It's All Fun and Games…

"…Until Someone Loses a Hand"

John was sitting in the nutritionblock with a cold cloth on his head, groaning into the counter while Rose was looking around the medicine cabinet to make a makeshift hangover remedy. "I'm God Tier, why does this hurt so MUCH?" he wailed.

"A hangover is pretty much the closest thing to death your brain can get," Rose replied. "So you have to get rid of it the old-fashioned way. But I have to admit, your display of drunkenness was quite the birthday gift."

John groaned again. "Glad me making a total dick of myself was entertaining," he mumbled.

Rose gave him a wry smile and a pat on the shoulder. "…Sure, John. That's the gift. Here." She pushed a glass of water in front of him, dropping a blue fizzy tablet into it. John took the glass and sipped it, grimacing.

"Ugh, it tastes like fish tank water!" He signed, still sipping it, not caring if it was toilet water used to baptize Caliborn's bitchy green ass by this point, ANYTHING to stop this migraine.

Dirk walked in, taking one look at John and breaking into totally uncool (NOT) giggles he would deny to the end of time, fishing around for a drink. "Way to guzzle it down, John," he remarked. "It only took, what, seven sips?"

"Knock it off, Dirk," Rose huffed. "I have it on good word that you like to hug people and sing love songs when YOU'RE drunk, at least John grows some badass balls."

Dirk blushed, but left with one last thrust of the proverbial sword. "Yeah, but at least I don't have sloppy makeouts with Trolls when I get drunk." He dodged the crushed can Rose threw at his head, scooting out laughing at the sound of John's anguished screams into his hood.


John would have stayed locked in a closet or even Windy-Zapped into some desolate nothingness rather than go out and face everyone, but Rose insisted he just get it over with and practically shoved him into the rec area.

Dave took one look at him and started cracking up with Terezi.

"Oh, I can smell how red his face is from here!" she laughed, almost falling off of her chair.

Vriska looked more than a little put out, especially considering Karkat's dare had been to kiss 'the most aesthetically pleasing' one in the room, and oh wow, BlowtotheEgox8 right there. So she wasn't really happy with John at the moment. "Hey, John, do you still have a hangover?" she asked.

"…a little yeah, why—" John grabbed his head and groaned loudly when Vriska used one of Gamzee's horns to aggravate it even more. "WHAT THE HELL, VRISKA!?"

"Call it punishment, Johnny-boy." She stood up and walked out in a huff.

"…PUNISHMENT FOR WHAT!? I'm already being punished with this killer migraine…" John sat down, sipping from the large bottle of water he carried with him, then shoved Dave off his chair with a gust of wind. "And stop laughing, you dick!"

Dave sat up, snickering. "Chillax, John, not like you're the first person to kiss a Troll around here." He got back into his seat. "…you ARE the first one to kiss a Troll after getting shitfaced and calling him a…what was it? 'Nubby-horned bulgesucker'? Seriously, John, you're a RIOT when you're drunk!"

John scowled at Dave. "Eat shit and die, Dave." He sat back, totally NOT pouting. "So where is everyone?"

Terezi grinned. "Well after your little BlackRom display, Vriska chased down Bananahammock to get her clothes back…she gave him a really good kick in the ass. Karkat locked himself in his respiteblock."

Dave snorted. "Probably jerking it to his BlackRom fantasies," he said, making John turn dark red.

"Dave, I swear to God—"

Dirk walked in, saving Dave from whatever threat that loomed on the horizon. "Yo, Dave, you busy…" He trailed off, smirking at John, who yanked his hood down to hide his face. "…Well, if you're DONE being busy, you up for some poker? Roxy's Voided us up a deck."

"Sure thing," Dave replied, standing. "Did she Void up some beer, I'm sure John would—" He proceeded to get gust-blown ass over tit into the couch.

Dirk laughed, giving John a good-natured smack on the back. "Ease up, John, we're just making fun of you like friends DO when other friends royally fuck up. Make fun and move on too. And you ever play poker?"

After righting Dave and inviting up Terezi, the small group headed into the library, the only place with a table big enough to accommodate everyone who was playing, which included Rose, Roxy, Jake, Dirk, Dave, Terezi, Kanaya, John, Vriska, and, surprisingly, Karkat.

John scooted to the opposite end of the table and Kanaya snatched Karkat by the back of the shirt to keep him from bolting. "Be mature, Karkat, honestly," she said, her lips twitching from the effort it took to not laugh at his expense.

"Alright, are all you ladies and gents ready to lose?" Jake said, expertly shuffling the cards, looking confident. Vriska snorted.

"Just deal them out, Jape," she scoffed, drumming her fingers on the table. Jake scowled, then started dealing out the cards, having explained the rules to everyone unfamiliar to them.

Karkat picked up his cards, staring, still not used to Quadrant symbols being used as gameplay suits, arranging them like Dave had taught him how to do some time ago, throwing two cards and having Jake deal him back two. He glanced around at the table.

Terezi was sniffing at her cards, not throwing any.

Vriska either had no poker face, or was REALLY that good at hoofbeastshitting her displeasure as she threw three cards.

Those damn Striders and their poker faces. Just…..fucking damn them.

Both Lalondes had their Resting Bitchfaces on, and tossed no cards.

Oh boy, Kanaya had a major tell with her glowing…

John…..ugh, fucking John. The idiot was chewing his lip into next week, fingers poising over two different cards as though deciding which ones to toss. Oh gog, this guy was going down hard.

Everyone made their second rounds before it was time to show.

"Oh wait!" John piped up, making almost everyone drop concentration. "What are we betting on?"

