Disclaimer/Notes: I'm so sorry for absolutely destroying these characters that don't belong to me anyway........
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry woke up the next morning to find his face being licked. As much as I want to completely screw up this scene and make it someone other than the obvious doing the licking, Sirius was the licker. Damn my morals.
"Get off, Sirius, I'm awake," Harry groaned and pushed his godfather away.
*about time!* he thought-said *i've been awake for hours*
Harry sat up and put on his glasses.
*umm....harry?*
"What is it?"
*i gotta go*
Harry' heart sank. "But you just got here! Where do you have to go?"
*er, not that sort of go....i mean, i have to GO*
Realization dawned on Harry. "Oh, okay. Can you, um, use a toilet?"
*i'm a dog. what the hell do you think?*
"Good point."
Harry let his godfather out the back door and politely turned away. Aunt Petunia started screeching from upstairs.
"Boy, you better clean up after that dog! He's your responsibility!"
Harry groaned as he let Padfoot back inside.
*haha, sucks to be you* he thought-said.
"Oh shut up."

*~*~*~*~*~later that afternoon~*~*~*~*~*

The day had gone fairly well. Sirius had dictated a letter for Hermione to Harry, once again expressing his embarressment and apologies. Then he had chased Hedwig around the backyard (much to Hedwig's dislike). Then he had helped Harry make lunch, which consisted of little more than sitting, watching, and drooling (on Sirius's part, not Harry's). They were talking in Harry's room when Aunt Petunia opened the door to check up on them, or more likely, assure herself that the troublesome boy and his new dog-friend weren't plotting to turn the whole family into cockroaches. She flung open the door and put on a disgusted face.
"Harry Remus Potter!" she said, covering her nose with her hand. "That animal positively reeks! Go upstairs and bathe it THIS INSTANT!" And with that she walked away. Sirius started to laugh (on the inside, as it's hard for a dog to laugh on the outside).
*hahahaha you aren't having a very good day, are you?*
Harry walked upstairs to the bathroom, Sirius following, singing "I'm a Little Teapot" to himself.
"You better give me one huge thank you for this," Harry said. He filled the bathtub with warm water. Sirius abruptly stopped singing.
*don't i get bubbles?* he thought-said.
Harry pulled out some bubble bath, which smelled like lilacs. It was Dudley's. Padfoot climbed into the tub.
*hey, lock the door, will you?* he thought-said.
Harry was somewhat confused by this request, but locked the door anyway. When he turned around, the dog had become a man.
"Oh!" Harry said, covering his eyes.
"What?" Sirius asked, grabbing a bar of soap.
"You're not wearing any clothes!" Harry noticed the dirty gray robes at his feet.
"What's your point? Someone's not very secure in his masculinity...besides, that's what the bubbles are for."
Harry sat down on the floor with his back against the tub.
"I'm perfectly secure."
"Sure you are, son, whatever you say." Sirius grabbed some shampoo and started to scrub his head. "I can't believe your aunt said I smelled."
"Well, you kind of did," Harry said honestly.
Sirius splashed him.
"Hey! That wasn't nice!" Harry protested, wiping the water off his clothes.
"Well, you weren't being very nice either! Mind you, I was living off rats for you at one point. Rats!"
Harry couldn't argue this. He settled back down against the tub.
"Yuck, my hair was getting to be worse than Snape's," Sirius commented as he scratched his head in a very doglike way.
"That's a real achievement," Harry said. "You think he would use his natural greasy-ness to his advantage. You know, bottle his hair up and sell it to Crisco Oils or something."
Sirius laughed loudly. Too loudly. Aunt Petunia banged on the door.
"Boy! What's going on in there?"
"Eh, nothing Aunt Petunia!"
"I could swear I heard a full grown man!"
"Well, I..." Harry cast his mind around for ideas, "I went through a voice change."
This was enough to make Aunt Petunia stop asking questions.
"Maybe I should be quiet," Sirius whispered.
"Really, you think?" Harry said harshly.
Sirius brought his head out of the water with a hurt expression on his face. "I'm sorry," Harry apologized. "I'm not being a very good godson, am I?"
"Well, not many kids have to deal with having dogs for godfathers, do they?" Sirius said.
"Still-"
"Still nothing. Give me that washcloth."
The bath water was nearly black with all the dirt. "Blimey Padfoot, didn't Remus let you use his shower?"
"Of course he did. My shiny, glossy coat just happens to attract dirt. Let me borrow your wand."
Harry pulled his wand out from under his shirt. "If the Ministry sees magic going on here, I'm going to get expelled," he said timidly.
"Okay, first off," Sirius said, "no one is going to expell the Boy-Who-Lived from school. Especially not Dumbledore. Secondly, I'm a Marauder. Don't you think I have my ways of getting around the Ministry?" He grinned mischievously. "Let me show you a bit of magic, Padfoot, Prongs, and Moony style."
"Wormtail's been excommunicated?"
"Without a doubt."
Sirius taught Harry a complex spell to set on his wand. Whenever Harry wanted to work magic without the Ministry knowing, all he had to do was say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good" and then magic away.
"As happy as I am that you taught me that, I feel a little funny about being tutored by a naked man in the bathtub," Harry said suddenly.
"You know, you're right," Sirius said. He used Harry's wand to magic his robes clean, and Harry faced the door as Sirius got dressed. When he turned around, Sirius had once again become Snuffles, except this time, he didn't smell nearly as bad.
*mmmm.....i smell like lilacs.......*
"I'm sure Hermione would be impressed," Harry teased.
*for the last time, it wasn't my fault!*

