"Anything that's human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone." - Fred Rogers
"There is, in every event, whether lived or told, always a hole or a gap, often more than one. If we allow ourselves to get caught in it, we find it opening onto a void that, once we have slipped into it, we can never escape." - Brian Evenson
The Spyro and Cynder Adventures: The Dominion of Deismo
Chapter 3: Filling a Void
It was often said amongst Warfangian warriors that is was dishonorable to let personal feelings and memories get in the way of being an effective warrior. Serving the city and the kingdom surmounted all else. While warriors in service of the kingdom were allowed to possess families, they were not to distract from their duties.
Either way, Peron Gratian's clan was making him next to dysfunctional.
Fathers were meant to be leaders of their households, but also being just that...fathers. Fathers were meant to be a role model, a guide and a nurturer for their children and mates.
How could Peron even begin to fulfill these roles when his mate was dead and his son gone?
The Elder Fire Dragon sighed and set his head on the desk in front of him. It had been a long week, and the stress didn't seem to end. Peron had been set in charge of refugee housing, and that making sure each of the survivors were comfortable and being cared for during their time in the Dragon City. For some of them, it would be a permanent transition. Peron himself had no plans to resurrect Draxis. Even when...if they defeated Kameron, the settlement had always been in some sort of turmoil. Wildlife, bandits and other raiders always seemed to threaten the village. Richter had thought otherwise, but the Village was situated in the heart of the wilderness and both Peron and Belinda had sought to shelter their youth from the dangers of the wild.
The Bloodclaws had been proof of that.
Peron's last few nights had been...haunted by the sight of his mate impaled on the end of Kameron's scimitar. He shook his head and pounded his paw on the table, tears already reaching his eyes.
Understandingly, the Fire Elder blamed himself for her death, unable to to come to terms with it.
"By the Spirits...if I had just been a little faster, if I had just done...something…! She'd be here with us, still urging us along. Telling Richter, 'It'll be alright, young one. We'll get through this. All three of us, together as one," thought Peron to himself, self-victimizing his actions.
There was a slight knock on the door outside of his study at this point, much to the Fire Elder's surprise. He murmured a quiet, "Enter, come in," but did not raise his head off of the desk.
The metal scraped on the door as the door knob was turned and Peron heard a set of paws coming across the room to meet him as the individual entered the room.
"Brother, I have news that you must-" said the voice, cutting himself off when he saw the Fire Dragon's head down on his desk. The Speaker's voice was easily recognizable, it belonged to the Master Guardian, and brother-in-law to Peron.
"What brings you here, Terrador?" asked Peron, still not lifting himself off of the desk.
"Brother?" asked the Earth Guardian inquisitively, "What ails you?"
Peron sighed as he tried to find the right words to answer his question. Terrador had taken to calling Peron 'Brother' since they had met a few weeks prior. Now one of only two of his surviving clan members, the other being his nephew in Richter, Terrador had both attended to Peron's every need and had lead the search effort to find Richter. Needless to say, neither had yet to see much success.
"Peron?" Terrador asked again, breaking the Fire Elder away from his thoughts.
Peron looked up at the Master Guardian now, his facial features a mess from insomnia, overworking and stress. "My failures," said the Fire Elder simply.
Terrador, realizing immediately what the Fire Elder was referencing, grunted and sat down on a neighboring set of cushions in the room. The pair were silent for what seemed to be a long time.
Eventually, Terrador spoke up, "Have I ever told you the story of The Fall of Shattered Vale?"
Peron shook his head. He had heard Belinda's side of the story, but not the Master Guardian's.
Terrador nodded and continued, "As you know, I was the Captain of the Guard in Shattered Vale for quite some time before I was selected as the Earth Apprentice. I knew many of my brothers in that order and they were my extended family for a long while. They were quite upset when I announced that I was leaving for the Dragon City and that I would not be returning for quite some time. When I left that city, I left behind a part of myself. What I didn't tell them at the time was that I was to never return. As I'm sure you're aware, Guardianship is a lifelong commitment. You must put aside all else and purely focus on the defense and governing of the city, her assets and her people. That means that you can never take a mate, have a family or father children. If you have children before you become a Guardian, than you may still take care of them, but the city still comes first."
