Chapter 3: By any means necessary.
"I can't stay."
"I didn't ask you to."
"But you want me to."
"Not particularly."
Raylani sat up in bed, pulling the sheet up around her as she did so, so that she was on a level with him.
"It's just recreation, Braca."
Shouldn't he be the one saying that?
"I doubt that either of your parents would see it that way."
Raylani got a look on her face that made him shudder, because it was one he'd seen too many times before from her father.
"My father's not here, so you can't tell him and my mother isn't that much of a hypocrite. If she can fall in love with an ex-PK, I can frell a current one without fear of recrimination. It's sex. I want it, you want it, so we have it. And you're as good as anyone, at least you didn't do it solely to win a bet."
He hadn't thought that she knew about that.
"So anyway, you can't stay, I don't want you to stay, so we don't have a problem. Leave, come back later if you want. If not, there's an end to it."
This was not going the way he'd intended it to. Did the entire Crais family exist to make his life difficult?
***
"Hey," Carma said warmly when Raylani came into the lab. "What happened?"
"Huh?" Raylani asked, confused.
"You look like you're in a good mood," Carma replied. "I thought there might be a reason."
"No reason," Raylani answered, sitting down beside her. "What did you want to talk about?"
Carma grinned, obviously in a good mood herself. "I think I'm there," she said.
The patented Crais what-are-you-talking-about look flashed over Raylani's face. "Ah," she said. "Where's that exactly?"
"The project," Carma prompted her. "I think I might have cracked it. Actually I thought that before, but I didn't want to get your hopes up. We still have to do tests, but I think we might be able to leave soon."
Raylani paused. "Do you really believe that Scorpius will just allow us to leave?" she asked.
Carma's smile faded. "All the time we've been here, I've never let myself doubt that," she said. "But...I don't know."
"And do you think that we'll really find my father? He could be anywhere, he could be dead, he could...." she didn't finish that thought.
"He could have found someone else?" Carma asked, seriously. "Yes, he could have done. But he's your father and I love him and I won't believe that until I hear it from his own mouth. We'll find him...somehow and you'll get to meet him and then...we'll see what happens."
Raylani looked thoughtful. "You really love him don't you?"
Carma smiled affectionately. "Honey, if I didn't neither of us would be here today."
"Even though he was a Peacekeeper once?"
"You can't control who you fall in love with. And a bad past doesn't necessarily mean a bad present. Why? You haven't gone and fallen for a PK have you?" Carma said, obviously joking.
"No," Raylani replied. "No...I'm not that stupid." Then, abruptly. "What was my father like when I was born?"
"You mean how did he act?"
Raylani nodded. Carma began to laugh to herself as the memories washed over her.
"Panicked is probably the best word," she said, trying to control her laughter. "I think he managed to get through the whole pregnancy without actually realising that he'd be a father at the end of it. I remember...." she broke off, mirth turning into affection. "I remember the first night. I was still in the medilab on Moya and he stayed there all night. I woke up about halfway through the sleep cycle and...he was sitting there with you in his arms, just gazing at you like you might disappear if he looked away. I don't think he ever got used to the idea that you were really there before...you weren't."
Being unusually affectionate, Raylani leant her head on her mother's shoulder. "We'll get back to him, won't we?"
Carma kissed the top of her head.
"We will. No matter how long it takes."
***
Carma surveyed the site that greeted her and wrinkled her nose. If they didn't need supplies so badly they'd never have stopped here. The whole planet was the rubbish dump of the universe by the look of it. It was dirty, hot, crowded and it stank. Raylani's first response when they'd stepped out of their craft had been to empty her stomach on the ground and it had taken all Carma's self-control not to follow suit. It was almost enough to make her wish that they'd never left the base.
They had been allowed to leave. Trials had proved successful and her work was done. They'd been given identity papers, currency and the modified transport pod that Scorpius had stolen to bring them to the base in the first place. Fortunately neither of them were innocents anymore. Carma had bartered virtually everything they possessed at the first opportunity, replacing id chips, transport and anything else she could think of that tracking devices could have been implanted into. By this time, the only things they still possessed that Scorpius could be tracking were themselves, and there was precious little that they could do about that. Neither of them really believed that their dealings with Scorpius were over, but only time would reveal if they were right.
