Chapter three: Draw the Oceans

Chloe stopped in her tracks and stepped backwards at the sight of such distress on the girl's face.

"Oh my God, I'm totally invading your privacy! I'm so sorry, I'll leave you alone." The girl had stopped as well and after a second of Chloe standing back with her hand over her mouth she reached forward and touched her back gently. Hoping she could add at least a small amount of positive energy into the situation, she quickly added "…Although, um, don't take this the wrong way, but I can also stay with you if you just need to vent to someone who isn't gonna judge you and who you'll probably never see again- if thats what you need. Just let me know okay? It's kind of my thing to go out of my way to make people feel better." She smiled and made the kind of eye contact that she hoped would give off the most telepathically generous vibes.

The girl stared at Chloe, taken aback but still in consideration. A small split in the cover overhead had opened up briefly to illuminate the pair of them and Chloe saw her face for the first time. Her lips were sucked in and her eyes spilled shimmering streams down her cheeks . "I'm fine. Really. Thank you. I um…It's…it's complicated. It's Really complicated." Her voice broke on the word 'really' and her quaking hands passed to her face to rub at her eyes. Chloe begrudgingly let her do this contrary to her instincts of taking the girl's wrists away and hugging her- she didn't want to violate this stranger's privacy more than she already had. She waited patiently for the girl to think about the situation while she kept her hand on her shoulder to stabilize her.


Beca's stomach churned and she chewed her lip as she weighed her options. The three best responses that sprung to mind were not the most reliable ideas she'd ever had, but they would be better in the long run than simply to lay on the ground and give in to a breakdown.
Firstly, she could reject Chloe's help and give no explanation for her current state, but ask her to keep walking with her 'for comfort' to hopefully form some kind of closer connection which she would use later to see her again.
Secondly, she could, as fast as possible, concoct a story similar to the truth but somehow without mentioning the factors of reincarnation, the confirmation of some kind of legitimate higher power's existence (or at least a medium power), that Chloe was supposed to die almost two years ago, and the matter that Beca was a fucking guardian angel.
Or thirdly she could just tell Chloe the truth. The last one was, she admitted, both the worst idea and the most tempting one. No. She doesn't know you, remember, she's going to think you're high or something. (her brain did feel very unprepared for this sudden mental gymnastics, she thought.) Her heart physically ached with want to hold Chloe tightly and sob into her shoulder about how she thought she'd never see her again and how exhausted and lonely she felt. She sighed heavily and tried her best to smile without letting her emotions contort her face (harder than she expected) and prepared herself to express the second biggest lie she had ever told to her best friend.

"Thank you. I really appreciate that. Let's keep walking…um, I'll try not to bore you too much."

"No, no, please! Onward!"

Beca frowned as the comforting warmth in her shoulder from Chloe's hand left her shoulder blade.

"Well…basically, a few years ago I had this friend. We…cared about each other a lot. We'd been really close since high school and we'd gone through some really tough shit together. She was there for me and I did my best to do the same. We were kinda like each other's moms in a sense." Beca chuckled softly. "Then about a year and a half ago…she…my friend was in an accident. She was hit on the highway by a drunk driver and she wasn't found till a few hours after. When she was, they did their best but…um…she didn't make it." Beca paused, to both protect herself from crying again and also to stall for a second to think about what could possibly replace the concept of swapping places with the dying girl you love and returning to earth a guardian angel.

"I was um…My mental health plummeted and I was in a really bad place for a very long time…I developed a bad drug and alcohol problem. I did some horrid, inexcusable things to a lot of people I cared very deeply for, which left me basically without my friends and family…But starting two months ago, I decided to get better for her. I've been sober for um…a few months. I was in rehab in Massachusetts up until a few days ago and I came back to New York for the first time in over a year today…honestly, I don't know why. Closure? A message from her?! Maybe I needed to see you- her. Sorry, I'm just really disoriented. This is the first time I've been in the neighborhood where we used to live since…" Her tears were back, this time as equally fake as they were real. "I reached out to a few friends but no one will talk to me. I'm just filled with so much remorse. Like, immeasurable guilt. You have no idea. Fuck, I don't even have a place to stay, I've only been here a few hours." She hunched her back and hid her face in her hands taking deep shaky breaths. She did pride herself on her woven web, however, especially the bit about her friends.

