The Crash

Shikamaru tried to pick up the gasping lump of meat, but it was no use. His eating habit was no good after all.

"Such a drag…"

Meanwhile, back at the newly constructed camp, Kiba and Akamaru had found a suitcase that had washed up on shore. Puzzled, Kiba picked up the case and tried to open it.

"Damn, it's a combination lock…"

Akamaru pawed at the case and started growling.

"Arf! Arf!"

Kiba nodded and smashed the case with the heel of his sandal. The suitcase cracked, and splinters flew everywhere. Kiba shielded his eyes and jumped in front of Akamaru.

"You alright, boy?"

"Arf!"

"Good…" Kiba sighed, picking himself up. He used the crack in the case to tear a huge hole in it. Out fell a bunch of clothes and a first-aid kit.

"Damn it, boy. No gameboys or cellphones or anything. Must be some stupid technologically-slow Amish guy."

"Arf!"

Back at camp, things were going quite peacefully. Kakashi casually read his book, Asuma was puffing on a cigarette, and Kurenai rested against a tree.

"Looks like our pupils did a decent job of setting the place up."

"Yeah, but, where's Gai?"

Kakashi looked around and shrugged. "Probably babbling about his equally flat-styled riceball-of-a-kid."

Kurenai glared. "Kakashi, be respectful! He just died!"

Kakashi sighed. "Fine, I'm sorry. But he is a little funny looking, ri-"

Kurenai reached up and slapped Kakashi. He now laid face in the sand, his book open on the floor. Asuma reached down and picked it up. He flipped through a couple of pages and raised his eyebrows.

"Kurenai, I didn't know that you were a porn model!"

Neji scanned the sea for boats. With his byakugan, he could see very far, but still no sign of other life except for the occasional shark fin or sight of Kisame shouting "Swim, my brothers, swim!"

Tenten approached him and peeked her head on his shoulder. She took a deep breath and shouted, "HI NEJI!"

Neji yelped and whirled around, jabbing her in the stomach. She fell backwards into the sand, and Neji realized who he had hit.

"Oh, damn it! Tenten, are you alright?"

Tenten shakily sat up and looked at Neji. Her eyes were filled with tears.

Neji grunted and knelt down. "Tenten, I'm sorry! I-I didn't know it was you! Did I hit you in a vital organ?"

Tenten shook her head. Neji let out a sigh of relief, but that relief quickly vanished when Tenten coughed up blood on his arm.

"Perfect…" Neji muttered. He lifted her up on his shoulder and carried her back to camp. When he got there, he set her down in the center of the camp.

"Hello? Does anybody here have any skill as a medical ninja?"

Sakura poked her head out of her tent and let out a long, cat-like yawn.

"I am, but I'm too pooped to do anything."

Neji glared and pointed and Tenten. Sakura sighed and came out. "Alright, alright. What's the problem?"

Neji pointed at her stomach. "I hit her on accident, and I want to know what's wrong."

Sakura let out another long yawn. "Why don't you just use your byakugan thingy to see? Retard…"

Neji used his byakugan and examined Tenten's inner stomach. He squinted and looked closer.

"Oh, I see! It's nothing ser-"

Sakura interrupted by smacking Neji across the face.

"Yow! What the hell was that for, you colossal-foreheaded bitch?!"

Sakura sighed. "I saw you looking at more than her stomach."

Meanwhile, back with our good friends Shika, things weren't going well. Chouji was hyperventilating, and Shika was tired of shoving him back to camp.

"Fatass, you're such a drag."