So they were off, on their journey to reunite with Talyn, Moya and all the people that meant. It was, Carma thought, more than a little frightening. For most of her life she'd never left the planet she'd been born on. When she had, it had been with the protection offered by a leviathan gunship and a man with countless cycles' experience in survival. Now she was the one trying to keep herself and her daughter alive. She only hoped that she was equal to the task.
It had been only two weekens since they had left the base, but still the lack of leads to find Talyn was humbling. It had seemed so easy, leave the base and find Crais. Now, realising just what an impossible task it was, she was beginning to get scared. They could wander the uncharted territories for the rest of their lives and never find him. The thought was like a weight on her chest, making it hard to breath. She pushed it from her mind.
They split up. It was a stupid thing to do, she knew that, but they needed to get their supplies and get out as soon as possible. Fortunately, whatever this planet's other failings, its supplies were plentiful and its prices reasonable. She found everything that she was looking for and returned to their small craft at the ground dock.
All that was waiting for her there was a small piece of paper, written in Raylani's unmistakable hand. As she read it, all the breath left her body and she sat down before she blacked out.
'Mother. I can't go back with you, I have to leave. I can't explain now, but if we meet again someday I will then and I hope you'll understand. I'll survive. I hope you find my father again. Raylani.'
She knew it was genuine. Kidnappers in the uncharted territories didn't leave notes. They took and left, they knew you wouldn't have a hope of finding them. Confused, shocked and more frightened than ever, Carma let her calm facade crack. Tears rolling down her face, she wrapped her arms around herself and broke down.
Not so very far away, Raylani Crais wiped the tears that stubbornly insisted on coming from her eyes as she walked rapidly, keeping her head down. She'd meant what she said, she had to do this. She would rather take her chances out here than admit the truth. Her mother might understand, but her father - if they found him - never would.
He'd never accept that his first grandchild had been fathered by a man he hated as much as Captain Braca.
***
Crais' heart was heavy as he kept his mind firmly fixed on the diagnostics he was running. Now firmly sober and hating every minute of it, he had nothing to take his mind off his pain. And, to make matters worse, he now felt bitterly ashamed. If Carma were still alive somewhere, what would she think of him recreating with Aeryn? He suspected that she would understand if he had found someone else, but not Aeryn. She was too close to home and there was too much history between them. For a microt, he almost hoped that she never came back to find out what a mess he'd made of his life since she'd been pulled from it. Almost.
Aeryn had chosen to return to Moya when they had last met up with her. Now sober herself, he suspected that she felt she'd dishonoured Crichton's memory as much as he felt he'd dishonoured Carma's. They'd made no formal parting, it was as if the last tie had been dissolved. They had nothing more to say to each other.
Now alone again, he'd begun to miss the companionship offered by the transponder. He still stuck to his decision not to take it again, but it was difficult. Especially since it meant that he couldn't communicate with Talyn directly. It meant wasting precious microts giving orders instead of acting himself.
When Talyn signalled to him, he had to study the sensor readouts to discover what Talyn was trying to draw his attention to. It was a small craft, not one of any style he was familiar with. It was about the same size as a transport pod and didn't appear armed. Having obviously noticed Talyn, it neither turned nor ignored him. It appeared to manoeuvre as if it wanted to dock. He tried hailing the occupant, but received no reply. Curious, although wary, he allowed it to dock. Grabbing his pulse pistol and giving Talyn strict instructions not to open the bay door before he arrived, he strode quickly down the corridors. He just hoped he didn't regret this decision.
As the bay doors opened, he went in, weapon at the ready. The sight that met him made the pistol fall from his limp fingers and hit the floor. Fortunately, he'd put the safety on.
"Hello," Carma said simply.
***
He was still looking at her, she could feel his eyes on her. Pretending not to notice, she passed a hand briefly over the tiny swell of her stomach. So she'd survive, would she? Yes, but she'd never realised how.
At least he was Sebacean. Not that Peacekeeper ideas of irreversible contamination had ever really penetrated, but there was comfort in familiarity. She knew what to expect. Plus no claws, or fins or any of the other horrors that she'd seen in the brief few weeks she'd been working here. With luck, he'd be no threat to her or her baby, whatever he wanted to do.
