AN: Wow! Even more reviews! does happy little review dance I am so excited that you guys are reading and enjoying this strange little tale. Thanks to: Herculeha, merrybean, Watermelon, Coda, Salsagirl626, lovova, Erin Miranda, Magic-Noise, TheShoelessOne, snufflesgal, Wrathchild, Leanan Sidhe for all reviewing this so far (hope I didn't forget anyone)! Here's to hoping you like it enough to keep doing so. Hopefully I can keep these chapters coming fast but I'm not sure because I'm going to NYC next week! (yay!) If you review alot while I'm gone, I'll try to work on a chapter while I'm there. ;)
Disclaimer: I don't own nothing. Not even correct english.
The Damsel and the Distressed
Chapter Three
I looked down at the clothes I was now wearing, sighing a little as I took in the baggy pants and white shirt. They didn't fit all that well and I was pretty sure they weren't clean, but I wasn't too concerned. If the day had taught me anything it was that none of this was going to go like one of those fanfiction romances. I would not be sweeping Captain Jack Sparrow off his feet, and I was really not sure I wanted to. Running my hands through my hair a little, I lamented being stuck on a boat with no shampoo or hairspray. Not that I'm high maintenance or... ok, so I'm a little freakin' high maintenance when it comes to my hair. Cut me a damn break.
Outside the door of the small cabin, I could hear the men cheering at something and I moved toward the door quickly to see what it could be. Opening it, I gasped as I came face to face with a still smiling Captain Jack.
"Hello love. We'll be heading into Tortuga now." He looked over my outfit, giving me a wide grin and mocking me with a little bow. "Ye look lovely, Mary me lass. Like a full blooded pirate yeself."
I snorted. I actually did. I was sorely tempted to tell the Captain that I had never even had a speeding ticket in my life, let alone pillaged or plundered on the high seas. The only thing that stopped me was knowing that the reference would be completely lost on him.
He looked down at me for a long moment and finally my gaze followed his. He was staring at my locket... well, my locket or my breasts. I couldn't quite be sure. Blushing, I tucked the locket underneath my shirt and buttoned every button except for the top one. There, now both were hidden. I gave him a triumphant look.
He smiled up at me, gold teeth gleaming.
"T'wsnt looking at yer locket, love," he said conversationally, enjoying my blush. And before I could say anything (what could I say to that!), the Captain was walking away to join his men on the main deck, leaving me to follow. I did so, grumbling and cursing the whole way. The newness of all of this was starting to wear off and I was feeling more than a little bitchy.
These pirates didn't know what they were in for.
I had been in a bar before, but never one like this one. In fact, I was pretty sure that up until this moment, I had thought bars like this didn't even really exist. Of course now, up until that morning I had also thought it was impossible to get sucked back through time into a fictional movie, so today did seem to be my day for standing corrected.
The second we walked through the door, everyone looked up. Men seemed frozen with their drinks in mid-air, women stopped giggling and looked at us with wide eyes, and even two men engaged in a fight stopped momentarily as the crew of the Black Pearl walked in. Jack smiled and everything returned to normal, except for the women who were now cooing like pigeons and making their way over in droves. The man behind the bar was asking us what we wanted as Jack prepared to sit and every seat around him filled with whores. No wonder he had such a big ego! I turned to the older man.
"What have you got?" I asked.
"Rum," he barked, pushing drinks over to two men on my left. I waited for him to continue but he didn't.
"Cosmopolitan?" I asked sarcastically, pretending to think it over. "Bay Breeze? Scotch and Coke?" He looked at me like I was mad and I thought he may be right.
"Rum it is then!" I called, with mock cheerfulness. He slid a dirty mug over to me and I gave him a sarcastic grin, tipping my glass to him.
"Service with a smile," I said, not even caring that he was ignoring me. "Just the way I like it."
Taking my glass, I stopped to take a sip before walking back to Jack and the others. Wonderful. It went down like battery acid and tasted like piss. Yuuuuummmmmy.
Jack smiled when I approached, looking up from the table full of ladies who were enraptured with his every word. It seemed all the other pirates, even Anamaria, had been wise enough to go off on their own and find things to do. Everyone except for me.
"Ah... Miss Bennett. Ladies, this is Miss Mary Bennett. She's from England, as it were."
The girls didn't even look up at me and I couldn't have cared less. Instead I took another drink of the rum and grimaced, feeling it still burn. I knew if I drank enough of it then eventually the nasty taste would go away.
"That's right," I said conversationally, pulling over a chair and wedging it between Jack and a redhead. I'm not usually so bold in real life but rum and time travel had done wonders for my nerves. "Chip-chip-cheerio, jolly good, and all that shite."
The redhead looked like she might kill me when I sat down and Jack looked pleased. I took another large drink of my rum (it was getting slightly better with each one) and watched as the redhead left her chair to perch herself on his lap. She raised her eyebrow as if to say, 'Well, how about that?' I promptly raised my middle finger as if to say... well, no need to explain what I meant by that, now is there?