Terrador paused at this point, taking a deep breath and letting everything he had said sink in for the Fire Elder, who seemed to simply take everything in stride.
Receiving no questions from the Draxisian, Terrador continued, "It was in the middle of the war when I recieved the summons, directly from Ignitus. He informed me after Spyro left to find the Chronicler that the village was under siege by an unknown force. I was told that I was to be put in charge of the defense of the city. I was to bring several dozen troops and help defend it from whatever was invading our outlying territories. So...that's exactly what I did. I rounded up my best soldiers and took flight to the city that I once called home for over two decades. The flight took longer than expected and we ended getting there later than we intended and what we had been ordered to do."
He stopped at this point and looked up at Peron. He was clearly struggling to even recall the faintest details of the ordeal, which hinted at details that he did not wish to discuss, but deemed necessary for this account.
Looking back up at Peron, the Earth Guardian said, "I suppose you heard the report on the final fate of the Shattered Vale."
Peron nodded and closed his eyes, remembering the day that he had been informed of the final days of the village. "I was made aware almost a week after the time that you made it to the village. Runners were sent from the Dragon City to each of the outlying settlements detailing what had happened there," said Peron slowly, trying to avoid any unnecessary details, "Needless to say, the city was…"
"Gone," stated Terrador bluntly.
Peron looked up at the Master Guardian at this point, confused to the point as to why he was bringing up this story. Everyone knew the account of Shattered Vale. The city had been attacked by the Dark Master's forces, Dark Apes and Grublins alike. Not a single occupant had survived, they had all been slaughtered by the Dark ones. Including most of Terrador's family.
What was he getting at?
"I thought I'd lost everyone that day," said Terrador, braking the Fire Elder from his thoughts, "My father, my mother, Belinda and my fellow members of the corps. We searched for days, but no one had survived the ambush. Not a single soul."
Terrador stopped completely at this point. The emotions were too much, even for the hardened warrior that he had become. It was in that moment that Peron understood the Master Guardian. Peron had never thought highly of the Guardians. They acted as a ruling oligarchy over Warfang and her people, without much democratic or free rule within the city. He had considered them a detriment to Warfangian society, a group of aging dragons that knew nothing about the real world around them and simply made decisions that best suited their own agendas.
The truth was...they were individuals, just like everyone else. Terrador was proof of that. He wished to make the decisions that best suited everyone around him, not his own agendas or interests. He cared. And that was...calming.
What Peron still did not understand was why the Earth Guardian was sharing this story with him again.
"I know all of this, Terrador, "said Peron, stroking a paw down his chin, "But...why tell me this again? What makes you want to say all of this?"
Terrador sighed deeply at this point, silently contemplating this for a moment. He said simply, "Do you remember what I said when I first came into this room?"
"You said you had news for me," replied Peron, highly confused.
"We've found Belinda's remains," said Terrador simply.
Peron's maw dropped. Terrador had sent out a search team into enemy territory simply to recover his mate's body?
"Terrador...I-I don't know what to say. This is...unexpected," said the Fire Elder, trying to find the right words amidst his shock, "The least she deserves is a proper burial...a celebration of her life. It's...all I have left. Thank you."
Terrador smiled lightly and simply nodded. He stood up out of the cushions and began moving towards the door. Turning around for a moment before he exited, he said, "You deserve this much at least. I never got the chance to enjoy a real life, Peron. cherish what remains and hold onto the things that you have left. The one thing you hold most dear.
"You mean-"
The Fire Elder was cut off as a sudden and loud series of knocks were issued at the door. Raising an eye ridge, Peron nodded at Terrador, who proceeded to open the door.
Outside stood a hunched over and heavily breathing cheetah. It was Meadow, friend to Hunter and fellow tracker that had been sent out after their arrival in Warfang.
"Master Guardian...Peron...I-I have...news…" said the Avalarian Cheetah, clearly out of breath.
"Calm yourself, Meadow," said Terrador, "Take deep breaths and only speak when you've recovered."