*~*~*~*~*~that night~*~*~*~*~*

Harry was happy to sit in his cupboard that night, using his newly improved wand to practice the stupify spell on his rebellious socks, when he heard a whimper come from upstairs.
"Padfoot?" he called, venturing out of his cupboard. He listened until he heard another whimper come from Dudley's room. Swearing badly enough to make a sailor blush (A/N: our boy's developed quite the mouth, hasn't he?), Harry bounded up the steps and burst into Dudley's room. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"
Dudley looked up from his work. Sirius was on a short leash which was tied to the bed, wearing what appeared to be an old house coat and a floral-patterned bonnet. (A/N: I would like to stop a moment so I can apologize to you readers out there. This story didn't deserve to be written. It's so screwed up. I don't know where these ideas are coming from, but I'm pretty sure I've been possessed on some low level) Harry didn't need any telepathic communication to know the thoughts that were coursing through Sirius's mind. As it turns out, only one of these thoughts made it to Harry.
*help me*
"I was just playing with your dog," Dudley said, innocently.
"Well, don't! He doesn't like wearing womens' clothes!" Harry shouted while releasing Sirius from his leash.
*you tell him, harry!*
Harry lingered a moment, but decided not to use his wizarding abilities against Dudley...this time. He lead Padfoot down the stairs.
*i feel so...violated*
"Don't worry, it won't happen again," Harry muttered, shutting the cupboard door behind them. They sat in silence on the bed. Suddenly, Padfoot rolled over onto his back.
*hey harry*
"What?"
*scratch my tummy*
"WHAT? No!"
*aw c'mon....*
"Do you know how screwed up this is?"
*yeah, probably....i lived off rats. big, slimy, icky rats*
"I'm being blackmailed," Harry sighed as he scratched his godfather's stomach. "You're such a dog, Sirius."
*yeah, i know*
After a few minutes, Harry turned off the light and crawled under the covers. Sirius settled at the end of his bed.
"Padfoot?"
*yeah?*
"You're my best friend."
*Aw..........geez harry.....*
Harry thought he heard a weird, sort of choking noise in his mind.
"Padfoot, are you crying?"
*(sniffling) no.......*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

sorry about that, but i had to put in a mushy ending. i don't mean it seriously, please laugh at my attempt at compassion. hey, while you're waiting for me to write more of this, go read my other stories! they're funnier than this piece of crap, honest!