So she was a server. Officially serving drinks to the men of varying degrees of disrepute who frequented this bar. Unofficially performing other duties as well. Although how unofficial it could be when everybody knew about it and she didn't have a choice, she didn't know. She'd been captured and brought here as a slave. She'd work until no one would have her anymore, no way out.
Still, there was no use in crying about it. This male didn't look quite as hardened as some of the others she had seen and she'd survive it. Really, in different circumstances, she might have thought him quite handsome. He was likely an ex-PK. Black leathers, long hair pulled back into a tail. But a rough one, not a neat Peacekeeper-issue one. Tall, well built. Hopefully wealthy. And he'd been watching her all night, with the most curious look on his face.
She caught his eye for a microt and he signalled her to approach. Sighing and squaring her shoulders, she moved towards his table in a dimly-lit corner of the bar.
"Can I do anything for you, sir?" she asked. Might as well get it over with.
He leaned forward. He seemed to be studying her face. "What's your name?" he asked.
She stiffened. That was an unusual and unwelcome question.
"Whatever you wish to call me." That seemed to be the most suitable response.
He looked startled by her response. "You look familiar, I just want to know your name."
Frell, this one was acting like he was trying to seduce her. Well it was money not love that bought her favours these days and it would get him nowhere.
"Charm will not get you anywhere," she said, calmly but firmly. "If you are not interested in purchasing anything, I will leave you."
He caught her arm as she turned away. Raylani forcibly restrained herself. Instinct told her to attack, but she couldn't risk the beating it would mean. She had her child to consider.
"Look, I'm not giving you a line here," the man said, trying again. "Seriously, will you please tell me your name?"
Deciding that it wasn't important enough to start a fight over, she answered.
"It's...Raylani Crais."
The man stared at her, then whistled under his breath. "Any relation to Bialar?" he asked.
"He's my father," Raylani answered, astonishment loosening her tongue.
"And your mother...is Raylani Carma? Or maybe Carma Crais by now?"
Now astonishment turned to fright. "How do you know that?" she asked, trying to move away. He still had her wrist in a tight grip.
"I won't hurt you," he said. "I know both your parents, I'm a friend. My name is John Crichton."
"I can't stay."
"I didn't ask you to."
"But you want me to."
"Not particularly."
Raylani sat up in bed, pulling the sheet up around her as she did so, so that she was on a level with him.
"It's just recreation, Braca."
Shouldn't he be the one saying that?
"I doubt that either of your parents would see it that way."
Raylani got a look on her face that made him shudder, because it was one he'd seen too many times before from her father.
"My father's not here, so you can't tell him and my mother isn't that much of a hypocrite. If she can fall in love with an ex-PK, I can frell a current one without fear of recrimination. It's sex. I want it, you want it, so we have it. And you're as good as anyone, at least you didn't do it solely to win a bet."
He hadn't thought that she knew about that.
"So anyway, you can't stay, I don't want you to stay, so we don't have a problem. Leave, come back later if you want. If not, there's an end to it."
This was not going the way he'd intended it to. Did the entire Crais family exist to make his life difficult?
***
"Hey," Carma said warmly when Raylani came into the lab. "What happened?"
"Huh?" Raylani asked, confused.
"You look like you're in a good mood," Carma replied. "I thought there might be a reason."
"No reason," Raylani answered, sitting down beside her. "What did you want to talk about?"
Carma grinned, obviously in a good mood herself. "I think I'm there," she said.
The patented Crais what-are-you-talking-about look flashed over Raylani's face. "Ah," she said. "Where's that exactly?"
"The project," Carma prompted her. "I think I might have cracked it. Actually I thought that before, but I didn't want to get your hopes up. We still have to do tests, but I think we might be able to leave soon."
Raylani paused. "Do you really believe that Scorpius will just allow us to leave?" she asked.
Carma's smile faded. "All the time we've been here, I've never let myself doubt that," she said. "But...I don't know."
"And do you think that we'll really find my father? He could be anywhere, he could be dead, he could...." she didn't finish that thought.
"He could have found someone else?" Carma asked, seriously. "Yes, he could have done. But he's your father and I love him and I won't believe that until I hear it from his own mouth. We'll find him...somehow and you'll get to meet him and then...we'll see what happens."
