A/N: HOLY CRAP, YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING.

I haven't updated this story in months. MONTHS. Since JULY. OF LAST YEAR. And yet I've still gotten all these rave reviews, story alerts, favorites...plus, from the reviews I've received so far, you guys seem just as excited about the rest of this story as I am...so, thanks! You guys are AWESOME!

So...excuses time? I had every intent of updating every month, but school work and college applications got kind of hectic, so I had to push this work aside for a while. I'm sorry it took so long, but now I finally have enough time to keep working on my story! YAY!

I changed my penname while I was gone, too! Hope it doesn't throw anyone off; it's still good old leshawnaseville15 writing angsty anime fics!

But enough excuses! Here (FINALLY) is chapter three of 'Pushed and Pulled', and I hope you all enjoy!


Pushed and Pulled

Chapter Three: Intrusion

Oh, your love is never good enough
Oh, your love is lost on me
You don't know, you don't know
Oh, your love is lost on me.
What's the matter, what's the matter with you lately?
~Milo Greene


"Hello, Tomoya-san," a woman with long brown hair pulled into an elegant ponytail and warm, familiar brown eyes said with a pleasant smile on her face. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

Tomoya froze at the sight of the woman standing right in front of his door. "S-Sanae-san," he whispered in complete disbelief, his eyes slowly widening.

It had been years since Tomoya had last seen his elegant mother-in-law- many years, as he finally remembered just a few minutes ago- and yet Sanae had remained completely unchanged. Her smile was still just as cheery, her soft brown eyes still calm. And through his hazy mind, Tomoya was still able to register the strong, warm sense of hope radiating from her...hope...

"Can I come in?" Sanae asked, breaking Tomoya away from his thoughts.

Tomoya slightly swayed in place. "Wh...What are you doing here?" he slurred, refusing to move away from the door.

Sanae picked up on Tomoya's drunken state- his uneasy legs, his unfocused eyes, his slurred speech- and frowned. "Well, I was hoping the two of us could share some dinner," she answered, shifting something uncomfortably in her hands. Tomoya looked down to see that she held two plastic bags filled with groceries. "We haven't seen each other in so long, so I figured...you don't mind, do you?" she asked timidly.

Tomoya broke away from his mother-in-law's concerned eyes and stared at the ground.

Did he mind?

Sure, she was the one-and-only Sanae-san, the only person who truly attempted to reach out and completely heal Tomoya, even after everyone else gave up on him after the first try. She was someone he trusted, someone who understood him.

But she was still an outsider.

Sanae still belonged to that world on the opposite side of his door, that world that swallowed him whole and destroyed him every time he ventured into it. Bringing her into his apartment seemed like yet another invitation for that world to invade the only space he could control.

Plus, the one-and-only Sanae-san had given up completely after the third try...

After a moment of serious contemplation, Tomoya finally gave a small shrug. "Sure. Why not?" he mumbled slowly as he turned to walk back into his apartment.

Sanae's soft smile returned. "Great. Thank you, Tomoya-san," she replied, bowing slightly before following him in. "You don't mind if I use up your kitchen to make our meal, do you? I might make a bit of a mess."

" 'S over there," he muttered in reply, waving a heavy arm in the general direction of the kitchen. "Have a party." Tomoya slowly sulked away from Sanae as he made his way back into his living room, carelessly lying down on the floor again.

Sanae quietly watched him go before walking into the small kitchen and opening the fridge. "My, my, Tomoya-kun," she said with a chuckle as she looked over the refrigerator's contents. "There's absolutely nothing in here! Don't you eat when I'm not around?"

"I take care of myself just fine when you're not around," Tomoya snapped as he sat up and angrily turned towards the kitchen, glaring at Sanae.

She jumped at the sound of Tomoya's rough, loud voice, accidentally dropping her bag of groceries onto the floor. Her eyes connected with his furious ones before he turned away from her and stretched out on the carpet again. She gently placed a hand over her chest, trying to calm the quick, uneven beating of her heart.

Sanae felt genuinely afraid...of Tomoya.

"I see," she finally replied softly, collecting herself and picking up the plastic bags. "I'll just...get to work, then."

"You do that," Tomoya grunted, placing his arms behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling.

Silence immediately took over as the two of them went about their business separately.

As she slowly stirred the meat and vegetables in a large skillet, Sanae finally began to realize just exactly what she had gotten herself into. This Tomoya was certainly different. It felt so unnatural, being afraid of him. This careless, angry, drunk...scary Tomoya used to be so sweet, so down-to-earth, so loving, so caring. And yet for a split second, Sanae wanted to dash out of his apartment, save herself from whatever unnatural wrath she would undoubtedly face.

