Chapter 3: Button, oh button…
This chapter includes added insanity! MONKEYS!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
*Cat's POV*
We didn't actually leave Rivendell for about a month, during which Aragorn, Boromir and Legolas decided to teach Erin and I how to fight. I'm sure someone, at some point, thought it sounded like a good idea.
'Ow ! It cut me!'
'It's a sword, you numpty. They're supposed to be sharp… oops… Sorry Boromir!' He had ducked to avoid the dagger I'd accidentally thrown at his head.
'Would you like to take a break?' Boromir asked.
I hung upside down from a tree branch and watched Erin sparring with Aragorn. She managed to drop the sword twice and eventually to somehow throw it into a tree. The tree I happened to be hanging from, as it happened. I shrieked and fell off my branch, landing on top of Erin, who also shrieked.
'I think perhaps you should try with lighter blades, Lady Erin,' Aragorn suggested, as Erin tried unsuccessfully to pull her sword out of the tree.
'Enough with the 'lady' crap already!' Erin growled.
'Ooh, ooh, can I try archery?' I said excitedly.
''Cos there is nothing cooler, than an elf with a bow…' Erin started to sing. I groaned. 'Please, no, not that song again! Anything but that!'
'Anything?'
'NO! Look, Erin, a shiny sword!'
'Shiny!' She stopped singing. I rolled my eyes and picked up a bow.
'So, how does this thing work?' Legolas looked pained at my lack of archery-related knowledge but proceed to show me how to use bow while Erin tried out twin daggers.
'Ow! Stupid sword…'
oOo
The day of our departure finally came. I woke up early, while it was still dark out. Erin was still asleep, until I poked her repeatedly with an arrow. 'OW! The hell?'
'We're leaving today!' I told her excitedly. She groaned.
'Day being the operative word, Catriona. It's still dark out.'
'Party pooper,' I pouted. I was too nervous to sleep, so I decided to get ready.
Following a long and difficult battle with various elf servants, Erin and I had succeeded in getting back our modern-day clothes, so I put on my jeans and hoodie, but wore a pair of dark brown travelling boots and fingerless gloves that were elvish, strapped on my sword and then double-checked my pack. Winter cloak, extra tunic and leggings, fluffy gloves – wait, they were probably fur-lined. Ew. I took out the fluffy gloves and instead packed extra pairs of the fingerless gloves/vambrace thingies – my hidden daggers, and socks.
Erin had fallen asleep again, so I hit her with a pillow until she sat up, looking half asleep. 'It's too early in the morning to be early in the morning,' she mumbled. 'But we'll be leaving soon!' A knock on our door emphasized my point. I opened it and saw Gandalf (or Pointy-hat Dude, as me and Erin like to think of him), Aragorn and Boromir. 'Milady, we will be leaving soon,' Aragorn said. He and Boromir both looked rather surprised at my clothes. ''Kay, Erin's just getting ready – isn't she, Erin?' I added over my shoulder. 'Count yourself lucky this world doesn't have makeup,' I told Aragorn.
'I'm ready!' Erin announced. She was also wearing jeans and a hoodie and carrying her pack. I rolled my eyes and we all headed down the stairs and outside to the courtyard. The rest of the fellowship was waiting by the archway, except for Frodo. He turned up a couple minutes later, followed by Elrond.
'The Ring-bearer is setting out on the quest of Mount Doom. On you who travel with him no oath or bond is laid, to go further than you will.' Elrond intoned. 'Farewell. May the blessings of Elves, and Men, and all Free Folk go with you.'
Aragorn and Legolas bowed, hands over hearts, as Gandalf said, 'The fellowship awaits the Ringbearer.' Frodo started through the archway. 'Mordor, Gandalf,' I heard him whisper. 'Is it left or right?'
'Left.' We headed down the left pathway in single file. Aragorn paused for a moment to look at Arwen before following the rest of us.
For about half an hour we all walked in silence, but after a bit a few quiet conversations started up. Erin got bored quickly and was talking with Pippin and Merry, which was worrying. A bored Erin and two mischievous hobbits could only be torture for the rest of us. I somehow, by complete coincidence, ended up walking next to Legolas.
'….Yeah, and then you just repeat it over and over and over again until someone hits you over the head with a chair.' I heard Erin say.
'Oh, no,' I murmured. 'She wouldn't…'
'Wouldn't what?' Stupid elf hearing.
'She's teaching them the song.' I told Legolas. He looked confused.
'What song?'
'You'll see.' I replied ominously.
'Altogether now! I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, and this is how it goes. I know a song that'll get on your nerves…'
'Erin, why the hell did you teach them that?'
'I was bored. And besides,' she added in a whisper, 'I thought it might make them remember.'
'…And this is how it goes. I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves…'
'Still, couldn't you have taught them something less annoying?'
'I know a song that'll get on your nerves, and this is how it goes. I know a song that'll get on your nerves…'
'Erin, please stop singing,' Aragorn said eventually. Erin stopped singing for about two seconds, then started up again. 'You're being far too nice to her,' I told Aragorn. 'I'll deal with her.' I lengthened my stride to catch up with Erin and whispered very quietly in her ear: 'If you don't stop singing, right now, I will tell the entire Fellowship that you fancy Boromir.' Erin glared at me, but stopped singing.
oOo
*Erin's POV*
You know the cool walking montage between Rivendell and the crebain attack? Two. Fricking. Weeks. That's how long it took in real life. Two weeks of walking through assorted terrain that usually involved hills. I got bored in the first half hour.
When we were walking over some rocks, I noticed that I was missing a button from one of the pockets on my jeans. 'I lost a button,' I announced. Nobody responded. I hopped up onto a rock and cried dramatically, 'Button, oh button, oh where have thou fled? Did thee tarry too long amongst fabric and thread? Did thee roll off my bosom and cease to exist? How I wish I could follow thee into the mist…' The middle-earthians started at me like I'd grown another head, while Cat cracked up.
oOo
We stopped to make camp at about midday. Boromir started to train with Merry and Pippin while Aragorn watched, occasionally shouting advice. Gimli and Gandalf were arguing about mountains. Legolas was standing on a random rock for some reason. I started singing the campfiresong song, until Cat smacked me on the head. 'Don't you wuv my singing?' I asked her, pouting.
'Damn your puppy-dog eyes! Fine, sing what you want.'
'Ow!' Boromir had accidentally cut Pippin's hand.
'Sorry, sorry!' He cried. Pippin kicked him in the shins, and he and Merry tackled Boromir to the ground.
'What's that?' Sam asked, pointing at the sky.
'Nothing. It's just a wisp of cloud,' Gimli said dismissively.
'It's moving fast…. against the wind.' Boromir said.
'No, it's not.' Cat said.
'Yes, it is.'
'No, it's not.'
'It is!'
'Crebain from Dunland!' Legolas yelled. Everyone rushed to dismantle the camp and hide, except for Cat. 'Look, it's coming towards us, my hair's getting blown out behind me, therefore- HEY!' Legolas dragged her under a bush, moments before the crebain flew past.
'Spies of Saruman.' Gandalf said heavily. 'The passage south is being watched. We must take the Pass of Caradhras.'
'Well, isn't that just peachy.'
The button lament is from the Potter Puppet Pals: Snape's Diary.