Raylani looked thoughtful. "You really love him don't you?"
Carma smiled affectionately. "Honey, if I didn't neither of us would be here today."
"Even though he was a Peacekeeper once?"
"You can't control who you fall in love with. And a bad past doesn't necessarily mean a bad present. Why? You haven't gone and fallen for a PK have you?" Carma said, obviously joking.
"No," Raylani replied. "No...I'm not that stupid." Then, abruptly. "What was my father like when I was born?"
"You mean how did he act?"
Raylani nodded. Carma began to laugh to herself as the memories washed over her.
"Panicked is probably the best word," she said, trying to control her laughter. "I think he managed to get through the whole pregnancy without actually realising that he'd be a father at the end of it. I remember...." she broke off, mirth turning into affection. "I remember the first night. I was still in the medilab on Moya and he stayed there all night. I woke up about halfway through the sleep cycle and...he was sitting there with you in his arms, just gazing at you like you might disappear if he looked away. I don't think he ever got used to the idea that you were really there before...you weren't."
Being unusually affectionate, Raylani leant her head on her mother's shoulder. "We'll get back to him, won't we?"
Carma kissed the top of her head.
"We will. No matter how long it takes."
***
Carma surveyed the site that greeted her and wrinkled her nose. If they didn't need supplies so badly they'd never have stopped here. The whole planet was the rubbish dump of the universe by the look of it. It was dirty, hot, crowded and it stank. Raylani's first response when they'd stepped out of their craft had been to empty her stomach on the ground and it had taken all Carma's self-control not to follow suit. It was almost enough to make her wish that they'd never left the base.
They had been allowed to leave. Trials had proved successful and her work was done. They'd been given identity papers, currency and the modified transport pod that Scorpius had stolen to bring them to the base in the first place. Fortunately neither of them were innocents anymore. Carma had bartered virtually everything they possessed at the first opportunity, replacing id chips, transport and anything else she could think of that tracking devices could have been implanted into. By this time, the only things they still possessed that Scorpius could be tracking were themselves, and there was precious little that they could do about that. Neither of them really believed that their dealings with Scorpius were over, but only time would reveal if they were right.
So they were off, on their journey to reunite with Talyn, Moya and all the people that meant. It was, Carma thought, more than a little frightening. For most of her life she'd never left the planet she'd been born on. When she had, it had been with the protection offered by a leviathan gunship and a man with countless cycles' experience in survival. Now she was the one trying to keep herself and her daughter alive. She only hoped that she was equal to the task.
It had been only two weekens since they had left the base, but still the lack of leads to find Talyn was humbling. It had seemed so easy, leave the base and find Crais. Now, realising just what an impossible task it was, she was beginning to get scared. They could wander the uncharted territories for the rest of their lives and never find him. The thought was like a weight on her chest, making it hard to breath. She pushed it from her mind.
They split up. It was a stupid thing to do, she knew that, but they needed to get their supplies and get out as soon as possible. Fortunately, whatever this planet's other failings, its supplies were plentiful and its prices reasonable. She found everything that she was looking for and returned to their small craft at the ground dock.
All that was waiting for her there was a small piece of paper, written in Raylani's unmistakable hand. As she read it, all the breath left her body and she sat down before she blacked out.
'Mother. I can't go back with you, I have to leave. I can't explain now, but if we meet again someday I will then and I hope you'll understand. I'll survive. I hope you find my father again. Raylani.'
She knew it was genuine. Kidnappers in the uncharted territories didn't leave notes. They took and left, they knew you wouldn't have a hope of finding them. Confused, shocked and more frightened than ever, Carma let her calm facade crack. Tears rolling down her face, she wrapped her arms around herself and broke down.
Not so very far away, Raylani Crais wiped the tears that stubbornly insisted on coming from her eyes as she walked rapidly, keeping her head down. She'd meant what she said, she had to do this. She would rather take her chances out here than admit the truth. Her mother might understand, but her father - if they found him - never would.
He'd never accept that his first grandchild had been fathered by a man he hated as much as Captain Braca.