But she was here for a reason, she reminded herself. A goal had to be reached. She couldn't leave, not yet.

Maybe she could start by solving one piece of the problem. Perhaps his drunkenness? As the thought came to her, she quickly grabbed a cool container of milk from one of the plastic grocery bags and poured some into another smaller pan. In minutes, a large, steaming mug of creamy milk was prepared.

Sanae emerged from the kitchen, gingerly cradling the mug in her hands as she approached Tomoya. "Here," she said with a small, forced smile. Tomoya slightly jumped as she gently placed the mug next to him.

Tomoya slowly sat up and raised an eyebrow as he glanced at the steaming cup. "Huh," he groaned, "some dinner. What happened to all that food you brought over here?"

"It's warm milk," Sanae replied, picking it up again and handing it to him. "It'll help, I promise." And with that, she walked back into the kitchen. The loud hissing sound of fresh meat and vegetables cooking in a hot pan came from the kitchen moments later. Tomoya grumbled as he cradled the warm, soothing cup in his hands.

He shouldn't have let her walk through that door.

Sanae had to be toying with him, had a plan to completely ruin his safe, inside world. What was she doing here? And what the hell was the milk for? Did she think that milk would just evoke some sudden change in him, that it would force him to allow her into his inside world? Did she think it was that easy? That fucking milk would just do that?

Although, he realized as he took a long, slow gulp, something about the warm liquid was certainly making the fuzzy lines go away.

Sanae suddenly walked into the living room with two steaming dishes of food in her hands. "Dinner is ready," she announced as she placed the two plates on the table. "It's just stir-fry, but I'm sure you'll like it." She knelt at the small table before looking over at Tomoya, who merely stared warily at the food. "Well? Dig in. I want you to take the first bite."

Tomoya slowly picked up his chopsticks and popped a few vegetables into his mouth. And he had to admit, they were absolutely delicious. They were crunchy and warm and juicy, and it had been years since the last time he had a home-cooked meal as delicious as this one.

"How is it?" Sanae asked as he greedily stuffed his face with more food.

Tomoya paused for a moment. "It's good. Really good," he mumbled with a full mouth of food before digging in again.

Sanae smiled as she watched Tomoya devour his plate, flicking away any pieces of food that fell on the table with her tiny fingers. "Well, good!" she replied. "I worked hard on it, so I'm glad you like it! You know," she continued enthusiastically, "Akio says that my food has improved over the years. He says even my bread has gotten better!" she giggled. "I should have brought a loaf of the candy bread I made yesterday. You might have liked it!"

Tomoya felt a small pang of nostalgia as she spoke. From what he remembered of his time observing the Furukawa family's antics so many years ago, he knew that Akio, without a doubt, blatantly told his wife a lie. It almost felt nice to know that even after all these years, Akio hadn't changed either. And...candy bread? He could almost taste the sticky, sickeningly sweet failure of a pastry in his mouth.

Sanae took her first bite of her plate of food. "So, Tomoya," she said after swallowing, "how are you doing?"

The hardness in Tomoya's eyes quickly returned. "Fine," he mumbled, looking up from his food to scowl at her.

"There's nothing...interesting that has happened in your life recently?"

"What do you mean?" he growled, suddenly feeling annoyed by such a simple question. He could feel his hand slowly clenching around his chopsticks.

"Well, we haven't seen each other in a few years, Tomoya. So many things can happen to a person in a few years!" she responded with a small giggle. "People grow older and meet new friends, or get new jobs, or learn something new...something exciting must have happened to you during that period of time! Let's see, maybe I can start...well, first off, we got new neighbors. Akio bought a new car, and I've been improving my baking skills one step at a time-"

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Tomoya suddenly roared, furiously slamming his fist onto the table. He glared at his mother-in-law, who looked back at him in fear.

"W-What's wrong, Tomoya?" Sanae asked, ringing her hands in fear, her voice shaking. "Did I say something wrong?"

"What makes you think," he screamed, "that you can just...just waltz in here after ten fucking years and just ask me how I'm doing? You and I both know that you don't care! You just don't really care! And you can convince yourself that you do, by walking in here and thinking that you can just fix every little thing that's gone wrong since the last time we met with a plate of stir-fry, but you sure as hell aren't convincing me!"

"How…how could you say that?" she whispered angrily, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. "Of course I care about you, I always have-"

"You ditched me, remember?" Tomoya spat. "You ditched me ten years ago because you thought I couldn't handle making my way back into the family again. You ditched me because you thought I was too pathetic, that you just couldn't deal with me anymore, and after that you left. You just left! Left me to my pathetic self and my pathetic fucking life because you don't fucking care-"

"Do you really think you left me a choice?" Sanae suddenly snapped, cutting Tomoya off. Thick tears strolled down her stern, aggravated face as she glowered at her son-in-law.

