AN: First, I would like to thank SaphiraMorgan and ifyouloveme2 for the reviews because it really made my day and inspired me to load up chapter 3! Naruto will do the honors for the disclaimer!
Naruto: Okay, Chibi PO'd Hiei does NOT own me or any of my affiliations, Masashi Kishimoto does, dattebayo!
Recap: The next morning Gaara and Naruto felt what they had been dreading through out the night. They sensed Akira's chakra. They tore out the door and down the street searching for Akira's location. "Oh no," Naruto wailed, "Not Ichiraku Ramen! ANYTHING but the ramen stand!" Yes, the Ichiraku Ramen stand. Gaara and Naruto took a few deep breaths, but nothing could have prepared them for what they saw next…
Akira was in a pink frilly apron cooking ramen. That's right, pink frilly apron and cooking the ramen. How did the guys react? Well, let's just say their eyes looked like they were about to pop out of their skulls as they practically collapsed into the bar stools at the counter. "Who are you and what have you done with Akira?!" Naruto gasped in shock.
"Hmm? Er, well, you see I've been thinking, and what I've done to you two, well, it wasn't right. I guess I'm trying to…ap-apol-apple…able…no that's not it…" "Apologize," Gaara prompted. "Right! I wanted to apologize! So I made you breakfast!" With a flourish, Akira produced two bowls of breakfast ramen with the two eggs for eyes and the bacon arranged to make a smiley face on top. "Oh, boy!" Naruto immediately began digging in and uttering sounds that people only make when eating something really tasty. Gaara on the other hand picked at it, looking for anything suspicious and was watching Naruto to see if he suddenly dropped dead. He then looked at Akira, who gave him the sad puppy dog eyes.
"You don't like it?" she asked sounding like she was about to burst into tears. A thought crossed Gaara's mind, 'Crap! I can't resist the eyes. Oh, great. Now she's going to cry? How can someone so evil make me feel so guilty?' He looked back down and ate the ramen. To his surprise it was actually really good. After he finished, the boys looked up to thank Akira only to see her evil smirk. They went from being pleasantly surprised to terrified in that instant. "Boys, two; me one," Akira said with evil delight, as the boys' bowels started moving, and she held up an empty bottle of laxatives.
"What?" Gaara started,"But I ate the ramen after Naruto!" Akira's evil smirk widened as she also produced an empty bottle of fast acting laxitives. "I hate you..."Gaara growled before he and Naruto couldn't take it anymore and ran as fast as they could for the nearest bathroom. Fortunately, the boys found a bathroom next to the hot springs in time. Unfortunately, they were there for five hours. When they got out, they came face to face with Akira.
Before Naruto or Gaara could do or say anything she started sniffing, yes you read correctly sniffing. "Whew! You boys reek!" "No thanks to you!" Naruto shouted and Gaara just growled at her. "I think you boys need a bath,"she said with an evil spark in her eyes. "What? No-"Naruto was cut off as Akira quickly grabbed both him and Gaara and bodily threw them into the hot springs where they both landed in the water unharmed.
"Ha! You missed! We hit the water, dattebayo!"Naruto crowed in triumph. "But now our clothes are wet..."Gaara said. "Oh yeah..."Naruto muttered as he realized that they were now soaking wet. "Hey, Naruto." "Yeah, Gaara." "Is it just me...or do you sense a huge amount of bloodlust right behind us?" They turned around and stared death in the eyes, or at least in the form of the thirty women who had previously been bathing in the hot spring. Yes, Akira had thrown them into THE WOMENS side of the hotspring.
"Gaara, quick use your sand and get us out of here!" Naruto whispered out the side of his mouth. "I can't! It got wet and turned to mud!" Gaara whispered back. "Oh, well, then RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!" With the obvious being shouted loud enough for half of Konoha to hear, Naruto and Gaara ran straight for the fence and jumped over it, only to land on the one and only SuperPervert who had been doing some 'research'.
"Hey, there's three of them! GET THEM!!!!!!!" With that the thirty women began chasing Naruto, Gaara, and the Toad Sage (AN: if you don't know who I'm talking about by now...nuff said) through the village. The three of them were running for the village gates, and they would've made it out the gates and into the freedom beyond them...but Akira had other plans. She was already at the gates waiting for them along with Tsunade and Anko.
Ah, yes, Tsunade and Anko the two biggest pervert haters in the ninja world who had heard Akira's side of the story first and were out for pervert and falsely accused pervert blood. The two kunoichi struck so quickly and so brutally that neither Naruto, Gaara, or Jiraiya knew they were attacking until it was too late. Anko kicked the three of them in the place no man wants to be kicked hard enough to launch them into the air where Tsunade followed up with a super powered punch to the gut that sent them spiraling down to the waiting very angry women below. Those women were also out for blood, and they were on the two jinchuuriki and perverted Sannin like bridesmaids on a wedding boquet (AN: seriously those women are SCARY).
Jiraiya at this point managed to use his many, many years of experience evading angry women in a mob to use a substitution and escape with what little dignity he had left. However, Naruto and Gaara were not so fortunate, especially Gaara who was without a sand shield and armor and unaccustomed to pain of any kind. They were punched, slapped, kicked, hit with various objects, kicked again, slapped again, trampled, yelled at until their ears nearly bled, and many other forms of beating and mobbing.
It was night by the time the women were through with those poor innocent boys. Battered and bruised, they dragged themselves to Naruto's apartment where they collapsed on the couch. Naruto was out like a light instantly, but Gaara didn't have the luxury of sleeping the pain away. He sat there, nearly at the breaking point, waiting for his sand to slowly return...
Poor Naruto and Gaara...I wonder what new horror Akira has in store for them...Find out next time! You won't be disappointed!
