Disclaimer: I own nothing from the Twilight series.
Sorry this took so long, I haven't been writing much lately. I will be updating all of my stories soon though, including this one. And I know it's not very long, but I wanted to go ahead and update. The next chapter will be longer. Enjoy!
xoxo- BlueEyes
WANT
Edward and I walked down the stairs hand in hand, and found Esme sitting in the living room. If I could have, I would've blushed at the sight of her. I felt a wave of self-loathing coming on. I tried to push it away, but then Esme smiled at me when she saw us, and I hated myself all the more. I gripped Edward's hand, and, thinking it was out of affection, he squeezed back.
I tried to smile, but my mouth seemed to be wired to my brain, and all the images that were running through my head. Oh, this is bad, bad. It didn't matter that I love my husband, or that he's here with me now. Nothing will take back what I did.
"How was your day?" Esme brought me out of my train of thought.
"Good. Alice dragged me out all day to…do something for Bella," Edward was careful not to let on to the surprise that he and Alice had been working on.
"That's nice that you two spent the day together," Esme smiled back at him. "I'm sure you missed Bella though."
"You have no idea," Edward pulled me to the couch where we sat, still holding hands. "Where have you been?"
"Oh, here and there. I did a little shopping in the city, and just wandered around," Esme's eyes flitted around the room as she spoke, and I wondered why she didn't look at us. Immediately my stomach sank, because I knew that she knew.
Of course I realized I was being ridiculous. If she knew she wouldn't just be sitting here.
"And Bella, what did you do while we were out?" Esme's soft voice asked.
Slept with your husband.
"Nothing…really. Just laid around," I tried to make my voice sound light.
She smiled slightly, "That's nice." Edward's hand tightened around mine and he kissed the top of my head. Suddenly, I felt like I was suffocating, and I couldn't sit here any longer and just smile like nothing was wrong. I had to get out. Fast.
"Where's Alice?" I tried to keep my voice even and steady, but my panic was seeping through. I stood from the couch, and tried to ignore the questioning looks Edward was shooting at me. I felt bad, but I couldn't be around him right now. If I was I would end up telling him everything, and that could not happen.
"I'm not sure," Esme's voice turned soft and concerned now. Probably because of the way I was acting.
"She said she was going out to look for Jasper. She needed to talk to him about something," Edward stood now, too, and put a comforting hand on my shoulder. "She said it was important. I'm sure she'll be back soon."
I turned to him and nodded. I leaned into his arms, and tried to calm down. However, instead of feeling relief, I only felt guiltier. I needed something to distract me, and I needed to get out of this room and away from them.
"I have something that I need to do upstairs for a moment," I shook Edward's arm off of me, and headed for the door. "I'll be right back."
"Do you need help?" I could hear the worry in Edward's voice as he tried to figure out what was going on with me.
"No, I'll, um, I'll be right back. Ok?" The truth is I did need help, lots of it. I was a horrible person who didn't deserve this wonderful man in front of me.
"Alright," he finally conceded and sat back down. On my way up the stairs I heard him ask Esme if she had talked to Carlisle since she had been back. I paused for a moment in the stairway, waiting to hear what she said.
"No, I haven't seen him at all," she sounded sad when she said this, almost worried. I sucked in a sharp intake of breath when I heard her.
"You should talk to him," Edward told her. His voice was soothing but firm as he advised her on her husband.
"I know," Esme's answer was so quiet, that if I hadn't been a vampire, I wouldn't have heard her. They fell silent after that, and I wondered what they were talking about. What was so important that Esme had to talk to Carlisle about? Whatever it was, from the way they were talking, it didn't sound good. I continued up the stairs and when I reached the second landing I stopped again. Instead of going to my bedroom I turned toward Carlisle's study at the end of the hall. I thought about going to him and talking, but I don't know if I could do that. We would have to face each other eventually, but I couldn't stand it right now.
"Bella." My name floated down the hall as a soft whisper. I gasped at the sound. His voice was beautiful, but it surprised me that he new I was standing here, debating whether or not to go see him. "Come in."
I didn't want to, but I could feel my body being pulled down the hall. It was like I was hypnotized. But I knew that I was in complete control of my actions. The door to his study was partly open and I slipped in silently; a feat I never could have mastered as a human. He was at the big mahogany desk in the center of the room…waiting…for me. He smiled when I entered.
"I've been waiting for you," he whispered.
"I know," I said in a voice I wasn't sure he could hear. I shut the door behind me, wondering if maybe I should lock it…
No, no! I can't even think like that. It'll get me into even more trouble.
"C'mere," he motioned me forward with his hands. And I went. Without thought, without hesitation, I just walked to him. It was like there was a gravitational pull that brought our bodies together. The rest of me, however, was screaming at me to turn away, to walk out, to go find my husband. Unfortunately, that screaming part lost.
When I reached his desk, his hands reached out to grab my hips. I put my hands on his shoulders as I stood in front of him.
"Carlisle…" his name sounded so strange on my lips. Like it didn't belong, but still fell from my lips in the easiest way.
"I was hoping that you would come to me again. You seemed…scared when you left me earlier," he looked deep into my eyes, searching for some kind of understanding. "Then Edward returned," I looked away when he said his name. It seemed strange hearing my husbands name when I was in such an intimate position with another man. "I didn't think you would be anywhere near me."
I wasn't sure what to say. I mean how do I respond to something like that?
"I'm not sure what you want me to say," the words came out before I even knew what I was saying. I felt so comfortable around him for some reason.
"Say that you're not upset with me, or ashamed of what happened," his hopeful eyes met mine again.
"I'm not," and I don't think it was a complete lie.
"Good," he smiled and stood up. "I'm not either. In fact, I thought you might consider…" he trailed off after that. I was confused by his words, yet somehow understood what he wanted. He wanted me, again. He confirmed this by placing his hands on my face and placing his lips on mine.
"Carlisle," I broke away and put my hands on his chest, holding him back. "Stop, this isn't you."
"I know," his voice was tortured, "I haven't been myself for awhile now. I keep thinking of you, only you. Even when I try to stop, it's useless. You have infiltrated my mind, body, and soul."
I was overwhelmed by these beautiful words from such a beautiful man. Was he saying he loved me? No, he couldn't. He had a wife whom he loves dearly, and she loves him back. I was about to say as much, but his lips attacked mine before I could utter a single word.
His hands grabbed my hips pushing my gently back to the desk. I sat on it and wound my legs around his waist. His lips moved over my body fervently as my hands roamed his. The room was filled with sighs and moans, and I wondered how no one heard. But nobody came to see what was going on, nobody knocked on the door, nobody even suspected we were together.
Ah, but we were. Together.
And as much as I hate to admit, we weren't parting anytime soon.