"What the hell are you talking about-"

"I tried three times. Three, Tomoya!" she shrieked, her voice cracking. "And each time, you were the one who looked like you didn't care! Remember the third time?" she asked accusingly. "You didn't even bother returning my phone call! Didn't even bother opening your door to let me talk to you! Back then, you said yourself that you didn't care. Don't you dare blame your situation on me, Tomoya! This was all you."

A heavy silence took over as Tomoya's anger slowly faded, as Sanae's words slowly formed in his head.

He didn't care. This was his fault.

He thought back to those times, those times where friends, family, Sanae told him to get his act together, to start over, and each time, he failed them. He became too scared, too frustrated, too depressed to try. And their disappointed faces, her disappointed face always made him so angry at them, at himself.

This was his fault. But it wasn't that he didn't care. He just couldn't face them again. He didn't want to face that outside world again, that disappointed outside world.

"I'm…sorry," Tomoya finally answered softly. "You're right. I've been…I've been a pain in the ass since the day I walked into your bakery so many years ago, huh?" he whispered with a sad laugh. "It's just…all those times…I…I've always felt that I just need to stay away. From everything, not just you and Akio, but…" Tomoya sighed heavily, placing his head between his hands. How could anyone properly explain the pure fear and anguish he experienced every single day of his life, ever since Nagisa's death?

"Every time I walk out that front door, it feels like suicide. My whole world just…crashes and burns every time I leave this apartment. Things fuck up my life when I step out, and people hate me when I can't deal with the destruction. So I just try to keep whatever I have left in here. So that nothing else can mess it up. But even then…even then, things from the outside find their way in and destroy what's left. They just…" Tomoya pulled at his hair in agony. "They just ruin everything."

Sanae placed a hand on Tomoya's back, rubbing small circles and ignoring the occasional flinch he gave in response to her soft touch. Her hard expression melted into one of complete understanding. "You didn't want me in here, did you?" she asked softly.

"I...I didn't, and I did," he replied in a frail, broken voice. "You're from the outside, so, naturally, I hated you when you walked in. You were an intruder. I figured you were bound to change something in here. But I also figured your changes wouldn't be so bad, because you're...you're you, you know? You're kind and understanding and helpful...and I wouldn't hate them as much. I mean, there's food in my fridge now," he said with a soft, sad chuckle. "That's a nice change. And I have someone to talk to. About, you know, all this. And I figured that, maybe, if I let you in, you would…get it. Why I'm like this."

Sanae gave him a small smile. "I think I do get it," she replied softly, allowing the comfortable silence between the two of them to take over. "Things have been different for us back at the bakery too, I'll admit. Granted, many things have remained constant- the amount of customers we have, Akio's taunts, of course. But without Nagisa-"

She felt Tomoya flinch again at the sound of her name. "Shh, darling, it's okay," she cooed, adding a bit more force into her back rubs. "Her absence is the source of it all, isn't it, Tomoya? Of your behavior, of your fear. Of our loneliness."

Tomoya slowly picked his head up. "You're lonely too..."

"Of course I am," she answered softly. "Both Akio and I are. And our lives have never felt the same. But we've slowly learned how to keep going. That's what she would have wanted, right? To still look at the beautiful things in life, to still take care of the people around us."

"I got fired today," Tomoya stated bluntly after a few moments.

"Oh, sweetheart," she cooed, adding a little more force to her back rubs. "I'm so sorry. How did it happen?"

"I showed up late for work. Then I kind of punched one of my coworkers in the face."

"Well," she said with a bit of a laugh, "that's certainly a perfect way to get fired. Why did you arrive at work so late?"

"I was-" All of a sudden, memories of the night before came rushing back: the party, the drinking, the girl, the looks, the kissing the cab the clothes on the floor wet towel naked skin bright eyes long hair yelling screaming saw her picture fucking cheating fucking cheating- "I...didn't hear my alarm clock. Worked overtime the day before, was really tired when I got back home..."

Sanae picked up on his sudden pause, but she let it slide. "Oh. Okay. That will do that to you. Well, I hope you'll be able to find a new job soon. Any employer would be lucky to have you, I promise," she said. "I know you. Sure, you've fallen by the wayside for a little bit, but you're such a hard worker. I know it."

Tomoya took the compliment with a smile. "I guess you really do know me, in the end," he whispered happily, looking down at the empty plate of food and the cup of milk she had so kindly given him despite his attitude, despite his state of mind. "But, Sanae-san...why exactly are you here? That's the one thing I just can't figure out."

