, I never agreed to one of their "favors" ever again.

I was holding Jasper upright with one arm, while he was leaning into me, his head at my chest. He slowly looked up at me, and I felt a shift in the air, like when you can feel the denseness in the atmosphere right before a storm comes. His eyes were filled with such sadness, the only thought I had was that I wished I could read his mind, feeling a need to comfort him again. I tightened my hold on him a little, making sure he wouldn't fall. The moon was full and bright, and I was surprised that I could see it overhead in the city at this time of night. We stood in the alley, inches apart from each other and the warm spring air did nothing to stop my chills. Trembling a little, I continued to look into his melancholy eyes.

"I never thought you'd go through with it," Jasper said quietly, breaking the silence of the night. "She wasn't your type…that's why I picked her."

"Why would you do that?" My heart was racing, thundering in my ears. He shifted his grip around my shoulder and brought himself upright, only inches from my face, his expression full of pain.

He shook his head ever so slightly, and furrowed his eyebrows in concentration, like he was weighing a heavy decision. My breaths became quick and labored as my chest rose and fell, trying to get air into my lungs.

"I don't know what it is with you…" he whispered, and I felt his warm breath on my cheek.

I wanted to push away, get out from his arms, but it was like I was frozen in time, as though this wasn't really happening in this moment, and then I thought back to earlier this evening, and the feeling I had while I watched him and he watched me. The buzzing sound in my ears was filtering the rest of the world out, and there was nothing else, but him and my thoughts. I didn't understand where this feeling was coming from, but that familiar feeling from hours ago, came rushing back. He was my best friend, and there was no one else in this world that I was closer to. We shared everything, we spent every waking moment with each other. In four short years, we had created a perfect symbiotic relationship. One built on friendship, laughs, trust and love.

"I'm not ga—"

"I know." I cut him off because I knew what he was going to say, the same thoughts were running through my head. I loved Jasper, probably more than anyone else in my life, apart from my parents. We never spoke of this; we both just knew undeniably that we had something special. I never wondered if Jasper was gay, as I'm sure he never wondered if I was, because we weren't, but that didn't stop me from loving him in my own way. When it came to us, it was all grey, there was no black and white. We both knew that.

I looked in his eyes, and there was a hunger there now, and I wondered if the same look was reflecting back in my eyes.

"What does this mean?" he asked, almost begging me to give him some answers, but all I could do was shake my head while never breaking our gaze. I could feel his chest pumping up and down against my own, his breaths heavy like mine. His tongue slowly slid from his mouth, and I watched him lick his lips in anticipation. That god damn tongue again. I had no idea what he was expecting, fuck, I had no idea what to expect.

"I've never…" he said shaking his head back and forth, his gaze focusing on my mouth and I shivered as I realized what we were about to do. I didn't know if I wanted to, but I wasn't sure I didn't want to either. I was leaving tomorrow night, to move across the country. Our idealistic symbiosis was coming to an end in less than twenty-four hours. It had been a hard reality ever since my acceptance letter arrived in the mail. Neither of us talked about what this meant, choosing to ignore it instead. Missing Jasper was not something I was prepared for, not something that had entered into my train of thoughts. It was something I didn't want to admit to myself, and I knew, unquestionably, he had been thinking the same thing, each of us avoiding it like a disease that threatened to tear us apart. The only hint I got from him in the past few weeks was the constant picking of his guitar. There was a constant barrage of Nick Drake echoing from his door, while I in turn, played Debussy relentlessly on my piano.

While the alcohol pumped through our veins, giving us the courage neither of us would ever have had without it, we were forcing ourselves to figure this out. I had never kissed a man, but I stood here in the darkness of the alley with the only person my heart truly trusted, and my heart ached for him, and my stomach flipped, tossing and turning, so that I had to steady myself against the brick wall behind me.

"Me neither," I whispered.

He closed his eyes, exhaling slowly and I could smell the faint trace of tequila and mint on his breath. His hair had fallen forward from behind his ears, the humidity of the night causing it to curl a little. I noticed a tiny white scar just above his left eyebrow that I had never seen before, and I felt on overwhelming urge to lean forward and press my lips against it. So I did. Leaning forward ever so slightly, I placed my lips on his brow while he let out a staggering breath against my neck. It caused my skin to burn, sending a blaze throughout my body. I kept my lips there for just a moment, reveling in the feel of him.

"Fffuck," he said slowly, turning his head into the side of my neck, rubbing his nose along the side of it up to my jaw. "What are we doing," he whispered, more of a statement than a question.

Slowly, I removed my lips from his brow, still feeling his warm breath on my face, and I opened my eyes to see that his mouth was inches from my own. The same mouth I'd known for years, but not until tonight had I really looked at it. His lips were thin, yet wide and smooth, and I watched in complete fascination as his tongue slowly slipped out licking his bottom lip in expectation for what we were about to do.

