Sasuke Says It To Hinata's Face - 3 -
That night, Sasuke went to that spot he used to sit in when he was still a child. The same lonely spot by the lake, where his father finally spoke the words he worked so hard to hear.
"As expected of my child."
The same lake he filled with his painful tears, his deep pains and sad memories. The same lake he saw his one and only brother reflection on once before and threw himself into in rage and despair. The lake that held his good and bad memories. For him, this was always the place to pour his heart out. He could cry, scream, glare and go mad with that lake without hurting anyone or showing any weaknesses to anyone… is what he thought. But he was wrong, as the sadness in his deep, dark eyes was always clear to the observant eyes.
That night, Sasuke sat and stared at the calm waters with the same deep look on his dark eyes.
"Hey, little kid… I heard you got your revenge… I heard you killed your only brother…
I heard you finally learned the truth… I heard you fell into the darkness…?
I heard you wanted revenge more than before…?
I heard you slipped deeper into the darkness, hoping it was the right direction, but was somehow saved…
Did that kid save you? That gutsy kid… that dobe you used to fight all the time with…
I hear he was there for you! That he went as far as losing an arm to save you!
That he stopped you from falling any deeper into the darkness of hatred…?
If that's true then… Why? Why do you still have this sad look in your eyes?"
He felt someone standing there, watching over him with sad eyes. A soft voice resonated from behind him, calling softly,
"Sasuke-kun…"
He inhaled then blew gently. He said without tilting his head,
"This time it you… Sakura."
She had a sad look on her face, yet she smiled and said,
"I was working late at the hospital, and I was on my way home… then… I..."
He said nothing back, but the way he looked, the way he was sitting there, told her more than he wanted to show. Sakura stared at the proud Uchiha crest on his back with deep, sad eyes. She dropped her eyebrows and sealed her lips. She then walked closer and asked,
"Is it okay if I sat here, next to you, for a moment? Just for old time's sake."
He answered without tilting his head,
"Yeah.. sure, Sakura."
She slightly nodded then got closer and sat down next to him. She was too shy to gazed at his face from such a close distance, but she keep peeking at him while keeping her head lowered. She felt like a teenaged girl for a moment there and felt too shy to even breathe in his presence. She lowered her eyes then gasped very softly when she noticed his faded reflection next to her on the water surface. She could tell that he had a sad look on his dark eyes even on that reflection.
She knew that she couldn't do anything to help him, but she wanted to at least be there for him in that moment. The little girl in her wanted to come out and hug that boy in him, but the grownup, mature one knew that this isn't how grownup him would want to deal with his deep pain. She sat there and started at that reflection with sad eyes and sealed lips, Not knowing how to even ask about what's bothering him, that's when he surprised her by asking,
"Are you happy, Sakura?"
"Huh? Am I happy, you ask?"
"Did you get what you always wanted? Or are you still fighting for it?"
She gasped a painful chuckle, then said with lowered eyes,
"I… I'm happy that I'm stronger than I used to be… I'm happy that I have both Naruto and you by my side… I'm happy that… that you're finally back… I'm happy that you're still here with us, Sasuke-kun... but… no, I still didn't get what I always wanted…I'm still fighting for it..."
"I see…" he muttered.
"In fact, I… I'm not sure anymore what is it that I really want… I mean, after all these years... after all we went through... I'm not sure anymore what I really want..."
"Yeah… me too…"
She was so surprised to hear his words that she forgot about her shyness and tilted her head to gaze at his profile with widened eyes. His hair bang was hiding his eyes from her's. She couldn't see those dark eyes from where she was sitting. When she realized that she was staring at his face intently, she blushed, averted her gaze away and went back to staring at his reflection.
Even though he wasn't really saying anything or letting any emotions show, she could tell that he was dying inside. She asked,
"What's bothering you, Sasuke-kun?"
"Is it that obvious?"
She bit her lips and nodded,
"I'm not sure... but I can see it…"
"You have good eyes."
"Yeah… maybe…" she huffed out a soft chuckle.
He said without shifting his eyes or head,
"Please don't cry, Sakura."
"I'm not." She said in a crying voice.
"Liar." He smiled very faintly.
"I'm sorry…." She cried.
"Don't be. Just, please stop crying."
"I can't help it… I'm sorry…"
"…..."