***
Crais' heart was heavy as he kept his mind firmly fixed on the diagnostics he was running. Now firmly sober and hating every minute of it, he had nothing to take his mind off his pain. And, to make matters worse, he now felt bitterly ashamed. If Carma were still alive somewhere, what would she think of him recreating with Aeryn? He suspected that she would understand if he had found someone else, but not Aeryn. She was too close to home and there was too much history between them. For a microt, he almost hoped that she never came back to find out what a mess he'd made of his life since she'd been pulled from it. Almost.
Aeryn had chosen to return to Moya when they had last met up with her. Now sober herself, he suspected that she felt she'd dishonoured Crichton's memory as much as he felt he'd dishonoured Carma's. They'd made no formal parting, it was as if the last tie had been dissolved. They had nothing more to say to each other.
Now alone again, he'd begun to miss the companionship offered by the transponder. He still stuck to his decision not to take it again, but it was difficult. Especially since it meant that he couldn't communicate with Talyn directly. It meant wasting precious microts giving orders instead of acting himself.
When Talyn signalled to him, he had to study the sensor readouts to discover what Talyn was trying to draw his attention to. It was a small craft, not one of any style he was familiar with. It was about the same size as a transport pod and didn't appear armed. Having obviously noticed Talyn, it neither turned nor ignored him. It appeared to manoeuvre as if it wanted to dock. He tried hailing the occupant, but received no reply. Curious, although wary, he allowed it to dock. Grabbing his pulse pistol and giving Talyn strict instructions not to open the bay door before he arrived, he strode quickly down the corridors. He just hoped he didn't regret this decision.
As the bay doors opened, he went in, weapon at the ready. The sight that met him made the pistol fall from his limp fingers and hit the floor. Fortunately, he'd put the safety on.
"Hello," Carma said simply.
***
He was still looking at her, she could feel his eyes on her. Pretending not to notice, she passed a hand briefly over the tiny swell of her stomach. So she'd survive, would she? Yes, but she'd never realised how.
At least he was Sebacean. Not that Peacekeeper ideas of irreversible contamination had ever really penetrated, but there was comfort in familiarity. She knew what to expect. Plus no claws, or fins or any of the other horrors that she'd seen in the brief few weeks she'd been working here. With luck, he'd be no threat to her or her baby, whatever he wanted to do.
So she was a server. Officially serving drinks to the men of varying degrees of disrepute who frequented this bar. Unofficially performing other duties as well. Although how unofficial it could be when everybody knew about it and she didn't have a choice, she didn't know. She'd been captured and brought here as a slave. She'd work until no one would have her anymore, no way out.
Still, there was no use in crying about it. This male didn't look quite as hardened as some of the others she had seen and she'd survive it. Really, in different circumstances, she might have thought him quite handsome. He was likely an ex-PK. Black leathers, long hair pulled back into a tail. But a rough one, not a neat Peacekeeper-issue one. Tall, well built. Hopefully wealthy. And he'd been watching her all night, with the most curious look on his face.
She caught his eye for a microt and he signalled her to approach. Sighing and squaring her shoulders, she moved towards his table in a dimly-lit corner of the bar.
"Can I do anything for you, sir?" she asked. Might as well get it over with.
He leaned forward. He seemed to be studying her face. "What's your name?" he asked.
She stiffened. That was an unusual and unwelcome question.
"Whatever you wish to call me." That seemed to be the most suitable response.
He looked startled by her response. "You look familiar, I just want to know your name."
Frell, this one was acting like he was trying to seduce her. Well it was money not love that bought her favours these days and it would get him nowhere.
"Charm will not get you anywhere," she said, calmly but firmly. "If you are not interested in purchasing anything, I will leave you."
He caught her arm as she turned away. Raylani forcibly restrained herself. Instinct told her to attack, but she couldn't risk the beating it would mean. She had her child to consider.
"Look, I'm not giving you a line here," the man said, trying again. "Seriously, will you please tell me your name?"
Deciding that it wasn't important enough to start a fight over, she answered.
"It's...Raylani Crais."
The man stared at her, then whistled under his breath. "Any relation to Bialar?" he asked.
"He's my father," Raylani answered, astonishment loosening her tongue.
"And your mother...is Raylani Carma? Or maybe Carma Crais by now?"
Now astonishment turned to fright. "How do you know that?" she asked, trying to move away. He still had her wrist in a tight grip.
"I won't hurt you," he said. "I know both your parents, I'm a friend. My name is John Crichton."
