Chapter 3

1: I will not persuade Hagrid to join the UFC.

2: I will not replace Professor Snapes medicine with Tic-Tac's.

3: I will not send Voldemort a subscription to Nuts magazine.

4: I will not persuade Lupin, Hagrid and Firenze to stalk professor Umbridge.

5: Draco Malfoy was not created in an accident involving a potions lab explosion, unstable DNA and a dose of radiation.

6: Their is no such thing as Dork Art's.

7: I will not tell the joke about the healer, the hag and the 12" pianist.

8: I will not start a fight club at Hogwarts.

9: I will not brew my own potions.

10: I will not sell the location of Hogwarts to the Sun Newspaper.

11: Writing a book based of the adventures of Harry Potter is a bad idea. Nobody would buy it.

12: I will not sell Doxy droppings as powdered dragon claw.

13: Mr. T could not kick the dark lord's ass.

14: A Muggle armed forces commando couldn't destroy Lord Voldemort with a sniper riffle.

15: Stranding a Muggle in Diagon Alley is not funny.

16: I will use a time turner to manipulate the stock market.

17: I will not persuade Trelawney to attempt to use the inner eye to win the lottery.

18: I will not Transfiguration as "Stop and Swop" Or "Swop-Shop"

19: I will not spike the water supplies with love potion.

20: Basilisk baiting is dangerous.

21: I will not give Sirius Black a copy of "who let the dogs out."

22: Chuck Norris couldn't destroy the death eaters.

23: I won't sell house elves on the Muggle market.

24: Harry potter was called the boy who lived, then the nutcase, and then chosen one. He does not want to be called "The Chosen Nutcase who lived."

25: Ron Weasley doesn't have spatter grout.

26: I will not sell DIY Horcrux kits

27: I will stop yelling Voldemort in a crowded class room.

28: I will not come back as a ghost to haunt the school.

29: The cruciatus curse is not to be used to get exam results fixed.

30: Nor is the imperius curse.