She wiped her tears with her palms, then mumbled in a crying voice,
"It's just that… I really wished that you'd find happiness one day… I really wanted to see you smile again… but… even after all you went through… after all the sacrifices… you're still not smiling…"
He frowned, and it was clear to her eyes that he was struggling to not let himself break down into tears in front of her,
"We're not kids anymore, Sakura. We know better now. We've seen the world for what it really is. We have greater concerns and burdens… we have greater responsibilities… it's not easy to put a happy face when you're struggling with deep concerns inside."
"Yeah… I know…"
The two remind silence for a while, struggling with their emotions, trying to not break down in tears.
She Took a deep breath to calm herself down, then asked,
"What do you really want, Sasuke-kun?"
"…..."
"Back when we were young… when we first introduced ourselves as team 7… you said that you wanted two things… I memorized those, I memorized your words… and now I really wonder if the grownup you is really happy that the kid somehow managed to accomplish one of his goals…?" she said in a crying voice.
He shut his eyes hard and let a painful tear slide against his cheek, as those words crushed his heart and reopened his scars. Sakura saw that shiny star that suddenly reflected on the water surface. She widened her eyes and bent her lips painfully. Upon realizing that she just brought such a painful memory up, she cried,
"I'm sorry…"
"...…"
She gasped, shut her eyes, shook her head then finally let her emotions take over her body. She turned and hugged that lonely man so tightly, in a moment of weakness. She murmured while still hugging him,
"I'm so sorry you're in pain… I'm so sorry you're like this… I hate to see you like this… Why couldn't you be happy? Why couldn't you find happiness? Why are you still suffering? Why are you still in pain? Why can't I do anything about it? It's so painful… it's so sad… I really hate this… and I'm sorry I'm losing control over my emotions… It's just that… I really care about you, Sasuke-kun… I really do..."
He didn't push her away, and he didn't hug back or even shift from his place. He was still facing the lake with lowered head and shut eyes. Her warm hug made him struggle even more to hold his tears back and calm his feeling down. It was his pride that was holding his tears back. That lonely tear he cried was the only tears he let out in that moment.
He nodded, blew softly, raised his head, opened his eyes, gazed away and murmured,
"Thank you, Sakura."
She nodded in her tears while still leaning her head on his left shoulder. He let her cry her heart out on his shoulder in silence. The deep gaze on his eyes held so much sadness, yet he sat there with straight face and waited patiently for her to calm down.
His body warmth, his racing heartbeats, his slightly disturbed breaths and his deep gaze… they all told her that this man was brokenhearted… and that his tough front was only an act. She knew that very well and was in pain that she couldn't do anything about it…
She finally calmed down a little and murmured,
"I hope you find your happiness one day, Sasuke-kun. I really do."
"Yeah…" he murmured.
"I just want you to know that… that I'll always be there for you."
He slightly nodded,
"Thank you."
"I'm sure Naruto will always be there for you as well." She said in a crying voice with faint smile.
He gasped softly, shut his eyes, lowered his head and nodded lightly,
"Yeah… I know…"
She sealed her lips, cried a tear and nodded,
"Yeah… of course he will."
She let go of him, the wiped her eyes with her fingers and smiled,
"I should go… I… have work tomorrow… I should get some sleep."
"Sure..."
"I hope we meet again soon..."
He nodded in silence. She got up nervously and inhaled deeply then blew softly. She was facing the lake, and avoiding showing her sad, green eyes to his dark eyes. She said before she turned and walked away,
"If you ever come back to the village again and wanted to be with someone, and have good times, and talk about the past, or share memories, or even talk about your life burdens, then you know where to find me… you know where to find us."
He nodded and muttered,
"Yeah... I do."
She nodded then left in a hurry. The moment she turned her back, her tears started falling again. She covered her mouth to not let her gasps out and walked fast before she burst into deep crying again. She found herself running fast with her tears washing her face and her breaths gasping painfully.
"I really love you, Sasuke-kun… I still love you...
Did you know that what I really wanted is your happiness?
But that never happened…
How can I be happy when I know that you're still not happy?
You're still lonely… you're still suffering… you're still lost… This is so painful… I can't look away… no matter how hard I tried to stop loving you… this little girl in me keeps coming back and weakens me…
I hope we both find happiness…
But I know… I know that you and Naruto will always be there for me…
That, that is my happiness. That is what keeping me going...
Thank you for being there for me... I love you.. I love both of you..."
He heard her gasps and knew that she was crying in pain. He knew that she'll cry all night and pray for his happiness, her happiness and Naruto's happiness. He wanted to stop those tears of hers, but he knew that he couldn't do anything about it,
"I, too, can never stop those tears of yours, Sakura.
I can't take your sadness away, and I was only fooling myself with this face...
