A/N: Soooooo here's one of my more screwed up pieces, to put it simply. I ended up deciding while working on Kistoone's character design that there should be a bit of reasoning behind all the bandages she wears, and at the same time I needed reasoning as to why she and Kamui joined the Reverse. Eventually this is what I came up with. Hope you guys like it in spite of all it's depressingness (Is that even a word? Lol.) and don't try to send me to the mental ward or anything. XD Thanks goes back to Chibi for betaing this one since she's back now!

Anyway, on with the fic!

Disclaimer: Screwed up ideas and chars are mine, all else belongs to Hiroyuki Asada.


Pretend

Kistoone didn't have family left.

But she liked to pretend.

Because pretending was all she could do to keep her very fragile sanity intact. Her personality was a feather-light and incredibly delicate mask that held her together. Kam had very nearly shattered it earlier, and she turned again to look at the reason why. Bright blue eyes fell on the frail body curled up on the bed, asleep now just as he had been for the past few hours. The Bee she had begged Kam to let her save, Faus.

Her newest child.

"Please, I pray you don't hate me for this." She whispered, kneeling at the bedside and folding up her arms to rest her head on them. "I'm sorry, I just can't do it. Can't watch death or commit murder. Not after how…my home… Nah, forget it, you don't wanna know. I'm just a softhearted girl who believes everything deserves the chance to live if it can fight off its enemies in a fair fight… You did that with that Gaichuu even though it nearly killed you. Therefore, in my eyes, you deserve a chance to live." The young woman sighed, freeing one hand to play with the caramel-colored strands of hair falling in his face. To her relief, his face held an expression of gentle peace, free of trouble or pain like it had been when they first brought him there. She wasn't as worried about his condition now that she had bandaged him up and seen his sleeping expression become calm. When he woke, she'd see to it that he ate and then she would assess his mental state.

She was such a mother at heart. Des and Kam (Des moreso than Kam) laughed and called her "mother" or "mom" jokingly from time to time, but she wasn't bothered by it.

Actually, she liked being called mom. She doubted she would ever really have babies of her own; even if she would allow herself to get that close to another person, she would be constantly tormented by the idea that she would lose all of them and not be able to do a thing about it. Just like how she lost her real family.

Just like how she lost her entire village.

Kistoone was scared to death behind that mask because [Who are they? What do they want here? They look funny, mommy, where are they from?] she was haunted by her [Mommy, what was that? Why are they hurting Chief Elder? Why doesn't he get back up? Mommy? Mommy…?] past. Every time she closed her eyes [Why are they hurting us? Where's daddy? Mommy, what did we do to—Mommy? What's wrong? Mommy! Mom! Get up! Why won't you—NO!] she saw chaos, firelight, bodies, blood, the deceitful men attacking and killing her people.

Her [No, no! NononononononoNO! Let me go! Mommy, help! ] family.

She saw the massacre of [No! StopitstopitSTOPIT! You're HURTING me! What do I do?] innocent people she knew her whole life. Kistoone felt the kicks, the stabs, the burns they left her with that hadn't allowed her peace ever since. [What did we do?]

She was the only one left alive by some small miracle that seemed more a curse than a blessing. Then Kamui found her.

He stumbled into the decimated village with a nasty limp and looking only slightly better than her. She knew him, but not personally; he had been a friend of a friend who wasn't that much of a friend. He came looking for Rielle and gotten her instead, but the look on his face had been nothing short of awed as he watched her rise unsteadily from the rest of the bodies, bleeding and burnt, but with her head held high,

He didn't seem to mind getting her instead when they began to depend on each other to get past recovery. That alone had been a black hole that it had taken nearly forever to get out of, but during that time they learned it was the a group of men hired by the government that had destroyed their peace, their lives, and Kistoone's home along with everyone in it. When the Reverse showed up, there was no question as to whether or not they would join. In fact, when they joined, they never looked back; their past was full of pain and scars left behind by hired men that would haunt them for the rest of their lives.

This particularly held true for Kistoone.

So she liked to pretend, it made the pain go away for awhile.

"Mom?" She lifted her head to see Des standing in the doorway. "Kam said we had a new addition and you were tending to him. He asked me to bring you this." He gestured with a bandage-covered left hand to the bowl he held in his right. She couldn't hold back a smile then, Kam liked acting as if he didn't care, but Kistoone had been able to see right through it from the beginning.

"Oh, thank you both." She told him as she took the bowl from him, though Des' eyes were focused on Faus. "He's a Bee that just narrowly survived a Gaichuu attack. I wouldn't let Kam kill him, though. Couldn't. So he's ours now—mine, mostly. Kam doesn't want a thing to do with him, kind of like with you…he's not a very good father." She started downing the soup the moment she stopped speaking. Des shrugged, it was all he really could do; Kam would be Kam, and Kam would be antisocial. Their new members were handled primarily by Kistoone until Kam decided he liked them, or—more commonly—decided they were tolerable. It had taken him forever to get used to Des and Laurence had brought Des to them himself. Knowing this, Kistoone doubted he would get used to Faus any time soon.

Until then, it seemed like he was all hers. And maybe Des' if he wanted to help out.

"Can't blame him for not wanting to care for a Bee boy so close to death. We both know he shut down after…your village, his knee…" Des knew that story, but not like they did. He had been an Akatsuki experiment, the proof was his bandaged left arm, which looked as though he had traded his arm with some demon.

"I know, but after seeing all…that, he wouldn't want to see…" She shivered at the return of the memories to the front of her mind and Des patted her shoulder comfortingly.

"Not everyone takes everything the same way, Mom." He reminded her softly. "So, do you know his name?"

"Faus." She told him the name that the now unconscious boy had forced out, trying to make it sound more solid than it was. "He told me his name was Faus."

Des smiled a little and looked to the boy again. "Hmm, odd name, but hey, Des is just as odd." The silver-haired man said to her.

"No more odd than Kistoone. He's a perfect fit in our mismatched little family." She murmured, which produced a laugh from Des as he released her shoulder.

"True, true. Well I'm going to go to sleep, you probably oughta get some too, but anyway, 'night, mom." He told her, and then he was gone and it was just Faus and her in the room again. After a moment of thought, Kistoone wordlessly rested her elbows on the bed and clasped her hands together before she closed her eyes and resting the top of her head against her forearms. With that, she sent a letter of sorts heavenward.

Dear Mother of Faus,

I don't blame you if you hate me. I'm a selfish, petty individual and I know it, I deserve your hate for taking your son away from you, but I couldn't let him die. I doomed him to a life of acting against the government he once worked for, but I'll try to keep him safe. He'll be well taken care of, though, like an adopted son for a mother who can have no children…because that's basically what I am. A selfish "mother," but one who loves her children no matter what. Hate me if you will, but—

"Kistoone?" She opened her eyes to find eyes the exact same shade of golden brown that resembled honey looking back at her; Faus had woken.

"Yeah, Faus?" The hands unclasped and folded as she spoke in a gentle tone no louder than a stage whisper.

"Can I have something to eat? I'm hungry." She almost laughed at how timid he sounded, as if asking for food was a crime, but only smiled pleasantly at him as she stood.

"Of course, hold on." She assured him as she fell back into her motherly personality and out of seriousness once more.

She liked to pretend, after all.

~End~


A/N: Yes, I know I'm twisted. Hopefully you still liked this in spite of it! Anyway, guys, please review, I love hearing feedback from readers!