Chloe had been quiet and patient with Beca through her whole story and finally when Beca had made it clear she had finished Chloe placed her hand on her shoulder again. She then spoke such soft and warm words that made Beca's stomach tighten even further with emotion and nerves.

"Wow. I am so sorry. You've gone through so much, I really appreciate you sharing your story with me. You are such a strong human being and…I really admire how far you've come after everything you went through. Can I…Do you want a hug? I don't want to invade your personal space." Chloe's voice grew somehow even kinder as she said those last few words and Beca nodded, not wanting to seem too eager.

Chloe enveloped Beca in her arms and tightly held her to her chest as Beca's sobs became involuntary and incessant. She had not felt so many emotions at once since…well, since as long as she could remember. Her knees were week and she almost clung to Chloe to stay upright. Chloe rubbed slow circles on her back and murmured comforting words to her.

"Shh. It's okay, everything's gonna be fine. You're okay."

Her familiar soft and sweet scent was painful with lost memories and Beca fit just so in Chloe's arms as if Chloe had retained the experience of hugging her even through Chloe's memory-obliteration.

Finally after three or four minutes, Beca's sobs became sniffs and she staggered gingerly away from her, afraid of making Chloe uncomfortable.


Chloe had such a curiously strong impulse to take this stranger in and help her restart her life and make amends with her friends. She knew how potentially dangerous it would be to let someone she had only spoken to for about fifteen minutes into her home but the girl's story was pretty believable and she had a lot of spare time. The nearest police station was less than a four minute walk away from her home and she was confident that she was safe and unafraid to call if anything happened. She was surprised at herself for how much pity she harbored for this girl, but for some reason her tale struck an empathetic chord that Chloe had not heard before and was unaware had even existed. As their embrace broke, her impulsive thoughts got the better of her and she acted quickly as to not change her mind or overthink.

"Okay, you know what, hear me through. How would you feel if you came back to my house and you can sleep on my couch for the night? I have to stay up anyways. I can drive you in to the city on my way to work tomorrow and you can look at places to stay or job ops, if thats what you need. I have a friend at a café that could use an extra hand! Do you have anyone in New York you can talk to or trust?"

Even though it was still dark out, Chloe could tell the girl was stunned by her sudden advance.

"I…uh…thank you, that's really generous of you. I…guess? Wow, I feel like such a creep right now, I promise I'm telling the truth. If that's really okay with you, I would so appreciate the help. Also, no I don't think so. I mean, there might be someone, but I'm gonna need a couple days to figure out how to even get in touch with her." She combed her hands through her knotted hair in a fluster.

"Yeah dude of course! Here, come with me. Do you have any bags or anything?"

"Um, no. Most of my stuff is in a storage unit in town. I didn't really bring anything with me when I left. Thank you so much, I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you." Chloe found that odd and questions of how the girl had even come from New York without possessions filled her mind but she pushed them aside.

Half an hour later of Chloe walking the weak girl back to her house in a comfortable silence (Chloe wanted to overwhelm her as little as possible with questions or conversation in her fragile state), they stumbled through the door and she went to the tap to get the girl some water. When she checked the little yellow clock above her sink she was surprised to see that she'd been out for almost two hours and it was nearly 1:00 in the morning. The lights were dim coming from her living room but just bright enough for her to finally see what the girl looked like as she handed her the glass. She was small and frail with long, mousy brown hair and deep set blue eyes that were again cascading tears down pale blanched cheeks. Her minimal tank top and sweatpants were a little grassy but otherwise free of stain or dirt, Chloe supposed she had sat or perhaps lain in the field earlier. When she looked down, Chloe realized the girl's feet were bare and bruised but said nothing.