Why did you have to take this route anyway? Why did you have to see me like this?
Why did you have to stop for me? Why did you have to come sit by my side?
Why did you have to ask about the little kid in me?
Why did you have to see my tears?
Why… why did you see this side of me?
I really want to be alone… I didn't want you to see this…
Why did you have to show up for me? when what I really wanted was…"
"Sasuke…"
The voice he really wanted to hear finally resonated from behind him and echoed his heart. He couldn't believe it. He slightly parted his lips, then shut his eyes and smiled,
"You're here." he murmured.
"Yeah. I couldn't sleep. I was thinking of you. You were leaving again, weren't you?"
"You caught me again, Naruto."
What Naruto couldn't say out loud way,
"I couldn't ignore the painful look you had on your face when you left."
Naruto walked closer and sat next to Sasuke without taking permission. He said without looking at Sasuke's face,
"I always wanted to do this when we were kids. I always wanted to come and sit by your side like this. But I was so stubborn to do it."
"I'm sure I would've called you annoying and I would've told you to leave."
"But I won't listen. I'd keep coming back until you get tired of rejecting me and stop doing it."
"You would force me to accept you. Typical of you" he smiled.
"That's right. I would've made you acknowledge me and even want to be with me."
Sasuke huffed a soft chuckle out,
"Yeah…"
They smiled beautifully then remained silence for a moment. Sasuke was gazing at the calm waters, while Naruto was gazing at the same reflection Sakura was gazing at just a moment ago. Naruto asked,
"When are you leaving again, Sasuke?"
"Soon… very soon."
"I still want to spend more time with you… I miss talking to you…"
"You know I can't stay here for too long. I don't fit here anymore."
"Yeah… I don't know why you keep doing this to yourself, Sasuke…"
"Hn." He smiled.
"This is your home, Sasuke. You're always welcome here."
"Let's not kid ourselves, Naruto. We both know that I'll never fit here… not after all the things that I did."
"That's not true. You helped save this world. You protected this village with your life, just like your brother did before you. And everyone knows that you're still willing to do whatever it takes to maintain this peace."
"They also know that I might end up opposing you when things don't go as I want."
"Maybe… but they also know that I can always beat some sense into you and put you back on the right path."
He chuckled,
"hn, the right path, huh? I'm counting on you with this one."
"I know. And I'm always there for you."
"Yeah…" he murmured.
They sat there in silence and gazed at the calm lake with busy minds and struggling souls. They both could read each other's hearts and feel each other's pains. Naruto cut the silence and called in a deep, painful voice that only Sasuke could really sense,
"Sasuke."
"Hmm?"
"I will make sure you stay by my side."
"What makes you think that I'll leave your side, usuratonkachi?"
"You won't! Because I will make sure you never do."
"You do realize that you're not making any sense, don't you?" he dropped his eyebrows.
"You can't leave my side, Sasuke. I need you. I need you to help me fulfill my dream. And I really hope that you'd do whatever you can to help me fulfill that dream."
"I already told you that I accept you and that I will work with you. Why are you asking this again when you already have the answer?"
He frowned,
"Because… because I… I really need you there… I really need you by my side… You can't forget about me… You can't forget about our dream, Sasuke."
"I'll never forget about it. You don't have to remind me of this. This is my ambition as well. It's my revolution. I exist for this."
"I'm not reminding you, Sasuke… I'm reminding myself." he said in a crying voice.
Sasuke slightly parted his lips and gasped very softly then seal his lips and lowered his eyes,
"…..."
"I need you to keep reminding me of my goal, my real goal. Don't ever leave me alone in this. I really need you by my side more than anytime before. You're the only one who could really make this happen. I can't do this without you. I know I can't do this without you constantly watching over me."
"To build a true village. To become a true hokage." he smiled painfully.
"Yes. That's my dream, and yours."
"Yeah, sure. I'll be there. I'll always be there." he cried.
"Thank you, Sasuke."
"No, thank you, Naruto."
Those tears they cried, those thoughts they read, those feelings they shared … this is what they really wanted, and this is what they really wished for. This is what they survived through all those hardship to accomplish. This is what they built that deep, strong bond to achieve. This is what they saved each other's souls from slipping into the darkness to reach.
They were the only capable ones of fulfilling that beautiful dream; the dream that gave their very existence a purpose and a true meaning, for now they know, that there's only one real reason for them to exist in this world, to end the corruption by fixing the past mistakes and making sure they don't repeat; To bring a true peace together.
A true hokage... A true village... A true peace.