Meadow nodded quickly and attempted to calm himself. After a few moments of heavy breathing, Meadow nodded. "Sir...I have news that you'd both want to hear," he said briskly, not wasting any time.
"Go ahead, then," replied the Master Guardian.
Meadow nodded and continued, "I just received a note from Hunter's falcon. It's in his handwriting, sirs...I think you need to see it."
Taking a small note from his paw, he passed it to the Master Guardian. Intrigued, Terrador began reading it. After a few moments, his eyes shot out of their sockets and his maw dropped.
"What? What is it, Terrador?" said Peron, wanting to know more.
Without another word, Terrador briskly passed the note to his brother-in-law, who took his gladly.
What met the Fire Elder's eyes would set the tone for the rest of his day.
Meadow
I found him.
Richter awoke groggily the next morning, sleeping outside without a sleeping cot or cushions was clearly not the best for his head. Groaning, the Earth Dragon stood up and took a look around. The fire had, unsurprisingly, gone out sometime after he had fallen asleep. Only slight embers amongst charred log remains still lay in the scorched earth. It seemed that the rain has stopped as well, although the grass and underbrush outside of the slight hillside that Richter had slept under still looked damp. The sun was out now, casting bright rays down onto the Earth Dragon. He squinted as he looked up and scooted further back into the small outcropping that he found himself under. Taking his attention away from the sky, he shifted his attention back to the campsite in front of him, pondering where he would go next.
It was a sight the Earth Dragon had grown accustomed to, the remains of a campsite. Over the years, Richter and his friends had gone adventuring out into the forests surrounding their village and had always made camp in places like this one. Whenever they had gone out though, they had always kept the Draxis walls in sight. That had been his father's terms, the only reason Richter had been allowed to explore. He hadn't understood that until now; his younger self had always assumed that he and his friends lived within a serene and self-guarded place. He'd assumed that the dangers of the outside world were far off; there was no need to remain on his guard at all times.
Richter shook his head. If only that had been true.
He sighed and pushed the continued thoughts from his mind. He stood up slowly, his muscles aching from having slept on grass and stones for the night. He moved to stomp out the last remains of the fire.
And then, there was a crack.
It wasn't a loud crack, but it was audible enough to be heard. Richter stopped and stayed absolutely still. He listened, trying to hear it again. But, nothing else came. He waited for almost a full minute before shaking his head and continuing to dispose of the fire.
"You're keeping better than I thought."
Richter spun around and stomped on the ground in reflex, sending a pillar up near where he heard the voice come from. The figure that had spoken jumped out of the way, only tearing a hole in his red cloak in the process.
Richter looked down as he realized who it was. "Hunter...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"
The cheetah sighed and picked himself up off of the ground. He dusted his cloak off for a moment before looking up at Richter and crossing his arms. He was silent for a moment before saying, "Expecting someone, Richter?"
The Earth Dragon looked away, ashamed, "Indeed," he said, "someone less desirable than you."
The cheetah nodded and sighed again, but did not draw Richter's attention. The Earth Dragon heard his paws scrape against the ground as he sat down near the remains of his campsite.
Hunter's voice came again, "Do you know how long you've been gone?" Richter remained silent, his shame and embarrassment rising, "Eight days."
"I've kept track," responded Richter as he turned around to look at the cheetah.
Hunter looked back at him, returning his gaze. The cheetah's light blue eyes showed wear, exhaustion, loss of hope, but also a deep caring that Richter hadn't seen before. It was immediately apparent that Hunter had been tracking him since the moment he had left Warfang.
Hunter breathed heavily and put a paw to his face, rustling his fur. He spoke suddenly, "It was your father that sent out the order to track you down."
"I'm not surprised," replied Richter, realizing the awkwardness of their continued conversation, "I assume they already know that you found me."
"Indeed," replied Hunter, looking back up at him.
"What will you do about it, Hunter?" said the Earth Dragon, sitting down across the campfire from him.
Hunter was silent at this question for a few moments, but broke the silence and said, "I think that's the question you must answer, Richter."
