Pulling the chair up as close as he could to the bed, Jamie remained silent as he grasped her hand in his. He couldn't look her in the eyes; he didn't want to focus on her injury which was very obvious with the large bandage wrapped around her head. He knew she would be alright, but the memory of how and why she got hurt was still very fresh. He felt so responsible.
He could only stare at their conjoined hands as his thumb caressed the softness of her fingers. His expression was solemn even though he had so many emotions running through him. Gratefulness and relief that she was awake and alive. Anger that she got hurt. Guilt for not being able to stop it in time. Guilt for breaking rules. Overprotectiveness that went so deep that he just wanted to take her away from all of this and hold her safely in his arms forever. Weariness from fighting his feelings for her. Frustration over not being able to fully act on those feelings. Bewildered by the fact that he's been in love with her for so long but could never admit it or voice it- not to himself, not to her, not to those around him who would point it out because they could see it plain as day. Confusion on what to do next. He didn't even know where to start with her.
Eddie was at first so very happy to see him walk into the room. She wanted and needed him by her side. But now his silence and the fact that he wouldn't look at her started to scare her. She was beginning to think that maybe her getting hurt was the deciding factor for him and now he wanted to walk away. From all of it. He looked like he was about to tell her something that would completely turn her world upside down. But he wasn't saying anything. So when she finally broke the merciless silence surrounding them, she became uncharacteristically tearful and asked, "Are you leaving me?"
That got Jamie's attention and he gasped. "God, Eddie, no. How could you think that? I could never…" And when he looked up at her, his heart broke at the sight of a single tear sliding down her cheek. The last thing he wanted to do was make her cry. With his other hand he wiped her tear away and moved in closer to place a gentle kiss over the wetness that remained there. "It's just that….You have no idea how scared I was, holding you. You wouldn't respond. You wouldn't open your eyes. All of the blood…I kept shouting your name but you didn't hear me. It was my worst fear coming true. For a moment there I thought I was losing you. And I never got to tell you…"
Jamie clammed up again and couldn't believe he was about to say those words that he forbid himself to even think about for the entire four years he's known her.
"Tell me what?" Eddie softly prodded, hoping they were those three words that she had been yearning to hear from him for the longest time.
"Eddie, you know what I want to say. But once I say it, there's no going back and things are going to have to change. Our partnership-"
"Why does actually saying the words out loud have to change our partnership? The truth of those words has already been in both our hearts for so long already."
"Wait…what? You…?"
"Are you really that clueless Harvard?" Eddie managed to laugh with relief now that she knew what he was struggling to say. "You big dummy. Those feelings I have for you? It's love. Soulmate love. I love you. And there. I said it. God only knows, Reagan, that I've been waiting YEARS for you to say it first. But now I'm saying it first. Because I'm SOOOOO tired of waiting for you to say it and I have THE WORST FRICKIN' HUGE headache in the world and I just wanted to get it over-"
Jamie effectively shut her up by abruptly kissing her, fast and fierce at first, then slower and softer when he realized that he should be taking it easy on her seeing that she was in a hospital bed with a serious head wound.
"You are a pain in the ass, Janko," he smirked.
Eddie narrowed her eyes. "Isn't there something nicer you're supposed to say back to me?"
"You're the one who just called me a big dummy. That wasn't nice."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I hurt your feelings?" she chided.
"Yeah, you did."
Eddie grabbed his ear and twisted it in a death grip.
"Ow Ow Ow! Okay, okay! I love you too!" Jamie yelped, laughing.
She released her hold as soon as he said it. "There. That wasn't so bad, was it?"
"Surprisingly…no," he replied thoughtfully and smiled. "I think a weight just lifted."
"Well geez. Maybe I should have gotten attacked by a serial killer years ago…if that's what it takes to get you to say three little words."
Jamie's smile faded. "Okay, first of all, I never want to have to go through you getting hurt ever again. I can't handle losing you. And second, there's nothing little about those three words. Not when it comes to how I feel about you."
"I feel like I'm gonna throw up," Eddie stated.
"Uh…not the reaction I was going for? What, too cliché?" Jamie asked, confused.
"No, no. I mean I really feel like I'm gonna throw up," Eddie rushed to get out as she sat up straight and turned very pale.
"Oh…Oh!" Jamie responded quickly and grabbed the empty ice bucket that happened to be sitting on the bedside tray table just in time.
He rubbed her back as she finished, and he took the bucket away. "Linda said that might happen because of the concussion. You want me to get her? You okay?"
"I'm alright…just this huge headache is starting to get to me I guess." He helped her lay back down and fluffed her pillow for her.
"I should be letting you rest," Jamie said with concern as he watched her eyes close in pain and exhaustion.
"If I fall asleep will you stay with me?" she asked, her eyes still closed.
He kissed her forehead lightly and grabbed her hand. "I'm not going anywhere."