We both had stopped breathing, waiting for the other to make the next move, and I felt a spark of heat rush through my body, ending at the unexpected place between my legs. My face flamed hot from the emotions that were running over me and the embarrassment to the reaction of my cock from his nearness. A man had never gotten me hard…and this was such a surprise that I wasn't sure if this was really happening.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This was about all my brain could muster. Between the alcohol and the turmoil of my body and mind, I was unsure of what to do, but all the while loving the sensations that were quietly surfacing.

Instinct made me lean in closer and brush my lips against his while my heart skidded to a halt. His lips were harder than a woman's and the scent of his cologne was such a different smell, it was earthy not flowery like I was used to…like I had smelled only hours ago. But none of this mattered, because whatever the differences, I wanted this, I could feel every inch of my body screaming for it.

I felt his tongue slip out and when it touched my lips, I gasped from the surprise, but willingly opened my mouth despite my hesitation. We both moaned at the contact and I could feel the moisture from his lips and the heat from his breath as his tongue swept over mine. My hand fisted the back of his shirt, while the other went to his hair, gripping it tightly and pushing him deeper into my mouth, forcing my tongue into his. We battled, both wanting to feast on what we had denied ourselves all these years.

Jasper pushed himself up against me and having nowhere else to go, with the brick wall up against my back, I felt his cock press against my thigh. The sensation was alien and startled me a little, but as he moved, his hip grazed against my own hardness and I let out an involuntary moan from the pressure. His hand found its way to my belt and started to pull the end through my belt loops to undo it.

My heart was pounding as I realized what he was about to do, and for a split second I hesitated while my breath caught, but his hip made contact with my painfully erect cock again, and I threw caution to the wind. Driving my tongue into his mouth, I grasped his hips and desperately pulled them against me for more friction. Were we really going to dothisin an alley?My thoughts rang out in my head while I tried to rationalize with my body. But just as I was realizing it was futile to argue with my cock, the back door to one of the bars swung open splashing the alley with light. A stout man walked out tossing a bag of garbage into a dumpster while he lit up a cigarette.

The spell was broken and we jumped apart from one another, each of us hissing at the loss of contact. I sunk down against the brick wall trying to get myself under control while Jasper turned his back to me placing his hands on his head. The man gave a simple wave to Jasper, but didn't notice me in the shadows of the alley. Jasper started pacing in circles, keeping his hands on his head while trying to get his breathing under control. An extremely painful minute later, someone from the restaurant yelled out to the man, and he cursed, flicking his cigarette to the pavement while walking back into the bar.

Jasper let out a huge sigh while turning on the heel of his cowboy boot to face me, arms still raised over his head. I could see the effect of our little session and I couldn't help but smirk.

"Fucking hell," he exhaled, rubbing his hands over his face. He bent down, leaning on his heels placing his head in his hands. If he was feeling anything like I was, he would be trying to soothe the rawness on his chin and lips from my stubble. My face was inflamed and tingling from the little bit of peach fuzz Jasper had, so I could only imagine what he was feeling from my scruff. Is this what women went through? And I started to chuckle at my revelation.

"It's not fucking funny," he snapped at me, and I stopped laughing.

"Well, what the fuck do you want me to do? You think this is sunshine and roses for me?" I asked incredulously, glaring back at him from the shadows.

"Why the hell were you laughing then?" He looked up at me, his expression one of annoyance. I defiantly lifted my chin, holding his stare. I wasn't about to take the blame for what had just happened, we were both equally responsible.

Part of his face was cast in shadow, but his mouth was in full light and I could see the corners of his mouth start to tug into a smile. I couldn't help but start laughing again, as did he.

"We're in an alley," I offered. "A disgusting, fucking alley, and we just kissed. What. The. Fuck?" I said with astonishment in my voice. "What the hell are we doing?" I ran a hand over my mouth, reliving the touch of his lips on mine.

His smile faltered, and immediately I felt terrible for what I had said.

"It's just this—"

"It's okay…don't," he said standing up, running his hands through his hair again, tugging at the ends of it. He turned from me, and started walking away.

"Wait…that's not what I meant." I ran to catch up with him. "It's just…it's just this isn't the place..." I grabbed his arm, turning him to face me, "...you know…for this," I finished quietly.

"What do you want to do?" he asked, his face masked in pain.

We were both so confused. I couldn't make sense of any of it, but all I knew was that somehow this wasn't over. And maybe it was still the alcohol in my bloodstream, but I had never felt this way with anyone.

"I don't know." He started to turn from me. "I don't!" I said quickly. "But I do know, this isn't over, is it?"

He bent his head forward, taking a deep breath and let it all out before speaking. "No," he whispered.

"Let's go home and figure this out." I wasn't sure if that meant we were going to continue where we had left off or if we were going to really talk this through, but I didn't want this to all go down in this disgusting alley. He nodded his head in agreement, and we walked the rest of the way home, not speaking another word.