"You said it yourself," she answered. "It been a few years since we've spoken. I felt that it was time to reconnect. I, uh, did come here for another reason, though."

"More than reconnecting, then?" he replied with a genuine, heart-warming laugh. "What's the reason, then?"

"The truth is, we've just lost a family member."

Tomoya's smile fell slightly at the news. "I'm...sorry for your loss, but I'm still not sure why that has anything to do with me."

"He was on Akio's side of the family. We have to travel very far to reach his family and go to the funeral, and it just won't be possible for us to make it back to the bakery during business hours," she explained. "Tomoya...we're hoping that you can watch over the bakery for us while we're gone."

And at that, his smile completely disappeared. "You want me...to-"

"Think about it, Tomoya!" Sanae interrupted, reaching for Tomoya's face and rubbing circles in his soft cheeks with her thumbs, trying to erase the worried, scared look plastered on his face. "I think that this will be a great way to get back into a normal life again! We'll pay you. You'll have a job, and you'll have a place to stay. You'll have a chance to get reacquainted with a place you left behind so many years ago. It's a small step, but...it's a step."

Tomoya felt a hard knot of worry form in his throat. "H-How long will you be gone?"

"A month."

"A month? For a funeral?"

"Akio also sees this as the perfect time for us to get reacquainted with people we left behind, too," she explained hastily. "So we will actually be visiting multiple family members for a while, but please, Tomoya. Please do this. Not just for us, but for yourself, too. It could help."

"I...I..."

Deep down, Tomoya knew she was right. Making up for his past and starting over again was supposed to be a step-by-step process, right? Just like Sanae said. It would be a small step. He would have a chance to be in the bakery, walk around the neighborhood. No one would be there to bother him. The memories would come flooding back, but he would have time to reflect on them all on his own. There was no one else to worry about but himself. Sanae had to be right. And who knows? Maybe, just maybe, if he listened this time...he would get better.

"I'll do it."

Sanae slowly pulled away from Tomoya with a huge grin, her eyes sparkling with tears threatening to spill over. "Thank you so much, Tomoya," she whispered, taking his hands and squeezing them tight. "Thank you."

Maybe. Just maybe. Things would get better.


"Did you do it?"

"Yes, I did."

"And did it work?"

"Of course! Why do you think I was gone for so long? Besides, he didn't need much persuasion. I think he was ready."

"You didn't mention-"

"No, of course I didn't mention that part. If I did, he would have said no in a heartbeat, you know that."

A sharp exhale rang in Sanae's ears from the phone's receiver. "Are you sure this is going to work?"

"Everything will work out fine. Just trust me."

"Alright...when should we leave?"

"Early tomorrow morning. I gave him the key and told him to be there by at least seven in the morning. We should be gone by six."

"Then I'll start packing. We're gone the entire month, right?"

"A month should be plenty of time."

"And if it's not?"

"Then we'll be there to help out. Either way, this will end. Everything will be okay."

"Okay. Alright...okay. I'll...see you when you get home then."

Sanae hung up and continued her brisk walk home from Tomoya's apartment. She had finally allowed herself to leave. Her job was done.

The drunk, careless, angry man she had met at the door was certainly not the same person she had last seen years ago. But Sanae couldn't help but feel that a tiny piece of the hopeful young boy he used to be was the one that waved enthusiastically as he watched her leave. She could have the old Tomoya back again in a month, and everything would be okay.

She smiled as she tightly wrapped her jacket around her and walked back home.


A/N: And there you have it! I know this chapter is significantly shorter than the previous two, but it's important. Trust me.

Fun Fact #6: I usually listen to music that fits the mood of the chapters I write, and I tend to find the perfect story-mood music in show/movie soundtracks. I've finally realized that the song I tend to listen to the most while writing this story is the vocal version of 'Town, Flow of Time, People' on the Clannad OST.

And it fits. Incredibly well.

Not that the entire Clannad soundtrack doesn't fit in with this story, but that song just makes you feel dull and hopeless whenever you listen to it, and about a minute and thirty seconds in, it feel like the world is laughing at your pain and your mistakes and your miserable life. Or at least, I see it that way. So, when I eventually update future chapters, try reading them while listening to 'Town, Flow of Time, People'. It helps.

Fun Fact #7: The lyrics above are from the song 'What's the Matter' by Milo Greene. I actually think of this song as this story's theme song, really. Also, it's a GREAT song. You should listen to it.

In fact, I'll be creating a soundtrack on my profile of songs that fit in well with this story, so if you're curious about a song referenced before a chapter, you can just check there if you'd like!

THANKS FOR READING! And this time, I'll see you soon!