Richter nodded and looked away. It wasn't that he didn't want to go back. It was that he didn't think he could go back. His father would make sure to make his life a living nightmare upon his return. Niere and Tyron both likely felt betrayed at his departure. Who even knew what Terrador felt about this situation?
Tamara.
Richter looked back at Hunter. "I plan to return with you to Warfang. My penance has gone on long enough"
"Penance?" replied Hunter, "Is that how you're going to phrase it?"
"What else would I call it?" said Richter, scraping the dirt under his paw, "This whole ordeal has taught me to trust no one."
"We all have our secrets, Richter," said the cheetah simply.
"Oh, so you're the child of some god as well, then?" he replied, slightly angry with Hunter.
"I was once seen as a traitor to my kin," said the cheetah, looking away, reminiscing.
"But some good came out of that. You solidified an alliance between Prowlus and Warfang. An alliance that has only been beneficial to both sides."
"Prowlus might be inclined to disagree with you, but that is an accurate statement. However, this instance doesn't have to be different than mine."
"I left her, Hunter," replied the Earth Dragon, pounding a fisted paw against the ground, "Even after...I said the words."
"You never heard her response, Richter," said Hunter, crossing his arms as he leaned up against the cave wall, "You don't even know what she thinks about you."
Richter waved a paw in defiance, "I don't need to know. She hates me for this, I know it."
"She hasn't shown her face in a week, Richter," said the cheetah, much to the shock of the Earth Dragon, "She's been silent every time one of us try to approach her, hasn't said a word to anyone, only sits in her dormitory and...cries."
Richter stood up, his eyes ablaze with emotion. "We're going."
Hunter stood up, nodding.
"Back to Warfang."
The flight back wasn't as long as Richter had anticipated, even with Hunter following on foot. He hadn't stayed far from the city, having kept it in visual distance. The only way he'd been able to avoid the search parties for so long was his careful attempts to cover his tracks. Even Hunter had had difficulty finding him for this reason.
Either way, Richter's mind was processing thoughts at a million every moment, trying to conjure up the ways his friends would react to his return.
He was, however, keeping a certain Ice Dragoness out of his mind for the time being.
As the city came closer and and closer to being upon them, Richter could see Hunter signalling him from below, telling the Earth Dragon that he wanted him to land. He waved and began to descend, wondering why the tracker wished to speak with him before he he entered Warfang.
Hunter was leaning against a nearby fence post as the Earth Dragon landed back down in front of him. Something else appeared to be on his mind.
Looking up, his cloak still spread over his face, he said, "Before you enter the city, there's something that you need to know. I will be taking you tom your father and uncle, and then leaving you."
"You won't be staying for the subsequent bombardment?" asked Richter, slightly unhappy about this revelation.
Hunter simply shook his head. "This is a personal matter," he said, his blue eyes staring at Richter, "This isn't something I should be involved with. It's not my place."
Richter simply nodded and motioned towards the city as he said, "I understand. Let's just get this reunion over with."
Hunter nodded and whistled up towards the wall, hoping to draw a guard's attention. A few minutes later, the pair walked silently through the main avenue of the city. No one seemed to pay them much attention, surprisingly. Hunter was well known for being the tracker that had found Spyro and Cynder. It might just be that he had his cloak over his head. a way to conceal his identity.
Richter found himself observing the individuals around him. There was a different aura in the air now than there had been the first time he had been to the Dragon City. The individuals all looked the same, but there was something different about them. The same cheer was still present, the friends and families that walked by the Earth Dragon were still laughing, playing and enjoying each other's company. The sounds of merchants from a nearby market still sounded the same, they were still selling the same products.
But the changes...they were there.
The residents, they were walking more briskly, hunched over more, trying to keep a more low profile. Richter could see some wearing gauntlets, tail guards and other sets of armour. Sounds of hammering metal and sharpening blades could be heard. echoing throughout the city.
Warfang was preparing for war.
Richter shook his head sadly at the thought. The residents of the Dragon City had been living in fear for far too long. When would they see the end of this era of war and strife?