"Drink all of that. The bathroom and shower is just through that door behind you. I'm going to run upstairs get you some spare clothes, and sheets for the couch, will you be alright down here?" The girl gave a small nod as she chugged down the water with huge gulps.


Beca shut the bathroom door behind her and immediately slid to the floor, breathing rapidly with her hand over her mouth to stifle her sobs.

The house was exactly as she had left it. All her belongings were gone, but most everything else was the same. Same couch, same photographs covering the stairwell, the same colored walls. Even the odd yellow clock Aubrey had bought them as a housewarming gift was still in the kitchen. She managed to push herself upright and turned on the faucet to the temperature she had grown so familiar using. She leant over the sink and forced herself to breathe evenly as steam rose to the ceiling and filled her lungs.

She was here though and everything was going to smoothly. Everything that she had planned (or rather hoped without depth or consideration) was happening! She was home with Chloe and Chloe was taking care of her! She felt the corners of her mouth twitch as her thoughts grew more hopeful.

An instantly recognizable sensation reached her fingertips and she was no-longer concentrating on her good fortune. Her palms grew hot and it quickly spread to her wrists. Shit.

Her hands were glowing bright white and her veins were accentuated by visible electric currents racing down her arms under her skin. This isn't supposed to happen, you're not supposed to glow on earth, it's literally impossible. Her heart beat faster. This was a regular behavior in the Higher City. It was completely random with no rhyme or reason and it was also another phenomenon that the head-angels refused to digress. But they had strictly told everyone that it wasn't supposed to happen after they had left to earth. It's gotta be a glitch or a kink in the system when I changed my fucking assignment. You bitch! Beca Mitchel, you have fucked up so royally. The light had spread down almost the entire length of her arms and she felt her knees grow hot as it climbed up her legs as well. She threw off her clothes and rushed to the shower, desperate that the water could somehow stifle the course of electricity running through her bloodstream. It did nothing but scald her skin and she yelped in shock.

five or six seconds later a knock came to the door which startled Beca to jump.

"Everything okay in there?"

"Yeah, um, I turned it too hot haha," She laughed nervously.

"Okay, I'll leave these clothes by the door. There's fresh towels under the sink."

"Great, thank you!" She groaned quietly in frustration, but when she looked back down to her hands, they were back to her own pale skin. She sighed heavily in relief. Usually it lasted longer; around five to ten minutes, but she guessed because it was only a glitch it would affect her to a much lesser extent.

Twenty minutes later she sat on her made-up bed in Chloe's pajamas waiting for Chloe to bring her tea she hadn't asked for. She had been considering maybe telling her the truth after all. The level of gullibility involved with people she cared about was something that the two of them had been working to correct before everything was shoved at them left and right. Beca had begun to worry that one day in the future she would not be immediately accessible to force Chloe to see every angle of the situation and to hold herself over others when the circumstances required. A significantly large piece of Beca's mind suggested that Chloe would swallow the whole story with complete belief and acceptance. However Beca had not seen her in so long and she had romanticized their friendship so laboriously during their time apart. There was a chance that the more stripped down version of Chloe that Beca remembered was not as surface-level innocent and credulous as was reality. There was too much of a risk that Beca's tale would turn her out onto the streets and she would definitely never see Chloe again after that. She was woken from her musings by a warm mug of lavender-smelling steam being gently placed between her palms.

"Here you are! It's hot, careful. So, I'm leaving around 8:00 tomorrow and I'll drop you off wherever you need to be?"

"Um, yeah that would be great. Thank you so much for all of this. You have no idea how much it means to me." No really, she had No. Idea.

"Yeah, no worries! I totally got your back! Um, I'll just be right here in the kitchen finishing up some work. If you need anything just holler." Chloe patted Bec's leg affectionately and stood, still facing Beca. Her eyes suddenly somehow grew wider than her already enormous size and she exclaimed. "Wait, oh my God! I'm such an awful person! I don't even know your name! And you don't know mine! What the hell is your name, dude?" Beca laughed and looked down sheepishly.

"It's Beca. Mitchel."

"Well, nice to meet you Beca, my name is Chloe. I think we're gonna be really fast friends."