Dave's evil smirk made Karkat regret coming out of his respiteblock. "Oh, we're not betting with money or anything like that. This is STRIP poker."

Roxy almost threw her cards at Dave's face. "Dave, you suck!" she shouted. The Knight only snickered and shrugged.

"Hey, it's just making it more interesting! C'mon, chances are we'll never really have another opportunity to see each other naked ever again."

"Speak for yourself," Kanaya muttered, making Rose go bright red. "Whatever, I'm game for it."

"Same here," Jake said. "It's all in good fun, really!"

"Careful, Jape," Vriska hissed, "You have less clothing to worry about than the rest of us." HA! THAT wiped that grin off his face.

"UGH! FINE! FUCK!" Karkat growled. "You wanna see my bulge so badly, fine!" He laid down his cards. "There, straight, in hearts—EGBERT SHUT UP, YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT WHAT I FUCKING MEAN!" He glowered at John, who was cracking up on his side of the table.

Everyone else laid down their cards. Nothing, nothing, nada—the FUCK. John fucking Egbert's hand won with four of a kind.

"You're fucking kidding me," Dirk said, staring at the cards. John just grinned.

"Lucky hand, I guess," he said, shrugging, then leaned back in his chair. "Alright losers, strip!"

Vriska muttered about stupid Kanaya confiscating her dice before the game, throwing her glasses onto the table as Jake took off his hooded cape, everyone else adding something onto the pile. Stupid John Egbert and his stupid lucky hand. She'd show him what luck was!

Several plays later, and everyone was pissed and blushing varying degrees of blood color, and vowing retribution against Jake and John.

Jake had—thankfully—not gotten down any further than his cape, shoes, and socks, while John only gave up his hood. Everyone else, on the other hand, were not so lucky.

Vriska was flushed blue, mostly out of humiliation at the two dweebs outlucking her, down to just her shirt and undergarments. Dirk and Dave were down to boxers and shades, Roxy to her bra and panties, Rose to her bra and God Tier pants, and Terezi down to just her boxers, not caring a lick about her near-nudity at all.

Karkat was right on tier with Terezi, sweating bullets and PRAYING to whatever god was listening that his hand would win, just for ONCE. Even Gamzee's fucking gods would work! He discarded one card and nearly screamed with joy when he settled in his new card. It was a perfect hand, a 'flush' as Dave put it.

"Alright, let's see 'em!" John announced, making several somebodies want to slug him across the face, it was so smug.

Fed up with losing, Karkat slapped his cards down. "THERE!" he screeched, almost hysterical with delight. "FUCKING FLUSH, YOU STUPID SMUG FUCKS! BEAT THAT! FUCKING BEAT THAT!"

Jake and John spared a look with each other, Jake sighing, setting his cards down. "Only had two pair," he said glumly, tugging off his outer shirt and setting it onto the pile. Karkat sneered, looking at John.

"Well, you nooksniffer, you gonna lay down?" he challenged.

John sighed, looking at his cards. "….wow," he said. "A flush. Cant beat that." He glumly contemplated his cards, then glanced up, smirking, and Karkat felt the grin on his own face drop like a sack of hammers.

"…Except with a Royal Flush in hearts." He turned his hand, showing off his cards. "And I believe that's off with the boxers, and total loss to you."

Karkat stared at the cards and the ramification of their existence, suddenly thinking getting sloppy makeouts from a drunken Asshole of Booze-Breath was a really good deal right now. "Okay, you fucking won, good for you, I'm out!" He stood up.

"No way, Karkat," Jake said, his stupid grin mirroring John's. "Rules are rules. You strip, and you do it with dignity!"

"How the FUCK does someone strip with DIGNITY at a time like—" Terezi's boxers landing on the clothing pile cut him off, the table thankfully hiding anything he kind of didn't want or need to see right now.

"Don't know why you're bitching, Karkat, this is kinda liberating. I should strip naked ALL the time!" Terezi said, stretching.

"I will shove your cane down your throat, Pyrope," Vriska hissed, turning blue as she tugged off her shirt, not in any way, shape, or form going to coward out on this stupid game. Everyone else shed their items, the Striders now looking particularly red.

"C'mon, Karkat, off with the shorts!" Jake said. "Be a good sport about it, you can get your clothes back in no time at all!"

Karkat was seriously about to blow a gasket here. He swallowed hard, his fingers flexing at the hem of his boxers, but still hesitating.

"….What, Vantas, you need a little help there?" Vriska purred, snickering.

"Fucking come near me, and I swear I'll turn all these nice fucking clothes blue," Karkat growled back, then clenched his teeth, shoved down his boxers, and threw them onto the pile.

Totally (im)mature giggling from around the table made him wish he could seriously fucking DIE right now. He wasn't gonna look at anyone, he wasn't gonna look at anyone—

"HOLY SHIT, IS THAT WHAT TROLL THINGS LOOK LIKE!?"

Fucking John Egbert.

Just…

FUCK.

Karkat grabbed the nearest piece of clothing—he didn't bother looking at which one—and used it to cover himself, rushing out of the room, indeed showing even Trolls can blush all over.

As everyone else laughed or called it quits for the game and fished out their clothing, John was sitting back, red in the face. Dave tugged on his clothing, patting John's shoulder.

"Hey, don't worry about it, I pretty much had the SAME reaction when I first saw one," he said, nodding sagely.

"I didn't," Rose said, calmly pulling her shirt on.

"Fucking good for you Rose. Anyway, just chill, he'll get over it."

"…it's not that," John said, still blushing.

"Then what the fuck IS it, John?"

"…he took my hood with him."