We got up to the front step of the old apartment building, the light in the front foyer was out again, and we were enveloped in blackness. He turned to me just as he was about to open the door, his head was down and he was swinging the keys on his thumb, catching them each time they swung around.

"Look," he said with one final flick of the keys, "before we go inside and face each other in the reality of our apartment, I just want you to know…I don't regret it. At all." His head was still down and he scuffed his boot on the mat. "I don't know what's going to happen…I…I just wanted you to know that."

I wasn't sure why, but his words caused my heart to soar just a little. I was so relieved he had said that, because I knew I was feeling the same way, and I was impressed he was brave enough to admit it. The least I could do was be honest as well. Whatever happened tonight, in this moment, I didn't care, and I needed him to know that.

"Me neither," I said quietly in return. He lifted his head, and even though I couldn't see his face, for some strange reason I knew he was smiling. I grabbed his hand that was holding the keys and took them from him, giving his hand a little squeeze. Opening the door, I said, "Come on," and held the door open for him.

"You're holding the door for me now?" He snorted at my gesture, pushing past me into the blackness of the foyer.

I couldn't believe that only a few minutes ago, Jasper was unbuckling my belt, and I had a raging hard on from his touch. What the hell were we doing? What the hell would we have done? Would he have sucked my cock? Would I have let him? Yes, I absolutely fucking would have. Would I still let him?I wasn't sure, but I was possibly willing to find out again.

We got to the door of our apartment and light was spilling under the doorway, which I knew was not a good sign. Jasper and I never left the lights on in our apartment, we paid for electricity and that was something we were always conscious about. Jasper groaned placing his head on the door while I heard shouts coming from inside.

"Fuck," he growled turning his head to look at me apologetically. "I might have told the guys to meet us back here. I forgot."

I wasn't sure if I was relieved or pissed off, perhaps a little of both, but this night and all it encompassed was over, that much I knew. The guys would stay here until dawn, and I would leave in a few short hours after that. Maybe Jasper and I had just been caught up in the moment, because standing in front of our door with our friends on the other side, all of my feelings and curiosities from a few minutes ago were gone. In their place was the hard truth of who we were, and the guilt and shame of what we had just done caused my stomach to turn. I was not about to fuck up my life for a fleeting feeling or drunk curiosities. The shouts and laughter from the other side of the door brought me crashing back to reality and it was like hitting that brick wall all over again. I was sober, not just from the alcohol but from the lust induced haze and excitement from the alley. This was who we were, we did not have room in our lives for the other parts of ourselves.

I looked at the door, because I could no longer look at Jasper, and I reached up to peel a piece of the crackling paint from it. "It's okay," I said indifferently, "this is how it should be." From my periphery, I saw him close his eyes.

He took one last deep breath, his face etched in confusion. "Okay," he breathed out and we stood there for a moment, while I continued to pick the paint off the door. He reached his hand up to do the same, his pinkie finger just barely grazing mine and I watched, while holding my breath, as he stretched it out, gently caressing my finger in return. Closing my eyes, I let out a deep, but staggered, breath as he did the same. Before I could say anything more, his hand grasped the door handle twisting it open breaking any connection that we had shared.

"What the fuck do you think you guys are doing?" he yelled at our friends who happened to be sprawled out on the couches drinking our beer and playing video games. "You better have saved me some beer!"

"It's about fucking time, yah pussies! Where the hell've you been?" was the response Jasper got.

I walked into the kitchen, pulling two beers from the fridge, preparing myself for the onslaught of the rest of the night. This is how it's supposed to be,I said to myself one last time before joining the others.

~*~Present Day~*~

I couldn't believe I had remembered every detail of that night with perfect clarity. We were sitting at a table with a few pitchers of beer in front of us, and I hadn't really been paying attention to what everyone was saying. I was pretending to quietly listen while everyone filled me in on their lives and what they had been doing. I should have been listening, because they were only playing catch up for my benefit, but instead, my thoughts had wandered back to that night, and I was mortified at the feelings it was stirring in me all over again.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, trying to cover up the slight bulge in my jeans, placing a napkin in my lap. From the corner of my eye, I felt Jasper's stare and my face reddened while I tried to avoid his gaze. I cleared my throat, which was a mistake because the attention turned to me and the others wanted to know what was happening in my life. I was reluctant to talk about it, but decided it was probably a good idea to change the subject and keep my brain from wandering back to that night. So I filled them in on my job and my kids, and glossed over my wife and our lives without any of them knowing the wiser.

It wasn't long and the pleasantries were over, and we were all right back to where we were eight years ago, cracking jokes and taking the piss out of everyone. The evening wore on with good food, good drinks, good laughter…and good friends, and never once did I think back to that night for fear of rehashing anything that could get myself into trouble. This was how it's supposed to be, I reminded myself, but as I briefly looked over at Jasper, it was as if I was right back in that hallway peeling the paint off the door wondering 'what if.'