A/N: Probably a little OOC on Sherlock's part, so I apologize for that. I tried to have him behave as he would, but not easy when we're talking about facing something he normally wouldn't. Hope you all like it anyhow :)
Chapter Three – Shattered
It was hours before John returned. Sherlock was still on the couch, facing the door. He was actually unaware of how much time had passed, but he realized that the room had dimmed considerably and when John turned lights on, they hurt his eyes.
He was surprised by John's face when he was finally able to see him. He looked tired, and sad. Sherlock didn't know what to say. John stood in front of him for a moment, just looking, before he finally spoke.
"Well, Sherlock, you're going to get your way, as usual."
His voice was quiet and resigned and that actually frightened the other man. He had never heard John so despondent before.
"What happened?" he asked, though for once, he didn't actually want to know.
"She is not ready for any of this. She intends to terminate the pregnancy. Honestly, I don't know why she even told me. What's really ironic is, I asked her the same thing you asked me. Don't I have a say in this? It affects me, too. You and I got the same answer – no. The only difference is, you got exactly what you wanted."
"No, John, that's not what I wanted."
"Then what?!" The sudden change in John's demeanour surprised the detective. He had gone from dejected to enraged in seconds. "You didn't want anything to change, Sherlock! Well, it's not going to! I thought I was going to be a father, but I'm not! I want to be a father! I know you don't understand that, but I wanted it, and now it's been ripped away from me."
During the tirade, tears had started falling from John's eyes, though Sherlock didn't think he realized it. The taller man had gotten up and crossed the room to him. Even while still yelling, Sherlock grasped him by his shoulders. He waited until John was done before speaking, making certain that the shorter man was looking him in the eye.
"I didn't want that, John," he pleaded, hoping he would hear what he was saying. "I told you you could be a father without being married. I didn't mind you having a baby, I just didn't want you to leave. This isn't what I wanted at all. I never meant for you to get hurt. Never."
"Why? Why was the thought of me getting married and moving out such a threat to you?"
"I told you! I don't want anything to change. I need you here, with me."
"You don't like people, you're difficult, you go days without eating, sleeping or talking! Why would you care if I were actually here so long I was a text away?"
"Because I love you!"
They both stopped and stared in shock at each other. Sherlock recovered first, dropping his hands from John's shoulders and taking a step back. His first thought was to close himself off, play what he said off as a platonic statement, but he quickly decided that he needed to let what he said stand. He probably just ruined his relationship with the doctor, but he couldn't let John go on, looking to create a family, without him knowing how he felt.
"You've completely changed my life," he continued, voice barely above a whisper. "You've changed me. And I love you. I hope you can forgive me."
John squeezed his eyes shut and just stood there for a moment, letting what he was hearing sink in. Sherlock was already resigned to what he felt was inevitable.
"You have nothing to apologize for," John finally said, opening his eyes. He sounded normal, but Sherlock couldn't read his expression. "Never ask for forgiveness for being in love. I assume that's the type of love you meant?"
Sherlock inclined his head in affirmation, keeping his expression neutral.
"Right. Um, don't take this the wrong way, but I can't handle this right now. I'm going to bed."
TBC