Feeling bored with the stupid girls and the man who seemed to love every bit of it, I turned slightly in my chair to look around the room. There were all sorts of people here, but I could tell that most or all of them were pirates. The men were like Jack, dirty and unkempt (though I will admit, far less handsome) and the women were all in tight dresses with their hair pulled back, being either barwenches or whores. Anamaria and I were the only two women wearing pants, and I was the only one left in this room. I slumped down farther in my chair and tried to keep my head down so no one would notice me. Something told me that this was the kind of place where you wouldn't want to stand out.
A few men on my left were having a conversation and I couldn't help leaning a bit to hear it.
"So, they can't find her then?" One man said to the other. I couldn't see him but his voice was gruff, deep.
"She left before they got there and left nary a sign where she was going." The second man's voice was not as deep but was every bit as rough, as though he were speaking while parched of thirst. "They found that scrap o' paper with that nonsense on it. Ye know, the way to the treasure be through her heart or summin' like that."
My heart froze and I had to fight to remain nonchalant. I had held that paper in my hands. I had found it in...
"When the old man wouldn't explain, they slit his throat in his bed and left looking for the lass."
I looked to Jack who currently had two girls nuzzled into his chest, one under each arm. Could he have done that? He was a pirate but...
I took a large gulp of my rum, considered, then finished it off. Well, this was just wonderful. It was either be on board with a strange, potential murderer or in a town full of strange, definite murderers. My options were getting better all the time.
"More rum!" I shouted to the bartender. The girls laughed as I nearly fell over trying to get up. "Make it two," I said, gritting my teeth. Getting shit-faced might not really help things, but it would make me forget for at least a little while.
"You know what your problem is," I said to Jack, pointing to him. It wasn't really a question.
"I don't have a problem," he slurred, smiling. One of the girls was tugging on his arm, trying to get him to go off alone with her. It was safe to say that Jack and I were fairly smashed.
"Your problem," I continued, ignoring him, "is that you are a man. Even if you do walk like a woman." I finished another drink and tried to count the cups to see how many I'd had but the math made my head hurt. Diagonally from me, Jack tilted back to put his feet on the table and would have crashed to the floor if it hadn't been for the women fretting over his every move.
"I do not walk like a woman. I am all man, savvy?" He gave me a perverse grin and I nodded mockingly.
"Right Jack. You are a buffet of manliness." I gestured nonchalantly to his face. "By the way, your eyeliner is running."
His hand came halfway up to his eyes before he stopped it but that was enough. I was sent immediately into peals of giggles that not even the suddenly intense look I was getting from Jack could stop. When I finally had gained control of myself, I continued.
"The problem with men is that they're all liars. They say 'we want strong, smart women. We want someone to keep us on our toes.' But in the end it's always like this." I gestured at the girls. "You all truly want stupid women, who won't argue with you, who will laugh at your dumb jokes and be submissive and make you feel better about yourself. Even you Jack Sparrow. Even you."
There was a fire in his eyes now, even though he was still smiling. The girls looked like they weren't sure if I was trying to offend them or steal their man. A slightly more sober version of me would have realized it was time to stop. As it was, I went on.
"You know what you need Jack Sparrow? I'll tell you what you need. You need a real woman. A woman who won't take all of your crap. A woman who'll tell you how it is and to hell with ya if you don't like it. A woman who..."
"Tell me love," Jack interrupted, and now he didn't look quite so drunk. I wondered if I had been tricked somehow. "Did ye have someone in mind?"
I shifted in my chair under his gaze, that gaze, and now the whores did look nervous. I went to take a drink of my rum only to find it empty.
"I am not nearly drunk enough to answer that question," I told him, trying to appear haughty. He smiled and slapped the table, calling loudly, "More rum!" A few voices nearby laughed and I sighed as the tensions eased.
So I drank another glass of rum, this one more slowly, as I sat at the table with my head propped up in my hand, feeling like it might fall off and roll on the floor if I didn't hold it up. I drifted for a while, seeing people go by, hearing their noisy shouts and laughter but feeling separated from it still all the same. I was drunker than I had ever been before and I didn't really like it.
I opened my eyes some while later to see Jack standing with the redhead who was busy nipping at his ear.
"I'll be needing a room, mate," Jack called cheerfully. I raised my head and looked at him and he once more turned his grin on me. "Will ye be bunking with us, love? There's plenty o' Cap'n to go around!" he said, giving me a look and gesturing at the redhead. I gave him back a look that spoke of anger and intense violence, hoping that look could convey everything I was feeling at that moment, every bitter fear and bit of anger at being stuck between murdering pirates with no way home. He spun back to the man behind the bar, trinkets jingling. The vision made my head spin along with him.
"Two. Two rooms, mate."
The bartender slid the keys across the bar and Jack slid some coins back to him. Sighing, I laid my head down among the empty glasses and closed my eyes, thinking how sad it was that this was the second time in two days that I was falling asleep drunk off my ass.
And that was the last thought I had for a little while.
