A/N: I can't begin to thank you guys enough for the major ego boost you guys provide. The alerts, the reviews, man! I'm feeling pretty happy!
Disclaimer: The title of the story and the titles of the chapters belong to Howie Day. Also, if you didn't know this already, I don't own Castle or any of the characters- ABC and Andrew Marlow do.
The look on her face told him everything he needed to know. He thought he could coerce the Captain to let her have some time off. What surprised him was that Montgomery agreed. With everything that happened lately, he suggested that time off was a good thing. When he pressed the Captain as to what exactly he was talking about, he didn't say anything and that she should tell him herself.
This was the side that he knew nothing about. Actually now that he really dwells on it, he doesn't know her at all. Their eyes met and for a brief second, he thought he saw sadness. He brushed it off as just jitters. He had never really invaded her space like this before. The captain made a joke about doctors and cops and though it pained him, he laughed anyway.
He took a moment to compose himself before facing her. The Captain opened the door and the first thing he asked about was the writer. Yeah, he was jealous. Of course he was. He would NEVER in a million years admit to anyone let alone her, but he was jealous with everything he had in him.
He plastered on a smile and walked out just in time to hear her reply. 'At home with Alexis.' It was then he realized that she knew his family. Well, even.
He walked up to her sheepishly and before he opened up his mouth she pulled him into the conference room, closing the door and the blinds behind her.
"What are you doing here Josh?" she inquired. He couldn't quite tell the tone of her voice- upset. That's what it sounded like.
"I wanted to surprise you." He dug into this the inside pocket of his bomber jacket and pulled out two airline tickets. "I know you're always talking about taking a vacation and I figured, why not? Atlantis Kate. You've been talking about since you saw that bad promo for Holiday in the Sun." He looked down into her green eyes and saw something that he hoped to never see. He had crossed a line- that invisible line that she drew in between sex and a relationship. He had fully dived into the relationship side while she, he realized had yet to cross.
"I can't believe you made plans without asking me." She said sadly. There was no anger, just sadness. "I just got a case this morning."
"You can pass the case off to your team right? Kate I'm sure they can hold down the fort without you." Josh tried to convince her. She had wanted to go for months now and he made it happen for her. He had never taken any previous girlfriend on vacation before, because he knew that eventually things wouldn't work out, but Kate was different. She was a woman of substance, of character. She was the kind of woman that he could take home to his parents and they would fall in love with her. He knew she was it for him.
But that look in her eyes told him that he wasn't it for her. He closed his eyes, hoping that he was just imagining things. He asked her that dreaded question, the one that he knew he shouldn't, but he HAD to know. "Kate," he started softly. "Do you love me?"
He looked at her intently, just waiting for an answer. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out, just a squeak. He found that to be so endearing.
It looked to him as she was trying to figure what to say. He knew then that she didn't love him, not like he loved her. He knew then, that their pseudo relationship was over. He tried to look away from her mesmerizing green eyes, but he felt more drawn to them. He knew then that he would never wake up next to her again, that green would always remind him of her, that cherries would always be her smell. He was torn between carrying on the façade of the strong man or just break down and let it all out.
The silence was deafening and it seemed like a million years passed before she responded. "I care for you Josh." She said not really looking at him, but looking through him.
He sighed and he knew what he had to do. He clenched his jaw. "I know you care for me Kate. There isn't a day that goes by where I'm not grateful for you. I thank God everyday that you walked into my life, but I want more. I know you're not ready for it. I can see it in your eyes. I don't think you'll ever be ready for it with me. That's why I know that I am NOT the one for you. You deserve to be happy Kate, really truly happy. You're just content at the moment. I love you, but love…love is a two way street."
He smiled at her sadly. He didn't want to hurt her, even though he was in blinding pain. He didn't even know if she knew how she really felt for him. All he knew was that if he didn't make the first move, then they would be stuck- content with life and not really wanting more and maybe it could grow to love someday, but someday looked bleak.
"Josh…I'm sorry." She moved to kiss him on the lips, but he backed away. He let her kiss his cheek instead. Her eyes were watery and he just wanted to kiss her face, show her love. "I don't deserve you."
He swallowed all this frustration, his sadness down to the pit of his stomach and walked out of the conference room, out of the precinct and out of her life. He knew that he would NEVER forget her because she was extraordinary.