After a short walk, the pair reached the steps leading to the Dragon Temple. Hunter look over his shoulder and said, "Both your father and your uncle are waiting inside. Let us proceed." Richter simply nodded and started ascending the steps.
Thoughts continued to race through Richter's mind as he and the cheetah ascended the steps, entered the Temple and continued to the door that lead to the Guardian's Quarters. With a slight nod, Hunter opened the door.
His father sat on his haunches, speaking to Terrador, as they entered the room. Both seemed to be oblivious to the pair's entry when they first opened the door. As approached, his movement spurned his father's vision.
His father turned to him slowly, as if time had been slowed. As his eyes met his son's, emotions seemed to flow through his expressions. Elation at first turned to disbelief, which quickly continued into near-rage. He approached Richter at that point, and did something he had never done to Richter before.
He struck the Earth Dragon across the face, sending him flying a short distance across the floor. He yelped in pain and remained on the ground for a short while, completely in shock. Terrador and Hunter both gasped in disbelief, but neither intervened.
Richter then looked up at his father, completely shocked, unable to speak. His father stared down at him, anger fueling his blue eyes with what almost looked like hate shimmering in them.
Peron spoke then, issuing the harshest tone that he had ever spoken to his son. "How could you?" he shouted at the Earth Dragon, his voice ablaze with emotion, "You've betrayed both the memory of your mother and I. When you could have been here, supporting the refugees, your friends and family, you instead chose to run away."
Richter, barely able to speak, said softly, "I-I...was...I felt be-betrayed, sir. It came as a shock."
"Tamara's true heritage was a shock to us all," his father roared, "But that gave you no reason to disappear for over a week. We needed you here, and yet you let us all down. How could you do this to us? They all depend on us, Richter, you and I! The Gratian Clan has been the guiding force of Draxis for decades, and in the moment that they need you most, you let them all down. I can't do this anymore with you, Richter! You need to decide, whether you want to continue on the honorable path that I've set you on, or continue on this path of self-destruction. I can't deal with it anymore."
Richter looked at the ground, silent. He had no words, had nothing to express why he had done what he had done. There was nothing he could say to make up for his mistake. It had been in a moment of weakness, a moment that he had been overcome by emotion.
He was weak, unworthy of this.
He stood up off of the ground, bowed his head and turned around to leave the room. His father, understanding of what he was doing, made no move to stop the Earth Dragon as he retreated through the doors to the Guardian Chambers and down the stairs to the main vestibule of the Dragon Temple. Silently, he continued down to the bottom floor and began to make his way towards the dorm that had been arranged for him before he had left a week prior.
He shook his head, tears starting to roll from his eyes. His father had never reacted as such, had never treated him in such a way. Richter had always been Peron's "first and best hope" in both "continuing on my legacy" and "honoring the Gratian clan name". However, at this moment in time, he felt unworthy of all of it.
What would Belinda think? His mother, even as supportive as she had been of him? She would be unfazed by Tamara's revelation, but what would she have done about the betrayal of her only son?
Richter shook his head again and collapsed to the floor outside of his dorm, unwilling to make the trip down the hallway to sob on his bed. There was no comfort to a traitor like him, there couldn't be. He didn't deserve to be in these hallowed walls, no traitor did.
He couldn't have felt more alone, more useless in that moment.
"R-Richter?" said a feminine voice, coming from above the Earth Dragon. He looked up, and what graced his eyes would turn his head upside down.
Tamara.
A/N: I'm going to be upfront about this, before you leave a review, or pass over to your next story.
This chapter is, by far and away, the worst chapter I have ever typed since I began this series.
I'm not at all happy with how this turned out. I could have taken this any other way and I would have been probably much happier with how it would have went. I'm all out of inspiration with this story, this series, beloved reader. I have completely run out of ideas and development for where I want to take this story. It's been dead in the water for months now and the only reason I finished it was to make sure you all got a taste of what I'm going through right now, when it comes to this series.
TSCA is not over, but I'm most likely going to take a very long hiatus from this story, at least until I can find the inspiration to begin it again.
I'm sorry, dear reader, because I'm letting you down. But I can't write this anymore, I'm just out of juice. I hope you can understand.
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